MEEEEE!

Chris: Hey guys and girls, and other people who might be scrolling past! We are back after our hiatus with hyenas! Hello Tash!

Tash: Hey Chris! How are you today?

Chris: I am good, I’m feeling very summer-y because the sun is shining here in the UK! How are you?

Tash: I’m doing really well, thank you! Like you, I’m loving the warm weather and I’m excited for my upcoming trip to Croatia!

Image result for croatia

Chris: Yes, you’re trip to Croatia! I know you don’t like me, but that’s a bit far!

Tash: You know, it was the cheapest out of all the flights… what can a girl do! No, I’m joking really- shame you can’t come!

Chris: Oh, we’re not going- sloth could you unpack my suitcase please! I rented this new Croatian hat to blend it with the locals!

Tash: How about I take it, so that it doesn’t go to waste?

Chris: Good Idea! No one will ever suspect that you are a tourist! I feel like Jonny Depp should have done that in the film called ‘The Tourist’

Tash: This is what happens when you don’t have experts on set!

Chris: People don’t think things through these days, they need to hire us on every creative project in the world!

Tash: Yes, I definitely agree!

Chris: We could market ourselves like this= Mundanevision, we think things through so you don’t have to!

Tash: That sounds like a great idea, perfect for me to start paying off my student loans!

Chris: Yes, we have got to come up with more ideas. We’ve already got the penguin amusement park…. what about, a vet detective?

Tash: As a TV show? sounds intriguiing

Chris: Yes, and before people comment saying Jim Mccarey did it before you guys, all I’ve got to say is ‘shhhhhhh’. Keep it to yourself!

Tash: It will be a bigger and better version on doubt!

Chris: In 3D, featuring a superhero!

Tash: Sounds so complicated!

Chris: In order to draw audiences in, you have to have superheros in it, but we won’t say what superhero will feature until they get to the cinema!

Tash: Wow, I don’t know if I would be able to be patient enough for that!

Chris: Well, we can set up a facebook group for the impatient people with possible superhero’s.

Tash: Yes, sounds like a great idea!

Chris: For instance, could it be superman in a fly-by, or spiderman in a swing by? Or batman in a drive by?

Tash: I’d love to see batman! I used to play batman video games on the computer with my sister when I was young!

Image result for batman

Chris: I will take that under consideration! You see mundanevision readers! I am building up suspense, where is my prize!

Tash: No doubt, an Oscar nomination at least!

Chris: And one for Tash as well for being the greatest co-host in the world!

Tash: No, no. One for best creative director, for you!

Chris: Aww thanks man, you’re so selfless!

Tash: No, you’re the one with the great idea!

Chris: While this blogosode is praising me, I will see you next week! Even Taylor Swift made a song about ME!

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Climate Change in the club

Hey guys! Cooler than an iceberg with sunglasses on, this is MUNDANEVISION! It is a Friday, and it’s going to be a good one!

Chris: Hey Tash!!

Tash: Hey Chris, how are you today?!

Chris: I am good! It is, the sun is shining outside the studio windows, the sloth is hibernating because of the heat so we have to keep our voices down not to wake him!

Tash: That may be difficult because my laugh is rather than loud! Can’t deny just how beautiful the weather is today! Perfect for a sprite and an ice cream on Cathedral Green!

Chris: Where is this Cathedral Green that you speak of?

Tash: Not far from here, also by the club

Chris: We should explain what ‘the club’ means for those not in our head! Tash and I have developed alter egos, haven’t we? Would you like to explain or should I…?

Tash: You’ve started that explanation so accurately, I think I will leave the explaining to you…

Chris: So, for some reason, Tash’s new name is Gary. I call Tash Emma. When asked about the characteristics of Emma, I say Emma goes…

Tash: TO THE CLUUUUUB!

Chris: To which Gary responds, ‘Oh ma gaaaaad, you go to the club too??’

Tash: So now it’s a fairly popular joke that we like to go clubbing

Chris: Every one of our readers/listeners will use ‘in the cluuuuub’

Tash: And it’s absolutely mandatory that it is said with that much enthusiasm and commitment!

Chris: Yes, if we catch anybody saying with less commitment then that, we will come round to where-ever you live and tickle you!

Tash: Yes, and we actually mean it!

Chris: One of the hashtags for this blog post is ‘in the club’!!

Tash: Absolutely Chris! But, other than clubbing, what have you been up to?

Chris: There was a brilliant documentary on climate change last night! Everyone should watch it, so that they can be clued up on just how much we’re destroying our planet…

Image result for david attenborough climate change

Tash: Yes, it’s definitely devastating! What was the most interesting fact you heard last night?

Chris: I was astounded to learn that a sheet of ice the size of a football pitch is melting in Greenland every 45 seconds…

Tash: Really? Now that’s so shocking and so heartbreaking…

Chris: Don’t you think it’s ironic how it’s a gloriously hot day, the day after the David Attenbourgh documentary aired?

Tash: Fate manifests itself in the funniest of ways and coincidences. What stresses you out more- climate change or brexit ?

Chris: Brexit, because nobody can decide what to do. As they have the power to change it now, but they’re not doing anything.

Tash: I was always extremely worried about climate change, even when I was extremely young. I remember at 8 watching a documentary and crying when I saw polar bears suffering, and then being really scared when they said how many countries we would lose if all of the glaciars melted!!

Image result for greenland glaciers

Chris: I don’t think we should be scared, this is a safe place. Nothing can hurt us, this is MUNDANEVISION. Even if the sea’s rise outside the window as we’re typing, we are safe, computers can float right?

Tash: I suggest we go out and get ourselves a wonderfully waterproof and water-resistant computer. Then we can just chill on the waters and continue sending wonderful blogosodes!

Chris: It’s a rather scary image that I’ve popped into my head; ice floating in the middle of the ocean, and us typing away!

Tash: Yes, it would be a wonderful opportunity to interview some rather unusual oceanic species… even David Attenbourgh would be jealous that he didn’t get that chance….

Chris: Yes, as we try to bring entertainment to the world; as it crumbles around us!

Tash: Or maybe the word ‘melting’ would be better suited…!

Chris: But, then we would need to stop the blogosode in a second to rescue sea creatures! And we would sleep by polar bears and a seal rather than a sloth!

Image result for floating ice

Tash: Yes, and if we’re seriously lucky, perhaps a fabulous whale would join us?

Chris: They’re too big, they would take up the ice!

Tash: It could just float beside us, protect use from other massive icebergs!

Chris: Is that the world of the future, the remaining blogs and TV floating on sheets of ice…

Tash: Well, I would hope for at least a floating house. That might be a bit more comfortable, and we could then invite plenty of sea creatures over for dinner!

Chris: If we want to stop this nightmare-ish vision from happening, please do something about global warming!

Tash: And if not, don’t worry. There might be space on our floating ice sheet/ floating house for you!

Chris: Okay, with that vision in your head we will see you next week! Peace!

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Convertible Blogosode

Chris: Hey people of the internet! What is that sound…? YES! It’s Mundanevision pulling into the station of your eye sockets! Hope you’re having a great day where you are! Let’s do this! HEY NATASHA!

Tash: HEY CHRIS, how are you doing?

Chris: I’m great! It’s so sunny and warm, and weird in this studio. I love it!

Tash: I love being here as well! It feels like I’m away on a very exotic holiday, too sunny for England!

Chris: On the day like today, don’t you wish that all houses had convertibles roofs so you could slide the roof back of your house!

Tash: Oh yes, I could definitely do with that… I wouldn’t mind having that done if someone did it for me for free. Are you stepping forward as a funder?

Chris: Maybe we should set up a kickstarter page?

Image result for kickstarter fund

Tash: Yes, a GoFundMe page where we highlight how I’m a stressed, sad student in desperate need of some vitamin D to graduate! That will surely gain international attention… or maybe not!

Chris: Yeah! I think that will get people donating loads of money to our case!

Tash: Great, I’m so excited for my new room!

Chris: I could go out, so I don’t really need this. But, you can’t exclude me!

Tash: But Chris, in times like these don’t you think a student like me needs it more?

Chris: I do think you need it more, but, I think it too because I like playing with buttons and switches…

Tash: Oh, alright then! You’ve won me over. That’s a really good point, I’ll happily come over more often in that case to get me some vitamin D

Chris: For those of you who are wondering what the buttons and switches are used for, we would need something to make the roof move back and forth

Tash: Yes, only technologically advanced people can operate such devices- so sadly this is limited to those with superior tech skills!

Chris: And the sloths!

Tash: Yes, of course. How could I forget about the sloths!

Chris: Well, talking about things that are retractable- Brexit has been extended. Hurrah!

Tash: Yes, now I can confidently say it’s an absolute and utter disaster, and a huge mess! I’m proud to say that my life is more put together than the case of Brexit!

Chris: I wonder if they will make a film about Brexit in a few years

Tash: It’s going to take more than a few years to sort this mess out! Maybe in like 10

Chris: Or maybe it’s just an episode of Deal or No Deal?

Tash: Even the craziest and stupidest TV shows out there are better organized in comparison sadly, let’s hope that changes soon!

Chris: Maybe they need a kickstarter?

Tash: What they need is a miracle!

Chris: I’ve often wondered why kickstarter is called a kickstarter. Is it like a Mexican wave that you kicked, and so started? Then, somebody else kicks and so forth.

Tash: To me it sounds like that big nudge from your friend for you to start and finish your starter before the main arrives!

Chris: Or, it could just be every game of football ever? In other news, scientists have looked inside the black hole!

The image of a black hole captured by the Event Horizon Telescope.

Tash: Yes, I saw a rather cool photo of it in the news this morning!

Chris: Have they released another one, or is it just the one?

Tash: I think it’s just the one for now! Maybe they’re planning on creating a 2020 calendar so are keeping photos from us?

Chris: Or, a series of commemorative stamps!

Tash: In a profit-loving economy, I really wouldn’t be surprised!

Chris: Although the stamp idea wouldn’t work. Can you imagine posting your letter with a black hole… it would never arrive!

Tash: I feel like a black hole is necessary when you’re about to make some seriously poor informed decisions over text… then a black hole should appear and make them disappear!

Chris: A black hole sounds mundane, a supernova sounds great! It’s a supernova, it’s not just a nova it’s super!

Tash: Now we’re talking! I don’t want to walk around with some petty black hole, I want something spectacular, a supernova!!!

Chris: Why is a supernova not a superhero?

Tash: Cause famous producers haven’t yet met me, or been inspired me… that’s the problem you see Chris!

Chris: If there are any high-powered producers reading these blogosodes than we have our next superhero!

Tash: Yes, I’m not cheap so be prepared to pay a lot of money for a very special character!

Chris: What would it’s super power be?

Image result for superhero

Tash: Being significantly better than your average human and knowing it!

Chris: We just played a game of super-super, I lost to super cheese greater… how can you beat that, with a super egg beater of course! We should explain the rules of this game to the people who aren’t in our heads…

Tash: So, the premise of the game is to destroy the opponent by making them laugh extremely hard at your suggestion of a super object! Super toilet roll, super shaving foam… you have to get a creative. But when victory is yours, life feels great and it’s SUPER!

Chris: It sounds like a great game for everyone! I would encourage readers of this blogosode to join us in a game of super super! Let us know in the comments below what was the winning super object! I will start off… super gorilla.

Tash: I say….super Brexit!

Chris: Quick run! super Theresa May

Tash: Super female changing room

Chris: Super record store

Tash: Super builders bum

Chris: Super building site

Tash: Super black hole

Chris: Supernova

Tash: Superfailure

Chris: Superironic

Tash: SuperLOL

Chris: SuperHashtag

Tash: SuperBAE

Chris: Superhero

Tash: Supervillain

Chris: Can you do any better internet? Let us know! And with that, the crazy train is about to depart! Everyone on the crazy train! Why are you covered in liquid? Did you board the gravy train instead? Till the next time we meet, super peace!

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Coffee cup date night and Bojangles!

Chris: Hello, people of the internet! Welcome to Mundanevision, the one place where one vote counts for the majority! Let’s do it! Hello Tash!

Tash: Hey Chris! So amazing to be back, what’s been going on?

Chris: Well, we were out just now strolling around and we saw two coffee cups randomly left at Wilko’s! Let’s discuss.

Image result for greggs coffee cup

Tash: Well, I don’t know what your theory is, but I reckon those two coffee cups are whats left of what can only be described as a disastrous first date. Where the girl found it was going so badly, she stole the date’s coffee and hid in a lift drinking it to feel better about the 45mins of life she will never get back. And then ran off- leaving the cups in the lift so that the date would find it and now it’s time to go home, cause she’s gone! But that’s just my theory…. what do you think?

Chris: Well my theory is the coffee cups were dating and decided that a lovely first date would be in a wilkinson’s elevator! They were enjoying each others company you know?

Tash: Yes, I can confirm the best dates are always in an elevator! Very romantic, so exciting- are you going to go up or down? Who will walk in? When will they walk in? So adventurous! Love it!

Chris: It’s up to other people, coffee cups can’t chose where they go!

Tash: That’s true, they were lucky in that case!

Chris: Anyway, in days of gender fluidity- why can’t coffee cups date? It might be argued that they are fluids themselves…

Tash: I see what you did there! Very funny! I agree, just because we don’t understand their language doesn’t mean they don’t have one, and so that they can’t be dating, studying, living life etc etc!

Chris: The only thing that worries me about these coffee cup dates that we intruded on is that they were both called Greg- how confusing!

Tash: I’d say romantic! It was always meant to be! Love the name Greg as well, they must have very cute nicknames for each other!

Chris: It was very romantic and cute, the good thing about cups of coffee is that they can stay up late and never feel tired!

Tash: That’s true, I’m curious as to whether they were recyclable and so, earth-friendly? That’s the question!

Chris: I’d like to think that one of them brought a sandwich as a chaperone!

Tash: I didn’t see one, sounds like they left the sandwich on ground level and eloped on a secret date… I don’t think I want to know the details!

Chris: I like to think that the sandwich/ bagel/ pastry jumped off when he realized how well they were getting on!

Tash: Or even better, that a certain lovely fellow sandwich/ bagel/ pastry caught their eye and whisked him/ her off on an adventure!

Chris: I would love to know in pick and mix section, if the coffee cups were dating!

Tash: I’d like to think they were!

Chris: Anyway, we should not speculate anymore! The coffee cups are private individuals and they’re sensitive- we shouldn’t crush their spirits!

Tash: I agree, we don’t want to put added pressure on their very new-forming relationship/ friendship!

Chris: I knew it was a date, when you’re just going out you don’t want to put labels on things!

Tash: That’s a very good point!

Chris: Anyway, away from the polystyrene dating theme! What else is going on that we want to tell the people of the morning/ afternoon/ evening depending on when you are reading this! Well we bought some new snacks which we have never tasted before! We thought for all of you, we will give you instant reactions of what we think…!

Tash: Yes, it’s a new segment in the show. What have we got to eat?

Chris: We have got Monty Bojangle’s Scofflets for myslef and a Creme Egg, who has lived in the UK for three years but failed to ever have one!

Image result for cream egg
Image result for monty bojangles scofflets

Tash: I’m so excited! Let’s eat!

Chris: I’m sad cause you waited for so long, that it’s now American!

Tash: Woops, my bad!

Chris: I don’t know where Monty Bojangles has come from…

Tash: I can only guess…

Chris: I tried a Mr Bojangles which you can buy from any sweet shop! It was nice, it was caramel-y, biscuit-y! I mistook the caramel for coconut which we won’t talk about! I’m such a food connoisseur ! Tash, would you like to talk the internet through what you ate?

Tash: Would love to! I had a very nice Creme Egg, turns out you need to bite it- there’s some random gooey stuff in the middle, so this is child friendly but certainly a messy business! Tastes good, not expensive, can be bought just about everywhere! I’m a satisfied customer for sure!

Chris: We’re both satisfied customers! I hope the outside world is satisfied with this blogosode! See you next week! I will leave you with one word: caramel, not coconut! Peace!

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Talking vegan without an E or a U

Chris: Hey guys! It’s a Saturday, at least where we are! We haven’t left the EU, which is good because I rather like vowels! Okay, it is your weekly outlet for the strange and mundane! Hey Tash!!

Tash: Hey Chris! So happy that I’m back!

Chris: Yes, you impressed us so much last week I decided to have you back on the blogosode! So, welcome back! There should’ve been a confetti canon there, but we spent our money on cake instead!

Tash: That’s okay, cake trumps confetti canons any day of the week!

Chris: I feel we can’t use the word “trump” any more without alluding to American politics.

Tash: I try to make a conscious effort to forget about Donald Trump…

Chris: But you can’t do it, I will show you what I mean. The trumpet used to be an instrument, but now it’s just a small female version of Donald Trump!

Tash: I see what you did there! Very funny!

Chris: Yes, that’s Mundanevision! As long as someone gets it! So, we went out just before the blogosode and I had a vegan sausage roll, courtesy of Greggs! Thank you Greggs!

Tash: I know that they sparked a lot of controversy, I personally think they are really good!

Chris: I really like them, they are so good that I am officially declaring them “snack of the show”!

Tash: Wow! What a privileged position sausage rolls now hold in this show… they better not be getting more publicity than me….

Chris: But only, vegan ones! Not really sausages! I don’t want to upset any Frankfurters though!

Tash: I think we should have a whole variety; vegan sausage rolls, regular meaty sausage rolls, gluten free sausage rolls, pastry-free, sausage free- a diverse set of sausage rolls for every persons needs and dreams!!

Chris: Okay, I amend my previous statement! Can I get a drum roll please! We are now a foodie-inclusive snack blogosode!

Tash: How fantastic! We really are changing the scene for show-time snacks, I’d even call it revolutionary!

Chris: Have you even seen a pecan pie or pecan pastry leading a revolution? It cannot be done!

Tash: A revolution doesn’t have to be similar to the ones we have seen in the past, it can be revolutionary in its own right and in accordance to the perspective of some…!

Chris: Have I got revolution mixed up with sequal, I thought it was meant to follow on from something else! Anyway, I would give the vegan sausage roll a 9 / 10!

Tash: I have to agree, I really do like occasionally buying myself a cheeky vegan sausage roll!

Chris: A cheeky sausage roll? Did it tell you any bad jokes?

Image result for greggs vegan sausage roll

Tash: Nothing quite as funny as watching politics nowadays!

Chris: I agree, if we leave the EU how will we spell certain words if we weren’t allowed an E or U!

Tash: Maybe that’s why we can’t agree on a deal, it’s just too difficult!

Chris: Well, agree has two e’s in it! That’s why we can’t agree!

Tash: “Reject” also has two e’s, so we really are very screwed!

Chris:: And we can’t vote either cause that has an e as well!

Tash: Not to mention hope has an e as well! So there’s not much hope either!

Chris: If we don’t have hope, we will be hopping everywhere!

Tash: That sounds more productive to what’s going on now…

Chris: Productive has an e! How could we write this fantastically funny blogosode?

Tash: There would be no chance of it sadly, unless we get very creative…

Chris: How dare you bring the creative word in, we’re not creative here!

Tash: That’s the point, we will have to start being creative unless something changes!

Chris: Somebody get me the Prime Minister!

Image result for theresa may

Tash: Oh yes, Chris! Yes! ūüôā

Chris: Somebody should get a one way ticket to Brussels, and they can’t come back until a decision has been made!

Tash: Don’t look at me…. I’m not volunteering.

Chris: Let us know in the comments below if you are, we’ll arrange it for you! Okay guys, that’s it for another week! I’m off to take picture of a Greggs vegan sausage roll and mount it in my studio! See you next week! Peace!

Image result for train
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Famous Fingers- Haven’t you heard about them?

Hey guys! Mundanevision is back! I know there has been a long leave of absence, but they say absence makes the heart grow fonder! Did you miss the show? I hope so! If not, I am sorry you have come to the wrong place.

Ladies and gentleman, introducing my new co-host and typist…….. NATASHHHAAAAA (otherwise known as Tash).

Chris: Hey Tash, welcome to Mundanevision HQ!

Tash: Thanks Chris, I’m so happy that you brought me here- haven’t been here before!

Chris: You make me sound like I kidnapped you and drove you here!

Tash: Not going to confirm or deny….

Chris: Intriguing!

Tash: So tell me Chris, on a scale of 1-10, 10 being your happiest and 1 being a lost potato, where have you been lately on the scale??

Chris: I would say I’m a 9, I’m a content cauliflower.

Tash: That’s great, I’m a potato dreaming of becoming a cauliflower!

Chris: I’m so glad we’re back, when the rest of the world is moving on beyond blogs and listening to podcasts, I’m so happy we’re still blogging!

Tash: Me too! Otherwise this will be my only appearance! Not enough to become famous and to land a role in a celebrity TV show where they will pay me millions to pay back my student loans!

Chris: To be honest, since you’re only typing you’re not going to be famous but the fingers that are typing!

Tash: As they say, “money is money”, I will take that! Kind of weird, but okay…

Chris: *intense laughter* Well, welcome to mundanevision! Did no-one warn you about this? This is a very strange blog!

Tash: I wasn’t warned, but I never thought my fingers would feel so self-conscious and under so much pressure…!

Chris: The sloth did try and warn you, but you walked off before he finished his sentence.

Tash: Never trusted that sloth, he always stared at my fingers… now I know why… he was jealous of my ability of being a keyboard wizz,! He wants to be the star of this show, he wants to have the prized and million pound worthy fingers, but no! He is a sloth that is eternally attached to the lamp that let’s be honest, you don’t use!! Haha

Chris: But he produces the show! He is the producer!

Tash: But I’m the star! No, I’m joking. Mr/Mrs/ preferred of being referred to- I appreciate you for finding my talented fingers, and I enjoy your company as I type. As I do enjoy your company, Chris. You are a funny lad, with funny ideas and funny dreams. Let’s talk about them some more!

Image result for fish fingers

Chris: Okay, this is the weirdest episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians I’ve ever been a part of!

Tash: You would know, I know you watch it all the time!

Chris: No I do not watch KUWTK, as I can’t keep up with it- it’s like 16 seasons or something!

Image result for kardashian family

Tash: That’s true, so much that I don’t even bother trying to keep up!

Chris: I think it’s even longer than Game of Thrones!

Tash: Another series I don’t watch! Sadly, I have to admit this now. I’m cool in my own way, I have no idea about any “in trend” stuff people watch right now. Surely Friends is timeless though?

Chris: It is! I have to admit, I don’t watch Game of Thrones or any other derivatives of the show like the card or board game versions. Now that we have spoken about your fingers and the TV shows that we don’t watch, I have new co-host of the blogisode, is there anything that you would like to bring to the table for immediate discussion?

Tash: Yes, Brexit. Just joking, never! What could we talk about… let me think. How about “being your own friend”, about self care and being content with your own being and your place in the world! I was inspired by, shameless plug, your heart-warming and upcoming new novella (keep your eyes open for when it is released!).

Chris: Brilliant! This is very deep.

Tash: Too deep for a Tuesday?

Chris: I don’t know, how is the ocean level on a Tuesday? I’ve never looked!

Tash: So what is your favourite of way of treating yourself/ favourite “me time” activity?

Chris: Me time? Have you been reading self help books?

Tash: Oh Chris, you underestimate my intellect! My extensive curiosity, not sure whether to be shocked or deeply insulted… I’m joking though! I feel like recently in the media there has been a lot more talk about these topics, which I’m very thankful for and is incredibly important.

Chris: Thank you media! Sloth, can we send a thank you basket to the media please? I know what we would put in it. What would we put in our gift basket to thank the media? It can’t be too nice! So many like, some fairy cakes and some plain paper, so they can think about what they are writing a bit more before pressing “publish”

Tash: Chris, I completely agree!

Chris: I write blogepisodes which make me get all of the weird stuff out onto the internet. I listen to music and read, write and video edit!

Tash: That sounds so great! You sound like you really enjoy many different things. I like to go out when I can for a lovely meal with a friend or by myself, but I haven’t been in ages! I can’t wait to find the time to try out a new restaurant in Exeter!

Chris: Talking about finding the time. I’ve found an incredible game which I’m giving the internet to try out for me. So, one of you goes round with alarm clocks and conceals them around the town/village and the other person has to find them! Hence, you really are finding the time!

Image result for alarm clock

Tash: Wow! Who knew you were such a jokester! Give us your best joke on the spot now. The countdown commences…

Chris: What did one spot say to the other spot in the nightclub? I really like your popping moves.

Tash: I should never have asked… wow! haha! Very original though!

Chris: You just wait and see, everyone will be telling that joke tomorrow! I’m such a trendsetter. All right Tash, if you think you can do any better Tash: GO!

Tash: This is a special joke for a wonderful friend, who will know who he/she is when he/she hears this… How many apples grow on a tree? All of them! And a special shout out to my very special, wonderful, amazing, caring and loving friend, who I love very much!

Chris: Wow! This is a specially brewed joke!

Tash: I know you’re jealous that I didn’t dedicate my joke to you…

Chris: It;’s like a Lionel Richie song, ” Tonight, I dedicate my joke to you!”

Tash: You bet, but so much more romantic!

Chris: I think we better end the blogepisode here before we get too romantic talking about Lionel Richie songs, thank you Tash! I will see you next week! Thank you internet, I will hopefully see you next week!

Peace!

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Wobbly Table of No Confidence

Hello¬†internet!¬†In¬†an¬†uncertain¬†world,¬†we’re¬†not¬†sure¬†either,¬†it’s¬†Mundanevision!

Chris: Hey Siri!

Siri: Heya Chris. What’s going on?

Chris: What’s going on is it’s a new day and a very positive start to the world

Siri: Why is that?

Chris: Because of the vote, did you not see?

Siri: Hmm no, I must have missed it. The vote on Love Island?

Chris: The vote on Love Island?! I don’t watch Love Island, I’m about 40km North on Apathetic Islands.

Siri: And I’m right with you there. Oh, I guess you’re talking about the vote on Theresa May’s deal, huh?

Chris: Shh, if we don’t talk about it, maybe they’ll go away. Just ignore it.

Siri: An interesting new strategy, and I highly recommend it to the government too. Just ignore Brexit.

Chris: It’s like that irritating guy from IT round the water cooler – if you ignore him, maybe he’ll go away! But then you find out that the irritating guy from round the water cooler is Bill Gates, and the world is microsoft – it’s everywhere!

Siri: I thought I saw too many windows.

Image result for windows logo

Chris: But we are not going to talk about the vote, because I think that every other blog, facebook, twitter, etc, is going to talk about the vote, so if we talk about the vote too then that will be like too many votes for the vote.

Siri: So true. And let’s also not talk about Jeremy calling a vote of no confidence. Let’s call the whole thing off, and forget about it. SO, what else is happening with you Chris, besides a loss of faith in our country?

Chris: I have started writing another story but I’m in the very early stages so shh, don’t tell anybody. Oh! I shouldn’t mention it on this blog considering this gets published on the internet. Oh well! In other news, Youtube are taking down some videos. I feel it’s about time Youtube took down some videos before uploading them, they’re like the Netflix equivalent of an internet based service, and it’s not Netflix!

Siri: You’re not wrong there!

Chris: Which, let’s face it, it’s very hard to find a service or show which is not on Netflix.

Siri: I tried to catch up with the new season of Delicious, but I can’t find that anywhere online.

Chris: Not even on Netflix.

Siri: Not even.

Chris: Wow, I feel like the makers of that show should be commended. You’re not on Netflix!

Siri: I did watch an interesting show on Netflix recently called You though.

Image result for you netflix

Chris: ME? I wonder what that documentary was about!

Siri: Yes, you! It was called Chris the creepy stalker murderer. A story of your life. Much like OJ Simplson Made in America, but with more dead people and creepy behaviour.

Chris: If I start watching You on Netflix, does that mean I get a story about you?

Siri: Yes, it’s basically just Google Earth’s filming of me 24/7. Google Earth’s cameras are everywhere. Always taking pictures.

Chris: You would think they’d run out of film really.

Siri: Maybe they have? Maybe they are using the skin of their victims for more film?

Chris: Wow. Bit dark.

Siri: So is England in winter.

Chris: oooh.

Siri: Anyway, Google is very suspicious. I don’t trust them, they have too much of our data.

Image result for google maps car

Chris: They can’t get any data on me! I keep changing.

Siri: Go on…

Chris: I have no idea what that means. If anybody knows what it means, please comment on this blogisode.

Siri: We have faith in you, world! Decipher Chris’s weird words.

Chris: Actually if you’d like to leave reviews of the blogisode, please feel free to do so. Please don’t be too harsh though, we know Netflix is very popular and of course there are other streaming services other than Netflix. What about Now TV?

Siri: I’m a big fan of BBC iPlayer, Amazon Prime and best of all, Plex. I wish I had Now TV though.

Chris: Yes, so as a streaming service you are not forgotten, don’t worry. Neflix can’t in-capsulise the world in it’s net of flicks. there’s films on Youtube too! You can download films from Facebook Live too!

Siri: It really is a brave new world. Except politically, but as we said, we won’t go into that. Instead let’s talk about something else… FOOD?

Chris: Food is delicious, and delicous is on Now TV! God! I’m back onto streaming services again. Quick, 4oD, catch me up!

Siri: At least we’re not talking about Brexit. OH NO. Now we are. Quick! I love chocolate bananas, don’t you?

Chris: Oh Siri, have you mentioned Breakfast again? do you think Break-fest will be the party at the festival, and the party that no one will be having after we leave the EU? GOD, we can’t be going through politics again!

Siri: To be honest, if Break-fest was a festival with pancakes and waffles and chocolate mini weetabix etc, I would get tickets no matter what it was celebrating. Brexit or no Brexit, that sounds incredible.

Image result for waffles

Chris: Yes, it is, but I am going to vote no confidence in myself. Can I do that?

Siri: Yes.

Chris: People can do that to each other. Guys, i’ve got a great idea.

Siri: Tell us! Tell us!

Chris: Every time you buy a table from IKEA and it’s a bit wobbly and you can’t put it together, table a vote of no confidence!

Siri: Oh I absolutely will! Although to be honest I’d probably just return it to IKEA. A vote of no confidence seems like a waste of time and effort when there’s a table that needs to be built.

Chris: Isn’t it always a waste of time?

Siri: Ummmm. yes.

Chris: If we ever ask, I’m going to table a vote of no confidence against you, and you can do the same against me. Then, you see, if we keep using tables of no confidence, the word will lose all meaning and it’ll be quite enjoyable to watch, on ITV on iPlayer, on Netflix…. I table a motion to end this blogisode. All in favour.

Siri: I wouldn’t say I’m in favour, but time is just about up.

Chris: So until next week, don’t lower the self esteem of any tables by telling them you have no confidence in them, or indeed any furniture. Peace.

Posted in Comedy, Humor, Humour, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Theresa May’s Trapped in My Monitor

Oh¬†my¬†God¬†everybody,¬†it’s¬†the¬†first¬†blogisode¬†of¬†2019!¬†God,¬†the¬†year¬†is¬†growing¬†up¬†fast.¬†It¬†can¬†now¬†vote,¬†it’s¬†been¬†driving¬†for¬†a¬†year,¬†earn¬†the¬†minimum¬†wage¬†for¬†18¬†year¬†olds…¬†and¬†all¬†this¬†talk¬†about¬†2019¬†leads¬†us¬†to¬†a¬†new¬†year¬†but¬†the¬†same¬†old¬†blogisode.¬†

Chris: Oh hey guys, and hey Siri! Welcome to the future.

Siri: Hello Chris, how is your year so far?

Chris: My year so far is great, but it’s about to be even greater because we are about to do the first blogisode of 2019 [insert fireworks here}!

Siri: You really need an actual firework addition to your life. Or party poppers at least!

Chris: How do people know we haven’t set them off.

Siri: Guys, all look out of your windows right now, and you’ll see Mundanevision’s fireworks.

Chris: Or just stay by the computers and look at your computer desktops.

Siri: Also perfectly reasonable.

Chris: Or print some windows on your computer and look at that.

Siri: Or google ‘fireworks’. Probably the best way to guarantee a sighting.

Chris: Basically what I am trying to say is Mundanevision fireworks are everywhere, even if they’re not specifically Mundanevision’s, they are.

Siri: So otherwise, Chris, how’s 2019 going?

Chris: Oh, 2019 is great, my book Gerry Saves Christmas is now on Audbile!

Siri: Woo, fireworks, excitement, party poppers!

Chris: We’ve really outdone the budget for this blogisode.

Siri: Sadly this means maybe we won’t be able to buy snacks next time. But that’s okay, Mundanevision goes on.

Chris: Oh, there’s always budget for snacks.

Siri: Who’s in charge of our budget, is it the Sloth?

Chris: It is always the Sloth, because the Sloth does everything we can’t/don’t want to do, and trust me guys, we can’t do a lot.

Siri: True, we talk and type and that’s as far as it goes.

Chris: And I would like to say that people listen, but do they?

Siri: Of course, people always listen to you, Chris… or do they…

Chris: I checked on the last blogisode we did before Christmas and apparently, because it wasn’t tagged, nobody liked it.

Siri: Oh and Siri is in charge of tags! So I get credit for the likes in that case!

Chris: That’s you Siri! My god.

Siri: Anything on the agenda today?

Chris: Well we could talk about Trump storming out of a board meeting like a petulant child, but that really wouldn’t be new.

Siri: Ooh tell me more, what happened in this meeting?

Chris: He apparently banged the desk and stormed out when people refused to fund his wall. Wait a minute! I think I’ve solved everything!

Siri: How how?

Chris: Well, Trump wants to build a wall and can’t get it, and Brexit is at dead lock because nobody can decide the border for Ireland…

Siri: mmhmm…

Chris: So if we move Trump’s wall over to England, it’s sorted!

Siri: Hey! There we go! All of Brexit is magically solved!

Chris: Granted the entire Irish population will have to be armed with caribenas and take climbing lessons before this takes effect, but there will be a border – problem solved!

Siri: Yep, no problem of where to put it or how easy it will be to cross or what the migration will be like, or what will happen on roads that go in and out of norther ireland 7 times. All. Problems. Gone.

Chris: Well, I’ve solved the above problems as well. If Netflix commissioned an instructional video on how this would work there’d be no problems, because everybody loves Netflix.

Siri: Very true. In fact, maybe Netflix could create an interactive video on solving Brexit. Have all the various options and people can make decision about what they want and see how that goes.

Chris: So come on Netflix, in 2019 make some original Brexit content.

Siri: Just what everyone needs, to hear more about Brexit. Although we did watch a really good movie about Brexit the other day. Right, Chris?

Chris: Yes. For viewers who don’t know, we say “we watched everything” because we really do watch everything. For friends outside the blogisode, you can confirm that that’s true. Anyway, it was called Brexit: The Uncivil War.

Image result for an uncivil war

Siri: It had Benedict Cumberbatch in it.

Image result for an uncivil war

Chris: You know that Benedict Cumberbatch is a phrase that will make people stop reading whatever they are reading or doing whatever they are doing and go and watch whatever it is that he’s in. So please stay in your seats and stay until the end of the blogisode and then watch it. You will be rewarded. By rewarded I don’t mean you’ll be granted entry into the EU. But you never know, if you watch it 10 more times, things might happen.

Siri: I think, with all these new dating apps and websites, there should be a place where you can confirm whether you have UK citizenship or EU citizenship. That way, instead of selecting whether you prefer women or men or other, you could select whether you wanted an EU partner or a UK partner. That way, members of the EU could keep their UK citizenship through their new spouse, and UK citizens could remain part of the EU through their spouse. I think it would be brilliant.

Chris: That actually is a fantastic idea, I’m worried about my ships.

Siri: I also heard of a great project about a second referendum I think, called ‘UK, you ‘kay?’ which I think is brilliant. I can’t believe I’ve been from the UK my whole life and never thought of that.

Chris: That is fantastic. At this point I’m so disillusioned with the entire Brexit thing, that a second referendum just sounds like a really bad boy band.

Siri: There’s no such thing as a really bad boy band, boy bands are by definition brilliant. Come on, look at N Sync’s phenomenal lyrics! They were musical genii. And everyone can relate to that.

Chris: They were, and so our second referendum because people WANT a second referendum. I keep hearing phrases like ‘do you want a second referendum?’ ‘yeah that would be great!’

Siri: Oh what is the world coming too. Can you think of a less depressing thing to talk about before we finish off?

Chris: No.

Siri: Same, man, same.

Chris: I rather worrying thing that word press has got rid of the word count, so we’ve got no idea where we are, so we could talk indefinitely until the computer gets red hot and we can no longer touch the keyboard.

Siri: I think it will run out of battery before then Chris, but maybe we should keep typing just to find out? A red hot keyboard could be fun?

Chris: Oh, isn’t Red Hot Keyboard the support act for the Second Referendum?

Siri: Absolutely, with hits such as ‘My Keys are on Fiiiire’ and ‘QWERTY’.

Chris: And don’t forget Burning Mouse and Paper Jam.

Siri: And Why won’t you turn on? Try the reset button.

Chris: And Theresa May is Trapped in My Monitor?

Siri: Yes, that’s their hit featuring the Second Referendum. Theresa May is Trapped in my Monitor, by Red Hot Keyboard and The Second Referendum.

Chris: So many words guys, I hope you can read all these words! To give you a fighting chance, we will see you next week. Peace!

Posted in 21ST CENTURY, Comedy, Film, Humour, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Panicking Blogisode!

Hey guys, it’s Christmas! Decorate the presents and wrap up the tree. If you’re still panicking, here’s some panic blogging for you… Deep breath, let’s do this. 

Chris: Merry Christmas Siri!

Siri: Merry Christmas Chris! And happy Christmas Eve Eve today. How’s it going in not so snowy Exeter?

Chris: It’s really good, how are you?

Siri: I am fantastic, tired, but two more sleeps until Christmas!

Chris: Yeah! I can’t believe this is our last blogisode before Christmas.

Siri:  I know, and before the New Year too.

Chris: I literally can’t believe how much typing we’ve done this year – or how much typing you’ve done and how much talking I’ve done.

Siri: And don’t forget how much producing the Sloth has done!

Chris: Yes, he’s tired out from all that button pushing.

Siri: Aren’t we all. Certainly university must be tired from pushing my buttons this year.

Chris: Ooh, and lifts must be tired from having people push their buttons. Shout out to all the lifts out there! What other blog on the planet does that?

Siri: There are no blogs like Mundanevision. Dorothy said it first, there are no blogs like Mundanevision.

Chris: I didn’t know Dorothy was in today.

Image result for dorothy

Siri: Yes, the weather’s been pretty mild so I don’t think she’s been blown away in any tornadoes or sucked into any whirlpools, or swept off in a any snow storms. That I know of, anyway.

Chris: She is supporting a very nice ruby wedding ring, she must have got married.

Siri: I suppose she must have! Not to Toto, I imagine.

Chris: Watch it, Africa is a good song.

Siri: Don’t I know it. Did you know that there won’t be snow in Africa this Christmas?

Chris: I think it’s great that we have Band Aid every year to remind us that there won’t be snow. Although with global warming happening you never know!

Siri: The last time I saw a significant quantity of snow was actually in Africa a few years ago. So really, it’s Africa that should be singing ‘there won’t be snow in England this Christmas’.

Chris: Are you telling me that Band Aid are now lying to us?

Siri: I guess so. Because let me tell you this, the top of Kilimanjaro was pretty snowy.

Image result for kilimanjaro snow

Chris: Stupid American word for plasters.

Siri: I know, typical. American words are always predicting the weather incorrectly. Cotton Candy once told me there’d be a snow storm.

Chris: Cotton candy – don’t get me started on reese’s pieces. They haven’t done anything to my knowledge yet, but you know they’re biting their time!

Siri: Well when they do annoy you, you can just say ‘do you want a piece of me?’

Chris: eyyyyy. Public Service announcement for Mundanevision this Christmas Time. When you’re sitting around enjoying your box of Roses Chocolates or Quality Street, just remember that they k now, and they are plotting. It’s only a matter of time. I think the dessert called death by chocolate is related to all of them.

Siri: I think you must be right. And don’t get me started on black forest gateau. Who knows what goes on in that forest…

Chris: I’ve tried shining a torch at it, but it just melts! Typical.

Siri: Don’t you mean a flashlight? A flashlight once tried to tell me it would never rain again. Stupid American words.

Chris: But they have the best president, and the best walls.

Siri: Ah yes, at least there’s someone there working to make America great again. Thank goodness.

Chris: Next year Trump will probably say America has achieved more, and say ‘we’ve done it, we’ve made America great again!’

Siri: Yep, but let’s not spend this Christmas dwelling on Trump. So things are going great in the UK, some drones put our country in chaos for three days. That was a thing that happened here at Christmas.

Chris: Yes, stop droning on about it, news, honestly!

Siri: I know, they just keep whirring on. Articles flying everywhere. I just don’t know how to stop it – much like the entire British army didn’t know how to stop the drones.

Chris: Conspiracy theory, do you think it’s Santa controlling them from the North Pole because he wants a clear round this year? No planes in the way?

Siri: Come to think of it, that was probably a test run. I imagine that in a few days time, well, on Christmas Eve, all the airports all over the world will have interfering drones, controlled by well-stationed elves, so Father Christmas has the sky completely clear.

Chris: I think Rudolph will be in on it too somehow. Maybe with his nose so bright, he can blind all pilots.

Siri: Yes. Is he kind of like Pinocchio? But instead of his nose growing when he lies, it just shines red? So you could say ‘Rudolph, did you have anything to do with the drone attacks?’ and he’d say no and it would be a blinding light from his nasal cavities.

Chris: Either that or he’s got a bit of dementia now, and he thinks that it’s red nose day all the time!

Siri: True! I quite like that theory. Like he’s being charitable all year round.

Chris: Some of the above facts might be true, but we’ll leave you to find out which ones! Until after Christmas guys, peace.

Image result for christmas tree
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Sticker Madness

Hey guys, put some mistletoe on the cat and decorate the pudding, it is time for the proper edition of Mundanevision! It’s Thursday guys, we are back, hoorah! Let’s do this properly… your weekly outlet of the weird and wonderful is here!

Chris: Hey Siri!

Siri: Now how did I know you were going to say that?

Chris: It’s a Christmas miracle!

Siri: Very true, the ghost of Christmas future/yet to come probably told me.

Chris: That’s funny because the ghost of Mundanevision future told me – which was me, so very weird!

Siri: Yes, you talking to yourself is supposedly the first sign of madness. So I think we’re all mad here…

Chris: Oh no, I didn’t mean to evoke the 80s band, Madness! What are the other signs that they’re coming? Is it when I start wearing baggy trousers or have a house in the middle of the street?

Image result for madness

Siri: I mean, your trousers are already pretty baggy… and your house is in the middle between two streets, so…

Chris: Oh my god, if I turn into Suggs half way through this blogisode, what kind of blogisode would that make Mundanevision, you a vampire and me an 80s ska star!

Siri: Is there a better kind of blog to be?

Chris: Yes, just be ourselves.

Siri: Be yourself, unless you can be a vampire 80s ska star, and then be a 80s vampire ska star!

Chris: People say they’re not familiar with ska music, but they get ska after every operation so they must be!

Siri: Oof, witty word play,  I applaud you.

Chris: Is witty word play the new board game from Hasborough? Get it for Christmas, fun for the entire family! Pick your opponent and see if you can out wit them before they out wit you!

Siri: Ooh I like it, yesterday was books, tomorrow is Chris’s original board games. Look at you, expanding your market and area of expertise.

Chris: Tomorrow, you mean today, right?

Siri: True. As my old school motto said, tomorrow begins today. Not sure that’s strictly true, but it was our motto nonetheless, and I understood the sentiment.

Chris: Today becomes tomorrow at 12 o’clock… are you sure you didn’t attend a vampire school.

Siri: I would prefer not to comment on what school I did or did not go to… please ask no further questions as I wouldn’t want to give anything away…

Chris: I bet it was a night school! Anyway, enough of this vampire talk. It sucks.

Siri: yes, it sucks deeply.

Chris: Enough with this bloody conversation!

Siri: Is there anything in particular you wanted to talk about today Chris?

Chris: I’ve got a theory that the owner of Amazon is a ferret.

Image result for ferret

Siri: Go on…

Chris: I haven’t actually seen the owner of Amazon and things happen overnight, and there’s always little presents in the morning.

Siri: That’s true, all those are things that ferrets and Amazon have in common….

Chris: Or other animals!

Siri: Like what? Badgers?

Chris: Badgers would make good runners, because ready SET go…

Siri: I don’t get it.

Chris: Badgers live in sets. Or do they? Maybe you collect them in sets.

Siri: I bow completely to your superior knowledge on this matter. I know nothing about badgers except that they used to dig up my grandmother’s garden, so she used to stamp on the little mounds, hoping to give them a headache.

Chris: And they live in Redwall!

Siri: Yes, they live in Redwall. In sets.

Image result for badger brian jacques salamandastron

Chris: Our younger readers will be wondering what Redwall is. Is it part of  a book written by J. K. Rowling before Harry Potter? No. Redwall is a fantastic series of books written by Brian Jacques.

Siri: Yes, read it young blog-followers, READ IT!

Chris: You won’t be disappointed, or if you are, get help. You should not be. I guess there’s no one called Voldemort in it.

Siri: Voldemort, more like VoldeNOT AS GOOD AS BRIAN JACQUES. Was that a good one?

Chris: YES. That was a good one. You see, to anyone ever thinking of starting a blog like ours, always encourage your cohosts.

Siri: Yes, Chris is currently encouraging me to go and see MARY POPPINS next week!! Excellent encouragement, in my opinion.

Chris: You can’t see this readers, but Siri is currently covered in stickers saying ‘You Rock’.

Siri: Do you know what really rocks though?

Chris: The boat… that rocks…. School of Rock… Rock and Roll High School.

Siri: Oh, all of those are better than what I was actually going to say… I was going to say Geology. Geology rocks.

Chris: It does! Have another sticker!

Siri: Thank you, thanks man.

Chris: You know who also rocks?

Siri: No, who?

Chris: Dwayne Johnson, the rock.

Image result for dwayne johnson

Siri: Ooh that’s my favourite so far.

Chris: You can’t see this readers, but Siri has given me a sticker now! What a lovely sticker appreciation tribute this blogisode has turned out to be!

Siri: It certainly has, I just hope that we don’t earn so many stickers that we can’t see! Because our excellence is headed in that direction at the moment!

Chris: Use the force.

Siri: How? let’s teach the readers!

Chris: I don’t know, I’m not Yoda. Or am I?  You’ve never actually seen me, internet, so I could be small and green, with a lights abre.

Siri: Speaking of mythical fictional creatures, have you seen the video of Theresa May being Gollum?

Chris: No, but I bet it’s precious. HAAA!

Siri: Hahahaha, it absolutely is. She says ‘my precious’ a lot throughout the video, referring to the Brexit deal. But we’ve avoided a whirlwind here in the UK, it looked for a second like we were going to have another new Prime Minister.

Chris: I think there should be a version of the apprentice to select the new Prime Minister. Candidates, your task for today is to build a cabinet, starting from scratch with the wooden logs. If you can achieve this, you’re prime minister.

Siri: I think with that kind of tough criteria, we’ll probably never find a prime minister! Not that that’s such a terrible thing.

Chris: Candy 28 has put the cabinet together and is now prime minister. “Well, I would like to thank my mum for her support, and making me read all those self-assembly plans, they really paid off! And now I’ve built this cabinet, I’m hoping to build a better future, but there’s always one piece missing… you’ve got a screw loose!”

Siri: And with that, our new Prime Minister has been chosen! Candy 28 will be moving into 10 Downing Street tomorrow.

Chris: So really it should be Candy 38, because she’s moved to number 10. And with that friends, we’ve fixed the world problems, so peace.

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