The Queen of Pointless Chocolate Jokes

Guys, before I do a proper introduction to this last blogisode of the series, I feel it’s only right to mention the tragic events of last night in Manchester. As all people are, here at Mundanevision we are deeply saddened by the horrific waste of life and our thoughts go out to the families and friends of those affected.

Hey guys! Now for the second start of the show. Welcome to the last in this current series of Mundanevision. I know, shocking isn’t it! (See what I did there? “Shocking” and “current”!) But let’s not be downhearted, and let’s make this a blogisode to remember. 

Chris: Hey Siri!

Siri: Keeping to our classic opening line, I see!

Chris: Did you like my Manchester introduction? Would you like to add anything before we go on?

Siri: Yes, actually. I just want to say that we hear of so many terrible things happening in the world, and people everywhere suffering, and somehow it still seems separate from our own lives. This, for me, has been a bit of a wake-up, that the sense of security we feel is really all in our heads, and this could happen to anyone, at any time. My younger sister was just 15 minutes’ walk away from Manchester Arena. So thank you, I guess, to people who don’t get thanked enough – the police, security, ambulances and passersby that help in horrifying situations like this. I’m sorry to anyone who has been affected, and everyone else too.

Chris: To be honest, I don’t feel like be funny on a day like this, but if it will take people’s minds of it, I will try.

Siri: So this final blogisode of the series is for those who need cheering up today.

Chris: For any reason, not just the tragic events of last night in Manchester.

Siri: So, hello Chris.

Chris: Hi Siri.

Siri: Manchester aside, how are you today? I understand you had a delicious afternoon tea with a twist?

Chris: Yes! Well, we had a delicious afternoon tea with a twist, at Chococo’s. Thank you Chococo’s, please sponsor us!

Siri: Yes, everyone go to Chococo’s tell them we sent you, and tell them to give us free chocolate afternoon teas forever!

Image result for chococo's exeter

Chris: I feel like a bit of an afternoon tease doing this blogisode!

Siri: Oh, you’re very quick today, Christopher!

Chris: I know, I am quick. So, Prince Phillip has retired!

Siri: And apparently he’s considered a demi God in some south Pacific islands?! Who knew?

Chris: I would like to see him, now he’s got more time on his hands, on some reality TV shows, or home improvement shows.

Siri: Yup, I’m expecting him to appear on Jeremy Kyle any day now!

Chris: Maybe Location, Location Location? Phil and Liz Windsor are looking for a picturesque seaside cottage in Lyme Regis. Can we be as successful in helping them out as we were with Barbie last week?

Siri: They have a lot of money to spend, as long as you don’t mind them spending your money.

Chris: I guess it’s their money because she’s on the money?

Siri: Good point. So actually the TV you’re watching this programme on was bought with their money…

Chris: So everything you’ve ever owned or ever will own is owned by the Queen, so you’re only renting it! Isn’t that a depressing thought?

Image result for new £5 note uk

Siri: I guess if you earn your money abroad, it’s yours? For example, my laptop I consider mine because I bought it with Omani Rials. However, I think maybe there are some buildings or a palm tree or something on Omani money, so maybe I’m even worse, renting this from inanimate objects…?

Chris: So basically life is just one big monopoly game?

Siri: Yes, except I’m not sure you’re meant to be in debt the whole of Monopoly, that’s just how people play! And I think the ultimate win in life is if you are on the money, literally, because then you own it? So you need to be a founding father of the United States (shout out to Hamilton fans) or a monarch, or a famous landmark, to own anything at all! Update, I’ve just checked what Omani money looks like (I couldn’t remember just on my own), and it turns out Sultan Qaboos bin Said owns my laptop! If anyone’s going to own it, I’m glad it’s him.

Image result for omani rials

Chris: Can you imagine the Sultan’s search history? “Land for building old buildings”, “car dealerships” and “the best month for a foreign state visit, when the weather is just right”.

Siri: Don’t forget “why am I named after dried fruit” and “how do I avoid letting Trump visit my country”.

Chris: Are these all pointless questions for the latest series of Pointless.

Siri: I think that when they ask the 100 members of the audience to come up with answers, they’d all be pretty stumped, so any answer is a pointless answer in this scenario!

Chris: Shout out to Alexander Armstrong! He does everything – he should be on some money somewhere!

Image result for alexander armstrong pointless

Siri: I know I maybbeeee mention this too much, but if he’s a reincarnate of another Alexander, Alexander Hamilton, he’s on 10 dollar notes in America. Speaking of America, watching any new TV shows lately, Chris?

Chris: And the dollars are the best notes, folks, they have the greatest notes, you will every see. They are my favourite notes, no notes are as good as their notes. What do the Queen and a classical pianist have in common?

Siri: Ooh, I’m desperate to get this, but I’m not sure I’m going to… Are they both Wolfgang Monarchs?

Chris: No, but that’s better than mine! Mine was that they both love a good note!

Siri: Ahahahaha, good one 😉 Funny as ever, you are!

Chris: So the Queen, the Sultan and Alexander Armstrong walk into a bar.

Siri: One of our exam questions (I can’t believe I’m finally free from exams and now talking about them)-,

Chris: *Rapturous round of applause*

Siri: Thank you, thank you. But one of my exam questions was “a surface dyslexic, a attentional dislexic and a hemi neglect-dislexic walk into an experiment”, and I just thoguht “there’s no way this can be an accident. I’m glad the exam board are trying to make us laugh a bit before are impending death”.

Image result for walk into a bar jokes gold au get out

Chris: Ooh, I know this one! If you put two dyslexics in a room, do they spell a word right? Do they get the letters the right way round?

Siri: I’m sorry, I’m not sure… I can’t decide whether they’d right the wrong word, or make a wrong word wronger… We’ll have to carry out some experiments of our own.

Chris: A dyslexic scrabble night must be amazing!

Siri: YES, so much fun!!!

Chris: They’d never finish a game, because they’d always be arguing over the spelling of a word in the dictionary, saying “that’s not right”.

Siri: Scrabble with a blind person and a mute person would also be interesting. Are you any good at scrabble?

Chris: No, no. I think I’ll leave that up to dyslexic people and the blind!

Siri: Yeah, I’m with you there. We would make a very boring and unsuccessful game of Scrabble, I think.

Chris: But if we could make up words, it would be so much fun!

Siri: Flintophlamonop. That means “I agree”.

Chris: Avon. No, I didn’t mean make-up words! I mean actually make up words!!! Lipstick.

Siri: Maybelliene we could make up make-up words?

Chris: Ritty pretty serum.

Siri: You know more about make-up than I do!

Chris: Wow, the boy knows more about make up than the girl? Is this opposite world? Shout out to Robert Smith!

Siri: Hey, boys can wear make up too! Hashtag feminism, Hashtag I’m John Oliver now.

Chris: Hence my shout out to Robert Smith, because he wore make-up!

Image result for men make up robert smith

Siri: Woo, EQUALITY!

Chris: Dignity! And- something else… and: finality!

Siri: You mean fraternity…

Chris: SHH, the sloth has come up with a bit of paper, what are you doing? Oh, I see, you’re… it looks like curtains! Oh, you’re drawing an end to this blogisode, like curtains.

Siri: I guess that’s all, folks.

Chris: And pictionary! Okay guys, thank you very much for reading/listening/watching/hearing, and all the ings, really, this series.

Siri: Well, not ALL the ings, because that could get into some pretty weird stuff!

Chris: We really hope you enjoyed it, and I’ll be back in a few weeks, with a new series!

Siri: By everyone, it’s been a pleasure humouring you. See you in the not too distant future, I hope.

Chris: In the meantime, guys, there’s a whole season of Mundanevision on this site, please read and enjoy and be shocked at all the horrible stuff going on in the world, even if just for a minute. And if I have done that with my various co-hosts, my work is done. Peace x

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Food Invasion.

Hey guys! Welcome to another spontaneous, unrehearsed, unplanned – all the ‘un’s really – blogisode of mundanevision. We thank you for sticking with us, unless you’ve got some kind of glue on your seat and you can’t move! 

Chris: Hey Siri!

Siri: Good afternoon, lovely Chris.

Chris: It is a good afternoon, because this is the beginning of a new Mundanevision blogisode! *pause for cheering*

Siri: Whaaaat? You’re kidding. That is crazy new information.

Chris: *pause for sighing*

Siri: So, what is new with you today?

Chris: Well… I’m just happy to be alive today, in a world where Trump is president – hang on, that’s wrong. Alternative facts guys! Mundanevision can give the best alternative facts, you’ve ever seen.

Siri: Yup, there’s us just spreading fake news again.

Chris: Speaking of fake news, fake news is like marmite. Either you like it or you hate it.

Siri: I like fake news, but I hate how much people keep going on about fake news.

Chris: hash tag fake news!

Siri: Wow, our tags are actually inside our blogisode now!

Chris: Yes, metaphorically speaking.

Siri: I’ve generally just been pushing any news concerning America out of my mind at the moment. It’s much more fun focussing on the UK general election that is coming up!

Chris: Can you imagine if Corbyn and Trump were in power?

Siri: I just can’t imagine Corbyn being in power at all. He is a terrible leader for a party (despite how much I like the party), and absolutely cannot lead the country.

Chris: Despite this he’s offering amazing stuff.

Siri: … … is he though…? I feel like he somehow has miraculous amounts of money to focus on things that are absolutely not the priority. THAT’S just my personal opinion though, let’s not for god’s sake get into a political debate on Mundanevision, I’m sure we have enough of those anyway.

Chris: Do you think ex party leaders become children’s entertainers, as they are already good at leading parties in the first place?

Siri: I think potentially, although if someone like Blair is a children’s entertainer, I can only imagine he’d be a clown, or someone who’s supposed to terrify the children. I now realise that clowns aren’t actually SUPPOSED to do that, but that is what would make Blair even better at it I think. He doesn’t mean to scare people.

Image result for clown

Chris: Can you imagine clowns invading Iraq to find weapons of mass destruction?

Siri: I think if you want to invade Iraq, clowns are the way to go. We could also solve Trump’s issues with North Korea with an army of clowns, in my opinion!

Chris: Oh, it’s North KOrea – I’ve constantly misheard heard that as north courier, and imagined people on bicycles delivering hot food – the nuclear option.

Image result for motorbike courier

Siri: Wow, so you thought the world was a much better place, if food delivery was the top of all news stories!

Chris: And I thought Kim Jong Il was only ill from food poisoning, and THAT is how he died!

Image result for kim jong il

Siri: Nope, although food is a good way to go, i think. But, once again, the world is not as awesome a place as you thought it was.

Chris: AND I thought that the Trident nuclear sub programme was a new sandwich being offered at subway! A really massive sandwich!

Siri: With secret codes and secret locations across the world?

Chris: Well, they have secret sauce and a secret recipe, so it does make sense. I thought it was all tied in with subway!

Siri: See when I first heard about it, I thought of Trident gum, and thought maybe it was some top secret government plan to enclose the world in a giant balloon of bubble gum!

Chris: It would have to be sugar-free to tackle the obesity crisis.

Siri: Ah yes, that makes sense. Or maybe they introduced the sugar tax so that fewer people would be buying sugar, and thus there would be more sugar for them to make this giant bubble gum bubble. However, I’m not really sure what it’s supposed to protect us from… maybe another meteor?

Image result for giant bubble gum

Chris: Or maybe another brand of gum? Spearmint, must be a sharp gum, it’s got Spear in the name!

Siri: Like Britney is a sharp person?

Chris: Yes, I’m sure she knows a thing or too about shavers. Sorry, Britney, that was a step too far. Ooops, I did it again.

Siri: Yep, see I thought you were going to go down the song-naming route. Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll forgive you. Or, if not, come down here asking if you want a piece of her. But I really like the idea that aliens are coming with a new kind of gum that will rival trident gum, so that’s why we need to build the bubble gum bubble.

Chris: To be fair though, I thought people had to pay the sugar tax in sugar. Wouldn’t that make your wallet sticky, carrying all that sugar around? And is brown worth more than white sugar?

Siri: Oh brown is absolutely worth more than white, always.

Chris: And then there’s demerara sugar, which to me just sounds like a new boy band member. Look Whitney, it’s Demerara Sugar! Yes I know, he’s so sweet. I assume that demerara sugar is sweet – if not, please don’t tax us!

Siri: Oh, demerara is the greatest. And I think Demerara Sugar is a new member of a band, but I think it’s Maroon 5, and they were so excited about his joining that they named a song (Sugar) after him!

Chris: How did they get the name maroon 5? Did they get marooned together on an island, and there are 5 of them?

Siri: Quite possibly to be honest… Anything is possible when it comes to the music world. People do some crazy things. But I always imagined it would be named after the colour maroon. Maybe they got marooned on a maroon coloured island?

Chris: Anyway, there was a reason I brought up politicians being reemployed as party entertainers. Because I can see how an interview with that girl would go: Sit down, Mrs Smith. I see here you’ve had practice leading a party? What, in the conga, pass the parcel… what? NO, running the country.

Siri: Absolutely. And it would be confusing but brilliant.

Chris: Yes. Alright, all this food invasion talk has made me hungry, so I hope that Big Mac from Scotland invades in the next 5 minutes. Pea(s)ce.

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Moderately Priced Bananas

*Muffled voices* So is the banana part of the recipe, or is it just for garnish…. right… right…

Chris: OH! Hi guys! Welcome to Mundanevision. Sorry, that’s the glimpse of the riveting conversation we have here in the studio in between the blogisodes. Some might say we’re frittering our lives away. Somebody get that old joke out of here, I’m really sorry about that! Hey Siri, put the cream down, we’ve got a blogisode to do!

Image result for banana fritters

Siri: I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’ll try! How are you today Chris? I’m very well.

Chris: I am exceptional, thank you, because… well, for many reasons. For one, we are back in the studio doing a blogisode for the lovely people of the internet!

Siri: Woohooo! And are there any other reasons?

Chris: Oh no, but there are plenty of other raisins. WE DON’T NEED RAISINS NOW.

Siri: It’s difficult to get baked goods off your mind when there are so many delicious ones! Sorry, I’m back on the cream again…

Chris: If you want to blog it, you can buy mine and Siri’s latest cook book. It’s called Cook the World, available in all good cook shops.

Siri: Not anymore.

Chris: What?! We’ve sold out? Well bang goes that idea then. Well, back to the blog.

Siri: Yep, what’s on the agenda for today’s blogisode?

Chris: Well, my thought was that, you know how Mundanevision always offers a public service?

Siri: Sure sure…

Chris: Well, today I thought we could go to the aid of an elderly role model for young children.

Siri: … You?

Chris: Who can matel who that is? I know I roll around a lot, but I’m not a role model! I was talking about Barbie!

Siri: Wait… I’m confused… You’re not Barbie?

Image result for elderly barbie

Chris: I’m not Barbie! I can’t believe you’d ever think I was Barbie. That’s ageist.

Siri: You’re ageist for thinking it’s ageist. Don’t go judging Barbie.

Chris: Well you’re ageist for thinking that I was ageist for thinking you were ageist.

Siri: Well-

Chris: This is going to take AGES. So, back to Barbie, the plastic princess. She recently turned fifty five, and I was thinking that we could help her in a location location location type feature (a housing programme, basically).

Siri: How so?

Chris: We are going to write a totally off the cover advertisement to sell the kids of the world a new Barbie product. Barbie’s beautiful bungalow.

Siri: Ooh, exciting, tell me more tell me more!

Chris: Well, you see, stairs at her age are getting a bit more difficult.

Siri: VERY true. Although I think my fifty five year old parents would not be too pleased to hear you say so!

Chris: Okay, let’s say that she can still manage stairs, but she needs a moderately sized garden because she can’t manage with a big one any more.

Siri: That seems fair. I’m twenty one and I can’t manage with the tiny tiny patch of grass outside my house. It’s more like a very small forest now. If forests were made purely out of weeds. And not the expensive kind of weeds.

Chris: Do you get a lot of rustafarians hanging out in your garden?

Siri: Nope, so I guess that’s one good thing about my garden? Or maybe I’m missing out on a lot of fun, who knows!

Chris: Anyway, so we do this planned advertisement for Barbie’s beautiful bungalow?

Siri: Yaaaas, let’s DO THIS! Go:

Image result for barbie's malibu dream house

Chris: Hey kids! You know you like Barbie, and Barbie’s Malibu dream house. You’re going to love a new product we have to tempt you with today… Barbie’s Beautiful Bungalow! If you loved Barbie’s jet skis and Jacuzzi, you are going to love Barbie’s moderately sized living room with sashed windows, with all her friends such as Cindy and Ken can come over. If you liked Barbie’s activity centre, you’re going to love Barbie’s coffee morning with a coffee and walnut cake which is so real you can almost taste it.

Siri: I’m going to interrupt and say that coffee and walnut cake that you can ALMOST taste is probably the worst possible kind of coffee and walnut cake that has ever existed. Who wants to buy cake they can ALMOST taste when you can have cake you CAN taste?

Chris: But how many of Barbie’s target audience are even allowed coffee and walnut cake?

Siri: An excellent point, I suppose. If Barbie’s target audience is anything like what I was like as a kid, they probably hate both coffee and walnuts, so might prefer cake that you can’t taste at all! Anyway, is there more to the ad?

Bungalow Barb.jpg

Chris: Back to the ad! After Barbie and her friends have enjoyed some delicious coffee and walnut cake, you can make believe that Barbie is showing her friends round upstairs in her en-suite bedroom.

Siri: Again, sorry to interrupt, but since when do bungalows have upstairs bedrooms? Or are we relying on kids having really powerful imaginations?

Chris: Hey, don’t blame me, blame the cow – I didn’t write this thing! But yes, you are right.

Siri: *cough* as always *cough*.

Chris: So, shall we go then?

Siri: Absolutely.

Chris: Once Barbie and friends have enjoyed their delicious coffee and walnut cake (adult supervision required during this play time) Barbie can always show her friends around her en-suite bedroom with her radical TV and blueray player combination set! Or watch Ken mow the lawn. WHICH HE NEVER DOES. Don’t worry, Barbie’s not bitter.

Siri: Do the miniture TV and blueray player work? Or are they password protected just for Barbie and her amigos?

Chris: You can actually play the Blueray and TV combi. Barbie’s favourite film is High School Musical.

Siri: She has excellent taste. Sidenote, the second one is the best.

Chris: And then, when you’re older and watching the High School Musical box set, Barbie will sit at home watching home videos of Ken trying to fix the car (which he never did because they were married) (sorry, I’ve gone off topic a bit), don’t worry kids, Barbie’s not bitter! After enjoying HSM, Barbie and her friends will say goodnight as it’s time for plastic people to say farewell! WASN’T THAT FUN KIDS?

Siri: I know I think so.

Chris: Barbie’s beautiful bungalow, each room sold separately. Stairs optional.

Siri: And the TV blueray combo costs 10 times as much as an actual version. It costs surprisingly much to make a very small one.

Chris: I can foresee kids all over the world are clamouring to beg their parents to buy this new product!

Siri: Once again, Christopher, you have proved yourself a marketing genius.

Chris: So, with that, I think middle aged Barbie will be satisfied. See you next week, where we help out Moana, where we build Moana a soundproof room so she can sing to her heart’s content.

Image result for moana how far i'll go

Siri: Ooh, I need this room too.

Chris: That’s it, folks! The blogisode is over. Back to the bananas! See you soon, peace.

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Scaling Walls and Terraces

Hey internet! *virtual waving* Much like Steps and The Cranberries and Texas, we have reformed. After an extended Easter period away from you guys, it’s good to be back! Hello, Wembley! Ugh, I just ruined it. It’s just Mundanevision. 

Chris: Hey Siri!

Siri: Good afternoon Chris. How has your marvellous Easter been?

Image result for easter 2017

Chris: Oh, it involved lots of chocolate, lots of film watching, and lots of despairing at the current political climate.

Siri: So the same as mine then. And the rest of Britain’s.

Chris: I thought of something to say this blogisode, but I don’t know whether it’s too controversial to be said… the reason we’ve been away for such a long time is that we’ve been scaling Trump’s wall, trying to get back in the country… Controversial? You be the judge.

Siri: Not too controversial I don’t think… Hopefully not for our audience, you wonderful people. He’s only kidding anyway guys, we are from Britain, a wonderful place with absolutely no political issues whatsoever!!! Ish…

Chris: What would the equivalent of Trump’s wall be in Britain? Theresa May’s terrace?

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Siri: I was thinking far more literally, and I was going to say the English Channel… So I guess we already kind of have a Trump’s wall. Except for boats. And airplanes.

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Chris: I can never find the English channel on tv though – there’s loads of them in English, not just one!

Siri: Oh you pedant you. Very true though, we are just really good at finding LOTS of English channels, and surfing them all! If surfing is the right way of putting it…

Chris: What is your opinion of Theresa May’s snap election?

Siri: I think, judging by the state of Corbyn’s Labour party, that it’s a very smart move because I really don’t see the Tories going out of power. What are your opinions?

Chris: I also think it’s a smart move, but I don’t have any political opinions about it. I just think that it is a smart move calling it a snap election, to get loads of young people to vote, like Snapchat! But unlike the content of Snapchat, the content won’t disappear after 10 seconds!

Siri: No, I guess the snap election will disappear after a day instead. So you have no political opinions on it? Are you going to make the most of your right as an over 18 year old Brit, and vote?

Chris: I am going to vote. When do the phone lines open?

Siri: Phone lines open right after the show. If you liked Jeremy Corbyn’s performance, dial the following number. If you think Theresa May stole the stage, try the following number, and for Tim Farron, THE LIB DEM GUY, PEOPLE, phone all the numbers you can. Lib dems deserve more than they got last election. *cries eternally*

Chris: See you in the next series of BRITAIN’S GOT TORY!

Image result for dermot o'leary phone lines open contestants vote

Siri: The winner will be announced in a month’s time…

Chris: In the mean time, here’s Ant and Dec in a jungle somewhere!

Siri: Yup, enjoy watching people eat bugs. It will be less upsetting than this year’s politics.

Chris: However, we think Russia might have rigged it, and bugged it in their favour.

Siri: Russia, behind almost everything that goes on in the world. I guess they have kind of been eaten by the monster that they’ve created, in that Trump doesn’t seem to be holding back on military strikes to their allies in the Middle East.

Chris: You mean Trumpenstein?

Siri: Yes… or Frankputin’s monster.

Chris: Right, that’s enough political stuff for this blogisode, except to say that Mark Zuckerberg might be running for president!

Siri: What is the world coming to. It’ll be him v Kanye West at this rate.

Chris: At least as an election candidate he’ll be nice – he’ll have to send a friend request before he gets in.

Siri: I guess that’s true. So vote people! Not necessarily for Mark Zuckerberg, but vote for the Conservatives or Labour or the Liberal Democrats or the Green Party, or the Scottish National Party, or whoever you’d like. Just not Marine Le Pen. Come on France, make better decisions.

Chris: This is an extremely political blogisode.

Siri: Yes, we need to turn to celebrity gossip or SOMETHING now.

Chris: For new readers of our show, how would you describe Mundanevision?

Siri: Yes! Tell us what kind of blog you think we are… and we’re not usually so political… kind of… Also, I guess I can tell you about my journey back from the airport yesterday, and then Chris can come up with some puns for you. So I was on the train, and suddenly we stopped and were stationary in the middle of the English countryside for a few minutes.

Chris: Thank you, great reference, by the way, STATIONary. Is this so that the tea and coffee trolley wouldn’t spill its contents?

Siri: Sadly not, although they didn’t spill their contents, don’t worry, and I even got some free water and a biscuit. It was, instead, because a herd of cows had walked on to the track and were refusing to move! We were stuck there, somewhere beyond bath but not in any town, for over 2 hours.

Image result for cows on railway tracks

Chris: Did the cows think they were in first class?

Siri: I think they were probably a bit CHEESED off that they weren’t given first class tickets, maybe that was it?

Chris: Stop yelling train driver, we’re watching a MOOOOOvie!

Siri: Yeah, stop trying to get us to MOOOOOOOve!

Chris: This is UDDERly rivetting.

Siri: Ooh that was a good one, I think I’m out though. Butter luck next time.

Chris: Oooooohhhhh! On the subject of moooovies, I went to see Boss Baby. The new animation from the makers of Shrek.

Siri: And, thoughts?

Chris: It was funny! Alec Baldwin was in the lead role. I didn’t know Trump could act that well.

Siri: Ahahahahaha, I’m kind of hoping that everything he does is an act… We’ll see I guess. How did we drag ourselves back to politics again?

Chris: All roads lead to…

Siri: The utterly black hole of never-ending political depression. A political abyss.

Chris: We can’t leave the blogisode on that note! However, this note: dear mum, daddy says please could you pick up some eggs? Yours sincerely, your son.

However, that one we can. Peace, folks.

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Don’t Relent Over Easter

Hey guys. Welcome to the last blogisode before the annual chocolate festival, known as Easter, begins. But we’re not relenting. If you’ve given Mundanevision up for Easter, what’s wrong with you? We’re tempting you with one last slice before we go on the break.

Chris: Hey Siri!

Siri: Good afternooon Christopher!

Chris: How are you today?

Siri: My brain is as cloudy as the world is today. But I’m happy to be here!

Chris: It’s either as cloudy as the world is, or as cloudy as cider!

Siri: Or that really yummy apple juice! I’m less alcoholic than cider.

Chris: Yes. Ooh, now I’m doubting myself. Can you even get cloudy cider? Maybe it’s the apple juice I was thinking of?

Siri: I’m afraid I’m not an expert when it comes to cider! I was just trusting you. Clearly not wise…

Image result for cloudy cider

Chris: It is not wise, or, in keeping with the beginning, not wine.

Siri: Oh you, don’t whine about my inability to pun.

Chris: I’ll be grapeful when we get off this topic.

Siri: Okay, let’s change to another subject then. Beer we go… So, Trump.

Chris: I don’t know who this Trump is, and I don’t know if you’ve heard but he’s building a wall.

Siri: I’m regretting mentioning him already. What’s going on now?

Chris: The deadline for the plans for said wall are being submitted tomorrow. The final plans. That’s the deadline.

Siri: Let’s hope it’s like his healthcare thing. Let’s hope he can’t even get his own party to support him.

Chris: Where would you even buy the cement for a wall that big from? Not your local Homebase, that’s for sure! Or American equivalent.

Image result for homebase

Siri: I think the whole point of the wall is ensuring that millions of immigrant Americans no longer have their homes as bases, and are chased back. What’s also ironic is many more people holding blue collar jobs there are immigrants, so there’s a fair chance that the builders employed for the wall… will be from Central and South America.

Chris: And then there’s all the other concerns. I mean, what kind of cement are you going to use? Is it going to be quick drying or… … the other kinds of cement elude me right now!

Siri: I’m not sure I can help you out to be honest! I hope they know what’s happening! Actually I don’t, I hope they don’t know anything about cement and end up using Trump’s hair to build a wall.

Chris: Can you imagine the amount of allergies they would get if the people on the other side were asthmatic! Then they would NEED healthcare.

Siri: What’s weird, is that maybe they have epipens so they don’t need any more healthcare, BUT they could be sneezing so much that they lose them and then it really would be like finding needles in a haystack.

Chris: I think someone should write a new version of the little pigs, but instead of houses, have them standing behind different walls made of different materials.

Image result for three little pigs

Siri: Not a bad idea, Chris. Maybe your next book?

Chris: Or maybe we could write it as a bonus blogisode, because you know people are going to miss us as we’re not doing this weekly!

Siri: Yes, I think on Thursday if you’ve given it any more thought, we could try and write it then?

Chris: Hooray! Big Bad Trump.

Siri: I’ll come up with the names of the characters, and I’ll edit, and you can do the rest! As usual!

Chris: Brilliant, what a team.

Siri: That’s why they call us Chris and Siri, the team.

Chris; And don’t forget the sloth, because if you don’t include him he looks very disapprovingly at you. It takes a long, time, but man that look is awful. By Friday, he would have nailed it!

Siri: Well, when our team includes the sloth, it’s no longer called Chris and Siri, the team, it’s called… hmmm… I’m not sure I remember… OH YEAH, MUNDANEVISION!

Chris: Oh yeah! That’s what we’re doing! Mundanevision, when I randomly talk at you once a week!

Siri: And I randomly talk at the rest of the world too. What else is exciting to report this blogisode?

Chris: Right, what else is exciting? Well, Google loves us, we are number one when you search for Mundanevision! We are the first, second and fourth results when you search for us! So cool.

top resuit

Siri: That IS exciting! Maybe some people reading this now found us from there?

Chris: Yes, if you did, thank you very much, if you didn’t you can do so please!

Siri: Well you all found us some way or the other, so thank you all!

Chris: To put a positive spin on the wall thing, I think Mexicans are building it to keep Trump out, rather than the other way around.

Siri: I wish that were true, but I fear that he has a few of his own private jets or something, that could just fly over it!

Chris: No, no, if I were building the wall, I would cover the top with missiles to shoot all the jets down!

Siri: Ooh, very clever, but maybe we shouldn’t shoot down EVERYTHING that flies over it? Maybe just orange people with yellow hair?

Chris: I think we’ll ban Willy Wonka and his Chocolate Factory as well, just in case. He may apply to that.

Image result for orange willy wonka chocolate factory

Siri: Yes, but meanwhile I think all the chocolate should leave America and be given to the Mexicans. Although American chocolate isn’t exactly very nice anyway.

Chris: Isn’t it obvious they Kraft anyway, so it’s krafty chocolate – you can’t trust it!

Siri: Definitely true, you absolutely can’t trust it! I’m not even certain that it can legally be called chocolate anyway… I’m not convinced that the cocoa content is high enough!

Chris: You don’t think it would be renamed Trumplate, do you?

Siri: I hope not, Trumplate sounds like Trumplet, sounds like Triplet, and now I’m just imagining THREE Donald Trumps!

Chris: Okay, on that image of three Donald Trumps climbing over a really high wall to get to Mexico and being shot down, have a great Easter, everybody! Don’t relent on the chocolate, stay tuned for an exclusive taste of a facebook and twitter game coming soon, and thank you very much everybody! Siri, any last words?

Siri: Thank you, happy Easter, and peace.

 

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Rolling Shoebilisers

Hey guys! Welcome to another blogisode of the much under-appreciated Mundanevision! If you like reading blogs, why not read this one? We will talk about fashionable cats on youtube… Let’s do this!

Chris: Hey Siri.

Siri: Good Afternoon, Chris.

Chris: It’s almost like you knew my introduction, because you’re drinking from a cool cat mug!

Siri: I think the cat knew. These cats are geniuses / genii.

Chris: Telepathic cats… maybe!

Siri: I think that’s why the internet is so obsessed with them.

Chris: You mean they’re obsessed with fashionable cats!

Siri: Exactly.

Chris: This is Mittens, and she’s wearing the latest Christian Dior black evening dress, available at Debenhams for a purrrrfect £280. There we go, those two lines should keep people happy, and we should get the most likes we’ve ever got for a blogisode.

Siri: Absolutely, all about keeping our readers (or listeners or viewers…) happy, we are!

Chris: It should get even more likes than our movie, the film we did about the recommissioning of the Great British Bake Off after the sugar ban was lifted!

Siri: Ooh, that was a good blogisode though!

Chris: Evidently, now it is the future, because Bake Off is coming back with hosts Noel Fielding and Sandi Tugsvig, who is a Danish pastry!

Image result for noel fielding and sandi tugsvag

Image result for danish pastry

Siri: That sounds amazing, but surely we don’t want to eat the hosts?

Chris: I don’t know, what happened to Mel and Sue? Why did they not move up to Channel 4? Do you think that after the last episode had closed up, Paul Hollywood ate them?

Siri: It seems like that would be something Paul would do. After being deprived of all the baked goods that the contestants are making, I don’t see that he had any other choice BUT to eat Mel and Sue.

Chris: I think that when they lost their jobs at the BBC, getting the news from the bake off producers was the only thing they wanted to be sugar coated!

Siri: Hahaha! Certainly true. Anyway, what else has been going on today?

Chris: What else? You mean you don’t want to spend the whole blogisode talking about Bake Off?

Siri: I think we’ve already done that… We don’t do repeats, and we’ve already had several blogisodes on the Great British Bake Off, as well as a 3 part movie and then behind the scenes footage and out takes!

Chris: You’re quite right, that’s far too sweet!

Siri: Oh how witty. Never a dull moment in the Mundanevision studios!

Chris: And if there are dull moments, we tell them to get out and stop hanging around us in the studio! In fact, there’s one now. GET OUT YOU DULL MOMENT!

Siri: BAMMM. It’s gone.

Chris: I like the excitable moments much better, but they refuse to sit still.

Siri: It means that they’re always jumping around in the studio, but the fact that the dull moments just mooch around lying there, means that they’re a lot easier to clear away.

Chris: Right, so next up – gosh, we sound like a morning show!

Siri: That can’t possibly be true, it’s afternoon!

Chris: The Afternoon Girls were looking worried! Next up we went to see adult Beauty and the Beast yesterday, and by adult Beauty and the Beast I of course mean King Kong.

Siri: Yes, that was obvious from the description “adult Beauty and the Beast” it’s exactly the same story, just without the rose!

Chris: And it is a tale as old as time, because they made the first Beauty and the Beast years ago, in fact in (insert date here).

kong 5

Siri: I believe it was 1991 actually. A buzzfeed quiz told me so.

Chris: NO, they’re older than that!

Siri: Well, it must have been based off a story or something? Yes?

Chris: OH, I thought you were talking about King Kong, sorry!

Siri: Ah, yes, I see now. Those must definitely be older. Not that I’ve ever seen any of the non Samuel L Jackson ones! How convincing are the gorillas? Are they humans dressed up? CGI?

Chris: No, claymation!

Siri: Oh cool! And are they as good as the one we saw yesterday?

Chris: I can’t compare Kongs! The Kong would definitely win the fight against other Kongs – they were a lot shorter!

Siri: Yes, that does give him a bit of an advantage, but from my understanding he is in the middle of nowhere, so not really in a position to fight the other ones.

Chris: Or to measure himself!

Siri: So true. Weren’t they in Tokyo or New York?

Chris: Yes, the first one was in New York – he climbed the Empire State building.

Siri: I assume you mean the outside, not the stairs?

Chris: Yes! The outside! If he just went up the elevator it wouldn’t be too dramatic, would it? Waving on the way up! Anyway, I’m sure historians will come to rename the old King Kongs “pre Hiddlestone King Kongs”, as it look like they might be remaking them all.

Image result for tom hiddleston kong

Siri: Yes, I’m sure historians and scholars spend a large majority of their time debating over what to refer to each movie as. But I liked the Hiddlestone one! It’s the first film I’ve ever seen him in and he was magnificent!

Chris: Do you think King Kong has a dinner gong for when he gets angry?

Siri: Almost certainly. Without a doubt, in fact. We used to have one at boarding school to wake everyone up! I think he probably uses his to demonstrate his anger though. His King Kong Gong.

Chris: Is he a mime now, in your head?

Siri: Definitely not. He is anything but silent, I can still hear his roars – they were so loud they have resonated into today!

Chris: Maybe in the next film Katy Perry should make a cameo as King Kong – you’re going to hear me roar!

Siri: King Kong the Musical would be fantastic!

Chris: Yes.

Siri: I would love to work on that project.

Chris: Maybe we should? [Chris strokes long white beard]. Sorry! This just appears every time I have an idea. Just quickly, before we go, for all the ladies worried about tripping over in high heels, I think they should invent the training shoe. This would be a shoe with two little shoes on either side, just like a training bicycle with two extra wheels – so you’d never fall over.

Siri: Like stabilisers! Literally, stabilisers!

stabilisers

Chris: Yes. Now, am I a genius, or is it the end of the blogisode?

Siri: Does it have to be one or the other? They’re not mutually exclusive.

Chris: No. Or maybe this is just a genius blogisode!

Siri: Certainly.

Chris: Well, I’m off to take my idea about shoe-stabilisers to Dragon’s Den. I’m going to take Katy Perry with me, cause they’re going to hear a roar if they don’t like my idea.

Siri: I really think they need to be called Shoebailisers!

Chris: Ah, brilliant! Okay, thanks for reading, listening, watching, tweeting, facebooking, whatsapping, snapchatting, myspacing, instagramming, and doing all the social media things. Peace!

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GO SPORTS!

Hey guuuuuuys! So many ‘u’s it’s like a sheep pen in here! Welcome to another bizarre and wonderful blogisode of Mundanevision!

Chris: Hey Siri!

Siri: Good afternoon, Christopher! Or should I say, Krys.

Chris: Before we start, can somebody shoo those sheep away please! We’ve done the ewe bit, we don’t need ewe anymore!

Siri: Looks like the Sloth is on it. But slowly…

Chris: Oh that’s better. I think it was meant to be a nod to Crufts, but nobody got it! To be quite frank, I didn’t even get it. Who wrote that? We should fire them immediately!

Siri: I did, I wrote it, and you came up with it, but since neither of us are being paid it’s a little hard to fire us, and I’m not sure how the sloth and the Afternoon Girls would survive without us!

Chris: Can we fire ourselves? Is that possible? I mean, I know we could out of a cannon.

Siri: They mentioned canons in the most recent episode of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air that I Watched! The butler mentioned them!

Image result for fresh prince of bel air

Chris: Geoffrey, Geoffrey, you mean Geoffrey! Bit shout out to the 90s! Thank you for coming onto the blog!

Siri: Yeah, thanks young Will Smith, and the character he played, who was also conveniently called Will Smith. Very cunning.

Chris: Aha! I’ts so meta! I never realised.

Siri: yes, it’s… no! I’ve forgotten the Fresh Prince’s word for cool!

Chris: Can we get a word doctor? Siri’s forgotten a word! I think there are two in the world, one called Collin, and one called Thesaurus.

Siri: Yes, although I hear the latter is becoming extinct. Got hit by a meteorite or something, that’s what happened to the thesaurus!

Chris: Big shout out to the formation of the world!

Siri: Ahahaha! So, what’s on your mind this blogisode, Chris?

Well, there’s only one thing on my mind! An amazing documentary we watched together called OJ: Made in America.

Siri: Uh huh, what was so brilliant about it?

Chris: Well, we watched it together. It was incredibly well put together from an angle I never considered before.

Siri: Did you learn a lot?

Chris: Yes, because I was growing up when OJ Simpson was on trial, so I didn’t know half the stuff that they dug up for this documentary. So I implore everybody to watch it, it’s on Netflix and iPlayer. It won the Oscar this year for best documentary, and as everyone knows, Oscar works like magic for everything. As soon as something’s got an Oscar, everyone will see it. I think that’s what worked for Sesame Street, as soon as it had someone called Oscar, everyone loved it! Siri, do you want to add anything to my praise of this very fine documentary? I think it will raise the bar for film makers, it was so incredible. It would take a lot to better this one.

Siri: You’ve said a MIGHTY lot of praise, but I have to add, that I did not know anything about OJ Simpson, and honestly can say that I couldn’t have cared less, especially when I found out he was a sports person, but the fact that they approached it from social and economic stand points, as well as some politics that were in there too, in context of the location of his murder trail, it was just incredible. They had the parallel between how most black people were being treated, by police officers and in shops etc, and then OJ Simpson’s luxurious life style, and kind of how he was nice to people and made people love him and need him, but then had a whole different side of him.

Image result for oj simpson made in america

Chris: I wholeheartedly agree with everything you just said. I’m not a fan of sports either, and… yeah, I just watched an 8 hour documentary about a sportsman, in essence! And, quite honestly, I could watch it again.

Siri: Same!

Chris: I think I’m going to write to the person involved and say exactly what we’ve just said on this blog. Basically word for word what you’ve said – I think I can send him a long message and just say that!

Siri: Absolutely! I think he’ll be pleased to hear it. Never mind the Oscar, he’s got Chris’s approval now.

Chris: A Chriscar… a Chris-Oscar? let’s make that happen, people! Next year, the Chriscars! Or the Siris?

Siri: I think Chriscar sounds kind of like your couple name, like Bradgelina! Or Taylor squared. Your couple name with Oscar… Pistorius… do people ship you…?

Chris: Because he never did anything bad!

Siri: I think people are more likely to ship Oscar Pistorius and OJ Simpson, to be honest!

Image result for oscar pistorius

Chris: Ok.

Siri: OJ.

Chris: With that, let’s go… Oh LOOK! The sloth brought orange juice in! He thought we wanted orange juice! I think with that we should post this, and write a message to the dude!

Siri: Brilliant idea, see you next weeks, folks!

Chris: Thank you so much everybody! Goals! Sports! Peace!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Kid-Friendly Amazon

Hey guys! Happy International Women’s Day… plus two. I’m very lucky to have my own international woman co-hosting the blogisodes with me. It’s Siri everybody! (Rupturous applause)

Image result for international women's day

Chris: Hey Siri.

Siri: Hey Christopher, how are you this fine day?

Chris: I’m good thank you! Still reeling from the fact that Barbie was 58 yesterday!

Siri: 58?! I thought it was 50. My word she’s old.

Chris: With all the plastic surgery she’s had, she looks really good from it!

Siri: Aboslutely. That’s cool though, a good way to spend International Women’s Day is celebrating women – whether they are made out of plastic or not.

Image result for barbie

Chris: I wonder if the economy has hit Barbie hard yet, and she’s had to sell her dream house? It’s more like a dream cottage now.

Siri: Very true. And I wonder what’s happened to her toy boy, Ken.

Chris: Oh, she divorced Ken long ago.

Siri: Good, she should keep being awesome by herself.

Chris: Yeah, I feel a bit sad for Ken. He’s no longer in the picture. He’s obviously been traded in for a younger model…

Siri: Ahahahaha! What else has been going on recently?

Chris: Well, there’s always the Trump stuff.

Siri: Shh shhh I don’t know what you’re talking about what is Trump stuff what even is it no don’t tell me shhhhh stop mentioning Trump.

Chris: Okay, I am worried this week. If we trigger Brexit, does that mean we lose the letters ‘E’ and ‘U’ from the alphabet?

Siri: Oh, absolutely! It will be a b c d f g… etc. A whole new world. Or, as we’ll soon be saying, A whol nw world.

Chris: I feel sorry for the children, because those magnetic letters you stick on the fridge aren’t going to be much use anymore.

Image result for eu flag

Siri: I know, and can you imagine trying to learn to spell in the English language without those letters? Writing without an ‘E’ is difficult enough!

Chris: So an elephant would just be a lephant?

Siri: No, not even that! It would be a lphant!

Chris: You can tell I cannot spell. I also came up with a revolutionary new way of reducing the time women spend in labour.

Siri: Uh huh, yes, how so…

Chris: They should make and manufacture babies on Amazon, therefore with Amazon Prime it would be next day delivery! And you could cut down the cost of having a baby. Beds would be freed up and everybody would be cured – there’ll be no diseases!

Siri: And if you don’t like the kid, then Amazon Prime does free returns!

Chris: That would be a bit cruel, though, wouldn’t it?

Siri: I don’t know, there are some pretty difficult kids out there in the world.

Chris: Imagine reviewing all kids on Amazon a few days after the delivery. Did they meet your expectations?

Image result for amazon prime

Siri: It would be so difficult though, as soon as the kid wanted to make life decisions that the parents weren’t happy with – Amazon might get a lot of complaints. I think Synths from Humans would be a better thing to deliver first. Just to get some practice and make sure the system kind of works.

Chris: Oh well, you don’t want to use the reviews for the kids on amazon that I’ve written already, just for some flavour of the kinds of things people are likely to say.

Siri: Oh no, what kind of stuff have you said?

Chris: Jeremy, ****. (That’s 4 stars, not a swear word). Quite a nice kid, plays football and interacts with others but would have preferred a rugby player.

Siri: And what happens when Jeremy grows up and reads that? I’m sure he’ll kick some footballs at you and then run away. Then you’ll be sorry. Have you seen the bottom of football boots?

Chris: That’s what parental lock is for.

Siri: Aha, you’re the lying kind. Keeping your kids away from all the mean things that are beings aid about them. How protective you are.

Chris: I just want to say that it’s not me who’s the problem, it’s Jeremy, and just a sample of what could happen. Are you ready for another one?

Siri: Go for it.

Chris: Ron ****. Is quite a good boy, but he plays music too loud. I think volume control is broken on his stereo.  And the last one I’ve got here is: Jane ***. Enjoys playing with Barbie, however, she was not expecting to deal with an old age pensioner.

Siri: Poor kids. So confused about the world.

Chris: What do you think? I think this could take off.

Siri: Oh absolutely, you just need to find the scientists to actually grow some babies in 24 hours. But the tricky bit’s definitely over!

Chris: Well, that’s easy as well. I mean, look at the film Gremlins. You water them after midnight, and then they multiply. I think that’s what I should do in this case.

Siri: Although, that might create some very smelly children, because if they multiply when watered, they won’t be able to take showers without there being thousands of them!

Chris: I see what you mean! We could employ really big showers?

Siri: Yes, but you’ll still have hundreds more mouths to feed! Maybe make some sort of patch that counteracts the multiplying? Or talk to that character from Delicious, she seems to survive even though she’s allergic to water, so she must have a way of dealing with it.

Chris: Or talk to Ed Sheeran, he’s managed to Divide them!

Siri: Excellent point, very true. Although he hasn’t actually had any children of his own yet, so he has managed to divide on paper, but not in real life.

Chris: Good boy, how old is he? He knows maths, he knows division!

Siri: I think he’s about 25, but you’ll have to ask him. Maybe test him, to see if he can count that high? Although he’s Ed Sheeran, I’m sure he can do anything.

Chris: I can see his review on Amazon now: Ed Sheeran *****, proud feeling when he divided for the first time. Such proud parents.

Image result for ed sheeran

Siri: Yeah, he would be the ideal kid to receive from Amazon Prime!

Chris: Right, I think it’s a rap! Do you wrap things on Amazon? I don’t know.

Siri: You can choose to have them giftwrapped! Might tear a bit if Ed Sheeran or a new born baby is inside it though.

Chris: No, they train them to stay still! Okay guys, thank you very much for reading/listening. I’m off to order a kid on Amazon, I’ll see you next week. Peace x

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180 degrees of Oscars

Hey guys! There are two great divides in recent times. One is political, with Brexit and the other is musical, the release of Ed Sheeran’s new album. However, we here at Mundanevision are always united in bringing you your weekly blogisode.

Chris: Hey Siri.

Siri: Hey Chris!

Chris: How are you doing?

Siri: Not too badly today, although the sun seems to have left us. What about you?

Chris: I’m doing fine. Don’t worry too much about the sun, it will be back, it’s so hot right now!

Siri: Very true!

Chris: Did you like my opening monologue? I had to keep it in my head until today, because today is the day that Ed Sheeran’s released his new album!

Siri: It was beautiful, truly tremendous.

Chris: Thank you very much. But even more exciting than Ed Sheeran’s album coming out today (sorry, Ed), there’s new Goo Goo Doll music on the way!

Siri: I know! Just over a month away, now!

Chris: YES. I’m so excited! I believe you used that exact phrase when you heard Ed Sheeran’s album was coming.

Siri: Almost certainly, I was so so excited – and I still am, of course.

Chris: I’ve often wondered if Adele and Ed Sheeran go a collaboration album.

Siri: What do you wonder?

Chris: What would it be called? Let’s find out, we’ve got the sloth by our whiteboard in the studio, like our very own Rachel Riley from Countdown.

Image result for rachel riley countdown

Siri: Our studio’s own personal mathematician, I’m guessing…

Chris: Yes!

Siri: Aha, so what have we got? Is it going to be 19 + 21 x 25 ÷ 3 (how many albums they each have)…

Chris: That should give us the answer to a collaborative album title!

Siri: Ooh, the Sloth’s working on it… It’s 180 exactly! Let’s call it 180°, so then it has a number for her and a symbol for him?

180-degrees-by-edele

Chris: So Ed and Adele – oh it sounds so cute already! If you are going to release a collaborative album, you should call it 180°!

Siri: I like it, and actually I really want them to do this now!

Chris: Maybe it should contain some rerecords of Adele’s favourite songs with Ed Sheeran on the guitar?

Siri: Yes, and maybe they could have a go at singing each other’s too? I’d like to hear Adele try Thinking Out Loud and Ed try Someone Like You.

Chris: She quite often tries Thinking Out Loud at every award ceremony – it doesn’t go down too well!

Siri: I was almost going to suggest her trying Sing, but that would have allowed you a potentially even more witty response.

Chris: She definitely does that at every award ceremony! SO, we’ve written the album for you, Ed and Adele, could you just go on and sing it please?

Siri: It could even say it was by Edele.

Chris: Clever! And, of course, no 180° degree album would be complete without a cover of Bonnie Tyler’s song Turn Around. Or, as it’s more commonly known, Total Eclipse of the Heart.

Siri: So true. They definitely need to pay us royalties on this album, with all the work we’re putting into it.

Chris: Yes.

Siri: I can’t wait til it’s released, as we would say, I am SO EXCITED.

Chris: And Ed quite often uses LOOP pedals! It’s meant to be. Anyway, now we’ve sorted out the next album of pop icons, what do you want to talk about? Do you want to talk about anything in particular?

Siri: You’re the topic come-up-with-er!

Chris: I like that as a name.

Siri: Yep, now you need to follow through on it. What’s going on with you? Any interesting stories or news things?

Chris: Well, funny you should say that, because the news is always interesting now Trump is involved.

Image result for trump news notification alert

Siri: Interesting is one word for it. The way I would have put it is “the news is always horrifying to my very core now that Trump is involved”!

Chris: It didn’t take us long to get on to Trump. It’s like 180° of separation!

Siri: Certainly is, sadly.

Chris: Let’s talk about the Oscars! The little statues that every year bring so much joy to film makers, and all those involved with the process. And La La Land alike – oh no! Should it be Moonlight? I’ve done it again! I’ve made the same mistake as they’ve made! And it’s going to be on the internet, how shameful.

Image result for MOONLIGHT OSCArs

Siri: It’s okay, La La Land will forgive you. They’ve had their fair share of mentionings anyway.

Chris: Maybe because they’re so close, we should come up with a new film called Moon Land? Or La La Light?

Siri: Ooh, I like it. I’d love to watch an Oscar-winning documentary about the moon landing. What would La La Light be about?

Chris: A light that could sing and dance around.

Siri: So… it would be the opening to a Pixar movie…?

Image result for pixar light

Chris: Yes, it would just be really really extended. And in black and white. People love things in black and white.

Siri: I’m not sure Trump likes America in black and white.

Chris: Ooooooooohhhhh! Oh man, Trump again, it’s like we’ve done a complete 180! So, I’m quite keen like you to see this documentary called Moon Land! Could it be that the astronaut can sing and dance?

Siri: I think that would have to be called La La Moon Land? And if we added some light, maybe from the sun, if it EVER decides to appear, it can be called La La Light Moon Land?

Chris: Does Moonlight only have evening performances, or can you go and see it during the day?

Siri: Absolutely not during the day, what kind of madness are you playing at?

Chris: Well, sorry, it is Mundanevision! If you didn’t want madness, choose another blog!

Siri: Don’t be silly (haha, sounds like don’t be Siri… sorry…) EVERYONE wants madness, and our blog!

Chris: So, we’ve done well today, we’ve combined films, we’ve recorded a new album-

Siri: OSCAR winning films, don’t forget… well, half of it is anyway!

Chris: The only thing left to do is write a book… … … OH WAIT, I’ve already done that! Yes, it’s on Amazon, called Big Dreams Short Stories. Stop going on about it! That’s all you ever do!! Anyway, until we put the world to rights next week, peace!

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Hallucinating Lyrics

It was our Mundanevision Blogiversary on Monday! We’ve been entertaining you and informing you for two years, but now it’s two years down the line and we’re back with a brand new blogisode of… Pete’s Dragon! No, only joking, it’s Mundanevision!

Chris: Happy two year blogiversary for Monday!

Siri: Yes! Congratulations, how does it feel?

Chris: Two years has flown! I hope everybody still likes this, and even if they don’t, they’ve been subjected to it every week. Sorry…

Siri: I’m sure they love it if they’ve been reading for this long.

Chris: Yes, thank you very much guys, we couldn’t do it without you. And thanks to the amazing co-hosts I’ve had over the last 2 years. You know who you are!

Siri: (One of them is me!)

Chris: Yay!

Siri: So, what’s on your mind this blogisode, Chris?

Chris: Well, remember a few weeks ago when we did the rock question and answer session?

Siri: Yes…

Chris: I’m pretty sure I came up with another one for today’s show. This might fall flat on its face, because I might have got totally the wrong end of the stick about this song, but here goes nothing. There’s a song by Rick Springfield called Jesse’s Girl.

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Siri: Uh huh…

Chris: Where he sings Jesse’s got himself a girl and I want to make her mine, but later on I’m pretty sure he sings “I wish that I was Jesse’s girl”.

Siri: Huh. That’s cool. A bit confusing, when people change their minds half way through songs.

Chris: So, is this the first written account of a transgender person in a song?

Siri: I don’t know… maybe?

Chris: Can we check the lyrics.

Siri: Yes, and I want to hear the song too. The Afternoon Girls will play it for us now.

[Afternoon Girls sing Jesse’s Girl]

Chris: Wow, I got the wrong end of the microphone with that one! The actual lyrics are “I wish I had Jesse’s girl”. Stupid “had”! Getting in the way of our comedy.

Siri: That’s such a shame, it would be really cool if it had been a trans person. I think you should release the song with that lyric changed. It’s a really good song, but I think you could improve it.

Chris: Maybe I will. Maybe I will. [Chris strokes beard].

Siri: I look forward to it. And so do all our blog followers, I’m sure. There’s another song that has lyrics that kind of contradict each other. In You’re Beautiful by James Blunt, at one point he says that he has a plan, and later on he says “and I don’t know what to do”. So that’s all very confusing.

Chris: You lost me. I can’t believe you’re bringing up James Blunt on a reputable blogisode.

Siri: I’m bringing up his confusing lyrics though.

Chris: Luckily, I’m here to shed some light on those confusing lyrics.

Siri: Yes… go on.

Chris: I know James Blunt very well.

Siri: You do?

Chris: In my head. And he told me what the answer is.

Siri: Sure sure, go on.

Chris: Apparently he wrote the plan on a pub napkin while he was having a pint, and then the napkin went into the washing machine because it was in the back pocket of his jeans, and it disintegrated, and he doesn’t know what it is, or what he wrote down.

Siri: I suppose that does make sense.

Chris: He decided to leave that bit out of the song because he didn’t want to drone on for too long.

Siri: Aha, he’d rather people thought he was confused.

Chris: I just came up with a great tshirt slogan, as Siri was checking how “drone” is spelt.

Siri: Go on and tell them then.

Chris: “I don’t know spellings. I only know words.”

Siri: It would be a brilliant tshirt for probably half of our country’s population.

Chris: And America, forget about it! I’d make a bomb over there!

Siri: I really really really wouldn’t recommend making a bomb over there! Trump would Guantanamo Bay you.

Chris: Well, according to the press conference, he doesn’t know what Uranium is!

Siri: So true, plus you’re white so you’d probably be fine. Just don’t say anything he doesn’t like and go on and make bombs quietly.

Chris: Anyway, something I’m definitely not hallucinating is that the Brit Awards are on tonight!

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Siri: Really?!?!

Chris: Yes.

Siri: I thought we already had them… Maybe two weeks ago ish…? Am I going insane?

Chris: I think the music awards are on tonight. Although, what would be a much better award ceremony would be my Brit Awards, just to acknowledge my world’s favourite Brits.

Siri: Who would come in the top three places?

Chris: Mel and Sue.

Siri: Do they take up one place or two?

Chris: I think one.

Siri: I think that’s fair.

Chris: Maybe this is a bad ceremony for me, because half the people are American, in a way.

Siri: Do you know who’s nominated for the Brit Awards?

Chris: Well, Rag n Bone Man, obviously.

Siri: Of course, that goes without saying i guess.

Chris: I’m a bit worried about his choice of artist name for an award ceremony, when you’re supposed to dress up smart, and he comes in in tattered rags.

Siri: SUCH a good point. But maybe he’ll surprise us all?

Chris: Could we look up a definition of Rag n Bone Man? Was it a guy who went around selling stuff?

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Siri: Yes! Oh my lord, you learn something new every day. Apparently a rag and bone man is someone who goes around selling household items to local merchants! I didn’t even know that!

Chris: So they’ll be a load of local merchant copies of his CDs in CD players.

Siri: Absolutely. I wonder why he came up with that name… Suspicious.

Chris: Yes.

Siri: Do you know of anyone else nominated?

Chris: Well, Mr Ed Sheeran is performing from his castle on the hill.

Siri: Good one.

Chris: Or, if not, I’m sure he’ll be showing you the shape of his heart. He wears his heart in his sleeve, that boy. I can’t help thinking that his song “Sing” is just a go at grumpy audiences. Sing!

Siri: Quite possibly. Although when I wen to see him he had nothing to complain about, we were all singing very loudly. His new album is coming out in about ten days! Exciting stuff.

Chris: It is. You know what, you know what could be an exciting moment for our readers?

Siri: No… what?

Chris: It’s the end of the blogisode.

Siri: Well that’s not exciting!

Chris: Peace.

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