Wobbly Table of No Confidence

Hello internet! In an uncertain world, we’re not sure either, it’s Mundanevision!

Chris: Hey Siri!

Siri: Heya Chris. What’s going on?

Chris: What’s going on is it’s a new day and a very positive start to the world

Siri: Why is that?

Chris: Because of the vote, did you not see?

Siri: Hmm no, I must have missed it. The vote on Love Island?

Chris: The vote on Love Island?! I don’t watch Love Island, I’m about 40km North on Apathetic Islands.

Siri: And I’m right with you there. Oh, I guess you’re talking about the vote on Theresa May’s deal, huh?

Chris: Shh, if we don’t talk about it, maybe they’ll go away. Just ignore it.

Siri: An interesting new strategy, and I highly recommend it to the government too. Just ignore Brexit.

Chris: It’s like that irritating guy from IT round the water cooler – if you ignore him, maybe he’ll go away! But then you find out that the irritating guy from round the water cooler is Bill Gates, and the world is microsoft – it’s everywhere!

Siri: I thought I saw too many windows.

Image result for windows logo

Chris: But we are not going to talk about the vote, because I think that every other blog, facebook, twitter, etc, is going to talk about the vote, so if we talk about the vote too then that will be like too many votes for the vote.

Siri: So true. And let’s also not talk about Jeremy calling a vote of no confidence. Let’s call the whole thing off, and forget about it. SO, what else is happening with you Chris, besides a loss of faith in our country?

Chris: I have started writing another story but I’m in the very early stages so shh, don’t tell anybody. Oh! I shouldn’t mention it on this blog considering this gets published on the internet. Oh well! In other news, Youtube are taking down some videos. I feel it’s about time Youtube took down some videos before uploading them, they’re like the Netflix equivalent of an internet based service, and it’s not Netflix!

Siri: You’re not wrong there!

Chris: Which, let’s face it, it’s very hard to find a service or show which is not on Netflix.

Siri: I tried to catch up with the new season of Delicious, but I can’t find that anywhere online.

Chris: Not even on Netflix.

Siri: Not even.

Chris: Wow, I feel like the makers of that show should be commended. You’re not on Netflix!

Siri: I did watch an interesting show on Netflix recently called You though.

Image result for you netflix

Chris: ME? I wonder what that documentary was about!

Siri: Yes, you! It was called Chris the creepy stalker murderer. A story of your life. Much like OJ Simplson Made in America, but with more dead people and creepy behaviour.

Chris: If I start watching You on Netflix, does that mean I get a story about you?

Siri: Yes, it’s basically just Google Earth’s filming of me 24/7. Google Earth’s cameras are everywhere. Always taking pictures.

Chris: You would think they’d run out of film really.

Siri: Maybe they have? Maybe they are using the skin of their victims for more film?

Chris: Wow. Bit dark.

Siri: So is England in winter.

Chris: oooh.

Siri: Anyway, Google is very suspicious. I don’t trust them, they have too much of our data.

Image result for google maps car

Chris: They can’t get any data on me! I keep changing.

Siri: Go on…

Chris: I have no idea what that means. If anybody knows what it means, please comment on this blogisode.

Siri: We have faith in you, world! Decipher Chris’s weird words.

Chris: Actually if you’d like to leave reviews of the blogisode, please feel free to do so. Please don’t be too harsh though, we know Netflix is very popular and of course there are other streaming services other than Netflix. What about Now TV?

Siri: I’m a big fan of BBC iPlayer, Amazon Prime and best of all, Plex. I wish I had Now TV though.

Chris: Yes, so as a streaming service you are not forgotten, don’t worry. Neflix can’t in-capsulise the world in it’s net of flicks. there’s films on Youtube too! You can download films from Facebook Live too!

Siri: It really is a brave new world. Except politically, but as we said, we won’t go into that. Instead let’s talk about something else… FOOD?

Chris: Food is delicious, and delicous is on Now TV! God! I’m back onto streaming services again. Quick, 4oD, catch me up!

Siri: At least we’re not talking about Brexit. OH NO. Now we are. Quick! I love chocolate bananas, don’t you?

Chris: Oh Siri, have you mentioned Breakfast again? do you think Break-fest will be the party at the festival, and the party that no one will be having after we leave the EU? GOD, we can’t be going through politics again!

Siri: To be honest, if Break-fest was a festival with pancakes and waffles and chocolate mini weetabix etc, I would get tickets no matter what it was celebrating. Brexit or no Brexit, that sounds incredible.

Image result for waffles

Chris: Yes, it is, but I am going to vote no confidence in myself. Can I do that?

Siri: Yes.

Chris: People can do that to each other. Guys, i’ve got a great idea.

Siri: Tell us! Tell us!

Chris: Every time you buy a table from IKEA and it’s a bit wobbly and you can’t put it together, table a vote of no confidence!

Siri: Oh I absolutely will! Although to be honest I’d probably just return it to IKEA. A vote of no confidence seems like a waste of time and effort when there’s a table that needs to be built.

Chris: Isn’t it always a waste of time?

Siri: Ummmm. yes.

Chris: If we ever ask, I’m going to table a vote of no confidence against you, and you can do the same against me. Then, you see, if we keep using tables of no confidence, the word will lose all meaning and it’ll be quite enjoyable to watch, on ITV on iPlayer, on Netflix…. I table a motion to end this blogisode. All in favour.

Siri: I wouldn’t say I’m in favour, but time is just about up.

Chris: So until next week, don’t lower the self esteem of any tables by telling them you have no confidence in them, or indeed any furniture. Peace.

Advertisements
Posted in Comedy, Humor, Humour, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Theresa May’s Trapped in My Monitor

Oh my God everybody, it’s the first blogisode of 2019! God, the year is growing up fast. It can now vote, it’s been driving for a year, earn the minimum wage for 18 year olds… and all this talk about 2019 leads us to a new year but the same old blogisode. 

Chris: Oh hey guys, and hey Siri! Welcome to the future.

Siri: Hello Chris, how is your year so far?

Chris: My year so far is great, but it’s about to be even greater because we are about to do the first blogisode of 2019 [insert fireworks here}!

Siri: You really need an actual firework addition to your life. Or party poppers at least!

Chris: How do people know we haven’t set them off.

Siri: Guys, all look out of your windows right now, and you’ll see Mundanevision’s fireworks.

Chris: Or just stay by the computers and look at your computer desktops.

Siri: Also perfectly reasonable.

Chris: Or print some windows on your computer and look at that.

Siri: Or google ‘fireworks’. Probably the best way to guarantee a sighting.

Chris: Basically what I am trying to say is Mundanevision fireworks are everywhere, even if they’re not specifically Mundanevision’s, they are.

Siri: So otherwise, Chris, how’s 2019 going?

Chris: Oh, 2019 is great, my book Gerry Saves Christmas is now on Audbile!

Siri: Woo, fireworks, excitement, party poppers!

Chris: We’ve really outdone the budget for this blogisode.

Siri: Sadly this means maybe we won’t be able to buy snacks next time. But that’s okay, Mundanevision goes on.

Chris: Oh, there’s always budget for snacks.

Siri: Who’s in charge of our budget, is it the Sloth?

Chris: It is always the Sloth, because the Sloth does everything we can’t/don’t want to do, and trust me guys, we can’t do a lot.

Siri: True, we talk and type and that’s as far as it goes.

Chris: And I would like to say that people listen, but do they?

Siri: Of course, people always listen to you, Chris… or do they…

Chris: I checked on the last blogisode we did before Christmas and apparently, because it wasn’t tagged, nobody liked it.

Siri: Oh and Siri is in charge of tags! So I get credit for the likes in that case!

Chris: That’s you Siri! My god.

Siri: Anything on the agenda today?

Chris: Well we could talk about Trump storming out of a board meeting like a petulant child, but that really wouldn’t be new.

Siri: Ooh tell me more, what happened in this meeting?

Chris: He apparently banged the desk and stormed out when people refused to fund his wall. Wait a minute! I think I’ve solved everything!

Siri: How how?

Chris: Well, Trump wants to build a wall and can’t get it, and Brexit is at dead lock because nobody can decide the border for Ireland…

Siri: mmhmm…

Chris: So if we move Trump’s wall over to England, it’s sorted!

Siri: Hey! There we go! All of Brexit is magically solved!

Chris: Granted the entire Irish population will have to be armed with caribenas and take climbing lessons before this takes effect, but there will be a border – problem solved!

Siri: Yep, no problem of where to put it or how easy it will be to cross or what the migration will be like, or what will happen on roads that go in and out of norther ireland 7 times. All. Problems. Gone.

Chris: Well, I’ve solved the above problems as well. If Netflix commissioned an instructional video on how this would work there’d be no problems, because everybody loves Netflix.

Siri: Very true. In fact, maybe Netflix could create an interactive video on solving Brexit. Have all the various options and people can make decision about what they want and see how that goes.

Chris: So come on Netflix, in 2019 make some original Brexit content.

Siri: Just what everyone needs, to hear more about Brexit. Although we did watch a really good movie about Brexit the other day. Right, Chris?

Chris: Yes. For viewers who don’t know, we say “we watched everything” because we really do watch everything. For friends outside the blogisode, you can confirm that that’s true. Anyway, it was called Brexit: The Uncivil War.

Image result for an uncivil war

Siri: It had Benedict Cumberbatch in it.

Image result for an uncivil war

Chris: You know that Benedict Cumberbatch is a phrase that will make people stop reading whatever they are reading or doing whatever they are doing and go and watch whatever it is that he’s in. So please stay in your seats and stay until the end of the blogisode and then watch it. You will be rewarded. By rewarded I don’t mean you’ll be granted entry into the EU. But you never know, if you watch it 10 more times, things might happen.

Siri: I think, with all these new dating apps and websites, there should be a place where you can confirm whether you have UK citizenship or EU citizenship. That way, instead of selecting whether you prefer women or men or other, you could select whether you wanted an EU partner or a UK partner. That way, members of the EU could keep their UK citizenship through their new spouse, and UK citizens could remain part of the EU through their spouse. I think it would be brilliant.

Chris: That actually is a fantastic idea, I’m worried about my ships.

Siri: I also heard of a great project about a second referendum I think, called ‘UK, you ‘kay?’ which I think is brilliant. I can’t believe I’ve been from the UK my whole life and never thought of that.

Chris: That is fantastic. At this point I’m so disillusioned with the entire Brexit thing, that a second referendum just sounds like a really bad boy band.

Siri: There’s no such thing as a really bad boy band, boy bands are by definition brilliant. Come on, look at N Sync’s phenomenal lyrics! They were musical genii. And everyone can relate to that.

Chris: They were, and so our second referendum because people WANT a second referendum. I keep hearing phrases like ‘do you want a second referendum?’ ‘yeah that would be great!’

Siri: Oh what is the world coming too. Can you think of a less depressing thing to talk about before we finish off?

Chris: No.

Siri: Same, man, same.

Chris: I rather worrying thing that word press has got rid of the word count, so we’ve got no idea where we are, so we could talk indefinitely until the computer gets red hot and we can no longer touch the keyboard.

Siri: I think it will run out of battery before then Chris, but maybe we should keep typing just to find out? A red hot keyboard could be fun?

Chris: Oh, isn’t Red Hot Keyboard the support act for the Second Referendum?

Siri: Absolutely, with hits such as ‘My Keys are on Fiiiire’ and ‘QWERTY’.

Chris: And don’t forget Burning Mouse and Paper Jam.

Siri: And Why won’t you turn on? Try the reset button.

Chris: And Theresa May is Trapped in My Monitor?

Siri: Yes, that’s their hit featuring the Second Referendum. Theresa May is Trapped in my Monitor, by Red Hot Keyboard and The Second Referendum.

Chris: So many words guys, I hope you can read all these words! To give you a fighting chance, we will see you next week. Peace!

Posted in 21ST CENTURY, Comedy, Film, Humour, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Panicking Blogisode!

Hey guys, it’s Christmas! Decorate the presents and wrap up the tree. If you’re still panicking, here’s some panic blogging for you… Deep breath, let’s do this. 

Chris: Merry Christmas Siri!

Siri: Merry Christmas Chris! And happy Christmas Eve Eve today. How’s it going in not so snowy Exeter?

Chris: It’s really good, how are you?

Siri: I am fantastic, tired, but two more sleeps until Christmas!

Chris: Yeah! I can’t believe this is our last blogisode before Christmas.

Siri:  I know, and before the New Year too.

Chris: I literally can’t believe how much typing we’ve done this year – or how much typing you’ve done and how much talking I’ve done.

Siri: And don’t forget how much producing the Sloth has done!

Chris: Yes, he’s tired out from all that button pushing.

Siri: Aren’t we all. Certainly university must be tired from pushing my buttons this year.

Chris: Ooh, and lifts must be tired from having people push their buttons. Shout out to all the lifts out there! What other blog on the planet does that?

Siri: There are no blogs like Mundanevision. Dorothy said it first, there are no blogs like Mundanevision.

Chris: I didn’t know Dorothy was in today.

Image result for dorothy

Siri: Yes, the weather’s been pretty mild so I don’t think she’s been blown away in any tornadoes or sucked into any whirlpools, or swept off in a any snow storms. That I know of, anyway.

Chris: She is supporting a very nice ruby wedding ring, she must have got married.

Siri: I suppose she must have! Not to Toto, I imagine.

Chris: Watch it, Africa is a good song.

Siri: Don’t I know it. Did you know that there won’t be snow in Africa this Christmas?

Chris: I think it’s great that we have Band Aid every year to remind us that there won’t be snow. Although with global warming happening you never know!

Siri: The last time I saw a significant quantity of snow was actually in Africa a few years ago. So really, it’s Africa that should be singing ‘there won’t be snow in England this Christmas’.

Chris: Are you telling me that Band Aid are now lying to us?

Siri: I guess so. Because let me tell you this, the top of Kilimanjaro was pretty snowy.

Image result for kilimanjaro snow

Chris: Stupid American word for plasters.

Siri: I know, typical. American words are always predicting the weather incorrectly. Cotton Candy once told me there’d be a snow storm.

Chris: Cotton candy – don’t get me started on reese’s pieces. They haven’t done anything to my knowledge yet, but you know they’re biting their time!

Siri: Well when they do annoy you, you can just say ‘do you want a piece of me?’

Chris: eyyyyy. Public Service announcement for Mundanevision this Christmas Time. When you’re sitting around enjoying your box of Roses Chocolates or Quality Street, just remember that they k now, and they are plotting. It’s only a matter of time. I think the dessert called death by chocolate is related to all of them.

Siri: I think you must be right. And don’t get me started on black forest gateau. Who knows what goes on in that forest…

Chris: I’ve tried shining a torch at it, but it just melts! Typical.

Siri: Don’t you mean a flashlight? A flashlight once tried to tell me it would never rain again. Stupid American words.

Chris: But they have the best president, and the best walls.

Siri: Ah yes, at least there’s someone there working to make America great again. Thank goodness.

Chris: Next year Trump will probably say America has achieved more, and say ‘we’ve done it, we’ve made America great again!’

Siri: Yep, but let’s not spend this Christmas dwelling on Trump. So things are going great in the UK, some drones put our country in chaos for three days. That was a thing that happened here at Christmas.

Chris: Yes, stop droning on about it, news, honestly!

Siri: I know, they just keep whirring on. Articles flying everywhere. I just don’t know how to stop it – much like the entire British army didn’t know how to stop the drones.

Chris: Conspiracy theory, do you think it’s Santa controlling them from the North Pole because he wants a clear round this year? No planes in the way?

Siri: Come to think of it, that was probably a test run. I imagine that in a few days time, well, on Christmas Eve, all the airports all over the world will have interfering drones, controlled by well-stationed elves, so Father Christmas has the sky completely clear.

Chris: I think Rudolph will be in on it too somehow. Maybe with his nose so bright, he can blind all pilots.

Siri: Yes. Is he kind of like Pinocchio? But instead of his nose growing when he lies, it just shines red? So you could say ‘Rudolph, did you have anything to do with the drone attacks?’ and he’d say no and it would be a blinding light from his nasal cavities.

Chris: Either that or he’s got a bit of dementia now, and he thinks that it’s red nose day all the time!

Siri: True! I quite like that theory. Like he’s being charitable all year round.

Chris: Some of the above facts might be true, but we’ll leave you to find out which ones! Until after Christmas guys, peace.

Image result for christmas tree
Posted in Comedy, Entertainment, Humour, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Sticker Madness

Hey guys, put some mistletoe on the cat and decorate the pudding, it is time for the proper edition of Mundanevision! It’s Thursday guys, we are back, hoorah! Let’s do this properly… your weekly outlet of the weird and wonderful is here!

Chris: Hey Siri!

Siri: Now how did I know you were going to say that?

Chris: It’s a Christmas miracle!

Siri: Very true, the ghost of Christmas future/yet to come probably told me.

Chris: That’s funny because the ghost of Mundanevision future told me – which was me, so very weird!

Siri: Yes, you talking to yourself is supposedly the first sign of madness. So I think we’re all mad here…

Chris: Oh no, I didn’t mean to evoke the 80s band, Madness! What are the other signs that they’re coming? Is it when I start wearing baggy trousers or have a house in the middle of the street?

Image result for madness

Siri: I mean, your trousers are already pretty baggy… and your house is in the middle between two streets, so…

Chris: Oh my god, if I turn into Suggs half way through this blogisode, what kind of blogisode would that make Mundanevision, you a vampire and me an 80s ska star!

Siri: Is there a better kind of blog to be?

Chris: Yes, just be ourselves.

Siri: Be yourself, unless you can be a vampire 80s ska star, and then be a 80s vampire ska star!

Chris: People say they’re not familiar with ska music, but they get ska after every operation so they must be!

Siri: Oof, witty word play,  I applaud you.

Chris: Is witty word play the new board game from Hasborough? Get it for Christmas, fun for the entire family! Pick your opponent and see if you can out wit them before they out wit you!

Siri: Ooh I like it, yesterday was books, tomorrow is Chris’s original board games. Look at you, expanding your market and area of expertise.

Chris: Tomorrow, you mean today, right?

Siri: True. As my old school motto said, tomorrow begins today. Not sure that’s strictly true, but it was our motto nonetheless, and I understood the sentiment.

Chris: Today becomes tomorrow at 12 o’clock… are you sure you didn’t attend a vampire school.

Siri: I would prefer not to comment on what school I did or did not go to… please ask no further questions as I wouldn’t want to give anything away…

Chris: I bet it was a night school! Anyway, enough of this vampire talk. It sucks.

Siri: yes, it sucks deeply.

Chris: Enough with this bloody conversation!

Siri: Is there anything in particular you wanted to talk about today Chris?

Chris: I’ve got a theory that the owner of Amazon is a ferret.

Image result for ferret

Siri: Go on…

Chris: I haven’t actually seen the owner of Amazon and things happen overnight, and there’s always little presents in the morning.

Siri: That’s true, all those are things that ferrets and Amazon have in common….

Chris: Or other animals!

Siri: Like what? Badgers?

Chris: Badgers would make good runners, because ready SET go…

Siri: I don’t get it.

Chris: Badgers live in sets. Or do they? Maybe you collect them in sets.

Siri: I bow completely to your superior knowledge on this matter. I know nothing about badgers except that they used to dig up my grandmother’s garden, so she used to stamp on the little mounds, hoping to give them a headache.

Chris: And they live in Redwall!

Siri: Yes, they live in Redwall. In sets.

Image result for badger brian jacques salamandastron

Chris: Our younger readers will be wondering what Redwall is. Is it part of  a book written by J. K. Rowling before Harry Potter? No. Redwall is a fantastic series of books written by Brian Jacques.

Siri: Yes, read it young blog-followers, READ IT!

Chris: You won’t be disappointed, or if you are, get help. You should not be. I guess there’s no one called Voldemort in it.

Siri: Voldemort, more like VoldeNOT AS GOOD AS BRIAN JACQUES. Was that a good one?

Chris: YES. That was a good one. You see, to anyone ever thinking of starting a blog like ours, always encourage your cohosts.

Siri: Yes, Chris is currently encouraging me to go and see MARY POPPINS next week!! Excellent encouragement, in my opinion.

Chris: You can’t see this readers, but Siri is currently covered in stickers saying ‘You Rock’.

Siri: Do you know what really rocks though?

Chris: The boat… that rocks…. School of Rock… Rock and Roll High School.

Siri: Oh, all of those are better than what I was actually going to say… I was going to say Geology. Geology rocks.

Chris: It does! Have another sticker!

Siri: Thank you, thanks man.

Chris: You know who also rocks?

Siri: No, who?

Chris: Dwayne Johnson, the rock.

Image result for dwayne johnson

Siri: Ooh that’s my favourite so far.

Chris: You can’t see this readers, but Siri has given me a sticker now! What a lovely sticker appreciation tribute this blogisode has turned out to be!

Siri: It certainly has, I just hope that we don’t earn so many stickers that we can’t see! Because our excellence is headed in that direction at the moment!

Chris: Use the force.

Siri: How? let’s teach the readers!

Chris: I don’t know, I’m not Yoda. Or am I?  You’ve never actually seen me, internet, so I could be small and green, with a lights abre.

Siri: Speaking of mythical fictional creatures, have you seen the video of Theresa May being Gollum?

Chris: No, but I bet it’s precious. HAAA!

Siri: Hahahaha, it absolutely is. She says ‘my precious’ a lot throughout the video, referring to the Brexit deal. But we’ve avoided a whirlwind here in the UK, it looked for a second like we were going to have another new Prime Minister.

Chris: I think there should be a version of the apprentice to select the new Prime Minister. Candidates, your task for today is to build a cabinet, starting from scratch with the wooden logs. If you can achieve this, you’re prime minister.

Siri: I think with that kind of tough criteria, we’ll probably never find a prime minister! Not that that’s such a terrible thing.

Chris: Candy 28 has put the cabinet together and is now prime minister. “Well, I would like to thank my mum for her support, and making me read all those self-assembly plans, they really paid off! And now I’ve built this cabinet, I’m hoping to build a better future, but there’s always one piece missing… you’ve got a screw loose!”

Siri: And with that, our new Prime Minister has been chosen! Candy 28 will be moving into 10 Downing Street tomorrow.

Chris: So really it should be Candy 38, because she’s moved to number 10. And with that friends, we’ve fixed the world problems, so peace.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Vampire Book Club

Hey guys! Oh my god it’s a Wednesday, so we are doing this to catch up for the Thursday we missed, which means we are writing this blog in the future… ooh…. Let’s do this!

Chris: Hey Siri!

Siri: Good evening, Christopher. How is your day going?

Chris: My day is going fabulously! Did you just say good evening? Are you turning into a vampire? That’s what they always say, right?

Siri: Well I did visit Transylvania two months ago now, so I should be reaching the end of the transition period.

Chris: I have a question – when you become a vampire, how are you going to type this blogisode out? Because they can’t type with those long nails! Have you ever even seen a vampire at a computer? I don’t think this blogisode would be as entertaining for the internet if all you do is float each week.

Siri: I guess I’ll just have to be the first vampire who cuts their nails?

Chris: Is that even allowed under the rules of the vampire club.

Image result for vampires

Siri: I will be their leader, I will run the vampire club, and then I can set whatever rules I like.

Chris: Can I join? I’m not a vampire, but I’ve seen a lot of vampire films.

Siri: Which one’s your favourite? Based on that I will decide whether to accept or reject your request for membership.

Chris: I’m feeling under pressure now… Sloth, bring me a list of vampire films on a piece of parchment, written in blood!

Siri: Don’t forget that it can’t smell of garlic!

Chris: No! Nothing will smell like garlic, get all the garlic cloves out of here!

Image result for garlic

Siri: Poor sloth, all he ever wanted to do was be a producer and now he’s running all these garlic related errands for a club of vampires.

Chris: Can’t you make him into the first vampire sloth?

Siri: An excellent point, I’m not sure. In any of these movies have there ever been animals that aren’t human bitten by vampires? Vampire dogs or cats? You can’t say bats, vampire bats is cheating.

Chris: Well, in Midnight Texas there was a were-tiger.

Siri: That’s not a vampire though, still. You can’t just list different things and pretend they’re the same when they’re not. Cheat.

Chris: I will just list animals and put vampire in front of them and see it it works. I’ve got it! Vampire rabbit? Vampire gerbil? Vampire ferret?

Siri: Cheating! Again!

Chris: Right, back to films, my favourite film has to be Nosfuratu. Or a vampire comedy, What They Do In the Shadows, or Shaun of the Dead, which is actually nothing to do with vampires but still an excellent film.

Image result for Nosferatu

Siri: Wow, that’s quite a collection. I’ve only ever seen a few. I read a vampire book once though, Salem’s Lot by Stephen King.

Chris\: Is that about a car park? A haunted car park.

Siri: No, that would be Salem’s Parking Lot, and would probably be very different. This was a standard vampire book. Have you ever read any books with vampires?

Chris: I’m trying to think of a book with a vampire… out of all the vampire books I’ve read… no I don’t think I have! OH, there was a vampire in Terry Pratchett, it was a sun glass tester! And a photographer.

Siri: That sounds incredible, I’ll have to give that a try. If vampires can give human flesh a try, I think I can give reading a try too.

Chris: That is very good logic! Anyway, the reason we weren’t here for the last three weeks is I’ve been busy working on a secret project. Secret from this blog anyway. Should I tell them, Siri?

Siri: Ooh, I think so, but maybe give them some clues first. Keep them in suspense a bit.

Chris: Okay. So the thing I’ve been working on involves pictures.

Siri: And it could even have a vampire animal in it… if a vampire went to Africa and bit this animal, that is!

Chris: Yes, true. It has words in it.

Siri: Hmm… something with pictures and words… what ever could it be?

Chris: And I didn’t just get a brochure of upcoming films from the cinema!

Siri: Ooh, I think it’s time to tell them – it’s not like they can respond before we post this anyway!

Chris: Well… I’ve been very busy working on my SECOND degree…. no, no! I joke. I’ve been working on my second batch of brownies! No, haha… ooh I’ve almost forgotten. One second, it’s coming back to me…

Image result for brownies

Siri: CHRIS, it was a book!

Chris: Oh, that’s right, it was a book! I have written a children’s book! So if any of you have children, this is the book you should get.

Siri: I mean, you still haven’t told them what it’s called, Chris.

Chris: Just buy a children’s book! You’ll get to it. It’s an idea I first hit upon when writing a blogisode. Remember, I wanted to give the big advertisers a run for there money, to beat John Lewis, and I came up with the idea that a boy could not reach the top of a Christmas tree, and he gets given a magical giraffe called Gerry who helps him decorate it. Do you remember that? Siri, nobody is saying anything.

Siri: Chris, I’ve warned you about this. Only a few seconds ago in fact. They can’t reply until we’ve posted this.

Chris: Wow. So do I need stamps.

Siri: Please know my eyes are rolling at you.

Chris: They actually are, quick sloth, cut to Siri’s eyes please!

Siri: Don’t cut them out though please, Sloth!

Chris: So, it’s the idea I came upon first when thinking about doing a Mundanevision advertising campaign in book form.

Siri: Sounds pretty clever to me, except if you’re trying to advertise Mundanevision in the book you’re not doing very well, as it’s not actually mentioned…

Chris: No no, that’s just where the idea came from. Anyway guys, please please go on Amazon and check it out, and maybe order it for you, for your kids, for someone else’s kids. It’s in both kindle and paperback editions! Wow, that word count flew by!

Siri: Wait a second Chris, I’m just going to give the people what they want, the link to Gerry Saves Christmas, and also the name, as you still hadn’t said it! https://www.amazon.co.uk/Gerry-Saves-Christmas-Christopher-Long-ebook/dp/B07KYW1D87/ref=pd_cart_vw_2_1?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B07KYW1D87&pd_rd_r=61c9059f-158c-43a0-b509-db8cc7b76f12&pd_rd_w=adDtp&pd_rd_wg=wZ7Z5&pf_rd_p=fee134da-5d03-4485-b258-dc1154bfb594&pf_rd_r=KDC2RM40C31Z5VFFFZ0B&psc=1&refRID=KDC2RM40C31Z5VFFFZ0B

 

Gerry Saves Christmas by [Long, Christopher]

Right, over to you Chris!

Chris: That blogisode just flew by, as if it was carried by a heron, on the wings of darkness.

Siri: or a robin, since it’s Christmas!

Chris: Yes. Anyway, before we get into an infinite bird-listing route, we’ll get back to our regular blog-writing day tomorrow, which is… well… tomorrow! Peace.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Get to the Point.

No, you just pop your egg in your mouth and breathe in- Oh, sorry guys, I was just teaching my grandma how to suck eggs. Right, let’s write a blogisode! Sorry, Grandma, sit in the chair, Countdown is on. And before I get letters or emails saying that I’m a terrible person for subjecting my Grandma to countdown, my grandma is not actually hey, but HEY LOOK SIRI IS!

Chris: Hey Siri!

Siri: Hey Chris! And hey guys! One second, I’m going to go and get some moisturiser.

Chris: You’re back! Are you suitably moisturised?

Siri: My hands are, and they are what counts for writing a blogisode!

Chris: I know that you’re using E45 – not to be confused with P45 which is what the Sloth thought you meant!

Image result for e45

Siri: frequently confused words, I’m sure.

Chris: Is a P45 something to do with work? I don’t know because this is my work, to be honest!

Siri: Yeah, we probably should have some idea… but I think it’s something to do with leaving a job, so I guess we’ll only find out when Mundanevision ends. Therefore, hopefully never.

Chris: So, in case you’re interested in this news, we are typing this on a new, very responsive keyboard! They won’t be interested, they don’t care how the magic happens.

Siri: I do though, I’m relaxing back in a lying-downy-chair and enjoying the wirelessness of the keyboard. It’s magnificent.

Chris: Yes, I noticed you are holding a megaphone too to shout up to me, you’re that low.

Siri: Low in geographical location, high in spirit! That’s me!

Chris: Heyyy! You know that song I Come From A Land Down Under by Men At Work?

Siri: I certainly do, I used to listen to that on my dad’s record player!

Image result for men at work

Chris: I wonder where they left their work at? I wonder if in the music industry they’ve got a p45, since they’ve probably finished their work.

Siri: Almost certainly. But we’re going to have to stop talking about all this moisturising and p45, because it’s somehow triggering the thought of Article 50, which is not something I wanted to be triggered.

Chris: Oh my god, so you’re telling me that Mundanevision is so powerful that we’re triggering Article 50 right now?

Siri: You’d hope that if it’s powerful enough to do that, it’s powerful enough to reverse time and change everything. But alas, we do not have those abilities here at Mundanevision.

Chris: Theresa May, if you’re about to trigger Article 50, go back to article 26 – it’s got a lovely review of the new Matt Damon film. And may I draw your attention to article 6 – it’s a lovely article on the skin care regime.

Image result for article 50 newspaper

Siri: Is this skin care regime e45?

Chris: It’s definitely not P45! Anyway, enough of these comparisons and puns between E45 and P45, it’s a slippery slope once you start going down that road!

Siri: Yes you’re right. Going back to Matt Damon, do you know what I consider his best piece of work? His masterpiece?

Chris: No, please go on, and please tell me it’s team America world police.

Siri: It is not. It is, in fact, his 11 minute long SNL sketch in which he plays Brett Kavanaugh. Have you heard of it?

Chris: We have watched it together many many times.

Image result for matt damon brett

Siri: Many times.

Chris: or did we?

Siri: I don’t know. Memory is a tricky thing. I guess we’ll let the court decide on that one.

Chris: Thoughts can slip off, just like if they’re coated in E45. No! Let’s stop this. Hey, audience members or anyone reading this.

Siri: Can I just interrupt and say who on earth could be reading this except for audience members? The one criterion for audience members is that they are reading this…

Chris: Hahaha! Theresa May might get it confused with Article 50.

Siri: Oh, I suppose you’re not wrong. Ish. I’ll allow it. So what were you going to say?

Chris: Anyway, forget about audience members, I don’t want to talk to them anymore. This is not House of Cards, where you have to speak directly to the camera – or webcam, in our case. Although if Kevin Spacey said “so, audience members” every time he looked at the camera and did a direct address, it would be less hard-hitting I feel, and more of a comedy.

Siri: I think you’re probably right. Chris, I am just going to point out that you’ve talked for quite a while now about how you want to tell the audience members something, and yet you’re still going off on a tangent and haven’t actually told them anything yet.

Chris: What?! I’m going off on a tangerine? Right! Enough digression. What is that word, digression, distression?

Siri: Shh. Get to the point Chris.

Chris: I would never make a good politician. Wait! Maybe I will, because they never get to the point. Hmm… so, I guess I’d never make a good sword!

Siri: Do you have any ambitions in the less popular side of blacksmithing?

Image result for pointy sword

Chris: I thought you were going to talk about my ambition generally, and my ambition to spit it out before the one thousand word limit is up. You know how they release a Jurassic Park film every year?

Siri: Huh. I actually had not noticed that.

Chris: Or maybe it’s not every year – can we pause the show and google this?

Hold music. Please stay on the screen. Your reading is important to us. 

Chris: Guys. So. You know how they release the Jurassic Park/World films every three to four years?

Siri: Of course! I’ve always known that!

Chris: Wow… Of course you have, we just gave the viewers or readers the illusion of us googling it so they wouldn’t think we are supreme beings, omniscient, in the bodies of blogisode writers.

Siri: Yes, we want to maintain the conspiracy that we are regular humans.

Chris: nuuu. RIGHT, so-

Siri: You still haven’t go tto the point.

Chris: SO, you know that Jurassic Park films are every three to four years, yes yes yes. I think we’ve figured out what dinosaur’s do the rest of the time.

Siri: Ah yes. Go ahead.

Chris: Especially the t-rexes. They get retrained as assistants in Argos.

Image result for jurassic park

Siri: And Boots! And the Post Office!

Chris: Because every time you go in there they have the product you want behind the counter but you have to wait so long for it. The only plausible explanation I can figure is that they have dinosaur’s back there with really short arms, so they can’t actually reach the high shelves! I would like to commend Boots, Argos and the Post Office for giving dinosaurs work in between Jurassic Park films.

Siri: Yes, sometimes quotas are nice, as Doctor Who showed us. Let’s just hope the dinosaurs don’t rise up and defeat us and take our electronic items from Argos.

Chris: But I for one commend this training scheme. If you, dear reader, are a dinosaur and want to make the most of this training scheme, all you have to do is roar. Oh no it’s the same ending as last week! All we have to do is trigger article 50 – oh no, what have I said?

Siri: Quick Chris, say goodbye!

Chris: That’s our blogisode guys, see you next week! (Confetti canon) Peace.

Posted in Comedy, Entertainment, Humor, Humour, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

well that never happen

Hey guys

Chris here

As we all know yesterday I tried posting without the my co-host Siri I have decided to remove the aforementioned post and come back with a bang next week I know that this is depriving some of you of your laughter work out for the week for which I can only apologise on reflection I do not feel right about posting a blog without  my co-host on the blog with me we will be back soon in the meantime there lots of old episodes some of which you may not have read some some of which you may have read and want to read again and some you may want to read out loud for the amusement of family and friends if you are doing the last of these thank you we may have new fans by next week hopefully peace

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Unexpected Item in Blogging Area

Hey guys! Guess who’s back? If you guessed ‘Mundanevision’, you win a prize! Look who it is, it’s SIRI! 

Chris: Hello!

Siri: Hello, am I the prize?

Chris: No no, I want to keep you doing this blogisode every week so they can’t win you. Maybe a Siri action figure.

Siri: I’d like that. I guessed Mundanevision, so I should win an action figure of myself too.

Chris: Oh my god, you win you! How meta is this?

Siri: So true. And is there a better prize?

Image result for action figure girl

Chris: Well you could win an action figure of me, so it’s debatable whether that’s better than an action figure of you.

Siri: Yeah, I think we should run more competitions so people are able to win both of us.

Chris: Absolutely. If you want a little Siri and Chris in your house, please make it yourself on a 3D printer.

Siri: Yes, and make extras and send them to us as a thank you for the show. See how we’ve turned an award for you guys into a present for ourselves which you have to make?

Chris: Yes, it’s like Blue Peter. Blue Peter can make anything, right, he’s blue!

Siri: It reminds me of a TV show where a guitarists holds up a clipboard and sheet of paper and says ‘if you want to receive emails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer’.

Chris: And that guitarist was Eric Clapton.

Siri: Yup, that’s how he made his fortune.

Chris: Anyway, I have exciting news…

Siri: OOOH, tell us more…

Chris: We may or may not have a fictitious sponsor for the show.

Siri: All exciting news involves fictitious parties. Who is this sponsor?

Chris: So it’s a night club in London called Geometry.

Siri: I feel a pun coming on…

Chris: And all they say about themselves is, and I’m quoting here, “if you want to throw some shapes on the dance floor, please throw some geometry!”

Siri: Hilarious one, who was the genius who came up with that? Was it you Chris?

Image result for geometry

Chris: Don’t bang off Geometry, it’s really hard to get into!

Siri: I’ll agree with that! I hope we get some more thrilling sponsors next week. Maybe they can fund our action figures.

Chris: What would the action for your action figure be?

Siri: Can it be sleep?

Chris: Yes, the are far too many awake action figures in the world. We need to address the balance and have some sleeping ones.

Image result for sleeping cartoon

Siri: Yeah, the real diversity problem with action figures involves their levels of consciousness. I’m bringing representation!

Chris: I mean, Superman, Wonderwoman, Batman are all awake, so I think we need a sleeping one.

Siri: That’ll be me. What will your action be, Chris?

Chris: My action will be… hmm… can my action be something as mundane as spreading happiness? I don’t know whether any action figure does that? Or bringer of hot chocolate?

Siri: In my opinion you are already doing that action extremely well in Mundanevision form, so I would suggest adding another action and expanding your skillset. So hot chocolate bringing could work.

Chris: Right, you know me well, pick an action for me.

Siri: Ooh, I should’ve given this some more thought. I’d say super cool hair styling skills?

Chris: Wow, yes.

Siri: Because then you’re still able to bring all the happiness you already bring, but also affect every hair on their heads.

Chris: If I carried hot chocolate though, and was fighting a super villain, all I’d have to do is spill a bit of the hot chocolate and the villain would go flying. Like in a cartoon, where they spin out of control and make a whirring sound as they crash against the floor.

Siri: I love it, hot chocolate carrying it is then. What a great action.

Chris: We could always defeat Donald Trump that way. Oh man, these satyres again!

Siri: He especially would be weakened by spilling hot chocolate, as cocoa beans come from Latin America and we know how he feels about Mexico…

Image result for cocoa beans

Chris: Yes. If anyone was worried about last week, we’re fine. I just spent the whole of last week climbing up from the depths of hell. It turns out the crew had just gone to subway for some sandwiches, so they hadn’t disappeared into an alternate reality.

Siri: Chris… I thought you said we didn’t have a crew… so who are these people…

Chris: Oh my god! What, you mean they don’t work here?! No wonder they’re in Tesco uniforms!

Siri: I hope they at least brought us food. Preferably Marks and Spencer’s florentines though!

Chris: Yeah, they have got food. Get back to your product scanning in Tescos, you fiends!

Siri: Yeah, SCRAM.

Image result for vampire cartoon

Chris:  There’s an unexpected item in the bagging area.

Siri: Hopefully it’s not a ghost of a vampire this time.

Chris: Look at them scatter! Someone is coming to help you!

Siri: I would like to thank everyone that helps me out at the self service check out machines though, they can take a while to figure out. And I like to give credit where credit is due.

Chris: Oh, my bank manager likes to do that!

Siri:  Hahaha, of course he does. Not quite in as nice a way though I bet.

Chris: If you need people to help you with the self checkouts, are they really self checkouts?

Siri: Nah, they probably should be called self checkouts at first until something goes wrong inexplicably and you need to wait for the flashing lights and automated voices for a while as someone who works there comes and helps you so then it becomes an assisted check out check out. Right? Catchy!

Chris: Bit of a long winded title, so lets just call them self check outs. Have you ever tried to check yourself out, people look at you strangely.

Siri: The person who looks at me strangest is the girl in my reflection though.

Chris: Although I think when you’re huddled in the bagging area trying to fit yourself in the bag, that invokes some strange looks from other customers.

Siri: Oh, is that not socially acceptable? Whoops. Better stop trying to fit myself in tescos bags then. I guess it was a waste of 5p every time.

Chris: I think it is, but other people are strange.

Siri: You’re so right.

Chris: Thank you very much for reading, and watching. Not really watching, but you looked at the screen, so that counts! Until next week, someone is gonna help you. Peace.

Posted in Comedy, Humour, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pumpkin Paraphernalia

One day Chris and Siri walked into the Mundanevision studios to record a blogisode to find the lights were not working and something’s scrawled on the wall which they had not previously seen. It said that in a time of great darkness, one blogisode will rise to push back the undead and bring light back to the blogisphere… That blog, dear reader, is the one you are reading right now. Welcome to the Mundanevision Halloween Special!!!!!!

Chris: Hey Siri. Glad we got the lights fixed!

Siri; I am too Chris, it was pretty spooky when they were all off and we first walked in. I am fully expecting some kind of explosion and vampires crawling through the walls or something. My guard is up this halloween.

Chris: Yes, well I guess you could say that every day is Halloween in the world we live in, with Trump and Brexit and such. It’s a scary place to be. Political satire for you there!

Siri: Yes, in a way, Halloween is one of the least scary nights of the year, because at least we’re expecting spooky things to happen, and can forget about politics and deaths for one night!

Chris: Did someone put political sa-tyres on my chair? Can someone move it please because otherwise I’ll be talking like this all blogisode!

Siri: I think there were people hiding in my dressing room. Ready to jump out at me when I go back in there.

Image result for pink unicorn

Chris: Oh no, there’s nothing there, it’s just dancing pink unicorns!

Siri: Oh, not scary at all! Unless they’re dancing pink unicorns with a twist, like maybe they’ve just been put in a blender?

Chris: Why does everybody expect the spirits who come back to be malevolent on Halloween? Why can’t it be dancing pink unicorns?

Siri: It’s a good point, and one that the writers of Coco probably thought of. Have you seen that movie?

Image result for coco

Chris: No, I’ve not seen Coco, but as regulars know, on this show, we do like hot chocolate – so perhaps I should!

Siri: Well hot chocolate does cure all stress and ills. So hot chocolate while watching Coco, while dressed up as hot chocolate for Halloween, that would be the most relaxing thing ever. But Coco is a really nice Disney movie set in Latin America, where every year all the spirits of dead ancestors return, and they’re not malevolent at all, they’re mostly very lovely people!

Chris: Wait, it’s set in Latin America? Trump won’t like it! Oh no, I’m doing it again!!! I thought I told you to take those wheels off!

Siri: Come on crew, get on it! Wait… Chris… Where’s the crew…

Chris: I don’t know, they were here a minute ago…

Siri: As my father would say: spooky wooky wooky!

Chris: Or maybe they are here… do you think all that cocoa we’re drinking has hallucinogenic properties?

Siri: Almost certainly, but most of my existence relies on hallucinations. And actually, maybe all of life is one big hallucination…. …

Chris: Oh my god, that’s very Matrix.

Siri: I wouldn’t know, I haven’t seen the Matrix yet!

Chris: Do you think if you say Morpheus’s name three times he will appear?

Siri: I don’t know, but I don’t think we should risk saying Morpheus a third time… Speaking of movies, guess what we’re watching this Halloween?

Image result for morpheus matrix

Chris: It’s not the best horror franchise on planet earth is it.

Siri: How did you know? Oh wait, because we spent the last half an hour before this blogisode downloading every movie in the franchise!

Chris: We’ve got to be careful not to say it’s name, because so many people just think it’s blood and gore, it’s insane.

Siri: Yes, well the people that think it’s just blood and gore and nothing more clearly never Saw it…

Image result for saw

Chris: Even my dad just focuses on the blood.

Siri: Which numbers of movies has he seen?

Chris: The second one. Because he bought it for me on DVD, but I feel like if he Saw the rest he would think they’re violent as well.

Siri: I actually think the second one is one of the least gorey. Having said that, remember the pit of needles? And the woman with her hands inside knife boxes? Such fun!

Chris: You see, the stories are so clever and psychological and brilliant that I don’t tend to remember any of the bloody bits, or even care that it’s bloody.

Siri: That sounds really nice. I remember the whole plot, because all of it is brilliant. I think I might watch a horror movie, or a thriller with my sister tomorrow too. Do you have any recommendations?

Chris: Yes. A Quiet Place is amazing.

Siri: Ah yes, Emily Blunt ❤ How could it not be fantastic?

Image result for a quiet place emily

Chris:  You see, I think Emily Blunt is very underrated as an actress. I didn’t like Girl on a Train, but I liked her in Girl on a Train, if that makes any sense at all.

Siri; It seems like just yesterday to me that we were talking about Girl on a Train on Mundanevision, the blogisode after we went to watch it at the cinema. How time flies, like a train on rails.

Chris: I can’t wait to see the next one – Girl on Replacement Bus Service.

Siri: Basically Siri’s life in film form.

Chris: Oh wait, did I already make that joke years ago? It’s scary the way my mind works! Good thing it’s Halloween!

Siri: I think either our readers’ memories are not that great, or they think you are making a reference to yourself intentionally. In both cases, you are the lord of the blogisphere.

Chris: This message scrawled on the wall, the one we saw when we came in, that we thought was written in blood, is in fact strawberry jam.

Siri: Just like in Harry Potter, where they thought it was written in blood but it was actually ketchup! I think I even prefer strawberry jam to ketchup.

Chris: I must commend the props department. Well done, prop people! Wait… Siri… Where’s the prop department…

Siri: Okay Chris, this is getting creepy now… What did you do with the props department? Do you think… do you think we’re in danger too…

Chris: I don’t think we ever had a props department, did we?

Siri: I can’t remember Chris, they’ve been wiped from my memory…

Chris: Please, if there’s anyone out there, help us! Did we have a props department? Are we even typing this blogisode? Or is it just a lot of side effects.

Siri: Chris, I’m scared.

Chris: What is going ooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn….????

halloweeEEEEEN.png

Posted in Comedy, Humour, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

That’s Blogbiz.

Hey humans. You know, it takes one to write a blog, two to write a blogisode! Welcome to Mundanevision!

Chris: Hey Siri!

Siri: Good afternoon, Chris!

Chris: How the devil are you? Disclaimer: I do not think Siri is the devil.

Siri: I’m very pleased to hear it, I was a bit worried for a second. But I’m good. Quite warm, but that’s because it’s sunny today, not because I’m in hell with the other devils.

Chris: And now you’ve put down the pitchfork, you look lovely and can type a lot better.

Image result for pitchfork

Siri: True. How are you, Chris?

Chris: I am good thank you. It is a lovely day outside, I hope our many many loyal followers are having a lovely day as well.

Siri: When you say followers so close to devil, it makes it sound like Mundanevision is some sort of satanic cult.

Chris: It’s almost Halloween, so it could be!

Siri: Do you have any plans to scare people this Halloween?

Chris: No, just with my jokes. I’m expecting reactions like “that was shockingly bad” or “that was scarily good”. Something along those lines. Remember last week when we talked about chocolate milk, which we are drinking again, a little peak behind the curtain of showbiz – or blogbiz, I guess!

Siri: Blogbiz. I like it. But next Mundanevision, next blogisode we’ll have to move on to another drink, as the Mundanevision studio has run out of Cadbury’s powder – through no fault of ours.

Chris: No. Ahh, Cadbury’s, the only grounded chocolate brand there is.

Siri: Cadbury’s, the only reason to visit the Midlands. I’m just joking, all you Midlands inhabitants, there are definitely other things worth seeing in Birmingham besides Cadbury’s chocolate factory!

Chris: List them…

Siri: Ummmmmmmmmmm…

Chris: ANYWAY. Good list. Anyway, remember when I was talking about the diseases and chocolate milk could cure, like Black Death or the Plague.

Siri: I certainly do, one of the best medical discoveries Mundanevision has had. What about it?

Cadbury's Hot Chocolate (1kg) - DiscountCoffee

Chris: I’m not sure people believed me when I said it cured Black Death and the Plague, but I say to you: have you suffered from those diseases in recent times? No? I rest my case. Thank you, Cadbury’s, thank you.

Siri: I wonder if Lindt or Nesquik chocolate milk would have the same curing effect?

Chris: Oh absolutely, Lindt are master chocolatiers!

Siri: No arguments from me there! Lindt is delicious. I’m so excited for advent calendar season!

Chris: At least the adverts tell me they’re master chocolatiers, I’m so susceptible to adverts that I’ve even taken out a policy with Direct Line in the hope that I get to see Harvey Keitel and it better work.

Siri: I’m sure there are easier ways of seeing him.

Image result for direct line advert

Chris: Not since the restraining order.

Siri: Ah, perhaps my recommendations are not the way to go. I was going to suggest that if you want to meet him, you should go down the hostage/kidnapping route. But perhaps you should instead pay someone else to kidnap him, someone without a restraining order, so it’s legal?

Chris: I thought about having myself kidnapped, but then Liam Neeson might show up to rescue me – I don’t want him, I want Harvey! Go away Liam, get out of the way.

Siri: Yes, definitely the only negative to being kidnapped is meeting Liam Neeson.

Image result for liam neeson taken

Chris: This is the only reason why I’m not kidnapping myself on a regular basis – I don’t want to meet the wrong celebrity.

Siri: Completely understandable. Have you ever tried accidentally slipping your mobile into their handbag or pocket? I hear that’s a great way of meeting celebrities, because then they call one of the numbers in your phone to figure out how to get your mobile back to you, and you get to meet up with them to retrieve it!

Chris: Wow, you’ve actually thought a lot about this.

Siri: I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work as well nowadays, with all these phone locks and everything. However, if you take it from another angle, a lot of phones have a tracking device so you’d know where the celebrity was for as long as your phone was in their possession for!

Chris: Are you a spy?

Siri: I would definitely tell you if I were… … …

Chris: I think I’ll stick with the Direct Line policy and the burst water pipe.

Siri: Understandable. A safer route, that’s less likely to get you arrested. Also you get to keep your mobile! Chris, you are a genius.

Chris: And giving your mobile to a spy so they will meet you sounds like a weird dating agency.

Siri: I think it might go down quite well, maybe I should start it?

Chris: I think we should do an advertisement for it right now, on Mundanevision! Do you want to meet a spy? Is meeting 007 just really inconvenient with your busy lifestyle? Then we have the solution for you! Give Your Mobile To A Spy at spymobile.com – you can meet Jason Bourne in seconds. He might not remember you but it will sure be memorable!

Siri: I love it, we’ll have thousands of clients/customers in minutes, and true love will be found by the end of the day!

Chris: Oh we must talk about the best thing that happened to us this week!

Siri: Oh yes, we definitely must, and we have just one hundred words to do it in, but I think it deserves a few more. Go on, Chris…

Chris: I don’t want to waste words, because then there’ll be fewer words.

Siri: Oh no, now we’re wasting more?! Tell them Chris!

Chris: We saw the film Bad Times at the El Royale.

Siri: And what did you think?

Chris: Well, contrary to the title, I had an AMAZING time at this hotel –  it was INCREDIBLE.

Image result for bad times at the el royale poster

Siri: I wholeheartedly agree. What a phenomenal film!

Chris: AND it was an original film – it wasn’t based on true events, a book, prequel, sequel, TV series or anything else!! It came out of someone’s brain. How can someone write like that?! It was magical.

Siri: It was by far the best film I’ve seen in a long time, and I’m telling everyone about it, and you all must go and see it.

Chris: Yes, everyone, if you like this blog at all, or just find it amusing or weird, GO SEE THIS FILM. Everything about it is good, the music, the storytelling, the acting, the writing, the camera work, EVERYTHING! If I was in charge of the Oscars, there’d only be one category this year, and that film would win.

Siri: I agree. It was just amazing.

Chris: It was like a mint – really refreshing.

Siri: And twist after twist after twist – so much that I didn’t see coming!

Chris: And we have our own twist – is this the end of the blogisode, or is it just the beginning? Peace.

Posted in Comedy, Humor, Humour, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment