Merry Christmas from Mundanevision!

mundanevision christmas

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The Giraffe Saves Christmas

Hey guys, welcome to the last blogisode before Christmas, well, for my co-host at least! Lets meet her now… hello Esther!

Esther:… Umm hey Chris? You know I’ve been here for like eight-ish weeks now right?

Chris: I was just building up suspense in a unique way. Plus the fact it’s what all the presenters on TV say!

Esther: That is true, you’re a born showman Chris.

Chris: I thought about lion taming but the sloth didn’t like it. Said it wouldn’t work on a blog for some reason. I’m not sure why… I think the wordpress lions would be quite an attraction for people!

Image result for lion taming

Esther: you might be onto something there. Maybe it’s a potential for future mundanevision?

Chris: It sounds better than the mundane lions… they sound really boring!

Esther: Yep I agree with you there. Maybe we could get more sloths and train them to ride unicycles or something.

Chris: Would you like to see the mundanevision lions? If you do, please comment on this blog! We could get a kick starter up and running.

Esther: Also someone please fund these lions, as I hear tamed lions are pretty pricey, and I don’t like our chances of having to tame wild lions…

Chris: Hey! If Blue Peter can do it, so can we! They never did a show without an animal. I know we’ve already got a sloth but I think lions would be amazing.

Esther: If we were to get lions, it might be a good idea to keep them away from the sloth. I feel like he wouldn’t stand much of a chance of survival otherwise

Chris: You don’t know, sloths might be really good at martial arts like karate. They just do it really really slowly.

Image result for sloth martial arts

Esther: Fine in theory, but in reality self-defence isn’t much use when you’ve already been eaten!

Chris: How do you know? You never expect your food to punch you from the inside!

Esther: Sounds like the lion’s equivalent of a person’s tummy bug, just a sloth’s practised martial arts routine fighting against his stomach.

Chris: Anyway, enough of this high brow talk of performing lions and karate sloths. Now it’s Christmas, I’m really concerned that if we leave the EU, what happens to Santa Claus? How does he get in the country? He’d have to get a 24 hour visa or something. Or he might be late because his sleigh will be stopped at security and his sack of presents searched! Thanks alot Brexit for not only ruining our future but also our children’s futures!

Esther: I’m pretty sure I know who’s on Santa’s naughty list this year *cough cough*… anyway, for this Christmas at least Santa will have a stress-free journey into Britain without any bothers about visas.

Image result for santa claus brexit

Chris: Oh, Santa’s got a list, but the border patrol’s got tasers! You do the math, for any kids reading this, I’m just keeping it real. Seriously kids, I’m sure Santa will be fine and won’t incur any penalties, and will bring all your favourite toys this Christmas. On the subject of Christmas toys, you know every shop has there own Christmas advertisement filled with loveable characters and heart warming imagery?

Esther: Phew *wipes sweat from brow*. Yes of course, just think of all the John Lewis Christmas adverts over the years!

Chris: Well I think it’s about time somebody stood up to John Lewis! And I think mundanevision is the blog to do it! So here now, we present the first ever mundanevision Christmas ad. Picture the scene: we open in a room which is in black and white, there’s a woman there. And a kid next to her. The kid is sad because there is no decorations on the tree, and he can’t reach to decorate his tree. This saddens the woman too. (We have sad music playing in the background, maybe something by Nat King Cole). But wait! The woman hands him an early Christmas present! ‘Merry Christmas darling’, she says. The kid looks at her with red-rimmed eyes and wipes away the tears on his face. But it is not Christmas day, he says. It can’t be Christmas because there are no decorations on the tree, Santa would never come now. There is a close up of the woman’s face. She winks at him. ‘Just open it darling, I think you’ll like what you find’. He opens it, and a look of delight arises on his face. We see that in the package he’s holding in his hand, there is a stuffed giraffe, he looks perplexed. ‘How is this gonna help with Christmas?’ he asks his mum. She says nothing. We fade to black, and then fade up fifteen minutes later. The tree has been decorated, and there are loads of people enjoying a Christmas party. We see through a montage that because of the magic of Christmas, the giraffe has come to life, and due to his long neck, and his incredible dexterity, the giraffe has helped the young boy and his mother decorate the tree. Christmas can now truly begin! Save a giraffe, decorate a tree this Christmas! The End.

Image result for toy giraffe

Esther: Wow *wipes away tears*. I mean I’m speechless, and that says alot. Who knew a giraffe could save Christmas?!

Chris: And due to his long neck, he does because he can reach the high branches and put the decorations on the tree. And not only have we outlined the first mundanevision advertisement, but if you like this blogisode, you too can receive your own (imaginary) giraffe, that will help you decorate your Christmas tree this year. So not only are you saving Christmas, you’re saving giraffes as well.

Esther: That really is something special. If only this was a thing when the dinosaurs were around, maybe this kind of festive, conservational attitude would have stopped them from becoming extinct? At least we can save our world’s giraffes, and perhaps other tall animals?

Image result for dinosaur

Chris: I’m not sure though, whether it should be the entire tree that isn’t decorated, or whether it should be just the top branches which neither the mum or her son can reach.

Esther: Maybe it could be that neither his mum nor the boy can complete the decoration of the tree because neither of them can put the star on top? The giraffe could save the day by his ability to put a star on the top branch.

Chris: Okay. So take two. We open on a room, the tree is almost decorated, except for the very high branches at the top. The kid and mum look at each other, ‘how can we decorate the top branches?’ they say, dumbfounded. (Dramatic music plays). A giraffe crashes through the window on a vine, and helps them put the star on top of the tree. The giraffe saved Christmas. Merry Christmas from Mundanevision.

We hope you enjoyed this week’s blogisode. If there’s any advertisers reading this, please make these advertisements happen, it would make a merry Christmas even merrier to see a swinging giraffe. That’s it for Esther but there’s more of me and a mystery guest very soon! Peace.

 

 

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The Darker Side of Sweets

Hey friends! Welcome to the blog equivalent of toasting marshmallows around an open fire. This is mundanevision and it’s a safe space.

Chris: Hey Estherrrrr!

Esther: Hi Chris, how you doing?

Chris: I’m fine thankyou. Did you like the introduction to this blogisode?

Esther: Of course, although I’m now craving toasted marshmallows…

Image result for toasting marshmallows

Chris: I’m sure we can toast some after the show. What would happen if you put the marshmallow in a toaster? Would it have the same effect as toasting them on an open fire?

Esther: Well you’d probably set your toaster on fire… that count’s as an open fire, right?

Chris: Brilliant, crispy marshmallows! (If there are any children reading this, please don’t put marshmallows in the toaster to make them crispy, I am a trained professional!)

Esther: I mean I’d say as a general rule of thumb don’t put marshmallows in the toaster… even if you’re a professional! (Unless your profession is fireman, because you can put out your own fire)

Chris: Oh god, what if putting a marshmallow in a toaster is the one thing that finally destroyed the earth? What if I’ve started a chain of events that will destroy the earth…

Esther: Spooky! Who knew the apocalypse would come from marshmallows? It sounds like some weird apocalyptic children’s film!

Chris: It sounds like the beginning of the War of the Worlds. Who knew in the latter part of the twentieth century, marshmallows will be watching, and waiting, and making their plans against us.

Esther: I don’t think I’d feel that threatened by scheming marshmallows. I mean all we’d need to arm ourselves is a cup of hot chocolate. Throw it over them, they’d melt, problem solved. I think I should be the one making UK defence decisions.. I’ve got it covered.

Image result for hot chocolate with marshmallows

Chris: Oh no, maybe now you’ve said that, marshmallows have developed fireproof technology! Now they’re only pretended to be toasted…

Esther: I’d still want to bake with them rather than watch them destroy all of humanity. I mean come on, Chris, they’re so good in Rocky Road!

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Chris: Some teenagers reading this that a baked marshmallow is a marshmallow on drugs. Again, I do apologize. Do not smoke marshmallows as drugs.

Esther: Still, worth baring in mind if they really do start taking over the world. It’s good to have a backup plan, like say we can’t bake them for some reason, at least smoking them would be another defensive strategy!

Chris: You shouldn’t be smoking with marshmallows, you should at least be vaping them. It’s better for your health. It’s always the low calorie, sugar-free ones you have to look out for!

Esther: Hmm yes they’re in denial that they’re marshmallows at all really. Like don’t be ashamed of your high sugar content, embrace it, that’s who you are!

Chris: Spoken like a true marshmallow advocate! On a slight change of topic, don’t you think Haribo are arrogant sweets?

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Esther: Well I’ll think they’re yummy. Why would they be arrogant?

Chris: Because they assume that every kid and every grown-up loves them so. How arrogant is that?  “Kids and grown-ups love it so – the happy world of Haribo.”

Esther: In fairness, most people do love Haribo. Seems arrogant but maybe they’re right?

Chris: I know but you can’t tarnish everyone with the same brush. There must be some people who don’t like them. Most people like Beyonce, doesn’t mean that every person loves Beyonce. May I suggest, the simple, four letter word, ‘most’? “Most kids and grown-ups love it so – the happy world of Haribo”.

Esther: There you go, much more inclusive! We shouldn’t be segregating from Haribo-haters!

Chris: And the other thing, if they’re pushing this so called ‘happy world’, is there is a darker side to Haribo? Even at Halloween, they use the same slogan, it’s not very scary is it? Get it together Haribo makers!

Esther: Hmm any ideas for what they could change their slogan to make it scarier?

Chris: “Vampires and werewolves love it so, the haunted house of Haribo.”?

Image result for haribo halloween

Esther: Nice. You should sell that to Haribo, I think they’d really go for it!

Chris: Who runs Haribo, is it a guy called Harry, and his bro? And over the years they’ve just left out the second ‘r’? Hang on, ‘bo’ is slang for boyfriend, I’ve seen it on a film so it must be true. So it is Harry and his partner?

Esther: I’m intrigued. Who is this mysterious Harry? And is it his brother or his boyfriend? Or maybe BO stands for body odour… does Harry not take showers?

Chris: The questions are endless. And we need answers, fast. I mean, for example, are smarties really clever? Can minstrels play musical instruments? Is pick and mix really the pop band Little Mix? Ok I made up the last one, but you get the idea.

Esther: All the unanswered questions?! We need someone of sweets authority to help us out with these. Maybe the head of Rowntree?

Chris: Somebody get Bertie Bassett on the phone. What about the Honey Monster, what’s he up to these days? Or even Coco the monkey?

Esther: Those poor mascots, they’re probably working in Poundland or somewhere nowadays. They’re a bit like X-factor winners; very brief fame and then you never hear from them again.

Chris: I feel the only ones who are still famous are Snap, Crackle and Pop, their skill is definitely body popping. If you’re the Honey Monster, or Bertie Bassett please do write in.

Image result for honey monster

Esther: Maybe they could help us answer some of life’s big questions: ‘are smarties really clever?’.

Chris: This feels very much like a cliff hanger to a tv show. Will these characters fall in? Can they speak, or are they too repressed by the big corporations? What will they say?

Esther: Will Chris and Esther EVER find answers to their philosophical troubles? You’ll have to wait until next week to find out. *DUN DUN DUUUUUN*.

Well, what more can I add? Peace x

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Vegas Royal Wedding

Hey! Before we start today’s show properly, I must issue a retraction. No I said retraction not contraction…. get that pregnant woman out of here! Apparently last friday was actually black friday, now, some of you might think it’s not a big deal but to some shops it really is – a big deal that is! Today after cyber monday, it’s mundanevision tuesday! Lets do this…

Chris: Hey Esther. Oooh wait we have some post. Thankyou sloth you look very fetching in your postman pat outfit. So what have we got here, advertisements, advertisements, bills, ooh we’ve got our first fan letter! Should I open it?

Image result for letters in post

Esther: How exciting! Please do…

Chris: Before I do though, we’ve never given out our address, so how did he manage to write to us?! Ooh the letter smells like strawberries.. I always smell envelopes, I think I’m part sniffer dog! ‘Dear Mundanevision, my husband Colin and I really like the show (Especially the references to cakes!). However in last week’s show you got my name wrong, it’s actually Connie not Colleen. Just thought I would get you out of a sticky situation of jam. Signed, Connie the Caterpillar’.

Image result for connie the caterpillar

Esther: Well all these years we’ve been saying her name wrong. Who knew? Nice of her to write in and correct us though.

Chris: Who knew she could type? I certainly didn’t. On the subject of marriages, we simply must talk about the other marriage announced between Prince Henry and Suits star Meghan Markle. Your thoughts?

Esther: Well I think lots of women everywhere are ‘happy’ for them but secretly devastated that it’s not them who’s engaged to Harry! But they seem like a very happy couple, and it’s good to see that Harry no longer has to shamefully third wheel other royal family couples now!

Image result for prince harry and meghan

Chris: When you talk about women everywhere being happy for them, have you actually asked women everywhere? Have you been to Siberia to ask women there?

Esther: Well no, but quite honestly I don’t think women in Siberia would say no to the offer of marrying a prince!

Chris: I wouldn’t bother checking with women in Siberia. I hear they give you a cold reception!

Esther: Oooh that was a poor one! Well good job because I don’t think I’ll be heading to Siberia anytime soon, it’s cold enough right here in England at the moment.

Chris: I know that was a bad pun, but I was on thin ice anyway due to global warming, so thought I should go for it (!). Enough with these wise cracks, or not so wise cracks in my case.

Esther: Oh the puns continue! I apologize on behalf of Chris to all our readers – including you Colin and Connie!

Chris: Good retraction. Could you stop wheeling that pregnant woman around? She’s making far too much noise

Esther: I think she’s in labour Chris, we should probably be tolerant this time! Might be a good shout to take her to hospital sometime soon though…

Chris: We’ll get the sloth to drive the ambulance. Okay now we’ve done our good deed for the day, back to the topic in hand: the royal wedding. The time has been set, in the spring. Would it be amazing though if H&M (that’s what I’m calling them now, sorry actual H&M the clothes shop, you might want to rename your shop) are already married? They married two weeks ago in a drive-thru chapel in Vegas, married by an Elvis impersonator?

HM wedding

Esther: That would be one of the biggest royal scandals in ages and would be the best bit of gossip and source of further rumours for a very long time!

Chris: They could probably even organise a look alike queen to be at the wedding. Everybody says that Harry is just an ordinary guy, and if he does the Vegas thing, that would prove it to me!

Esther: The Vegas queen impersonator probably wouldn’t make much of an effort though. It would probably just be someone with a dress on and a paper mask with the queens face on!

Chris: Probably, I’ve seen the Hangover though. But think about it, it’s a way for the Royal Family to get more money because everybody can subscribe to watch the live video on youtube of their marriage!

Esther: That’s all well and good but something gives me the idea that the Royals aren’t strapped for cash. Although I love the idea that the Royal family all sit around their big dinner table in Windsor or somewhere, with the Queen, Phillip, William, Kate, Harry and now Meghan too, discussing how to make some extra cash because the Queen wants to buy some new shoes! Maybe a car boot sale, or the Queen needs to sell some of her cool crowns on eBay?

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Chris: It’s not even a real table at Windsor, it’s just a huge computer screen which the Queen uses to peruse eBay and GoCompare constantly!

Esther: The thought of the Queen or Phillip haggling for something would be awesome. Imagine being in an eBay bidding war with the royal family? Especially if it was over something super boring like multipack batteries? They’d have a cool eBay username like CrownJewels4U.

Chris: No no, I’ve bidded against the Queen. It is LizWindsor1953. Phillip’s could be RoyalHusband101.

Esther: Well they say it’s hard financial times for everyone in Britain lately, they clearly mean everyone! Maybe the Queen will sell some of her corgi’s.. I bet she’d make loads from them seeing as they’re royal dogs!

Chris: Can we imagine a royal edition of Don’t Tell the Bride? Harry’s panicking as he can’t find the right shoes for Meghann. He calls William for help, and William arrives in a horse and carriage! ‘What’s the problem, RoBro’ (that’s Royal Brother for those of you who hadn’t picked up on that’) ‘Are these shoes right for Meghan?’ ‘Hmm no I don’t think Dr Martens are really her thing!’

Image result for don't tell the bride

Esther: Haha, no wedding on that show ends well, there’s no reason why this would be any different for a royal wedding. I can picture it now, Meghan wearing a wedding dress picked up in Primark, and then going onto their reception at their local Wetherspoons, drinking pints of Carling at the bar!

Chris: No I really don’t like the wedding dress, I only wear suits. It would be amazing, I think somebody should suggest that to the royal family. Are they in the directory do you know? Or maybe they get driven around in those Royal Mail vans.

Okay internet, before Nicholas Witchell hunts us down for these crazy ideas, we better be off! Saddle up the corgis! Peace

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Black Caterpillar Sale

Hello people of the internet! Stop doing facebook quizzes and posting general interest stories, this is far more interesting! Lets go…

Chris: Good afternoon Esther

Esther: Howdy Chris. How’s things?

Chris: Howdy? Have you become a cowgirl?

Esther: Just like to mix up the greetings occasionally!

Chris: Yes you do, you’re like the chef of Mundanevision, you like to mix it up!

Esther: That I do, I’m like the Heston Blumenthale of blogging!

Image result for heston blumenthal

Chris: Now we mention Heston, we have to say that other chefs are available. It would be brilliant if they were actually available in local toy shops: chef action figures!

Esther: I like that you could get an action figure Nigella Lawson, with a baguette for a weapon maybe.

Image result for nigella lawson

Chris: Your young niece or nephew could actually unwrap Jamie Oliver for Christmas! How disappointed would you be? ‘Mummy, mummy, this not Peppa Pig, I wanted Peppa Pig’ ‘Yes dear but this one uses pepper, isn’t that enough for you?’ I’m sure he has a recipe for some kind of peppered pig!

Image result for jamie oliver

Image result for peppered porkImage result for peppa pig

Esther: Perhaps its more of an adult present… buy your mum and action figure Jamie Oliver at Christmas, you unwrap him and then he’ll cook the Christmas dinner!

Chris: Kids can learn about famous chefs, too, with Fisher-Price’s new toy ‘My First Chef’, with realistic whisking sounds.

Esther: I don’t know about you but when I was a kid I wasn’t all that interested in how the food was made, just cared about it being there so I could eat it!

Chris: Maybe you’re right, they’ll grow into it! ‘I’ve got you the Mary Berry action figure, you will understand in a few years’.

Image result for mary berry

Esther: I think out of all of them, Mary Berry would be my top preference. She could just make you tasty baked goods all day, and essentially be an extra grandparent at the same time!

Chris: What about James Martin? What the man doesn’t know about spinning sugar, you don’t need to know!

Esther: Hmmm no Berry’s still my favourite. She’s just adorable and she makes yummy looking cakes… I’m sold on that really.

Chris: When you say Berry’s your favourite, you don’t mean raspberries or strawberries?

Esther: Nope, I definitely mean the little old lady who’s always on the BBC discussing her recipes which are ‘really luxurious’… but in today’s world they are just everyday pudding! (in Mary Berry’s youth they were probably far more impressive than they are today!)

Chris: Aww you’ve disappointed the sloth now, he wanted you to try his strawberry milkshake. You shouldn’t excite him like that! I guess I’ll have to drink it later, he even wrote a letter to Nick Berry to try and get her autograph for you, he just thought you liked berries!

Esther: Oops my mistake. Anyway, onward from berries and action figure chefs…

Chris: Now we’ve mentioned one mistake, we have to say that other mistakes are available. Talking about shops (which we definitely were – we can buy berries from them! Tenuous link I know), hell to proper links, I feel like tenuous links are underrated. I say bring back tenuous links! Anyway, I digress. Black friday sales are now on, even eBay is taking part! How much cheaper can you stuff you get on eBay be?!

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Esther: Well I for one am consciously keeping my purse strings tight and making no eye contact with any black friday sales on the high street, or online. It’s a very dangerous way to spend lots of money without realising!

Chris: Yes, if you spend too much money you’ll be in the black…. or is it in the red? I get so confused. It’s like roulette!

Esther: Roulette, black friday sales, if you ask me they’re both a form of gambling. Shopping is dangerous Chris, I’m telling you!

Chris: Ah yes, black friday roulette. Is that when you spin around in a high street with your eyes shut? The shop you land on you have to go into!

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Esther: Which shops would be black and which would be red?

Chris: I haven’t thought of which one’s which. Maybe because M&S is very popular, we would make that a red, and Argos is black. Wilkinsons is red, and so on. As you can see I’m offering a very much budget version of the game! Well, except from M&S… But you’ve got to keep them happy because if you don’t, they might ban you, and if that happens, where are you going to get Colin the Caterpillar cakes from?!

Image result for colin the caterpillar cake

Esther: I feel you. You’ve gotta protect your own interests, particularly when those interests involve a child-like cake shaped like an insect and covered in chocolate and smarties!! Got to get your priorities straight.

Chris: *Chris stomps foot* It’s not a child’s cake, Colin is for everyone!

Esther: I mean you’re right but part of the allure of Colin the Caterpillar cakes is definitely the fact that it’s target audience is (at least was, once upon a time) for kids. It brings out everyone’s inner child – I don’t think I’ve had one birthday when Colin hasn’t popped up somewhere during the celebrations….

Chris: Well Colin and Colleen are married – they teach good morals to kids: marriage is great, get married and stay together!

Image result for colin the caterpillar cake

Esther: It won’t be long until M&S realise they have to be in touch with the modern family, and they’ll have interracial caterpillar couples, step-children from previous marriages, grandparent caterpillars and so on. Honestly I’m excited for that day – think of all the cake!

Chris: There is no end of possibilities, they could have homosexual, transsexual, pansexual caterpillar cakes! But they won’t be caterpillars anymore, they’ll be beautiful butterflies because M&S will finally have fully embraced the world (of cakes) and cured hunger!

Esther: Well if they cure hunger like this we might have a health crisis on our hands…. not to mention undoubtedly a worldwide shortage of chocolate!!

Chris: And cannibalism too. Yes, maybe we shouldn’t suggest this to M&S afterall. (Sloths stop typing!)

Esther: …I’m just craving a piece of caterpillar cake now. Damn!

Chris: Damn me and my cake related anecdotes!

Esther: See, this is why we need to have more respect for cakes. In the end, our foolery of them only comes back to haunt us!

Chris: We could programme the chef action figures to know lots of cake recipes!

Esther: Oooh this is only furthering my craving for chocolate cake. I bet Nigella makes an amazing caterpillar cakes. (Heart eyes emoji)

Image result for heart eyes emoji

Chris: Alright, there’s only one way to settle this. Kid’s: no chefs this year! It’s back to Barbie’s dream houses and Justin Bieber calendars.

Guys, if you read this week’s blogisode of Mundanevision and like it, you automatically get sent a M&S Caterpillar cake, delivered personally by Mary Berry herself to the comfort of your own home! See you next week, peace.  

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Words in Pictures

Hey guys, if you like reading stuff off a computer monitor, if you like blogs, if you can tolerate more than one person, this is the show for you! 

Chris: Hey Esther!

Esther: Hiya Chris, how are you?

Chris: I’m hunky dory thankyou. Which sounds like a great name for a children’s TV character, maybe a bigger relation of Dory from ‘Finding Nemo’ and the ‘Finding Dory’ film, she’s no longer a side character but a popular fish!

Image result for dory

Esther: Perhaps hunky dory is her gym-going dolphin cousin? That would be pretty cool, or a really buff turtle step-sister.

Chris: I think your thinking. I wonder how Dory attended the red carpet premiere of the film. Did someone carry a fish tank? Ooh perhaps she got Ellen DeGeneres to carry it! And because she’s an animated fish, she would draw in a huge crowd, even though she’s not drawn, she’s CGI’d.

Esther: You somehow deflated your own pun there Chris! Although I’d love to see Ellen DeGeneres in a Dory costume and pretending to swim down the red carpet. Highlight of my year if that ever happens!

Image result for ellen degeneres

Chris: Poor red carpet, it would be ruined for next year! You think I deflated my pun but I think I can bring it back to life. You see, you can still CGI a crowd!

Esther: Haha well saved! Well anyway if a real-life Dory made it to the premiere I don’t think any CGI would be necessarily to genuinely attract a crowd

Chris: You wouldn’t need to attract them, you could make them! Look at Lord of the Rings, all the Ork battle scenes are CGI’d.

Esther: Yes that’s true, although a whole army of Orks at the premiere would be far more terrifying that one small (and very cute) blue fish.

orkney islands and orks

Chris: I wonder if Orks are what you call people from the Orkney Island? I always thought the Orkneys were in Australia, but I just learned that they’re in Scotland. Thanks a lot Brexit – we’re somehow moving countries around now!

Esther: I hope they’re not trying to represent Scots through the Orks… Peter Jackson might be in deep water if that’s what he thinks of Scottish people!

Chris: Haha, because it’s an island… ‘deep water’… I get it! Please tell me William Wallace from Bravehart is Scottish because I still think he bares some resemblance to Nick Park’s Wallace and Gromit. Maybe he’s their Scottish uncle or something.

Esther: You’re coming up with all sorts of fictional families today! Sounds like you need to write a sequel to link up all these ideas!

Chris: Yes, it does. But in other news, Twitter had doubled their character limit recently. They’ve finally figured out that birds are valued members of society! Now you have room for all sorts of characters, people could write film scripts on Twitter.

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Esther: My favourite use of the new increased character limit was one of the UK’s regional ambulance services, who just tweeted ‘Neee Naawww’ up to the character limit… very productive use of characters and very amusing.

Chris: I don’t know why there are character limit in this day and age anyway, people should be able to say what they want.

Esther: To be honest, sometimes I’m grateful for the limit. I mean I’ve heard enough of what Trump wants to say WITH a limit on characters, let alone with an unlimited amount! Twitter would go into meltdown if he wasn’t even limited by characters!

Chris: Oh Trump, yes of course, I forgot Trump. Maybe we should keep the character limit. It is interesting though, how people want to limit the word limit itself, yet if you look at the words: ‘word’ and ‘limit’, they only take up nine characters.

Esther: Haha that’s true. I like that people have to be creative with words/emojis/abbreviations to actually fit in what they want to say. It’s good to see who finds that sort of improvisation easy and who doesn’t!

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Chris: But abbreviation is not a very short word!

Esther: Yeah but nobody actually uses the word ‘abbreviation’ when they tweet, they just use what it means!

Chris: Oh I thought you meant they’re using the word ‘abbreviations’… my mistake! Don’t you find emojis are more like a picture book than anything.

Esther: That’s good with me. I love those games where you have to identify the famous saying or phrase through images, you can do the same thing exactly with emojis – you can use them to form sentences!

Chris: If emojis can tell a story in pictures, then why are there no emoji accounts on Instagram?

Esther: Ahh, give it time Chris. I don’t doubt that in a year or so we’ll have a rolling eye emoji’s Instagram account, a unicorn account, maybe even a aubergine Instagram account!

Chris: Do you actually mean ‘give it time’, or just a picture of a watch? Which I’m assuming is a ‘give it time’ emoji?

Image result for watch emoji

Esther: Exactly! So I could have replied with some watch/time emojis instead of saying ‘give it time’ and I’m pretty certain you’d have worked out what I was trying to say.

Chris: This conversation links back to a very old blog post I wrote in which I changed ‘Jane Eyre’ and ‘The Wizard of Oz’, and replaced the words with emojis!

Esther: There you go, even the classics can be modernised nowadays.

Chris: Yes, I am a psychic! If anybody hasn’t seen those posts, they should really check them out, or, if you prefer, an emoji of a check, and an exit sign! (Shameless plug! Or if you prefer a sad face and a plug)

Esther: …I think this getting out of hand (hand emoji). (Girl with crossed arms emoji).. that’s me, losing control of the situation. We’ll soon end up with no words at all and only emojis to communicate!

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Chris: Emojis are a big thing. There was even an emoji movie. You know they are retelling old Disney catalogue of films with back actions now, I wonder if they’ll just use emojis for those films too!

Esther: Yes, although I’ve already seen a flaw. There’s no dwarf emoji, so Snow White would have to do it alone without her helpers! Maybe she could replace them with something else… like Snow White and the Seven sunglasses emoji!

Image result for snow whiteImage result for sunglasses emojiImage result for sunglasses emojiImage result for sunglasses emojiImage result for sunglasses emojiImage result for sunglasses emojiImage result for sunglasses emojiImage result for sunglasses emoji

Chris: This could be an entire film industry called Emoji-Wood. You’ve heard of Hollywood and Bollywood, now there’s Emoji-Wood. Films would be a lot shorter!

Esther: Instead of hand prints of famous movie stars in Hollywood, maybe emojis could have little engravings done of themselves into the pavement in Emoji-Wood.

Chris: That would be a better reason for actors to be in the news at the moment!

Esther: It certainly would, slightly more refreshing and uplifting to hear about aswell!

Chris: It would certainly. I can’t believe I’ve managed to make light of such a serious issue. Thankyou Emoji-Wood!

If you like this, please go ahead and give us as thumbs up emoji! Or at least a smiley face. Until next time! Peace 

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Wilbur’s career path

Hey guys, the old man was snoring, but since there’s a break in the rain now, I like to think that he’s just getting up! Good, it means we don’t need to wake him with this blogisode! 

Chris: Hey Esther!

Esther: Hey Chris, how you doing?

Chris: I’m very well thank you! I feel fresh, revitalised and energised… so today I’m a battery and a bottle of water!

Esther: Wow sounds like you’ve got it all sorted then! I think I need to find your source of batteries and water as I’m running a bit low currently!

Chris: I’m like the Duracell bunny, I just keep going and going! Poor Duracell bunny, when does he ever take a day off?! He’s the most overworked bunny in popular culture – or he was at least in the 80s.

Esther: Well you’d hope there was a few similar looking Duracell bunnies which took a shift pattern so it wasn’t all work and no fun!

Chris: You mean someone cloned the Duracell bunny? What a revelation!

Esther: Proof of cloning even earlier than Dolly the sheep! Impressive…

Chris: What about the chuckle brothers? They’ve been cloned for years.

Esther: Not quite, after all, one of them says “to me” and the other “to you”!

Chris: If you think about it, the chuckle brothers is the most English name for a comedy double act. They didn’t want to be the laughter brothers in case you didn’t find them that funny! A polite chuckle is all they get.

Image result for chuckle brothers

Esther: Very sensible of them if you ask me, always best to err on the side of caution!

Chris: Absolutely. I wonder if there’s an American tribute act, perhaps called the Laughter Twins, featuring side-splitting Sally, their much funnier cousin!

Esther: Maybe they’ve got a friend who joins them called rib-aching Rachel?

Chris: No rib-tickling would downplay how funny the act was, they’re the chuckle brothers and nothing else! However, when they show ideas to America, hilarious Henry would make a bomb. (He’s not actually making a bomb, calm down Donald Trump).

Esther: I’d still stick with Britain’s Chuckle Brothers personally, they’re almost iconic nowadays.

Chris: Absolutely, a good old chuckle is what we need. It’s like.. we don’t want to make a fuss but it’s really quite funny!

Esther: Ah I do love British mentality: I can’t laugh too much, people can’t think I’m that easily entertained!

Chris: Ok now we’ve delved into the world of entertainment in our own unique way, it’s almost Christmas if the television advertisements are to be believed. They keep saying things like “order now for guaranteed Christmas deliveries!”, how slow is there delivery service that if you order something now you won’t get it until December 25th?

Esther:  Shamefully, I do look forward to one Christmas advert every year, and that’s definitely the John Lewis Christmas ad. It’s always so heartwarming!

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Chris: Oh yes, Christmas is great. Advent calendars are like little doors of joy, or homes for chocolates. Because let’s face it, a chocolate is not just for Christmas!

Esther: Unfortunately though, those advent calendar chocolates are just for Christmas – actually they’re just for before Christmas! They’re Christmas destiny is fulfilled before Christmas day actually happens!

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Chris: When you put it like that, it’s really sad! They never get to see the New Year. I think they should be renamed advantageous calendars, which tell you all your appointments for the new year before you know them, so you need them to stick around!

Esther: That is the destiny of advent calendar chocolates, so I’m sure they’re ok with it (at least that’s what I say to myself whilst enjoying them in December!). That sounds more like an annual calendar with a piece of Dairy Milk cellotaped to each day!

Chris: I think they should change their name from Dairy Milk to Diary Milk if it’s going to be in a proper calendar… then you could write down your appointments, and after you have attended your appointments you could eat the page of the diary!

Esther: That sounds amazing, I also love the idea that if you had to do something you weren’t looking forward to, like say, the dentist, after the dentist you can reward yourself with a big old slab of Diary Milk!

Chris: I like your reasoning. That would be like you’re anti-dentist. Anyway, that’s enough about advent calendars because to paraphrase Band Aid: “Do they know it’s Christmas? (No it’s not)”. Besides, a plaster singing at me is really weird anyway.

Esther: Hmmm you wait, before you know it, it’ll be December 1st and you’ll be tucking into advent calendar chocolate before heading out to go Christmas shopping!

Chris: I don’t think so. Anyway, from advent calendars to TV adverts! You see, that was a totally professional link. I should get paid for this – for future reference, I’m happy to be paid in chocolate coins! I know you think we’ve already covered adverts but no! I want to talk about the money supermarket ads. Why are he-man and skeletor advertising home insurance and re-enacting a scene from Dirty Dancing? Is that their favourite movie?

Image result for moneysupermarket he man and skeletor

Esther: As they say, don’t judge a book by it’s cover – for all we know they could be a pair of hopeless romantics who secretly love Dirty Dancing and all it’s counterparts.

Chris: Maybe. But it’s still weird… how did they pitch the idea to the money supermarket people, afterall they’re fictional characters? And where is Battle Cat? I’m so confused. Is he somewhere in the crowd watching the dance routine? And what about all the other friends of He-Man? Were they not available on that day? Skeletor is evil, he definitely shouldn’t be dancing with him!

Esther: Ahhh the unanswered wonders of the world (or maybe not world… just the unanswered questions surrounding  what defines a decent advert). But I’m with you on this, I’m not convinced watching it makes me think “Yes, that’s persuaded me where I should buy my home insurance!”.

Chris: Or maybe we’re thinking into this too much and it’s a lovely image that people from good and evil can dance together, and live together side by side in perfect harmony.

Esther: I think there’s something reminiscent of West Side Story in that! Maybe it really is not that bad after all.

Chris: Right, next up, British Gas. You’ve already have gas and leccy, you don’t need Wilbur as well! Besides, he’s a penguin, he likes the cold, he doesn’t like heat! It will be better if he was going around sabotaging all the great work that British Gas do: Wilbur the evil penguin! Now that would be something I would watch. Is it being forced to do these advertisements against his will? Surely British Gas are contributing to destroying the ice caps with their heating!

Image result for british gas wilbur

Esther: I do like the idea of a sabotaging penguin. Maybe British Gas could make a detective show, where they follow the crimes of Wilbur and his gang of Saboteurs? He could have a Polar Bear as the muscle of the gang, and maybe an arctic fox as the brains behind the crimes. That definitely sounds like something I’d watch – in fact I think I’d happily pay British Gas just to watch the latest series!

Chris: And every week, they could let Wilbur off with a warning: ‘You’re skating on thin ice, Wilbur!’. Or Wilbur could be undercover, trying to infiltrate British Gas, and he’s doing what they want at the moment, but pretty soon he will strike. I’m onto you, Wilbur, I’m onto you. Back away from the thermostat!

Esther: I love this scheming Wilbur – reminds me of the scheming penguin from Wallace and Gromit in ‘The Wrong Trousers’! Also a great punishment British Gas could use could be to threaten to make him drink a hot chocolate, and deprive him of ice cream for a week!

Image result for wallace and gromit penguin

Chris: That is so evil. I didn’t want to say anything, but Wilbur is now so famous, he’s going on ‘Who Do You Think You Are?’ next week, and he finds out his dad is the penguin from Wallace and Gromit, so it’s very much in the jeans to be evil!

Esther: Ah this all makes sense now, as they say, the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree!

Chris: I’ve just had one last Wilbur idea – Wilbur is getting so famous now, that he stars in a sitcom where he moves in with a polar bear, it’s called ‘Polar Opposites’!

Esther: If they don’t live in an igloo, I can’t take this idea seriously. Just sayin’

Chris: There is an igloo, and no British Gas heating engineers allowed! Guaranteed to be delivered by Christmas!

Wow, time has flown today. We hope you’ve enjoyed our random conversation once again, and if you find the hidden meaning in that conversation, you’re a better person than I! See you next week, peace. 

 

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Psychological Halloween party ideas

It is the scariest day of the year and welcome to the scariest blogisode of the year – it’s so scary you have to read it with adult supervision! Don’t have nightmares… or do… that’s up to you! *Evil laughter*

Chris: *low, spooky voice* hey Esther, I like your halloween outfit!

Esther: Hiya Chris, I’m wearing normal clothes?! I’ll try and take that as a compliment…

Chris: That’s what I mean, you’ve come at yourself… ingenious! I have come as a lazy ghost. I want to be a ghost but I can’t be bothered to dress up!

Esther: It’s alright I can just imagine the white bed sheet with holes cut out if you like?

Image result for ghost costume

Chris: I think that idea is amazing. Can you imagine it there’d be a knock at the door, and there would be just five ordinary people standing there expecting sweets. When you ask them ‘who are you supposed to be’, they can reply ‘who do you think I’m supposed to be?!’

Image result for trick or treaters

 

Esther: Ah that really would throw out conventional Halloween traditions.. sounds like some Freudian trick of self-reflection?

Chris: I tried throwing convention out the window but I’m just too conventional! Besides, have you ever tried lifting convention? It’s really heavy.

Esther: Somehow that doesn’t surprise me! Maybe we’ll just stick to convention then and I’ll find you a bed sheet/make shift ghost costume so we don’t need to pretend!

Chris: What if the bed sheet can only be seen my certain people – what if the sheets themselves actually are ghosts?

Esther: Wait… so ghosts would be worn by people pretending to be ghosts?! Even the concept is confusing me.

Chris: Yes, welcome to Chris’ psychological Halloween party! In contrast to these lazy Halloween parties, we could have gone all out and contracted illnesses to really commit to our costumes, like getting a sore throat to have a deep voice!

Esther: A more extreme example might be… contracting jaundice to save using yellow face paint? Although I’m not sure Halloween is worth quite that level of commitment to costumes!

Chris: Do you think Chris Martin see’s dead people because he see’s yellow?

Esther: Maybe, or perhaps they’re not actually dead just really poorly with jaundice! That’s quite a bleak perspective of the song…

Chris: Or maybe Chris Martin is actually dead himself, that would explain his moany voice.

Image result for chris martin

Esther: Haha, maybe you’re onto something there Chris.

Chris: Before twenty million Coldplay fans write in to complain, I think I’ll go back to the start. Quick, block the phone lines so they can’t get through and talk!

Esther: *unplugs phone*.. I think we’ve dodged a bullet there!

Chris: A Coldplay bullet. That will anaesthetize me. Anyway, back to Halloween, I think we need a name for our audience participation Halloween parties! Could they be called imagin-een? Having the home owner decide what Halloween costume you’ve got on might help them participate, instead of passively handing out sweets!

Esther: Giving them some control over which costumes they decide are more worthy of sweets than others… Although they might be biased and have a favourite outfit which always wins them over. For example, they could be huge Twilight fans, so maybe only give out sweets to vampires?!

Chris: Or you could just give the person random phrases like “I’m running dry today!” and they will hopefully say things like “you’re a river in summer!”.. not very scary to us I grant you, but to polar bears, they are freaking out!

Esther: Haha yeah that’s very true! So, what’s your favourite Halloween costume anyway?

Chris: Considering I don’t like scary movies, it would have to be a concept. Maybe global warming – that really scares everyone!

Esther: Oooh interesting, what would you wear as your costume for that though?

Chris: Attach a desk light to a globe. And you could get a really obvious sun tan before!

global warming

Esther: Yeah, I feel like you could dress up as a globe, and then wear the Sun as a kind of hat?

Chris: That would make a great couples costume!

Esther: Although I think there would be some arguments about who gets to be the lovely and innocent Planet Earth and who has to be evil climate change!

Chris: Well obviously it would be your girlfriend or partner who has to be the Sun, because they are the light of your life!

Esther: Well saved! You could definitely use that as a charming excuse to be Earth anyway….

Chris:  And you could have one friends following you around all night, and you have keep shouting ‘help, I’m under attack!’ just to make it really convincing. The friend could even be dressed as a meteorite, or another space disaster.

Esther: I’d love to see someone pull off a black hole costume.. I’m not quite sure how that idea would be executed but consider me thoroughly intrigued!

Chris: That’s an easy one.. you dress in black from head to toe, and if there was a buffet table at this party, you have an excuse to eat all of the food because you’re a black hole!

Esther: You should also somehow attack a vacuum cleaner to your arm and just suck up anything you can, and occasionally just try and suck up someone else at the party just to remind them of your costume!

Chris: That is genius, and you have a legitimate excuse for when your parents ask: “where did all that food go?”, “sorry, somebody came dressed as a black hole tonight!”.

Esther: Maybe I should make this black hole costume idea an everyday reality… it could excuse lots of ‘missing’ food mishaps…

Chris: But wait, there’s more! If you’re a really shy person who doesn’t enjoy parties, you could dress up as a space station, or a satellite, and you’d only have to appear once in a while, and then disappear into the distance again!

Esther: That’s a great idea! Feel like we’ve got all personality types covered here… couples, greedy people, shy people… what’s not to love?!

Chris: Absolutely. What personality types haven’t we covered?

Esther: Maybe grumpy people? Or excited people?

Chris: Well if you’re grumpy, 1. you shouldn’t be at the party anyway, and 2. you can make the other person decide what you are, so you don’t have to dress up, it’s perfect!

Esther: Problem solved. Sounds like this Halloween party suits all!

So, we hope we have given you, you being the internet, not you-you, some Halloween ideas, psychological or otherwise. If you are going to a proper party tonight, and dressing up, have a great time. And if you’re not, maybe take into consideration some of the ideas above. Have a scarily good time guys! Peace 

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Zombie TV show

We are back to rock the blogosphere! More tuneful than a music blog, more fashionable than a fashion blog: it’s our blog!

Chris: Hey Esther! How are you today?

Esther: Hiya Chris, I’m pretty good thanks! You?

Chris: What have you been up to?

Esther: Just the usual uni studies, same old same old! How about you?

Chris: Not much really. Anyway it’s Halloween soon, have you got your costume sorted out?

Esther: If only I was that organised! It’s always a last minute scramble to find something to wear for Halloween… you?

Chris: I don’t know whether to celebrate Halloween before Christmas or to combine them and go as zombie Santa Claus!!

Esther: I mean, a zombie Santa Claus would probably scare the hell out of any trick-or-treaters…

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Chris: Has zombie Santa Claus ever been done before, or am I a trend setter?

Esther: Well in my own experience, I’d have to say the latter! Trend setter I reckon..

Chris: Well if I do go as zombie Santa Claus, I’d need zombie reindeer, and the RSPCA might be offended by that. Also in this world of equality, zombie lives matter.

Esther: That is true – after all, we need to be accepting of everyone, half dead or not. I mean even Shaun of the Dead tells us that – keeping a zombie Nick Frost alive!!

Chris: And, of course the Walking Dead, Day (and Night!) of the Living Dead. I think they missed a trick in that franchise… between the day and night there should be an afternoon, and early evening of the Walking Dead.

Esther: Somehow the ‘early evening of the Walking Dead’ doesn’t scream creepy and mysterious quite like ‘Night of the Walking Dead’… perhaps ‘Dawn of the Walking Dead’?

Chris: And if they get tired, the stairlift of the Walking Dead!

Esther: For the aging population of zombies… that could be quite useful actually!

Chris: Or there could be a law show about zombies called…… (wait for it)….. Dead to Rights!

Esther: Ah zombie puns. That sounds like the making of a first class daytime tv show right there. It would be sponsored by some zombie like company too

Chris: It will put people in a grave mood!!

Esther: Well the zombie jokes are everlasting today!

Chris: We are giving TV producers scheduling gold thanks to Mundanevision! And I won’t be surprised if we get very famous off the back of these ideas.

Esther: Fingers crossed! Although we’d be expected to come up with zombie puns and jokes forever….

Chris: Away from zombies, you keep saying typo, I don’t think the whole Internet wants to know your blood type!

Esther: ….I bet the online zombie community would! Or perhaps that’s just vampires

Chris: They might appreciate a pre-Halloween blogisode.

Esther: I’d hope so. Although I’d imagine Halloween is far less unusual for a zombie. Or a vampire for that matter… more like everyday life?

Chris: Do you think zombies watching The Walking Dead and think… this is terrible! ‘I do not walk like that’!

Esther: It’s like Keeping Up with the Kardashians for people… we’re all thinking.. ‘no one lives like that!’

Chris: Can you imagine a Halloween episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, where a family of zombies move in next door and come round for a barbeque? ‘Oh my god, that zombie is SO fake! He didn’t even eat any brain’

Esther: I’m sure the zombies have a specialist taste. Perhaps Kardashian brains aren’t to a zombie’s liking!

Chris: Do you think there are some healthy zombie that eat only 100% brain, with no added colours or preservatives?

Image result for kim and kanye

Esther: No doubt there are – those ‘I must eat clean’ zombies. Maybe they only eat brains of academics? More natural vitamins and essential oils in an intelligent brain!

Chris: You see this is an untapped market I think – Zombie Keep Fit! To keep that grey matter working!

Esther: Soon they’ll have brain fitness classes for zombies – instead of legs, bums and tums, it’ll be cerebrum, thalamus, and hypothalamus!

Chris: Did you actually use Google to research parts of the brain? Or do you actually know this stuff? You’re so clever!

Esther: I can neither confirm nor deny… (*looks shifty*)

Chris: Is it fake news?

Esther: I don’t think I’d go as far as that! Nothing wrong with a bit of research…

Chris: Please let’s call it fake news – then we can alienate Trump!

Esther: Well in that case… it’s fake news!!!

Chris: Can you imagine zombie fitbits to calculate their steps!

Esther: A zombie fitbit would definitely have a feature which measured how much human they’d eat that day…

Chris: ‘Goal achieved: you have successfully eaten 56/56 brains today. Congratulations!’

Esther: If only human fitbits were based around eating large amounts… I think I’d prefer the statistics if that was the case!

Chris: Why is nobody coming out with this stuff? Especially with Halloween coming up, you could get kids involved and all sorts!

 

fitbit

 

Esther: There’s clearly a gap in the market. Maybe you should make contact with FitBit and the producers of Keeping Up with the Kardashians and see if you can come to some kind of an arrangement!

Chris: Maybe I can, maybe I can…. Kanye will love having zombies in his house because if Kanye thinks he’s a genius, a zombie should be able to validate that fact! Zombies could even have a game show – ‘are you smarter than a zombie’?

Esther: I don’t know if I’d be able to distinguish between Kanye and a zombie to be honest with you, they have lots of resemblance! Haha that would be great, like a zombie equivalent of Egg Heads!

Chris: Dead Heads!

Esther: And yet the puns continue!!

Chris: If there was a national holiday where all you could do for the day was speak in puns, I’d be the best!

Esther: You should enter a pun competition… like a punning bee! I mean I don’t know that they exist but if they don’t then they should!

Chris: An pun competition would be my thing and if you won your prize should be a joke book!

The zombie of time has disappeared inside the grave of inevitability. See you next week guys! Peace. 

Image result for zombie

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Modernised Disney

Hey internet, like a boomerang we have been away but now we are back! I have acquired a new co-host… internet meet Esther (applaud). So let’s write a blog… 

Chris: Hey Esther welcome along to Mundanevision!

Esther: Hi Chris, thanks for having me!

Chris: Thankyou for accepting the position of co-host. This is a bit like the Apprentice… without the tasks. I haven’t been given a title (yet!).

Esther: Maybe we’ll come up with some form of title for you yet, Chris!

Chris: Are you saying you are the Queen, as only the Queen can knight people or give them peers?!

Esther: I can neither confirm nor deny my identity, I shall remain an enigma for now…

Chris: I’ve got an undercover Queen everyone! Somebody hold up a five pound note! (Chris holds up a five pound note next to Esther’s face). You do look suspiciously like the Queen…

Esther: Well I’ll take that as a compliment? (I think!)

Chris: It is a big compliment, as it means you get the Mundanevision royal box! We don’t have a real royal box, so you’ll just have to imagine it for now. If you imagine a box that makes it very easy to think outside of…

Esther: I’ll keep thinking outside that box, and perhaps eventually we’ll be able to get a real-life royal box as a reward for our outside-the-box thinking!

Image result for royal box

Chris: Your Majesty, if you have an old royal box knocking around that you don’t need it anymore, please do send it our way. Just scan it into the computer and it will get to us

Esther: Maybe the real Queen could have a word with her house staff and see if they know of a spare royal box hanging around. If not perhaps we could get one 3D printed or something…

Chris: Well the Queen does have an iPad, so maybe she has a printer too.

Image result for queen ipad

Esther: I’m not sure whether she’d be much of a dab hand on technology, given her age!

Chris: Conspiracy theory about the royal family: do you think the Queen is really present at the royal engagements she is supposed to attend, or is she just a hologram?

Esther: If we’re going to think down that route, perhaps the ‘real’ Queen is actually a hologram too?

Chris: Okay, change of topic before MI5 get onto us, I don’t want to be killed by a sniper, I’m too young to die. So I was thinking about how Disney is into updating fairytales. Like doing backstories for all their characters, and I think I’ve come up with one. Would you like to hear it?

Esther: Do tell, I’m intrigued…

Chris: Ok it’s a modern retelling of the Three Billy Goats Gruff story. Instead of walking over a bridge, and getting eaten by an actual troll, the Goat has an online presence, and someone keeps sending him really mean comments, meaning they’re internet trolls!

Image result for three billy goat gruff book cover

Esther: Wow… talk about relating to a modern-day audience! I’d love to have seen a Cinderella or Snow White facebook or instagram profile…

Chris: There’s no reason why we could make them one here and now! Ladies and gentleman, we present to you the Cinderella facebook page!

Image result for cinderellaImage result for prince charming

Esther: According to her photos, she really lets her hair down when she’s not looking for her Prince or glass slippers! Maybe we were better off knowing less about Cinderella after all…

Chris: I think her status would be: ‘I’m really sad today because I’m living with my step-mum and my step-sisters are so ugly!’ but I reckon she would ‘like’ the upcoming event that Prince Charming shared on his profile about the ball, and she’d click attending!

Esther: She’d probably invite all her Disney Princess friends to the event too. Maybe Belle and Jasmine? I bet they’d have a group chat on Messenger to decide what dresses they all wanted to wear.

Chris: I think Jasmine would say things like ‘can we take a plus 1? Is there room for my flying carpet in the car park? Aladdin is SO dreamy!’

Image result for jasmine flying carpet

Esther: Snow White would be cheeky and ask for a plus seven so she can bring along all her dwarves! Prince Charming’s event would soon be very busy at this rate

Chris: Yeah, I reckon Prince Charming might decline a plus seven for Snow White! A wicked witch would comment and accuse him of being dwarfish!

Esther: Well, you can’t please everyone. I can’t imagine wicked witches would be very welcome in his event anyway!

Chris: ‘Wicked’ doesn’t always bad, perhaps she’s the other kind of witch. For instance, that witch is so wicked, have you seen all the spells she can do?! In this day and age, wicked does mean cool.

Esther: Yes that’s true. The same thing has happened with ‘sick’, one upon a time it meant ill or unpleasant, but today it means cool! Maybe the traditional ‘Wicked Witch’ needs renaming to something more relevant today?

Chris: ‘I can’t come into work today, I’m sick’. ‘You are sick bruv! But you’ve still got to come to work!!’.

Time has run away with us, see you next week guys! Peace 

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