Welcome to Mundanevision – Blogisode 2! Your weekly dose of strange and irrelevant chat.
Chris: Sophia, it’s your turn to pick a subject this week!
Sophia: I think we should discuss what most British people are famous for…
Chris: Ah… Tea?
Sophia: No. Talking about the weather.
Chris: Shouldn’t the props department have made us some tea and biscuits for this?
Sophia: If you could have a lifetime supply of biscuits, what biscuit would you choose?
Chris: Well. for this blog, it’d have to be bourbon biscuits because they are just so bour-ing and mundane. Get it?
Sophia: I like jammy dodgers.
Chris: That would make a good character for the biscuit adaptation of Oliver.
Sophia: Hmmm. Back on to the subject of weather… what would you do if it actually did start raining real cats and dogs?
Chris: I think I’d call the RSPCA and say “control your pets please”.
Sophia: Why does it have to be cats and dogs? Why can’t it be raining badgers and…
Chris: Bison? Badgers and bison? That would hurt. It would be like the hailing equivalent of raining cats and dogs.
Sophia: Then what would a thunder storm be?
Chris: Cows and llamas.
Sophia. Of course. And what about snowing?
Chris: It’d have to be something soft. Snow white kittens?
(She goes weak at the knees)
Sophia: Better stock up on cat food.
Chris: Can you imagine the weather reports? “We’re expecting fluffy kitten storms today”.
Sophia: Severe weather warnings. It’d be clawful…
Chris: Sophia weather warnings?
Sophia: No, severe weather warnings.
Chris: Severe Sophia weather warnings. How did we get on to the subject of tongue twisters?
Sophia: Peter Piper picked a pickled pepper?
Chris: Sally soul searches for sailors on the sea shore.
Sophia: I thought it was she sells sea shells on the sea shore?
Chris: And why can’t Sally be involved?
Sophia: Well in that case, can Peter sell sea shells on the sea shore too?
Chris: He can sell shirts for sailors whilst Sally and..
Sophia: The person who sells sea shells on the sea shore (gosh that’s a mouthful) doesn’t appear to have a name. I don’t thinks she’s ever had a name.
Chris: So it could be Sally after all?
Sophia: I suppose so…
Chris: What if “she” actually has a name that doesn’t rhyme with the rest of the tongue twister so she got struck off and is now not credited for selling the shells. Mundanevision: “writing” the wrongs.What if it was actually Barbara who sold sea shells on the sea shore?
Sophia: Red lorry yellow lorry red lorry yellow lorry red lorry (she continues with this for a few minutes. Chris looks confused). We can’t say much about that tongue twister can we?
Chris: Well, I find it strange that the drivers aren’t mentioned.
Sophia: Maybe they’re on auto-drive.
Chris: Microsoft is developing a driverless car. But obviously the inventor of the red lorry yellow lorry tongue twister came up with the idea years and years before.
Sophia: I’m not sure I’d feel comfortable in a driverless car. I’d prefer a car that makes popcorn.
Chris: A popcornmobile
Sophia: Yeah and caramel popcorn can pop out of its exhaust pipe. I wonder what Jeremy Clarkson would have to say about that.
Chris: I’m not sure he’d say anything he’d probably fire it from a canon or something with a horrified James May standing buy.
Sophia: And Richard Hammond scampering around trying to catch all the popcorn.
Chris: Yeah, with a bowl, like in a 1980’s computer game.
Sophia: I think popcorn rain would be nice. I’d just constantly walk around with my mouth open.
Chris: Bit dangerous though. Imagine the ads on TV: “Have you had a popcorn related accident? Do you know somebody who has been affected by popcorn? If so, call now or pop in and see us!”
Sophia: Yeah, imagine how many people have “popped” their clogs slipping on sweet’n’salty.
Chris: It would be a lovely way to go.
Sophia: I’d prefer to die in a fluffy kitten snow avalanche.
Chris: Can you imagine the headlines? PERSON BURIED UNDER FURRY MOUND OF KITTENS.
Sophia: I think I’d prefer that to being drowned in badgers and bison rain.
Chris: Right, we’re off to get indoors quickly before anything like that happens. And I’m off to investigate who really did sell those sea shells on the sea shore.
Sophia: I’m still convinced it was Peter.
If you enjoyed our chat about the weather, you can look forward to our third “blogisode” next Tuesday…
Uh oh… Catalanche…LOOK OUT!