Hello everyone. This is a bonus Mundanevision post. Post 3.1, if you will. Enjoy!
Ladies and Gentlemen… The presenter of Living on a String is (drum roll) Woody from Toy Story. Welcome Woooody!
Woody: Yeeeehaaaa cow ladies and cow men. We have a brilliant show for y’all tonight. We promise not to string ya along. Let’s meet the first house-puppet to enter the big puppet theatre…
Woody: Welcome… Captain Scarlet!!!! ANNNND Aqua Marina! Captain Scarlet, I thought you were dead after all these years?!
Captain Scarlet: No. No, no my friend. I can never die. (Punches fist in air and pouts dramatically)
Aqua Marina says nothing.
Next pupp-ticipant walks on to the stage. It’s Kermit, hiding from Miss Piggy.
Woody: Kermit dya wanna say anything to our audience?
Kermit: No because if Miss Piggy hears me she’ll be on me in an oink.
Miss Piggy: Too late! I’m heeeere! Start the show (she snorts violently) the star has arrived!
Action Man descends from the ceiling wearing black Lycra.
Woody: Action Man’s here. And last but not least… it’s BARBIE!
Barbie struts on to the scene showing off her latest outfit.
Barbie: Ooo I just couldn’t stand Ken another MINUTE! I just had to come on this show! Oh, hey Action Man. (She winks in a flirty way).
Action Man: Hey Barbie. I don’t have time to get involved, I’m a man of action, not lurve.
He shoots a member of the audience with a tranquillizer gun.
Woody: What did you do that for?
Action Man: I had to he was a puppet spy
Woody: No, he was just opening a packet of crisps.
Action Man: But did you read the name on the packet? They were fire crackers! The hottest snack in the world!
Barbie rolls her eyes. Kermit gulps in fear. Captain Scarlet continues pouting. Aqua Marina is nowhere to be seen…
Woody: Ladies and gentlemen, the commentator for the show today is…THE MYSTERONS!!
Miss Piggy: Where’s Mrs Ron?
Everyone ignores her.
Day 1: Miss Piggy is pigging out at the buffet. Captain Scarlet has been looking in the mirror for six hours. Barbie is having a one sided conversation with Aqua Marina.
Barbie: Ooo Aqua Marina! I love your dress gurl!
Silence. Aqua Marina floats away.
Barbie: Ok then!
Action man is asleep with his Swiss army knife in a state of readiness.
Day 2: Kermit is on the phone to his agent. He says he has “spawned” a new idea for his next show across the pond in no time. Aqua Marina is not saying anything as usual but she’d combing her hair. Captain Scarlet is now talking to his reflection in the mirror.
Captain Scarlet: Indestructible I said, unlike YOU mirror. Action Man! Punch this mirror for me.
Action Man: I’m sorry but I have a mission to run. And that mission is a bath. Barbie, pass me the bubbles.
Barbie: I really wanna know who is finding Nemo. I didn’t know he was here.
Action Man: Exactly, that’s why we need to find him.
Dives in bath with snorkle and speedos.
Miss Piggy and Action Man have mysteriously disappeared. Barbie and Captain Scarlet have started a relationship based on vanity. Kermit has started to live in the bath, much to the silent irritation of Aqua Marina who has still not said a word.
Barbie: Where’s Action Man and Miss Piggy?
Captain Scarlet: I’m so vain, even my arteries are vain.
Miss Piggy and Action Man have left a letter declaring their elopement. It seems they have trottered off in the night. Action Man has planned an action-packed honey moon which involves flying a rocket directed at Mars, followed by the Mysterons. The only thing they read in the Puppet house is Mundanevision (good choice).
Barbie and Captain Scarlet have planned a wedding. Barbie likes her indestructible man.
Barbie: Oh, you’re so big and strong and indestructible.
Captain Scarlet: I know. Now hit me with that plywood.
Aqua Marina jumps in to Kermit’s bath shouting “EURRRRREKA” which is the first and last word she utters on the show (or ever). Strangely, all the puppets have dinner with her.
Show ends with a sing song. Woody is drunk. Captain Scarlet and Barbie break up. Action Man and Miss Piggy have little action-packed piglets. And everyone else is just wandering around and still, nobody has found Nemo.
This was Mundanevision’s attempt at reality television. See you next Tuesday!