Some of our fans ask us where we get our topics from. We tell them that we get them from an old tin of Celebrations. Have a Galaxy Caramel, Sophia. Thanks Chris. Help yourself to a Malteaser. We do not have time for this chocolate based fun. It’s time for Mundanevision.
Chris: It’s your turn to pick a topic Sophia.
Sophia: It’s OK I’d prefer a Galaxy Caramel thanks. But, on a more serious note, how about Madonna?
Chris: I think we should steer clear of Madonna and her cape. I have a Cape Fear.
Sophia: I think capes pose a significant problem to contemporary society.
Chris: How would you get through airports security with a cape?
Sophia: I suppose you’d just have to whip it off.
Chris: What happens if you don’t have a dog?
Sophia: What do you mean?
Chris: A whippet.
Sophia: I guess you’d just go and buy a Mr. Whippy?
Chris: That’s Fifty Shades of Grey territory, we don’t want to go in to that.
Sophia: I’m sure there were plenty of capes and whips in that book and film – I still haven’t read it or seen it.
Chris: And lots of capers. I wonder if you go and see Fifty Shades of Grey, you get whip lash?
Sophia: I don’t know, but I’m sure there’s plenty of whipped cream? Anyway, moving on, in the wise words of Edna Mode from The Incredibles: NO CAPES. Are we cape-able of that Chris?
Chris: Um. I think cape crusader is on the line.
Sophia: From Cape Cod? Cape Cod’s a place isn’t it? It’s not just a fish with a cape on.
Chris. Yeah. Now things are getting a bit fishy.
Sophia: OK, I’ll try not to be shellfish.
Chris looks unimpressed at Sophia’s awful pun.
Chris: Do you think fish are musical. Do they know their scales?
Sophia: I think they have a lot of… sole singers down under the sea.
Chris: Not all fish can sing though Sophia, some are quite flat.
Sophia: I’ve heard urchins can reach F-sharp though.
Chris: Apparently they’re quite spineless.
Sophia: Oo this is prickly territory. If you had to be one sea creature in the whole world, what would you be?
Chris: I’d be a crab lawyer.
Chris: Because I’d be good at putting “claws”ses in to things.
Sophia: I think I’d be a mermaid. Like Aqua Marina. With a cape. Did Aqua Marina have a cape?
Chris: Cape Mermaid? Sounds like somewhere off Africa.
Sophia: Doodooodooodoooo (Sophia does a rendition of Toto’s ‘Africa’)
Chris: It’s incredible how Dorothy’s dog had a pop career after the Wizard of Oz.
Sophia: Hmm. I think his voice was a bit whiney. But it was still good, I mean, he would have been barking mad not to go in to the pop industry.
Chris: ‘Toto and the Tornadoes. A Whirlwind Career.’ That can be the title of his biography.
Sophia: Autobiography or biography?
Chris looks exasperated.
Chris: Biography. He can’t write an autobiography – he’s a dog! Not unless there’s a lot of paws for thought…
Sophia: Haha. OK so how come he cannot write an autobiography but is the main singer in a band ?
Chris: I don’t know. Some people have different skill sets to others.
Sophia: How have we gone from singing sea urchins to fictional dogs?
Chris: Oh Sophia, we are only scratching the surface. A bit like DJ-ing.
Sophia: Maybe we should set up a DJ business.
Chris: Or an animal band.
Sophia: We could invite Toto. Although I’ve heard he’a a bit of a diva.
Chris: Apparently he’s managed by the Tin Man these days.
Sophia: Oh really? What happened with the scarecrow scandal?
Chris: Well the lion was going to speak out about it but he was too cowardly.
Sophia: Didn’t the wizard give him a heart? Wait no, it was courage he wanted. Of course you wouldn’t have courage if those weird bat monkey things were chasing you around all the time.
Chris: The wizard did give him courage but it was Dutch courage and now he’s an alcoholic.
Sophia: That’s a pity. I’m trying to think of a good ‘roar’ pun but…
Chris: Katy Perry could take over with that.
Sophia: No apparently she’s too busy getting Hot and Cold and kissing girls. And liking it.
Chris: God she’s a mess. Why can’t she be more like Lindsay Lohan?
Sophia: Hasn’t she had a load of plastic surgery recently?
Chris: Plastic surgery? Yes on her credit card. Have you not seen her recently?
Sophia: No I don’t read gossip magazines.
Chris: No I mean have you actually seen her? I’ve taken her off my speed dial. Last time I saw her it was at the end of the week. God that was a freaky Friday…
Sophia: Apparently she’s quite a mean girl.
Chris: I don’t know what you mean. Just to qualify, we don’t know any of these people, but we’d like to.
Sophia: Yes. Hi Lindsay! So Chris, we haven’t actually formed a concrete topic to this conversation today. Does that matter?
Chris: Why would we form a concrete topic? They’re so heavy.
Sophia: They’d be hard to chew. Topics are chewy enough anyway.
Chris: Aaaaand we’re back to where we started: chocolate.
Sophia: I think this means it’s time to…
Chris: Wrap this up!
Sophia and Chris delve in to the chocolate tin for another week. Meanwhile, Lindsay waits patiently by the phone. Have a great week guys, see you next Tuesday!