Hello everybody, welcome to the 10th Mundanevision blogisode! It’s a beautiful sunny day where we are, we hope it’s sunny for all our readers too.
Chris: So Sophia, our blog is 10. It grows up so fast.
Sophia gets out a handkerchief and dabs her eyes.
Chris: For this momentous occasion I was expecting cake. Where’s the cake?
Sophia: Our studio staff obviously haven’t baked one. Let’s take the law into our own hands and make a Mundanecake.
Chris: Can’t we get our resident sloth to bake one?
Sophia: I feel the mixing process would be painfully slow.
Chris: Well it doesn’t matter, the cake can be for the next big milestone.
Sophia: Maybe we could get a sloth to jump out of a cake for us?
Chris: Would it even have the energy to jump out of a cake?
Sophia: No, it would be more of a sluggish slither.
Chris: It would be Slytherin everywhere, just like in Harry Potter.
Sophia: I played a Harry Potter Quiz yesterday with some hardcore Potter fans. I lost.
Chris: It’s a skill to lose. Anybody can win.
Sophia: We discussed unicorns.
Chris: Did you? God. (I’m sorry readers. God is not a unicorn.)
Sophia: He or she might be… But let’s not get in to that. We were talking about cake.
Chris: No cake, no presents, what is this blog coming to?
Sophia: It’s sad world we live in.
Chris: Usually if Mundanevision were on the radio we’d have loads of celebrity well-wishers.
Sophia: What kind of celebrities do you think we’d attract?
Chris: I don’t know. Taylor Swift. Not the real one – I mean the person who makes my clothes.
Sophia: I think you mean a Tailor…
Chris: That is swift.
Sophia: Exactly. I have a feeling that Eminem would enjoy our blog.
Chris: He definitely would have enjoyed last week’s Easter blog with all that talk of chocolate.
Sophia: I bet he’d walk miles for just a packet of M&Ms. 8 Miles to be precise.
Chris: Yes but he’d be beaten by The Proclaimers with 500 miles under their belts.
Sophia: Oh no, now I have that song in my head.
Chris: I do proclaim that they would beat Eminem.
Sophia: So Chris, what do you think is the best activity for a sunny day like this? Apart from walking 500 miles.
Chris: We could go to the beach? Then we might see Katrina and the Waves. Another 80’s celebrity endorsement there, because that’s the kind of modern, up to date bloggers we are! Sorry, sun activities… Probably playing Frisbee wearing a luminous headband while roller skating.
Sophia: At the same time as singing 80’s songs.
Chris: All these 80’s references are so 30 years ago. We’re sorry readers, let’s talk about the 90’s.
Sophia: One word: Spice Girls.
Chris: If the Spice Girls were to endorse aftershave, they’d be the Old Spice Girls.
Sophia: I’m not sure Victoria Beckham would like that. Do you think you can actually get a posh spice for your food? What would it taste like?
Chris: It would be something like upper-class cumin.
Sophia: Or saffron. Saffron’s posh.
Chris: Why are we talking baby names all of a sudden? Anyway, this is our birthday blog. Back to birthday things please.
Sophia: OK, do you want me to sing it happy birthday?
Chris: I think the blog will maintain a dignified silence, but you can if you want.
Sophia: Mmm. I think I’ll just eat an imaginary cake instead.
Chris: An imaginary cake? Why didn’t I think of that!
Sophia: Yes, the sponge would be veryyyy airy.
Chris: Awww. Do we have to bring it to Spongebob? Who is he really anyway? A sponge made by a guy called Bob?
Sophia: A very annoying porous sea creature with an irritating laugh and square shaped trousers.
Chris: Wow that’s quite a good definition.
Sophia: I have to admit, I quite like Spongebob.
Chris: I’ve heard he scrubs up quite well.
Sophia: Although apparently he soaks up all the fun.
Chris: He wrings the joy out of people.
Sophia: I used to try to eat sponges in the bath when I was little.
Chris: Is that why you’re so happy and squidgy?
Sophia: I think so. Talking of sponge, I had the most amazing Victoria sponge on the weekend. It was sooo good. So fluffy, jammy, sweet, sugary…
Sophia starts drooling in a cake-induced trance.
Chris: I don’t get why everyone talks about Victoria sponge. She was married to Prince Albert so where’s his sponge? Or did he have a scrubbing brush instead?
Sophia: I don’t like to think about that.
Chris: Anyway. Presents: what was your favourite present when you were 10?
Sophia: My favourite present was a silver horseshoe necklace from my parents. I’ve lost it now. What about yours?
Chris: My favourite present when I was ten… Hmmm.
Chris tries to recall the ancient past.
Chris: I think the Dinosaurs were around when I was ten. That was a failed Monkeys tribute band.
Sophia: Were you just given a bag of bones or something prehistoric? A pet T-rex?
Chris: Yes, but I didn’t like him, he kept drinking all the tea.
Sophia: What would be your ideal birthday present now, if you could have ANYTHING in the world. It doesn’t just have to be an object, it can be an experience.
Chris: I think writing this blog with you Sophia would be my best present.
Sophia: Awwwww. But wouldn’t you like a Ferrari? Or a trip to Mars?
Chris: A trip to Mars in a Ferrari. That would be quite cool.
Sophia: Once you’ve gone to Mars you don’t come back.
Chris: Urghhh. At least it would be peaceful up there. And you can use the rings of Saturn as your Ferrari race track. It would be like Scalextric.
Sophia: Would there be scantily clad women waving black and white flags?
Chris: I don’t know but I would run rings around my opponents. Maybe we should suggest to Clarkson that Mars is crying out for some sort of Top Gear. Let’s face it, that’s the only planet where he isn’t famous.
Sophia: Would the show be broadcasted universally?
Chris: I’m not sure they could get a signal up there. Oo we could have a Games Show on Mars and call it ‘Universally Challenge’.
Sophia: And Clarkson can be the host in his space buggy.
Chris: I think the first two teams would be alien Oxford and alien Cambridge.
If you want to take part in the first episode of Mars Universally Challenged, please contact Mars Inc. (It’s what they use to write letters on Mars). See you next week folks and enjoy the sun!