Welcome back to the mundane madness of Mundanevision! Guess who’s here? It’s Sophia! Enjoy this week’s blogisode…
Sophia: Well howdy partner!
Chris: Howdy! It’s good to have you back. I feel like we should have some saloon music.
Sophia: Yeah. Got any tumbleweed?
Chris: No but the resident sloth has volunteered to play cards in the background.
Sophia: What drinks do cowboys drink?
Chris: Cow juice.
Sophia: You mean milk?
Chris: OK, if you’re gonna be concise about it!
Sophia: Have you ever been to the Wild West Chris?
Chris: No but I’ve been to Bristol which was pretty out of control.
Sophia: Chris, I think that’s the Southwest.
Chris: Ohhh I wondered why they didn’t understand my Texan drawwwl.
Sophia: When I think of Texas I think of big men on motorbikes with moustaches.
Chris: When I think of Texas I think of Sharleen Spiteri.
Sophia starts singing Texas songs.
Chris: So, how were the bears?
Sophia: Kinda hairy. A little bit… beary.
Chris: I don’t like bears they get really grizzly if they don’t get their way.
Sophia: Well I guess you just have to ‘panda’ to their needs…
Chris: They’re quite violent apparently. They run around with guns shouting, ‘BAM BOO’
Sophia: That’s really pawful. I think I’ve used that pun before haven’t I?
Chris: I think it’s furry good.
Sophia: I can’t think of any more pear buns. Ooops! I meant bear puns.
Chris: Would you like any of these pear buns? They’re hot out of the oven!
Sophia: Haha. Very bunny. Oh yes, so how was your week while I was bearing around.
Chris: Well, I was singing with sloths.
Sophia: Whereabouts? South America I thought?
Chris: Oh yes. South America. We went all over the place – the sloth and I had a bit of a road trip.
Sophia: Did he drive ridiculously slowly?
Chris: No he was OK but I was praying he would have road rage to speed up a bit.
Sophia: Like a Jeremy Clarkson sloth. Oh here we go, Clarkson again. Oh you know Kate Middleton is about to…
Chris: Present Top Gear?! Royal Gear.
Sophia: No… She’s about to have another baby. In fact I think she’s overdue. Do you think it will be a boy or a girl?
Chris: I think it will be a girl. I like the idea of a princess to off balance George.
Sophia: What would make a good princess name? What’s a really unprincessy name?
Chris: Michelle? Courtney?
Sophia: Yeah the Royals always go for Elizabeth or Mary.
Chris: It must be really confusing in the Royal household with all those names. Just imagine it. “Elizabeth! No not you! The other Elizabeth! No no the OTHER one. The one with the crown!” Can you imagine the Royal version of ‘Guess Who?’… “Does she have a crown”?
Sophia: Yeah or “is he wearing pantaloons?”
Chris: “Does he bake his own cookies”? Could we be members of the Royal family do you think?
Sophia: Maybe we’d make a good king and queen. I’d order the whole country to eat jam tarts.
Chris: I’d order the whole country to read Mundanevision.
Sophia: And we could constantly refer to ourselves in the third person.
Chris: I quite often do anyway. Every third person I call them Chris.
Sophia: Ah, so you’re basically Royal then.
Chris: Anyway, I don’t think we should worry about the Royal baby being overdue.
Sophia: Fashionably late mate.
Chris: I think perhaps the baby is crowning, and in royal terms that’s a very good thing. Have you heard about the easel they’ve stuck outside the hospital to announce the baby’s birth? I think they should have an artist there to paint the baby or something.
Sophia: Not the actual baby though.
Chris: No, Sophia. A portrait of a baby. If I were a royal baby I would insist on a womb with a view and the changing of my under-guardments.
Sophia: The changing of the Guardments. I’d have a party and tell everyone to bring a bottle.
Chris: Of cow juice.
Sophia: Yes of course. And it would have to be a cowboy themed party.
Chris: So we’re back in the Wild West again.
Sophia: Yep. With the good, the bad and the ugly.
Chris: Don’t bring Camilla into it.
Sophia: Poor Camills.
Chris: She probably has camomile lotion in her bag for the baby. So what has happened while you’ve been away? By the way – some exciting news – Gareth Malone heard me singing with the sloth and he organised a choir.
Sophia: Oh my gosh. A choir of sloths.
Chris: I’ll start making en-choiries.
Chris: The sloth choir is so famous that we’re in touch with the ‘Now’ CD people to organise a ‘Now Sloth’ album.
Sophia: And will you be playing guitar as they sing along?
Chris: Ha maybe. But we’ll have sloth versions of famous songs. So Mark Ronson’s ‘Uptown Sloth’, Ed Sheeran’s ‘Thinking Out Sloth’, ‘Drunk in Sloth’.
Sophia: ‘Sloth me baby one more time’?
Chris: ‘Lady in Sloth’ ? ‘When a sloth loves a woman?’
Sophia: ‘I wanna Sloth with somebody’?
Chris: By the way, thanks for the stuffed bear head you got for the Mundanevision studio. It looks very good on the wall.
Sophia: You’re welcome. That one was called Bruce. He died of natural causes and I mounted his head in his memory.
Chris: Did he die during or after the picnic?
Sophia: The Teddy Bear picnic? I think it was after. But then we went down to the woods.
Chris: Did you go in disguise? Because I hardly recognised you with that sombrero and maracas.
Sophia: Yeah I joined a Mexican band.
Chris: So Sophia, do you think we should wrap up the show?
Sophia: Like a fajita? Sorry my Mexican tendencies have come out. Yes, let’s go find a bear.
Chris: Very good. I’ll get the sticky tape (to wrap up the show).
Thank you very much for reading this week’s blogisode. And remember, if you go down to the woods tonight… you might see a royal baby called Michelle!