Hello guys! Welcome to the show, you’re weekly outlet for the strange and obscure is back. So stop enjoying the sun and read this! You’re red anyway, God.
Sophia: Woweee it’s hot out there.
Chris: Yes, so I’m told. I haven’t been out yet.
Sophia: Well, it’s windy, that’s for sure. But the sun’s kind of out.
Chris: It’s a lovvvvely afternoon guys. The sloth has got a sombrero on, that’s how nice it is.
Sophia: Yep, and there are safari animals in the street. You know what I was saying to my sister the other day? We’re scared of aliens and supernatural stuff, but if an alien or monster were to go on safari on our planet, surely they would be extremely freaked out by animals like the giraffe, with it’s Eiffel tower neck, and the elephant with its big floppy nose?
Chris: I think the aliens would be freaked out by humans.
Sophia: True, we are quite freaky.
Chris: So Stephen Spielberg lied to us. E.T could NOT wait to get off Earth. He was freaked out by Eliot!
Sophia: Drew Barrymore probably scared him a bit as well. With her Charlie’s Angels tricks.
Chris: Yes, even at that young age she was good at kung fu. But at that age it’s YOUNG fu, of course.
Sophia: hahahah. My sister said, can you imagine an alien on safari? Wearing khaki shorts and binoculars?
Chris: Oh don’t bring up the car key again, I keep telling you.
Sophia looks sheepish. She bleats a bit.
Chris: On the subject of animals, did you hear about Johnny Depp? He could go to prison because he took his dogs on a private jet without declaring them. I don’t know what they were doing, were they flying the plane or what?
Sophia: He’d have to be barking mad to let his dogs fly the plane.
Chris: Welcome to Woof Airways.
Sophia: Your stewards for the day are Buster and Rex the bulldogs. Careful, they dribble.
Chris: There won’t be any in-flight food because they’ve eaten it all off the trolley.
Sophia: And if you find a bone lying around, don’t touch it.
Chris: Next stop: Gnaw-way.
Sophia: And then swiftly off to Doggywood.
Chris: Would they need a dog license to fly the plane? What would a dog license entitle them to do? Dogs are not driving now are they?
Sophia: I’m not sure. I wonder whether puppy passports exist. I know that horses have passports because they’re transported a lot.
Chris: Do horses like the Transporter films?
Sophia: I’m not sure, whenever I ask them about it they just have a long face.
Chris: They just say neigh. Do you think they should give horses the position of “Minister for Drugs” in the government? They’d have a great ‘neigh’ policy for narcotics.
Sophia: Stop horsing around Chris.
Chris: OK, I’ll rein in on my jokes. Do you think an ex-MP ever stands in their wardrobe and insists they are still in the cabinet.
Sophia: That sounds a bit like playing Narnia.
Chris: I cooked Narnia bread the other day?
Sophia: Was it peshwari Narnia bread?
Chris: No it was plain naan bread cooked in the shape of Aslan.
Sophia: Awww. I love Aslan. It’s weird but I kinda fancy him.
Chris: That lion has definitely raised the bar. Do lions eat human bars?
Sophia: I don’t know, I think they have a roaring trade for human bars in Lion Land.
Chris: But is it all on the ‘mane’land?
Sophia: We’re back to safari animals again. If you were a safari animal, Chris, you’d be an elephant because you have great trunks. I’ve seen your holiday pics.
Chris: You’d be a flamingo.
Sophia: You know they eat prawns?
Chris: Want some prawns?
Sophia: If you’ve got prawn cocktail I wouldn’t mind a nibble?
Chris: I’ve got prawn cocktail crisps, will they do?
Chris rummages around under the desk.
Chris: We’ve got animal crackers, prawn cocktail flavoured crisps.
Sophia: What are you? A supermarket all of a sudden? You’d be a pretty lame supermarket just selling crisps and crackers.
Chris: Supermarket would make a really bad super hero.
Sophia: Yeah, can you imagine? Superman! Spiderman! Batman! And… *Drumroll* SUPERMARKET MAN. Bringing groceries to the needy, but not the greedy. What would supermarket man wear? A trolley?
Chris: Oh, let’s not worry about what he’d wear. A chip and pin machine. OK, so we’ve done Depp. Anything else?
Sophia: No no. I think we better flee…
Chris: Flea market?
Sophia: No Chris. Anyway, the sloth is eating the prawn cocktail… so…
Chris: Saddle up the camel and away we go! It’s gonna be a bumpy ride.