Later than planned, its this weeks blogisode! Ryan is back with me in the studio. Its a lovely sunny day… We hope its sunny where you are!
Chris: Hey Ryan,
Ryan: Hey Chris
Chris: I just got doorstepped on the way in by a British gas man, He was a bit of a gas man… He wouldn’t stop talking, and then he just floated off…
Ryan: Damn cold calls!
Chris: You would think that British gas’ a hot call is a hot call rather than a cold call because gas is warm.
Ryan: So then Chris.. Where do we start today… What’s the topic??
Chris: My life is a topic!
Ryan: Crunchy fruit on the inside, milk chocolate on the outside…
Chris: Heres something weird I saw yesterday… Have you looked at the new packaging on a Heinz ketchup bottle?
Ryan: No but my identical twin told me about the amusing occasion yesterday…
Chris: Wait… You’ve got a twin..?
Ryan: You heard it here first! His name is Boris. Sometime we switch roles and go by each others names. Its quite fun really!
Chris: So, have I got this straight…. You identical twin is mare of London?
Ryan: No sir, he’s no Johnson.
Chris: Anyway, back on ketchup… And if our readers need a ketchup (catchup) all of our blog episodes to date are available on word press… And a big thank you to word press for letting us do this every week!
Ryan: So…… Shall we get started? Ketchup…. Right..?
Chris: No… I think I may mention word press a few more times… Right, ketchup YES! There new advertising slogan is ”GROW YOU’RE OWN” ”win free tomato seeds on Facebook” Everything is so deconstructed! Pretty soon I’ll have to write my own blogisode!
Ryan: Has the world gone mad!!!
Chris: So, grow your own…? What do you think about their advert campaign? Its almost as is their trying to give up on ketchup…
Ryan: Honestly, I think its a nice idea however, I don’t quite understand how its going to help them push sales within there company… Its all good and well them promoting people ”growing their own” But I just don’t get it… Maybe its because they want people to have a go at making their own which will inevitably taste god awful, thus leaving the customatoer with no question or other option but to purchase ”the best” from Heinz… What do you think?
Chris: Woah, calm down there Ryan, to much more like that and we’ll be covered in an avalanche of tomato sauce! You see I took my theory further… I think its a tie with the biggest sporting event in England… Wimbledon!
Ryan: How so?
Chris: Well, its a competition really. If you go onto there competition page, you can win seeds and get seeded by Wimbledon ensuring that anyone can have a go at tennis!
Ryan: I seed what you did there…
Chris: This is a very seedy conversation! Can you imagine Joe Public beating Andy Murry?
Ryan: Joe Public?
Chris: Who is Joe Public? Is he an only child or does he have any relations? And are they very private people?
Ryan: At a wild Yeeeeha guess, I would say he’s an only Joe…
Chris: What about Billy no mates, Does he actually have mates?
Ryan: I don’t know mate…
Chris: I think Joe Public and Billy no mate should meet… They’d be brilliant friends, It would be a great sitcom! Joe would be the popular one and billy, well…
Chris: I am catching up…
Ryan: Will you be having ketchup on your BBQ beef burger this evening?
Chris: I’m not a fan of ketchup, sorry Hines..
Ryan: Get some seeds in, you might grow to love it!
Chris: Plants! Anyway, I would like to develop my sitcom idea… I feel its really taken seed!
Chris: So Joe public and Billy no mate… What could there jobs be?
Ryan: Well… I think Joe could spend the vast majority of his time impersonating the average member of public and Billy can plant seeds and make, ketchup?
Chris: This is a very one one idea blog episode… But what will grow out of the seed of this sitcom?
Chris: We are not sponsored by Hines this week…
Ryan: We may well be… Boris is an investee in the saucy company…
Chris: OHHH Boris!
Ryan / Boris: But I could be Boris… Sat right next to you…
Chris: I though it was a bit strange you wearing that ” I LOVE HINES” Hines T shirt…
Ryan / Boris: Woah man, The lack of ketchup in your diet is making you see things man….. How many fingers man..? (Ryan / Boris holds up some fingers)
Chris: UUh, Stalks!
Ryan / Boris: Wrong answer friend… I need to get you some Tommy K right away! Things are starting to look pretty shady!
Chris: Who is Tommy K? Is he another character for my sitcom? Thanks Ryan!
Ryan: You Tommy K don’t you bey? He lives just down the way not to far from the tomato allotment I’d say..?
Chris: Ohhh, TOMMY! How is he? Last time I saw him he was sooooooo sunburnt!
Ryan: He’s ok I think… He likes people to think his a little shy, but he’s a saucy guy really!
Chris: Right, with all of this sauce flying around, we need the giant bread… BRING ME THE BREAD!!
(The sloth drifts past on a giant ketchup bottle and hands Chris the baguette)
Chris: This is no good… I wanted it toasted and seedless!
Chris: UUhm………………………………….. So. Have you heard that Itunes have started a new streaming service?
Ryan: I have not no, Maybe Boris has? BORIS!!!?
Chris: Yea they have started it together with Hines… Its called TOMtunes, or maybe Isauce… I forget… Anyway, Taylor Swift is not going to be on it. If there’s any Swift Taylor’s out there, I do apologise. And make me a suit!
Ryan is charging….. Its almost BBQ time.
Chris: I guess I’ve been pipped to the post. So this blogisode is done so we are out of here. Thank you very much for reading! Mundanevision will be back in some form next week… Hopefully sauce free…