Hey guys! Welcome to a brand new season of Mundanevision! Can you smell that new Mundanevision smell? It’s being flown in as we speak, as it is the pilot of season 4! Every new season has a new co-host, beautiful people of the internet, meet Saroonya, or SIRI for short. Yaaay! Okay, that’s the introduction out of the way, let’s get underway…
Chris: Hey Siri!
Siri: Hey Chris, how are you?
Chris: I’m good thank you, welcome to Mundanevision.
Siri: Thank you for inviting me! It’s very very exciting, but I’m very nervous to be here!
Chris: Don’t worry, you’re my friend… or are you?
Siri: We’ll see, you can judge at the end of the blogisode…
Chris: Have you met everybody, there’s a Sloth over there, and the Afternoon Girls over there…
Siri: I’ve read about the Sloth and the Afternoon Girls in other blogisodes, but don’t know much about them, would you mind introducing me?
Chris: I won’t get the Sloth to introduce himself to you, it will take years! He’s so slow! But suffice to say he produces the blogisodes for us.
Siri: And the Afternoon Girls?
Chris: The Afternoon Girls are the blogband. They sing songs in the studio then our readers have to guess what they’re singing from lyrics.
Siri: Do your readers know about your lyrics writing?
Chris: No, they don’t actually!
Siri: So the Afternoon Girls never sing your lyrics on Mundanevision?
Chris: The Afternoon Girls never sing my songs. It’s popular songs by popular artists. I think today’s is no exception… we’ll find out later…
Siri: But if the Afternoon Girls sang your songs, they could make your songs famous!
Chris: Ahh, I see what you mean! No, my songs are infamous, not famous. I’m a bit nervous today, to tell you the truth.
Siri: That makes two of us. Why is that?
Chris: I’m nervous for very different reasons from you. I think social media is stalking me.
Siri: I wouldn’t be surprised, I stalk people on social media far too often. Where have your concerns stemmed from?
Chris: Well, have you seen that little thing on whatsapp, “last seen on…”?
Siri: No! I’ve blocked that from showing up, because it upsets me when people don’t reply!
Chris: I think they know, the internet knows everything. You can block it from showing?
Siri: Yep, I think maybe because my phone is very old it has weird settings, but thankfully I can.
Chris: But if I blocked it, I’d be even more concerned about what they were doing behind the block, what could they find out?
Siri: That’s a good point. And if someone has you on whatsapp AND facebook AND twitter AND youtube AND instagram (AND if they read Mundanevision), imagine how much they could find out about you!
Chris: Well, hopefully they won’t use it for evil.
Siri: I hope not as well, but different people probably have different definitions of evil…
Chris: It all depends on your dictionary, as to what definition you have of the word “evil”.
Siri: Yeah, you can be mischievous without being evil. I sometimes look up people’s profiles to try and find out their music taste or film taste to decide what kind of presents to get them for their birthdays – speaking of, it’s also helpful so you can find out people’s birthdays.
Chris: So you do a complete background check on people?
Siri: When you say it like that it sounds creepy!
Chris: Do you work for the C.I.A.?
Siri: I don’t want to answer that.
Chris: F.B.I.? M.F.I.?
Siri: I am not allowed to answer these questions.
Chris: You’re just like human Siri!
Siri: I’ve changed my name to Siri on here so the C.I.A. can’t find out I’ve betrayed them…
[Chris looks shocked]
Chris: Siri is a great cover, but Cortana just sounds like a Russian spy…
Siri: Or a beach resort. When do we introduce the Afternoon Girls?
Chris: Before the end. Anyway, Siri and Cortana… are there any other names of personal assistants that are used by smart phones to gain people’s trust?
Siri: Well, I don’t have Siri on my phone, but we named the Voice Control person Sven, just because he sounded like a Sven. That definitely sounds like a Scandinavian spy.
Chris: Or the former England football manager, Sven… What was his name? Sven Gordon Ericson?
Siri: I haven’t the faintest idea, I know Sven from How I Met Your Mother?
Chris: I always thought that, because it took him so long to tell the story, the kids would have gone on ancestry.com and said “look Dad, we’ve found out who she is, can you stop talking now?”! Have you met your mother?
Siri: I’ve met MINE, and I’ve met yours, but I haven’t met the one from the T.V. show, sadly. She’s really cool.
Chris: Well here she is now! With yellow umbrella in tow…
Siri: You’re lying! You shouldn’t trick me like that, I got my hopes up!
Chris: Yes you’ve got me, it was the Sloth and a yellow umbrella! Worth a try though!
Siri: Yes, they don’t even look vaguely alike.
Chris to Sloth: I gave you all that money for cosmetic surgery! Where did it go? It’s probably inflation – by the time he got round to cashing the check, it’s value had probably gone down.
Chris: So what is instagram, I don’t really understanding, is it a website for turning grams into pounds instantly, and getting instant results?
Siri: No, it’s an app for turning food into jealousy. Basically take a photo of whatever you’re eating (or your cats) and the entire internet will be forever jealous of you.
Chris: What about if you’re eating your cats?
Siri: Then it’s probably an app for delivering police to your door.
Chris: You mean like deliveroo?
Siri: I guess so, except maybe even better, because it doesn’t have the £2.50 delivery charge.
Chris: £2.50, that expensive?!
Siri: Yep, and they charge the restaurants 1/3 of the price of the food!
Chris: We shouldn’t be too hard on Deliveroo, who knows when you might want some food delivered for the studio.
Siri: Very true, I haven’t actually used them yet, but it’s nice knowing they are an option. Have you used Deliveroo?
Chris: No, they need to dress up in kangeroo suits, I think.
Siri: Yes, I agree. They also need to bounce everywhere instead of cycling. It’s not very kangeroo-like.
Chris: And the delivery driver should be called Joey, regardless of their name.
Siri: Yes, I was thinking either Kanga or Roo, but Joey is a better name. And a more believable name too.
Chris: If anything, we’re making their brand better, just by giving them these ideas!
Siri: Although the customers probably won’t be happy with us, because they may have to charge an even higher delivery cost to cover the kangaroo suit price.
Chris: But it will ensure they’ll always be bouncy! Shall we get the afternoon girls on? We can dress up in kangaroo outfits and bounce around the studio to whatever song they decide to play!
Siri: Definitely, I’m excited to see if I can guess which song it is!
Chris: I met a girl last year.
Siri: What did she say?
Chris: “Don’t worry if I disappear”. She was a magician. Siri, could you pass me that bottle of gin over there?
Siri: I can pass the lemon and the bottle of gin…
Chris: Oh yes, I didn’t notice that lemon there. We should also order pizza after the show – from Deliveroo, maybe?
Siri: Yes, we could reach them by text message. Or by instagram or facebook or twitter?
Okay guys, we’ve exceeded the length of a normal blogisode, but that’s alright. Thank you to Siri, and thank you to Chris. We’ll see you next week. Peace.