In the social media world, where there are an abundance of blogs, one blog dared to step forward out of the shadows and call itself… Mundanevision… I’m so sorry, that was my voiceover work for tomorrow. You caught me rehearsing! So, hey! Welcome to the blogisode, it’s not Tuesday, but close to it.
Chris: Hey Siri!
Siri: Hiya Chris! How are you feeling this temperamental day?
Chris: I’m really good, did you enjoy the mini heatwave we had?
Siri: Yes, summer in the UK this year really was something… the whole two days of it.
Chris: I drove round all day on those two days in order to get hot wheels. Disclaimer: if you’re not in the UK, and so don’t know what we’re talking about, trust us, it was hot.
Siri: It was definitely ice cream weather – meaning that it was about as hot as Devon ever gets really.
Chris: Yes, the sun definitely had his hat on for two days, and then he decided the hat didn’t suit him any more!
Siri: That’s longer than most celebrities seem to keep items of clothing though. You never see anyone wear anything more than once.
Chris: I enjoyed that segue from children’s song to celebrity news!
Siri: Segue is a very difficult word to spell. You learn so much doing blogisodes! Apparently it’s from Italian. Or Latin. AND that was a weird segue again!
Chris: Well, it is Mundanevision, we are here to entertain and inform. Sometimes just inform.
Siri: I think with the sloth and the Afternoon Girls there’s always entertainment too.
Chris: Aww, so kind. Remember to give Siri a big bouquet of flowers on her way out. Wait, you don’t suffer from hay-fever, do you?
Siri: Yes I do suffer from hay-fever actually, but I don’t think it matters because with the miserable weather of the past few days you’d probably have a lot of difficulty finding any flowers.
Chris: Good point, but we better put some hay-fever medication in the bouquet just in case!
Siri: Yes, I wouldn’t want to be coughing and sneezing until next summer (in however many decades that will come). Do you give all of your guests gifts that will make them allergic?
Chris: My lawyer has advised me not to answer that question.
Siri: Hmm. Suspicious. I am sure you’ve used that as an answer to questions I’ve asked you in the past… Your lawyer must be aware of you doing some dangerous and illegal things…
Chris: You can never get him to talk!!! If you do, I’ll just give him flowers as well. He’s a hay-fever sufferer too. Or maybe that’s asthma, can you check on that for us, maybe?
Siri: Who are you asking? Are you asking me to check if your lawyer has asthma or hay-fever so you can decide what the best way to poison him is?
Chris: I would just go with strawberries.
Siri: The only person I’ve ever heard of being allergic to strawberries is Lindsay Lohan in the parent trap – Annie and Hallie are allergic.
Chris: So you know two people played by one person? That’s very confusing. So in effect, you know three people?
Siri: Well, Lindsay’s not really allergic and the other two are fictitious and came from the same egg so they’re really just one person who split into two before being born.
Chris: Like a double yolk.
Siri: I’m sure identical twins worldwide are enjoying this comparison.
Chris: They like being described as a double yolk?
Siri: I don’t see anything rude about it.
Chris: There’s not is there?
Siri: Maybe it’s that chickens are offended at being compared to twins? Maybe it’s a serious insult to call a chicken anything human related – or especially twin related.
Chris: If that does offend them, I’m sure they’ll be too chicken to do anything about it!
Siri: Well, you’ve seen the chickens in some films, like Chicken Run. They seem pretty brave in reality – and I use the term ‘reality’ very loosely, because I’m not sure Chicken Run exactly counts as reality. But still.
Chris: They should make a sequel to that film and call it Chickens Walk.
Siri: What would go on in this blockbuster hit movie named Chickens Walk? Explain the plot.
Chris: There’s a chicken called Harry and Harry’s in a flap because he can’t fly, he can only walk. But then he gets mentored by an older wiser chicken, voiced by, say, Morgan Freeman, and Harry eventually gets a very satisfying job as a lollipop chicken, helping people cross the road. To get to the other side, in fact!
Siri: Wow, I really wasn’t sure where you were going to go with the title Chicken Walk, but that was actually quite an impressive synopsis of what I think could be a big money making movie.
Chris: Especially if it’s released at Easter.
Siri: Well now you’ve got less than a year to write and film the movie. And casting could take quite a while because Harry seems like a complex character and I’m not sure many chickens can live up to that role.
Chris: If the people in blog land are up to the task, maybe they can help us?
Siri: Yeah, and I don’t think you’ll have any problems selling it to Morgan Freeman, just tell him the plot and he’ll immediately be on board and maybe bring some of his friends too – chicken or human?
Chris: He narrated a documentary on penguins, I’m sure this is a walk in the park for him! We shall go from film chickens to our very own resident chickens, here are the Afternoon Girls… They are pecking impatiently at their instruments. This singer used to be in Fleetwood Mac. She’s got a deep voice-,
Siri: And not the most feminine name, and that combined with the deep voice confused me enormously when I was little!
Chris: But children get older!
Siri: Yes, time made me bolder and more knowledgeable.
Chris: You are going to climb a mountain this year, aren’t you?
Siri: Yes, actually I am! In September. Although I don’t know how many snow covered hills there’ll be – I’m not sure what the temperature is like kilometres above Africa, but I’ll handle the seasons.
Chris: Well I hope nothing brings you down when you’re up there!
Siri: I can think of something that might be able to bring me down… but that’s already too many clues!
Chris: Okay, shall we get back to chickens?
Siri: Yeah, didn’t you want to talk more about casting?
Chris: YES, who do you think should play the young chicken, Harry?
Siri: Well, if you’re going for a human, then I can think of a few young actors who could do it. My personal favourite would probably be Bradley James, who seems like he’d be good at playing a young silly chicken making lots of mistakes.
Chris: Incidentally, if vegetarians are upset that we’re talking about meat on this blog, don’t worry, we’ll be talking about broccoli next week, for a balance.
Siri: All the vegetarians listening were probably imagining happy little chickens clucking around the field until you mentioned that, and now probably are crying over their sad little chickens being eaten. But that’s okay, you can enjoy next week’s broccoli.
Chris: But this is a chicken survival story!
Siri: True! Your movie will be important and inspirational for chickens everywhere! Probably choose your sponsors wisely, because I’m not sure that people like MacDonald’s will be lining up to support this movie, sadly.
Chris: I think this blogisode has reached the other side. Thank you very much for listening/reading, and if you’re affected by any issues raised in this blogisode, please call somebody else! Peace.