Gorilla uses Pan for Self-Defence

People of the internet, gather around. Lend me your routers, because we had so much to talk about yesterday but ran out of time, this is a special two for one offer on blogisodes! 

Chris: Hey Siri!

Siri: Hello Chris.

Chris: So, we’re back here again talking to the wonderful, wonderful people of the internet.

Siri: We certainly are, and let’s hope the people reading are the wonderful ones, not the trolls and the mean ones.

Chris: No trolls and mean ones. I’ve got a sentry patrolling outside, to make sure only nice people read our bonus blogisode.

Siri: I hope we’re pleasantly surprised all these nice and wonderful people. If we haven’t pleasantly surprised you, you clearly aren’t nice or wonderful.

Chris: Think of us as a giant kinder egg.

Siri: But we are not illegal anywhere, unlike kinder eggs, so we are even better!

Image result for kinder egg

Chris: What? Kinder eggs are illegal?

Siri: Yes, they get confiscated from you at the airport because they are illegal in the United States. People are allowed guns, but they’re not allowed kinder eggs. I’m actually serious.

Chris: It’s because they can’t handle the excitement of the toy, obviously.

Siri: Yeah, that’s probably it. You don’t want them to go on shooting sprees of excitement, or be so excited that they forget who they’re voting for in the elections and make terrible mistakes.

Chris: You’re blaming kinder eggs for a lot this blogisode!

Siri: Oh no, it’s not kinder eggs’ fault, I blame America.

Chris: Maybe we should get a giant kinder egg in the sky to plug up the whole in the ozone layer.

Siri: What a brilliant idea, you should get the science Nobel Prize. I don’t think they’ve announced that one yet, have they?

Chris: No, I don’t think so. Anyway, enough chocolate-based fun.

Siri: Oh, I really feel like eating some chocolate. Why did you have to make me hungry?

Chris: Welcome to the very hungry Siri. It’s a sequel to the Very Hungry Caterpillar.

Image result for very hungry caterpillar

Siri: Oh yes, what happens in the sequel?

Chris: You just eat food.

Siri: Do I also turn into a butterfly? Or just a large person?

Chris: Just a large person who gets their own kinder egg toy.

Siri: Ooh, the sequel sounds fantastic! What is the kinder egg toy surprise that Siri gets in the book?

Chris: It’s just you in the shape of a kinder egg toy!

Siri: Brilliant. Anyway, you said enough talk of chocolate.

Chris: We’re not talking about chocolate, we are talking about toys!

Siri: Yes, but toys that are inside chocolate. So what did you have in mind to talk about today?

Chris: A toy is something you talk about at home. And so let’s talk about home-ware. And pans are something you have at home.

Siri: This is a very smooth transition.

Chris: Yep, just like milk chocolate – oh, I’m so sorry. Anyway, Miley Cyrus has come out as PANsexual.

Siri: Yes, she has, and I’m still convinced she said that she was at least not straight, gay or bi several years ago, so I feel like we’ve known she’s pan for a while. But I guess it’s still good that she’s sharing knowledge of pansexuality with the world.

Chris: So this is actually a blogisode from 10 years ago.

Siri: It wouldn’t be the first time we’ve travelled through time on Mundanevision. Remember how we were somehow in an aeroplane with the cast of Pirates of the Caribbean AND King Arthur and his knights? Or remember when we looked into the future at the New Romans?

Chris: Yes, it’s a wonderful world. A weekly outlet for the Bizarre and Strange.

Siri: That’s certainly one way of summarising this weird random mundane show!

Chris: Anyway, Miley Cyrus.

Siri: Yeah, what are your thoughts on the whole thing?

Chris: Well, I can’t get out of my head the way Billy Ray found out. Apparently he was looking at her credit card bill and found out that she’d bought loads of frying pans. What a shocker.

Siri: I have no doubt that that is entirely true. Had you heard of being pan before Miley said it?

Chris: No, I’ve never heard of it before, but I looked it up and I say good for her.

Siri: Me too, and people so often confuse it with being bisexual, or just don’t know it exists at all, so, as I said, I’m just really happy that she’s using her voice for such good.

Chris: I’m really pleased that’s using her wrecking ball as well. Her new home design company is going from strength to strength.

Image result for miley wrecking ball

Siri: I know, singing and acting was such a waste, when clearly her home design company is where the real talent lies.

Chris: Seriously though, I’m so pleased she’s now comfortable with her sexuality.

Siri: I know, and hopefully lots more people will be too. In the article I read on her saying she was pan, it said that now only 48% of young people are identifying as exclusively heterosexual, which is great! Yay, more people being happy with themselves and less feeling like they have to stick to boxes and all.

Chris: So we, at Mundanevision say: if you want to buy frying pans, that’s okay kids, you go!

Siri: But don’t forget, if you don’t feel like frying pans are right for you, you’re welcome to buy any other kind of pan you can find, or even no pan at all.

Chris: What we’re saying it, there’s a home-ware section of your choice.

Siri: Exactly. Wow, we’ve already made it to 1000 words! But no worries, we have plenty still to talk about. So much going on in the world at the moment!

Chris: We are so insightful today.

Siri: Yes, spreading such good, we are. My next good deed message is for everyone to register to vote. Unless you live in a country with a dictator, in which case try your best to move house or become the dictator.

Chris: Yes. Maybe that’s what Trump thought. When he was a young kid looking at the TV he thought “maybe I can change this!” I wonder if this gorilla that’s escaped will support Trump or Hillary?

Siri: Firstly, I guess that a lot of great politicians are raised by watching the TV and thinking about what they can change, but maybe not in the way Trump was raised. Also, I think that the gorilla is a Hillary supporter – after all, he or she was unfairly caged in against his or her will, and fought to break out and make a statement to other gorillas that they deserve freedom! Definitely a democrat. What do you think?

Chris: I think he could be a secret undercover supporter for Trump, he looks a bit surly.

Siri: He or she certainly has the temper of a republican, so I suppose that wouldn’t surprise me either.

Chris: He’s undecided.

Siri: Yep, I think he or she probably broke out to go to America to try and see what on earth is going on, because no one else on the planet can understand it!

Chris: I think news on the gorilla TV network is confused. That’s why he broke out, to see for himself.

Image result for gorilla escapes zoo london

Siri: Yeah, the whole situation has got me wondering whether zoos are a good idea at all. I guess kids like going to see animals, but clearly they are not happy watching gorilla TV behind the glass.

Chris: What are you talking about, that’s one of my favourite reality TV shows – Apes Behind Bars.

Siri: I’d like to watch one called Republican Presidential Candidates Behind Bars. Pity that’s not a real TV show.

Chris: Ooh, political.

Siri: Yep, here on Mundanevision we can be political or philosophical or intellectual or whatever we want to be. We can buy whatever kind of pans we want to buy and do whatever we like.

Chris: YAY! I love this show!

Siri: Let’s hope the rest of the world does too. Or at least the nice and wonderful ones.

Chris: Okay, so… what else? We’ve done Trump, we’ve done Miley…

Siri: We’ve done the gorilla breaking out…

Chris: You mentioned something about self defence class the other day, does the gorilla take self defence classes?

Siri: I think everyone at the zoo should take self defence classes to protect themselves from the gorilla! They can be pretty scary.

Chris: Even the animals should take self defence classes.

Siri: Yes, although I guess they’d have to be tailored for each specific animal – our classes are quite reliant on our opposable thumbs, so most zoo animals couldn’t defend themselves in the same way. I guess some animals have special powers, like skunks and porcupines have other ways of defending themselves?

Chris: And the meerkats can appear on TV and taunt people, so there’ve got to be some gang ring leaders.

Siri: I’m sure there are plenty of ringleaders in the animal kingdom. Hopefully good leaders, not dictators or trolls.

Chris: Going back to a topic we were talking about yesterday, we are going to see Tom Hanks run away from a lot of slowing magma tomorrow!

Siri: YES. WE ARE. We are pretty excited about it, although it won’t be as good as Girl on the Train, I don’t think. Still, I approve of Tom Hanks.

Chris: I was thinking we could have every action hero in a race against each other, because they’re all so good at running away from stuff.

Siri: Yep, we should look at all the film covers in the world, and see which ones have people running, and race them. BUT, also in the race, there should be whatever they are running away from, for example the magma is also racing with them, so the action heroes have another thing to worry about – not dying! But would there also be people who aren’t running, people who are driving away? Or people who are sitting looking sad on trains? Would they be in the race too?

Image result for liam neeson running

Chris: Maybe. And does Liam Neeson run away from stuff or run towards stuff in most of his films? Does he chase things? If so, he can be the pacemaker.

Siri: Ooh, that’s a good point. I think, at least in Taken (and all the sequels) he’s running towards stuff. So maybe there should also be yet another element to the race, maybe people should have to try and catch things, as well? Kind of like in Quidditch when they have to get the snitch, only they are running after Liam Neeson’s daughter and stuff.

Chris: Oh, it seems Harry Potter is involved in everything. He goes away for a bit and comes back, he’s like a yoyo or a boomerang.

Siri: I know, especially here in Exeter, because I think a lot of students chose to come here purely because J.K. Rowling was here!

Chris: Harry Potter can be chasing Gandalf and Saruman.

Image result for gandalf and saruman

Siri: Saruman is a great name, I should read or watch Lord of the Rings. I’ve only read (or seen) the Hobbit.

Chris: Let me give you a synopsis.

Siri: Please, do. Go for it.

Chris: There’s a lead Hobbit, and he’s having a birthday party, and he’s also got a ring which makes him disappear or come back to life. And interfering Ian Mackellen turns up and tells him to get rid of the ring because he can’t be outdone with jewellery. And the Hobbit doesn’t want to do this. He says it’s his party and anyway it’s a family heirloom, and they go to a mountain and get rid of it. The end. I might have be making stuff about it being a family heirloom. And also some other tfhings.

Siri: Okay, it sounds kind of like not much happens, but also if you have made stuff up then actually I still have no idea what happens in Lord of the Rings!

Chris: It’s basically a story of some manly Hobbit who doesn’t want to be seen with a ring, so he gets rid of it into a mountain of magma.

Siri: Cool, sounds dramatic.

Chris: So, guys, we are wrapping up this blogisode, thank you very much for glancing or reading and we will see you next week. Peace.

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About mundanevision

Every day could be a Mundanevision blogisode day, now that they are posting weekly .So Grab a cup of tea and a biscuit and get comfortable because you're going to read about the least trendy topics.It's a blog you really do want to miss...
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