Welcome back to the Great British Bake Off: The Movie! [Audience applauds] When we last saw our heroes they were travelling toward the mysterious Bakers Street to look for a berry coloured door and a marque. They travelled for the night, hitching a lift on wagon wheels. Let’s rejoin them now as they catch sight of the berry coloured door.
Jess: Wow, that wagon wheel was a really smooth ride! I think it was covered in milk chocolate, although it was too dark to see. I told the driver to keep the orange-engine running in case there’s no one home.
Ru: Are you nervous?
Jess: Yes, I’m berry nervous.
Ru: Not too nervous to be making puns, I’m pleased to hear! Okay, let’s go try the door…
[Jess knocks on the door, and the door squeaks open]
Jess: Look at this place, it appears to be a sugar den, and every one is juiced up on berry juice! Look at that funny-looking man approaching. He’s got liquorish for a head! Who is he? He’s dressed like a handy man, I take it he does All Sorts.
Ru: Gummy bear! Is that a toblerphone ringing in the corner? And look! Look! That’s the lady in charge going to answer it!!!
Alice: Hello, Alice Almond. We love alliteration here at the Great British Bake Off. I can’t pay you now, but I’ve got another shipment coming tomorrow, I’m just baking it in the oven.
Ru: She’s the one we need to go over and speak to. [Ru runs up, and speaks to Alice as soon as she’s finished on the phone] HELLO! This is my sister, Jess. She wants to bake for you, she wants to join the competition. What would you like us to do here?
Alice: Only the best bakers can join the competition. I need you to carry this tray of delicious cakes on your head without dropping a single one. [Jess succeeds] Wow! A lot of people flake out of that challenge. There were flakes in the cakes you see. We are actually doing one of our technical challenges at the moment, why don’t you join in and I’ll see how well you do to determine whether you can continue on our Bake Off journey.
Bertie: [Speaking into a macaroon microphone] The contestants must construct the great Pyramids of Egypt from sponge sugar, marzipan foundations, and cocktail sticks. Ready, steady, bake!
Jess: How can we do all that? That’s impossible!
Bertie: That’s the perfection mother demands from the contestants.
Ru: Come on Jess, I’ll help you. Let’s put this here and…
After 72 hours of sweaty/sweety work, they finish their sticky masterpiece.
Alice: Wow, this is a big variety of talents. Well done Betty, well done Mildred, Well done Ben. I’m afraid you will have to go home though, Sally. [Continues commenting on people’s work] Oh… Jess, was it? Is this your work? I wasn’t expecting something so good from people so young!
Jess: Yes, as you can see, I’ve hand carved hieroglyphics into the sugar.
Alice: Well, very impressive. You’re through to the next round.
Bertie: That means the spongey beds in the next marque have been assigned. Congratulations Ru, Jess, Ben, Dom, Amelia, Betty and Mildred. You have some crazy weeks of competition ahead of you, and be prepared to hide from the law and avoid showing your face. You are all parts of the revolution.
Alice: However, there’s one more judge you have to impress.
Will the girls impress the mysterious judge? Who is this person? Will the pyramids stay upright and will the contestants be able to resist the temptation of eating them? Will The Great British Bake Off ever get recommissioned? Find out the answer to all this and more on Monday’s thrilling finale of Bake Off: the Movie!