Hey guys! We’re back and we are live, fresh from writing Bake Off: The Movie. We’ve barely got the flour off our hands! Let’s write a blogisode!
Chris: Hey Siri!
Siri: Hey Chris, and Happy November.
Chris: Oh yes, we’ve rolled over into November and the clocks have gone back.
Siri: Yep, and it’s also National Stress Awareness Day! So Happy Stress Day.
Chris: Are you aware of your stress?
Siri: I’m much less aware of it than I was yesterday, when I was rushing to get my essay in on time!
Chris: Talking of stress, I knew it was Stress Awareness Day, and I have a surprise for you. I have some stress for you to meet.
Siri: Okay… this should be interesting…
Chris: Siri, Stress. Stress, Siri. I said hello to them earlier, so that’s job done. Thank you stress, your bill will be in the post, although it’s so stressful trying to pay you.
Siri: What’s stress’s addresses?
Chris: You mean their address?
Chris: I can’t really pin it down, it’s so maddening!
Siri: Exhausting to think about, is it? Does it feel like life is out of control and pushing down on you when you try and remember?
Chris: Are you going to sell me drugs? Because that was a really good tag line for an infomercial.
Siri: I have some paracetamol or citalopram you could have? I’m pretty sure I’m not allowed to redistribute the latter though. I would make a terrible drug dealer, my first thought was ‘oh I can’t do that, it’s against the law’, which I think is something drug dealers aren’t supposed to worry about.
Chris: Ever thought about the fact that Breaking Bad is called Breaking Bad, not Breaking Good?
Siri: Isn’t it strange that Breaking Bad is bad, but if you broke good that would also be bad? Do you see what I mean?
Chris: Yes, I would like to write a TV show called Repairing Bad.
Siri: Would that be continuing to make the world a bad place? Like, bringing bad back? So bad is cool again?
Chris: Or playing Michael Jackson’s record so bad is actually good.
Siri: Ooh, that’s a good way of going about it. You’re such a smooth criminal.
Chris: I thought I told you not to talk about my criminal activities on the show! Goodness!
Siri: You’re right, that’s my BAD, haha. What am I allowed to talk about on the show then?
Chris: Pretty soon you’ll be telling people how I cover myself in dark chocolate so I can be smooth.
Siri: Or maybe you’ll tell them about it? Like you just did? In news not relating to what Chris does in his spare time, the Cathedral Green in Exeter has been opened up again for the happy citizens of Exeter to enjoy!
Chris: Wow! It’s like proper news reporting.
Siri: We cover all, here at Mundanevision. Especially since there hasn’t been too much celebrity drama since all the Brad and Angelina stuff. Although Zayn Malik of One Direction has just opened up about his eating disorder!
Chris: He had an eating disorder? I hope he’s got it IN order.
Siri: I think it is. It’s not distracting from his singing anyway. I love singing. Especially country singing. I wish there were TV shows about country singing (PLEASE SPONSOR US NASHVILLE!)
Chris: We’d love to meet Juliette Barnes and Scarlett O’Connor.
Siri: And I’d love to meet Rayna Jaymes too! And really the whole gang! (Not you, Jeff.)
Chris: Nobody wants to meet Jeff. Well I feel we’ve just done a good thing for the public. People that are sad about Bake Off finishing can now read Bake Off: The Movie and there might even be some deleted scenes coming out very soon for said film…
Siri: EXCITING STUFF! First Bake Off the Movie, then the Cathedral Green reopening, NOW the Bake Off Deleted Scenes and then CHRISTMAS!
Chris: You called.
Siri: Haha. You aren’t Christ. Don’t get yourself into the whole God Complex problem again, we’ve already struggled with that on this show.
Chris: I am God, and I’m not complex, so it’s fine. ANYWAY, enough of this hilarity. I want to talk about Halloween. Did you have a good Halloween?
Siri: I certainly did, I stayed inside and wrote my essay until 4:30am. What fun. I actually heard people coming back home from their nights out and things!
Chris: I’ve decided on the best costume for Halloween.
Siri: I’m not sure that’s true, my friend just got laser eye surgery that gave him red rings around his irises (HA, Iris! Sponsor us, Goo Goo Dolls!) so that’s pretty terrifying. But what was your idea?
Chris: The best thing to be on Halloween… Are you ready… Drum roll please…
Siri: [Drum rolls the desk]
Chris: A magician, because then you can do a trick or give out a treat!
Siri: Ooh, that would actually be ideal, because then if you decide you don’t want to be at a party, you can just magically disappear! I should have gone as Morgana… Maybe I did go as Morgana… And disappeared…
Chris: Anyway, we are doing that weird time travelling thing again when we talk about stuff from two days ago!
Siri: Yes, true. Well TODAY I was at the seaside.
Chris: Wow, were you? Did you pick up any shells?
Siri: Nope, but I picked up a delicious tuna baguette. And some Halloween Chocolates.
Chris: Hi food, please sponsor us!
Siri: Yes, we are promoting ALL FOOD. Please, calling ALL FOOD COMPANIES EVER, SPONSOR US NOW.
Chris: If you think about it, we already did our fair share of talking about food with Bake Off the Movie.
Siri: Yes, they won’t sponsor us though, will they? They are over. Sorry if you guys hadn’t figured that out yet.
Chris: If you keep up with the series and are going to watch it late, it’s still going on…
Siri: But in real time and reality it has been dead and gone for a week now.
Chris: The souffles have deflated and the souffles have sunk.
Siri: Much like the Titanic. Except perhaps a bit more recently, and perhaps the Great British Bake Off ending has more casualties.
Chris: Think of the poor ginger bread men, where are they going to go? I hope they remember to turn everything off in the Bake Off Tent, because it would be terrible if the Bake Off tent burnt down because they left the electricity on.
Siri: Yep, learn from Exeter’s mistakes, people. We didn’t have access to Tesco or banks or many shops for days. Anyway, I think it’s about time we turned our power off, we’ve already come towards overrunning today!
Chris: It’s so dark in here. Wait, did we save this blogisoooooooooodddddeeee…../