Hey guys! It is time for a new blogisode. The world wanted Brexit, but the Americans broke it. But this is going to be a Donald Trump-free blogisode. Let’s go!
Siri: Hello Chris!
Chris: Hi. How are you today?
Siri: Ooh, if this is going to be a Trump-free blogisode you can’t ask that.
Chris: Is there anything I can talk about?
Siri: Well, it’s pretty terrible weather here in the South West of England, we can certainly talk about that! We even had hail earlier!
Chris: The world is upset become something happened which I cannot talk about.
Siri: Yes, and also a tram or something fell over in London. That is about the only other thing that has happened in the news today.
Chris: Hopefully it will be Trump’s tram! But let’s not be disheartened, America, he hasn’t infiltrated one thing – he hasn’t infiltrated Kinder eggs. Donald Trump isn’t going to leap out of the yellow plastic egg and be the toy that you assemble.
Siri: Very true, but I don’t think that’s much of an upside. Especially since Americans aren’t even allowed Kinder eggs because of them being illegal. But it is certainly a sort of silver lining. But today seems kind of dominated with that terrible news, so let’s talk about anything else. What has been going on with you, Chris?
Chris: I have been reading.
Siri: Yeah, you got quite far in the book didn’t you?
Chris: Yes, I did. On the second book of a brilliant series. If anyone out there hasn’t read it, it’s called the Brilliant Series.
Siri: I’ve heard it’s really good. Also, Andy Murray is finally number one in the world! So that’s some good news for Britain – although less good if Scotland becomes independent post-Brexit.
Chris: Yes, we forgot about that. Braveheart – I mean Andy Murray – is number one in the tennis rankings! So what happens now? Does he become the lord of all tennis?
Siri: Temporarily. I can’t believe a Brit actually did it! We are so useless at everything.
Chris: I know, did somebody check the net? Maybe it wasn’t at the right height?
Siri: Well technically I think he became number one because the previous number one cancelled one of his matches, and Andy Murray was supposed to play Raonic, a Canadian, but Raonic dropped out. So really, Murray had no choice but to become number one!
Chris: He cancelled one of his matches? Didn’t anyone tell him that it’s really bad for tennis players to smoke? Sorry, that joke may cause friction in some cultures.
Siri: Friction, very clever. But yep, so one good thing has happened. And also one of our favourite characters on Nashville has appeared on another one of our favourite shows! So that caused some excitement too.
Chris: In the Mundanevision studios, but I’m not sure it caused excitement for anyone else reading this.
Siri: You’re right there, I think the overlap between Nashville fans and Humans fans AND Mundanevision fans is quite slim. But, who knows, after reading this maybe they’ll start watching all the shows we suggest?
Chris: Maybe they’ll pick up on the excited energy through the monitors.
Siri: Almost certainly. Especially when there’s not much excited energy in the world today.
Chris: I don’t know, electrons are having an amazing time. They’re still being stimulated. You excite electrons, their still being excited. Or is that atoms?
Siri: Let’s say electrons, but I genuinely am not sure. Also I wouldn’t be surprised if this bleak day caused even basic physics to stop working as normal!
Chris: Wow, we are really not scientists on Mundanevision! Sorry folks.
Siri: Yes, I can list all the elements but that is about as far as my scientific knowledge takes us. But that’s okay, we are experts in other fields. Like… … … I’m sure there’s something…
Chris: Mundanevision? Also I like fields. Fields are good.
Siri: True, and if we become scarecrows we could be outstanding in our fields.
Chris: Yes, we could!
Siri: We should have thought of that before Halloween.
Chris: Yes, we should have done, but let’s not regret blogisodes! Let’s move forward. I also have some very exciting news.
Chris: Our very own sloth was featured on David Attenborough’s Planet Earth 2 this week!
Siri: That’s so cool! That documentary was absolutely incredible. I hope that the sloth survived it. David Attenborough seems to have a very dramatic life. Every positive thing he said is followed by some tragic news – “This bird lives a happy life here in the trees with her eggs. Unfortunately, all the other birds in the tree want to eat her eggs, and very few of the chicks make it to hatching”. That seems to be the general structure of most of his speech.
Chris: Actually, it’s called a voiceover. He’s not seeing it as the same time as the camera. I have a bit of further bad news regarding the birds in the tree. Not only do they want to eat the egg, but they voted for Trump and the first bird voted for Clinton. Gosh, I’m actually doing it, aren’t I? The one thing I said I wouldn’t do, and I’m doing it!
Siri: I understand, it’s a difficult thing to get over. It’s certainly all I am thinking about today. It just doesn’t feel real.
Chris: Much like the period table. How big is that thing? You can’t get over it!
Siri: You can’t get under it. You’ll have to go through it.
Chris: But that would be impossible with the wall Trump wants to build.
Siri: Yeah. Following the Brexit vote earlier in the year, I thought that we were effectively just building walls around the UK and that that was a horrible idea, but now I think it seems actually pretty wise, if it’s going to save us from the rest of the world!
Chris: So I’ve decided, while we’re building this blog, we’ll both get science degrees so we know what we are talking about. So I got a flat pack table from Ikea, I spent all night building it but I built it wrong so I had to rebuild it ten times. It’s a periodic table!
Siri: Very clever! Did you build a rocket ship to take us to a planet where Trump isn’t a leader? Or I suppose you might need a science degree to do that first? Does Ikea cover vehicles for moon trips?
Chris: I don’t know, but you can definitely kit out a rocket with some lovely furnishings!
Siri: yeah, we can get some nice sofas and a TV, if Ikea do those? They definitely do chocolate bars, so we can supply ourselves with food on the Moon or whatever planet we go to as well!
Chris: Talking about chocolate bars (I’M TALKING TO YOU, TOBLERONE) did you know that Toblerone increased the size of the gaps to minimise weight?
Siri: Yes, I thought there’d be a really great reason for it, but their excuse is literally ‘we want to charge the same amount but give customers less food’ which is just not fair. I want the same Toblerone as before.
Chris: Well this is good for us because we won’t need a rocketship to get to space, we can just float away on a Toblerone!
Siri: Yeah, there’s so little there that it practically has minus weight. Definitely could lift us up. They shouldn’t be called Toblerone, they should be called Tothemoon!
Chris: Oh, very good.
Siri: Why thank you. I’m not quite at your level of quick wit, but I’m learning. I’m your apprentice.
Chris: You will be at my level, this Toblerone is so light it can lift you up!
Siri: See, there you go again!
Chris: MILKY WAY, we’ve exceeded our word limit! So Siri and I are going to float away on the Toblerone until all of this dies down. See you next week! Peace. Hold on Siri, here we goooooo………..