HELLO. At this time of year, when it’s cold and grey and wet, please spare a thought for gnomes. Gnomes are out in all weather conditions with fishing rods, but the plight of the ocean is such that there are no fish for them to catch. At Gnome Trust, we are dedicated to helping gnomes in these terrible times. Just £15 a month will get a gnome a tea-cosy to keep the rain off. £35 will get a gnome a plastic sea-bass. Imagine the smile on their faces. Gnome Trust is a made-up charity supported by Mundanevision.
Chris: Hey guys, welcome to the show! Hey Siri!
Siri: Hello, and Happy November almost December.
Chris: Yes, same to you! It is the grey Wednesday before Black Friday.
Siri: It certainly is. And I don’t need you reminding me as well – spam emails this week have gone crazy! If anything important was emailed to me I would have no idea, because I am used to just ignoring all Black Friday-related messages.
Chris: Why are they spam emails, I much prefer corn beef?
Siri: I’m not sure, maybe you should start up your own emails.
Chris: Cheese and pickled junk emails! It doesn’t have quite the same ring to it, does it? Send me a pickle.
Siri: It sounds very weird, and untrustworthy. I would definitely not open a PJ email asking me to send a pickle.
Chris: Anyway, we’ve got to deal with the fact that Black Friday is upon us. The deals are going crazy. You can get a 14 inch £4k ultra TV for £14!
Siri: Yes, and that will actually be useful next week, because during thanksgiving week all TV shows decide to stop and take a break, and torture us. At least after Thanksgiving, when all the TV shows return, you’ll be able to actually use your super cheap TV.
Chris: I was thinking that we should do a Black Friday sale on Mundanevision blogisodes. However, if we made the screen black, nobody would be able to read the blogisodes! So we kind of shot ourselves in the foot with that idea.
Siri: Yeah, it would have been a problem when everyone turned on their computers to read Mundanevision and then it all went black forever – we would lose all of our viewers!
Chris: Or just turn the power off for one day? Maybe that would work?
Siri: Yes, except I have no idea how to do that. Power companies keep calling me up to try and sell me things, and this time of year is just too stressful! I only want to focus on Christmas shopping!
Chris: That is shopping for Chris, right.
Siri: No. But, while we are on the subject, it was Chris’s birthday almost a week ago today, so wish him a Happy Birthday, viewers! I think he had a good day, I certainly enjoyed it. What do you make of being 36 now, Chris?
Chris: It’s just like being 35, but a bit older.
Siri: That really is groundbreaking. Thank you for your insightful and revolutionary comments on the occasion.
Chris: We are nothing if not groundbreaking here on Mundanevision.
Siri: Very very true! What else has been going on in the world that we can discuss on our weekly blogisode? I feel like a lot of time has passed!
Chris: Yes. Before we go onto that, I want to talk about how to turn powers out, so we can have a proper Black Friday this week. They keep mentioning something called the power grid, so I think it’s something like Battleships. You pick the right square, and: puff. WELL DONE, you’ve sunk EDF energy, only British Gas to go! D6, that’s a miss.
Siri: Let’s hope this only lasts for Black Friday, because the last thing we want is for the entire headquarters of British Gas to be at the bottom of the English Channel.
Chris: I think it would be a good family friendly game that they could play on Christmas that will add to an already stressful day.
Siri: Well, I’m okay because I celebrate Christmas in a much hotter country, but here in the UK you don’t want to be spending the day slowly drowning all the different companies working hard at keeping your house warm.
Chris: It will save money on the budget!
Siri: That might be true. You should be Chancellor of the Exchequer – I think you’ve got flawless ideas of money saving techniques!
Chris: But I can’t play chess!
Siri: Oh no, there goes what was my dream for you for at least 4 seconds.
Chris: I was a good Chancellor for 4 seconds. I’ll go down in history. “Remember that four-second-chancellor?” they’ll say.
Siri: You were certainly good at underlining key issues during your reign and time in the role.
Chris: I think I might have even beaten Britney’s marriage!
Siri: Which marriage, the Justin Timberlake one? Were there more? Was she even married to Justin Timberlake? Who even is Justin Timberlake? Who is Britney Spears?
Chris: Who is Britney Spears? I have a vague recollection of her. Was she in those EE advertisements? What is marriage?
Siri: Supposedly Britney is big again now. As in important in the world, not big like Violet Beauregard was after she ate the gum she wasn’t supposed in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory.
Chris: What does Willy Wonka do in the summer, because his factory must melt, sure? He’s a business who won’t succeed after climate change, because it’ll be too hot!
Siri: If they haven’t been sunk by one of your games, British Gas might not succeed after climate change!
Chris: Have you seen the penguins in those ads?
Chris: They have a stuffed, tap dancing penguin in their ads! Wilbur!
Siri: How does a stuffed penguin tap dance? Surely it’s flippers are too soft to make a noise on the floor?
Chris: Bubble wrap.
Siri: You are a genius.
Chris: Or is that body popping?
Siri: Probably both. Tap dancing bubble popping penguins that are stuffed must be a magnificent sight. Are they stuffed with their Christmas dinner?
Chris: They might be, they just might be. So give generously to gnomes, they need your help this Christmas. We will send you a cuddly toy gnome if you help! We hope you enjoyed Mundanevision, the show that it is easier to write than cheer. Peace.