Hey guys. It’s cold. We have our hot chocolates. It’s Monday – that’s different! We’ve never done it on a Monday before, it almost feels like it hasn’t had enough time in the oven yet! Oh, let’s do this. Scone anyone?
Chris: Hey Siri:
Siri: Good evening, Christopher.
Chris: This is so weird on a Monday, the week feels so young.
Siri: I don’t know, all the days tend to merge into each other at the end of the year.
Chris: But this is the only day with ‘M’ in it, right?
Siri: Yes, that’s very true, and an excellent point.
Chris: Let me at the M&Ms!
Siri: I’ve actually got a bag of those at home! Well, I had a bag, now I have only about 20 left.
Chris: 20 M&Ms? How many were in the bag initially?
Siri: About 200 I would think! We put some on the dessert pizza that we made on Saturday night.
Chris: Wow, you’d be very good at the fairground, guessing how many sweets are in the jar.
Siri: I don’t know about that – although I’d certainly be good at eating all the sweets in the jar and then guessing that there were zero left.
Chris: You’ll be able to win gold! Plenty of goldfish. There’s goldfish, there’s silver fish, where are the bronze fish?
Siri: I didn’t even know there were silver fish! That’s news to me.
Chris: Oh yes. Let’s google it!
Siri: Oh. They are not quite as beautiful as some other fish. I don’t really even believe that they are fish…
Chris: Well, surely the fishness of an object is in the eye of the beholder?
Siri: Yes, that makes sense. I think that’s written on the cover of the fish identification law book.
Chris: There’s a fish identification law book? It stands to reason then that there is a fish identification witness protection programme.
Siri: Oh, absolutely!
Chris: Maybe the silver fish has been living in witness relocation for all this time.
Siri: Quite possibly. Who else is living there?
Chris: I would say the crane (the bird), because they don’t look like actual cranes!
Siri: That’s true, they definitely need to be protected.
Chris: So if there are all these fish in the witness relocation, maybe that means there’s a fish mafia, who commit horrible crimes.
Siri: This seems like a good opportunity to come up with some fish-mafia pun names.
Chris: Well, there’s King Prawn.
Siri: Oh yes, he’s pretty tough.
Chris: And there’s the fish they use to lure other fish out, the White Bait.
Siri: And the mastermind behind the captures, the Clam.
Chris: Anyway, back on to the bronze fish.
Siri: Yes, tell me about the bronze fish.
Chris: They don’t exist, or maybe they are so tanned you can’t see them. They are from Essex, or somewhere.
Siri: Yeah, I hear Essex is full of them tanned bronze fish.
Chris: You get the heaviest in the fish mafia, called Mussels.
Siri: Yep, they are the toughest of them all. The fish mafia is actually quite a successful mafia. Definitely the most successful under the sea. Although I’m not sure there are any other under sea mafias.
Chris: Don’t tell them that, they’ll get crabby.
Siri: We’ll SEA about that.
Chris: Actually, you could remake the Jason Bourne films using characters from the fish mafia.
Siri: I feel like you have some examples in your mind?
Chris: The Prawn Identity, The Prawn Supremacy,
Siri: The Fish-Spawn Ultimatum?
Chris: Yes. If you’re going to chip in, Siri, with a joke, please raise your hand.
Siri: Of course, I do apologise. How about [raises hand] The Bourne Legaseeeaaa?
Chris: The Bourne Legasea, yes! And.. What else is there?
Siri: The most recent one is called Jason Bourne.
Chris: I think you mean Jason Prawn.
Siri: Yes you’re right, I absolutely mean that.
Chris: The latest one is out on DVD today in fact.
Siri: How coincidental!
Chris: It’s like we planned this.
Siri: No, we’d never think that far ahead. Although I have made some plans for the next week. I’m going to a carnival. Do you have any carnival-themed jokes you’d like to bring up…?
Chris: At carnivals, they only eat meat.
Siri: Ahaha, that is a good one, but I was thinking more the fun-fair kind of carnival…
Chris: You should see this, readers, there are balloons going up and everything! Siri, could you stop winking at me, I’m getting to it!
Siri: Sorry, I like this joke so I’m just getting a bit impatient.
Chris: Why do they only do carnivals for kids, and not for adults?
Siri: I don’t know (shh, readers, I do actually know!), why do they only do carnivals for kids?
Chris: I do not know, but I don’t think it is FUN or FAIR!
Siri: Hahaha, what a good one. Did you come up with that yourself?
Chris: No, the sloth told me it. He’s branching out into comedy!
Siri: What a talented little slow animal he is. I heard he’s also in charge of the fish witness protection programme. Can we call that the fishtness protection programme?
Chris: The FWP, I think.
Siri: Aah yes, that makes more sense.
Chris: Sense?! Since when does are show make sense?!
Siri: Have you seen the moon cauliflower with the doughnut plums?
Chris: No, I have not seen the moon cauliflower with the doughnut plums.
Siri: Oh, you should, it’s flonglampoda!
Chris: Can someone get an exorcist in the studio? Siri is talking madness!
Siri: It makes pretty much as much sense as we normally do on Mundanevision.
Chris: To be fair though, somebody should rewrite the Bourne films, just somebody who’s really bored.
Siri: I am definitely not bored enough to rewrite them yet. Hasn’t got to that stage. I haven’t even watched them! How about you, do you feel like rewriting them?
Chris: I’ve watched Bourne and it’s basically about a guy who can’t remember what or who he is, or that he’s a super assassin. Surely that’s a job for ancestory.com?
Siri: I don’t think the movies would be as dramatic and tense if it was just him researching his past on ancestory.com, but it definitely makes more sense in real life!
Chris: What about if the website crashes?
Siri: That makes it a slightly more gripping movie, but still not as loud and exciting as actual crashes.
Chris: What about if, and this will blow your mind, he has to turn the router on and off?
Siri: There we go. There’s your Oscar-winning world wide hit. You’ve got it.
Chris: Thank you thank you, I’m here all week, and we’ll see you next week for our HUNDREDTH BLOGISODE! We’ve done as many blogisodes as red balloons! Nena would be proud. Peace. x