Hello and welcome to this exciting episode of Mundanevision. A blog which combines razor sharp wit and true grit. Okay, let’s start the show.
Chris: Hey Siri!
Siri: Hello Chris!
Chris: So, the Oscar nominations are out today. Have you seen any of them?
Siri: BBC thought they would notify me that La La Land has been nominated for 14. But I don’t know anything else.
Chris: 14 Oscars for somebody going La La?! That is overkill, but never mind! It’s amazing how a baby goose can act that well.
Siri: A gosling?
Siri: You’re talking about a baby goose acting well, but the other lead was literally a small rock. And she did marvellously too.
Chris: Wow, do they even need actors anymore?
Siri: I don’t know, good question though. Who else got nominated?
Chris: A lion got nominated.
Siri: Oh, cool, I haven’t seen Lion yet! It looks good though, judging by what I saw on Graham Norton.
Chris: Has he seen it?
Siri: Good question, you should ask him.
Chris: Can I have Graham Norton’s phone number please?
Siri: We’ll ask the sloth to find it for you.
Chris: He’s on the case.
Siri: Is he literally on a case?
Chris: No, no, I was using terminology from an American crime show.
Siri: Which one?
Chris: Any of them.
Siri: There should be a crime show-,
Chris: About blogs?
Siri: Yes, great idea! Although isn’t that kind of what CSI: Cyber is about?
Chris: No, CSI: Cyber’s not about blogs. In my version, Joe Blogs would be a hard bitten cop who has come over from America and now uses his unconventional methods to solve crimes involving blogs.
Siri: That sounds like a good show. It kind of reminds me of Dr John Watson’s blog, and how he and Sherlock solve crimes.
Chris: In my show, there’d be a lot of dusting of keyboards, but the twist would be that Detective Joe Blogs is an iguana!
Siri: Ooh, that is a twist! Is he secretly an iguana, or does everyone know that?
Chris: Everyone knows he’s an iguana, but what people don’t know is that he’s an iguana with chameleon DNA.
Siri: *GASPS*, what does that mean he can do???
Chris: That means that he can blend in to any surface he chooses!
Siri: Doesn’t it take him a lot longer to write his blogs as he’s a chameleon/iguana?
Chris: Yes, but the fact that he’s a chameleon makes him the ideal worker, because he never takes a day off – he’s never off colour!
Siri: Ooh, what a clever one Mr Blogs is! He must be a very good detective. He can even secretly break into suspects homes and watch them without anyone knowing. He might be breaking the law doing that, but I’m sure he learns a lot of stuff.
Chris: The tagline of the show is: he used to write blogs, now he investigates them.
Siri: Is iguanagates a word? For when iguanas are investigating?
Chris: I don’t know, but that sounds like a brilliant hashtag!
Siri: Yes, that’s true! Everyone who supports the detective can put #iguanagater on all their blog posts and twitter entries.
Chris: Let’s get it trending, fans!
Siri: Yes, go go go, tweet about Joe the blogging blog-iguanagator who’s also a chameleon! In other news, I see all the Valentine’s day merchendise is coming out now!
Chris: Yes! This brings me to exciting news. Our sloth is hanging around Sainsbury’s!
Siri: Whaat?! What’s he doing not at work?? Is he looking for a date??
Chris: I don’t know, but I’m going to go down after the show and liberate him!
Siri: Great idea, although if he is looking for dates, I doubt he feels like he needs liberating!
Chris: And then we can put an actual picture of the actual sloth on the Mundanevision facebook page!
Siri: Oh, that would be brilliant, our readers would love it! And I’m sure Sloth would too – what a great way to start internet dating. See, Mundanevision helps so many people in so many areas of life, and they don’t even have to be human!
Chris: We are so underappreciated!
Siri: Very true, where are our Oscars??? Or our other awards? Where is Joe Blogs to congratulate us on our humour and wit?
Chris: I can’t see him, he must be around here somewhere.
Siri: Yes, I’m sure you’re right. All the awards people are probably on their way to congratulate us and give us prizes and money and awards. Mary Berry must even be on her way!
Chris: Yes, think of all the stuff we’ve done over the past year! We’ve done lots of stuff.
Siri: I’m still awaiting all our sponsors. We advertise so many films, foods, and fantastic other things on here, that people really should be paying us!
Chris: But if they pay us, will other blogs say “ooh, that Mundanevision, they’ve sold out”?
Siri: Maybe, but it’s just jealousy. All blogs want to sell out eventually, it’s just the best ones that have the opportunity!
Chris: I have an answer to all those haters anyway – I’ve never sold anything in my life! So how can I be a sell-out?
Siri: Good point, although you have considered selling things, I’m sure. And you’ve kind of sold your talent.
Chris: To the internet?
Siri: Yes, exactly! You are payed in praise and adoration.
Chris: And views and likes!
Siri: Yep, views too!
Chris: I feel like if people love this blog, all they need to do is give it a view, and a little Oscar ceremony is set off in my head.
Siri: Maybe we could gain our fame by starting up the Oscars for blogs in the UK? We could call it the BritBlog Awards?
Chris: Yes! We wouldn’t roll out a red carpet, it would be a blue rug!
Siri: And no one would take any photos of the bloggers, because no one knows what bloggers look like.
Chris: I know who does.
Chris: Joe Blogs! #iguanagate
Siri: SO TRUE. Joe Blogs could be the judge. If iguana-chameleons can vote? I don’t know how good his skills at counting, or writing or anything are. I also don’t really know what qualities you need to be a good judge. I think Joe Blogs would be magnificent though.
Chris: He has the iguana factor! So, everybody, enough of this silliness, we must away for another day! Thank you very much!
Siri: Goodbye wonderful bloggers or blog-readers!
Chris: #iguanagate! Peace. x