*Muffled voices* So is the banana part of the recipe, or is it just for garnish…. right… right…
Chris: OH! Hi guys! Welcome to Mundanevision. Sorry, that’s the glimpse of the riveting conversation we have here in the studio in between the blogisodes. Some might say we’re frittering our lives away. Somebody get that old joke out of here, I’m really sorry about that! Hey Siri, put the cream down, we’ve got a blogisode to do!
Siri: I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’ll try! How are you today Chris? I’m very well.
Chris: I am exceptional, thank you, because… well, for many reasons. For one, we are back in the studio doing a blogisode for the lovely people of the internet!
Siri: Woohooo! And are there any other reasons?
Chris: Oh no, but there are plenty of other raisins. WE DON’T NEED RAISINS NOW.
Siri: It’s difficult to get baked goods off your mind when there are so many delicious ones! Sorry, I’m back on the cream again…
Chris: If you want to blog it, you can buy mine and Siri’s latest cook book. It’s called Cook the World, available in all good cook shops.
Siri: Not anymore.
Chris: What?! We’ve sold out? Well bang goes that idea then. Well, back to the blog.
Siri: Yep, what’s on the agenda for today’s blogisode?
Chris: Well, my thought was that, you know how Mundanevision always offers a public service?
Siri: Sure sure…
Chris: Well, today I thought we could go to the aid of an elderly role model for young children.
Siri: … You?
Chris: Who can matel who that is? I know I roll around a lot, but I’m not a role model! I was talking about Barbie!
Siri: Wait… I’m confused… You’re not Barbie?
Chris: I’m not Barbie! I can’t believe you’d ever think I was Barbie. That’s ageist.
Siri: You’re ageist for thinking it’s ageist. Don’t go judging Barbie.
Chris: Well you’re ageist for thinking that I was ageist for thinking you were ageist.
Chris: This is going to take AGES. So, back to Barbie, the plastic princess. She recently turned fifty five, and I was thinking that we could help her in a location location location type feature (a housing programme, basically).
Siri: How so?
Chris: We are going to write a totally off the cover advertisement to sell the kids of the world a new Barbie product. Barbie’s beautiful bungalow.
Siri: Ooh, exciting, tell me more tell me more!
Chris: Well, you see, stairs at her age are getting a bit more difficult.
Siri: VERY true. Although I think my fifty five year old parents would not be too pleased to hear you say so!
Chris: Okay, let’s say that she can still manage stairs, but she needs a moderately sized garden because she can’t manage with a big one any more.
Siri: That seems fair. I’m twenty one and I can’t manage with the tiny tiny patch of grass outside my house. It’s more like a very small forest now. If forests were made purely out of weeds. And not the expensive kind of weeds.
Chris: Do you get a lot of rustafarians hanging out in your garden?
Siri: Nope, so I guess that’s one good thing about my garden? Or maybe I’m missing out on a lot of fun, who knows!
Chris: Anyway, so we do this planned advertisement for Barbie’s beautiful bungalow?
Siri: Yaaaas, let’s DO THIS! Go:
Chris: Hey kids! You know you like Barbie, and Barbie’s Malibu dream house. You’re going to love a new product we have to tempt you with today… Barbie’s Beautiful Bungalow! If you loved Barbie’s jet skis and Jacuzzi, you are going to love Barbie’s moderately sized living room with sashed windows, with all her friends such as Cindy and Ken can come over. If you liked Barbie’s activity centre, you’re going to love Barbie’s coffee morning with a coffee and walnut cake which is so real you can almost taste it.
Siri: I’m going to interrupt and say that coffee and walnut cake that you can ALMOST taste is probably the worst possible kind of coffee and walnut cake that has ever existed. Who wants to buy cake they can ALMOST taste when you can have cake you CAN taste?
Chris: But how many of Barbie’s target audience are even allowed coffee and walnut cake?
Siri: An excellent point, I suppose. If Barbie’s target audience is anything like what I was like as a kid, they probably hate both coffee and walnuts, so might prefer cake that you can’t taste at all! Anyway, is there more to the ad?
Chris: Back to the ad! After Barbie and her friends have enjoyed some delicious coffee and walnut cake, you can make believe that Barbie is showing her friends round upstairs in her en-suite bedroom.
Siri: Again, sorry to interrupt, but since when do bungalows have upstairs bedrooms? Or are we relying on kids having really powerful imaginations?
Chris: Hey, don’t blame me, blame the cow – I didn’t write this thing! But yes, you are right.
Siri: *cough* as always *cough*.
Chris: So, shall we go then?
Chris: Once Barbie and friends have enjoyed their delicious coffee and walnut cake (adult supervision required during this play time) Barbie can always show her friends around her en-suite bedroom with her radical TV and blueray player combination set! Or watch Ken mow the lawn. WHICH HE NEVER DOES. Don’t worry, Barbie’s not bitter.
Siri: Do the miniture TV and blueray player work? Or are they password protected just for Barbie and her amigos?
Chris: You can actually play the Blueray and TV combi. Barbie’s favourite film is High School Musical.
Siri: She has excellent taste. Sidenote, the second one is the best.
Chris: And then, when you’re older and watching the High School Musical box set, Barbie will sit at home watching home videos of Ken trying to fix the car (which he never did because they were married) (sorry, I’ve gone off topic a bit), don’t worry kids, Barbie’s not bitter! After enjoying HSM, Barbie and her friends will say goodnight as it’s time for plastic people to say farewell! WASN’T THAT FUN KIDS?
Siri: I know I think so.
Chris: Barbie’s beautiful bungalow, each room sold separately. Stairs optional.
Siri: And the TV blueray combo costs 10 times as much as an actual version. It costs surprisingly much to make a very small one.
Chris: I can foresee kids all over the world are clamouring to beg their parents to buy this new product!
Siri: Once again, Christopher, you have proved yourself a marketing genius.
Chris: So, with that, I think middle aged Barbie will be satisfied. See you next week, where we help out Moana, where we build Moana a soundproof room so she can sing to her heart’s content.
Siri: Ooh, I need this room too.
Chris: That’s it, folks! The blogisode is over. Back to the bananas! See you soon, peace.