Hey guys! Welcome to another spontaneous, unrehearsed, unplanned – all the ‘un’s really – blogisode of mundanevision. We thank you for sticking with us, unless you’ve got some kind of glue on your seat and you can’t move!
Chris: Hey Siri!
Siri: Good afternoon, lovely Chris.
Chris: It is a good afternoon, because this is the beginning of a new Mundanevision blogisode! *pause for cheering*
Siri: Whaaaat? You’re kidding. That is crazy new information.
Chris: *pause for sighing*
Siri: So, what is new with you today?
Chris: Well… I’m just happy to be alive today, in a world where Trump is president – hang on, that’s wrong. Alternative facts guys! Mundanevision can give the best alternative facts, you’ve ever seen.
Siri: Yup, there’s us just spreading fake news again.
Chris: Speaking of fake news, fake news is like marmite. Either you like it or you hate it.
Siri: I like fake news, but I hate how much people keep going on about fake news.
Chris: hash tag fake news!
Siri: Wow, our tags are actually inside our blogisode now!
Chris: Yes, metaphorically speaking.
Siri: I’ve generally just been pushing any news concerning America out of my mind at the moment. It’s much more fun focussing on the UK general election that is coming up!
Chris: Can you imagine if Corbyn and Trump were in power?
Siri: I just can’t imagine Corbyn being in power at all. He is a terrible leader for a party (despite how much I like the party), and absolutely cannot lead the country.
Chris: Despite this he’s offering amazing stuff.
Siri: … … is he though…? I feel like he somehow has miraculous amounts of money to focus on things that are absolutely not the priority. THAT’S just my personal opinion though, let’s not for god’s sake get into a political debate on Mundanevision, I’m sure we have enough of those anyway.
Chris: Do you think ex party leaders become children’s entertainers, as they are already good at leading parties in the first place?
Siri: I think potentially, although if someone like Blair is a children’s entertainer, I can only imagine he’d be a clown, or someone who’s supposed to terrify the children. I now realise that clowns aren’t actually SUPPOSED to do that, but that is what would make Blair even better at it I think. He doesn’t mean to scare people.
Chris: Can you imagine clowns invading Iraq to find weapons of mass destruction?
Siri: I think if you want to invade Iraq, clowns are the way to go. We could also solve Trump’s issues with North Korea with an army of clowns, in my opinion!
Chris: Oh, it’s North KOrea – I’ve constantly misheard heard that as north courier, and imagined people on bicycles delivering hot food – the nuclear option.
Siri: Wow, so you thought the world was a much better place, if food delivery was the top of all news stories!
Chris: And I thought Kim Jong Il was only ill from food poisoning, and THAT is how he died!
Siri: Nope, although food is a good way to go, i think. But, once again, the world is not as awesome a place as you thought it was.
Chris: AND I thought that the Trident nuclear sub programme was a new sandwich being offered at subway! A really massive sandwich!
Siri: With secret codes and secret locations across the world?
Chris: Well, they have secret sauce and a secret recipe, so it does make sense. I thought it was all tied in with subway!
Siri: See when I first heard about it, I thought of Trident gum, and thought maybe it was some top secret government plan to enclose the world in a giant balloon of bubble gum!
Chris: It would have to be sugar-free to tackle the obesity crisis.
Siri: Ah yes, that makes sense. Or maybe they introduced the sugar tax so that fewer people would be buying sugar, and thus there would be more sugar for them to make this giant bubble gum bubble. However, I’m not really sure what it’s supposed to protect us from… maybe another meteor?
Chris: Or maybe another brand of gum? Spearmint, must be a sharp gum, it’s got Spear in the name!
Siri: Like Britney is a sharp person?
Chris: Yes, I’m sure she knows a thing or too about shavers. Sorry, Britney, that was a step too far. Ooops, I did it again.
Siri: Yep, see I thought you were going to go down the song-naming route. Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll forgive you. Or, if not, come down here asking if you want a piece of her. But I really like the idea that aliens are coming with a new kind of gum that will rival trident gum, so that’s why we need to build the bubble gum bubble.
Chris: To be fair though, I thought people had to pay the sugar tax in sugar. Wouldn’t that make your wallet sticky, carrying all that sugar around? And is brown worth more than white sugar?
Siri: Oh brown is absolutely worth more than white, always.
Chris: And then there’s demerara sugar, which to me just sounds like a new boy band member. Look Whitney, it’s Demerara Sugar! Yes I know, he’s so sweet. I assume that demerara sugar is sweet – if not, please don’t tax us!
Siri: Oh, demerara is the greatest. And I think Demerara Sugar is a new member of a band, but I think it’s Maroon 5, and they were so excited about his joining that they named a song (Sugar) after him!
Chris: How did they get the name maroon 5? Did they get marooned together on an island, and there are 5 of them?
Siri: Quite possibly to be honest… Anything is possible when it comes to the music world. People do some crazy things. But I always imagined it would be named after the colour maroon. Maybe they got marooned on a maroon coloured island?
Chris: Anyway, there was a reason I brought up politicians being reemployed as party entertainers. Because I can see how an interview with that girl would go: Sit down, Mrs Smith. I see here you’ve had practice leading a party? What, in the conga, pass the parcel… what? NO, running the country.
Siri: Absolutely. And it would be confusing but brilliant.
Chris: Yes. Alright, all this food invasion talk has made me hungry, so I hope that Big Mac from Scotland invades in the next 5 minutes. Pea(s)ce.