The Queen of Pointless Chocolate Jokes

Guys, before I do a proper introduction to this last blogisode of the series, I feel it’s only right to mention the tragic events of last night in Manchester. As all people are, here at Mundanevision we are deeply saddened by the horrific waste of life and our thoughts go out to the families and friends of those affected.

Hey guys! Now for the second start of the show. Welcome to the last in this current series of Mundanevision. I know, shocking isn’t it! (See what I did there? “Shocking” and “current”!) But let’s not be downhearted, and let’s make this a blogisode to remember. 

Chris: Hey Siri!

Siri: Keeping to our classic opening line, I see!

Chris: Did you like my Manchester introduction? Would you like to add anything before we go on?

Siri: Yes, actually. I just want to say that we hear of so many terrible things happening in the world, and people everywhere suffering, and somehow it still seems separate from our own lives. This, for me, has been a bit of a wake-up, that the sense of security we feel is really all in our heads, and this could happen to anyone, at any time. My younger sister was just 15 minutes’ walk away from Manchester Arena. So thank you, I guess, to people who don’t get thanked enough – the police, security, ambulances and passersby that help in horrifying situations like this. I’m sorry to anyone who has been affected, and everyone else too.

Chris: To be honest, I don’t feel like be funny on a day like this, but if it will take people’s minds of it, I will try.

Siri: So this final blogisode of the series is for those who need cheering up today.

Chris: For any reason, not just the tragic events of last night in Manchester.

Siri: So, hello Chris.

Chris: Hi Siri.

Siri: Manchester aside, how are you today? I understand you had a delicious afternoon tea with a twist?

Chris: Yes! Well, we had a delicious afternoon tea with a twist, at Chococo’s. Thank you Chococo’s, please sponsor us!

Siri: Yes, everyone go to Chococo’s tell them we sent you, and tell them to give us free chocolate afternoon teas forever!

Image result for chococo's exeter

Chris: I feel like a bit of an afternoon tease doing this blogisode!

Siri: Oh, you’re very quick today, Christopher!

Chris: I know, I am quick. So, Prince Phillip has retired!

Siri: And apparently he’s considered a demi God in some south Pacific islands?! Who knew?

Chris: I would like to see him, now he’s got more time on his hands, on some reality TV shows, or home improvement shows.

Siri: Yup, I’m expecting him to appear on Jeremy Kyle any day now!

Chris: Maybe Location, Location Location? Phil and Liz Windsor are looking for a picturesque seaside cottage in Lyme Regis. Can we be as successful in helping them out as we were with Barbie last week?

Siri: They have a lot of money to spend, as long as you don’t mind them spending your money.

Chris: I guess it’s their money because she’s on the money?

Siri: Good point. So actually the TV you’re watching this programme on was bought with their money…

Chris: So everything you’ve ever owned or ever will own is owned by the Queen, so you’re only renting it! Isn’t that a depressing thought?

Image result for new £5 note uk

Siri: I guess if you earn your money abroad, it’s yours? For example, my laptop I consider mine because I bought it with Omani Rials. However, I think maybe there are some buildings or a palm tree or something on Omani money, so maybe I’m even worse, renting this from inanimate objects…?

Chris: So basically life is just one big monopoly game?

Siri: Yes, except I’m not sure you’re meant to be in debt the whole of Monopoly, that’s just how people play! And I think the ultimate win in life is if you are on the money, literally, because then you own it? So you need to be a founding father of the United States (shout out to Hamilton fans) or a monarch, or a famous landmark, to own anything at all! Update, I’ve just checked what Omani money looks like (I couldn’t remember just on my own), and it turns out Sultan Qaboos bin Said owns my laptop! If anyone’s going to own it, I’m glad it’s him.

Image result for omani rials

Chris: Can you imagine the Sultan’s search history? “Land for building old buildings”, “car dealerships” and “the best month for a foreign state visit, when the weather is just right”.

Siri: Don’t forget “why am I named after dried fruit” and “how do I avoid letting Trump visit my country”.

Chris: Are these all pointless questions for the latest series of Pointless.

Siri: I think that when they ask the 100 members of the audience to come up with answers, they’d all be pretty stumped, so any answer is a pointless answer in this scenario!

Chris: Shout out to Alexander Armstrong! He does everything – he should be on some money somewhere!

Image result for alexander armstrong pointless

Siri: I know I maybbeeee mention this too much, but if he’s a reincarnate of another Alexander, Alexander Hamilton, he’s on 10 dollar notes in America. Speaking of America, watching any new TV shows lately, Chris?

Chris: And the dollars are the best notes, folks, they have the greatest notes, you will every see. They are my favourite notes, no notes are as good as their notes. What do the Queen and a classical pianist have in common?

Siri: Ooh, I’m desperate to get this, but I’m not sure I’m going to… Are they both Wolfgang Monarchs?

Chris: No, but that’s better than mine! Mine was that they both love a good note!

Siri: Ahahahaha, good one 😉 Funny as ever, you are!

Chris: So the Queen, the Sultan and Alexander Armstrong walk into a bar.

Siri: One of our exam questions (I can’t believe I’m finally free from exams and now talking about them)-,

Chris: *Rapturous round of applause*

Siri: Thank you, thank you. But one of my exam questions was “a surface dyslexic, a attentional dislexic and a hemi neglect-dislexic walk into an experiment”, and I just thoguht “there’s no way this can be an accident. I’m glad the exam board are trying to make us laugh a bit before are impending death”.

Image result for walk into a bar jokes gold au get out

Chris: Ooh, I know this one! If you put two dyslexics in a room, do they spell a word right? Do they get the letters the right way round?

Siri: I’m sorry, I’m not sure… I can’t decide whether they’d right the wrong word, or make a wrong word wronger… We’ll have to carry out some experiments of our own.

Chris: A dyslexic scrabble night must be amazing!

Siri: YES, so much fun!!!

Chris: They’d never finish a game, because they’d always be arguing over the spelling of a word in the dictionary, saying “that’s not right”.

Siri: Scrabble with a blind person and a mute person would also be interesting. Are you any good at scrabble?

Chris: No, no. I think I’ll leave that up to dyslexic people and the blind!

Siri: Yeah, I’m with you there. We would make a very boring and unsuccessful game of Scrabble, I think.

Chris: But if we could make up words, it would be so much fun!

Siri: Flintophlamonop. That means “I agree”.

Chris: Avon. No, I didn’t mean make-up words! I mean actually make up words!!! Lipstick.

Siri: Maybelliene we could make up make-up words?

Chris: Ritty pretty serum.

Siri: You know more about make-up than I do!

Chris: Wow, the boy knows more about make up than the girl? Is this opposite world? Shout out to Robert Smith!

Siri: Hey, boys can wear make up too! Hashtag feminism, Hashtag I’m John Oliver now.

Chris: Hence my shout out to Robert Smith, because he wore make-up!

Image result for men make up robert smith

Siri: Woo, EQUALITY!

Chris: Dignity! And- something else… and: finality!

Siri: You mean fraternity…

Chris: SHH, the sloth has come up with a bit of paper, what are you doing? Oh, I see, you’re… it looks like curtains! Oh, you’re drawing an end to this blogisode, like curtains.

Siri: I guess that’s all, folks.

Chris: And pictionary! Okay guys, thank you very much for reading/listening/watching/hearing, and all the ings, really, this series.

Siri: Well, not ALL the ings, because that could get into some pretty weird stuff!

Chris: We really hope you enjoyed it, and I’ll be back in a few weeks, with a new series!

Siri: By everyone, it’s been a pleasure humouring you. See you in the not too distant future, I hope.

Chris: In the meantime, guys, there’s a whole season of Mundanevision on this site, please read and enjoy and be shocked at all the horrible stuff going on in the world, even if just for a minute. And if I have done that with my various co-hosts, my work is done. Peace x

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About mundanevision

Every day could be a Mundanevision blogisode day, now that they are posting weekly .So Grab a cup of tea and a biscuit and get comfortable because you're going to read about the least trendy topics.It's a blog you really do want to miss...
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