Hello, before we start this week’s blogisode, I would like to read an unprepared statement on behalf of myself, Esther and the sloth. Dear Reader, we would like to extend our deepest regret that many of you if not all of you, in the past week, have been forced to put up with shortages of KFC chicken, KFC gravy and now a possible Cadbury’s chocolate shortage. We would like to reassure our loyal followers and fans that in this mad topsy turvy world, we here at Mundanevision will never run out of words and will provide you with a constant stream of entertainment over the next few weeks which will hopefully make these shortages easier to cope with. Thankyou and enjoy this week’s blogisode.
Chris: Hey Esther
Esther: Hiya Chris, you ok?
Chris: Yes thankyou. I think our statement at the beginning of this week’s blogisode is quite an important one. Not that I like to blow my own trumpet or bang my own tambourine, or play my own violin, other musical instruments are available. *insert the musical instrument of your choice here*.
Esther: Yes me too, limited access to Cadbury’s is genuinely concerning…
Chris: It is. What is Bridget Jones going to comfort eat now?
Esther: Two words. Ben and Jerry.
Chris: Are they any relation to Tom and Jerry? Maybe distant cousins? Or uncles?
Esther: I really hope not – cat and mouse flavoured ice cream doesn’t appeal to me much.
Chris: So I really think we should handle this KFC chicken crisis, because it is a crisis. Never mind Brexit or anything else, I think this is where we should be focusing our attention. I think this chicken shortage after finding out during the week that Nando’s are not the culprits, has been perpetrated by the characters in Aardman and Mason’s Chicken Run, who have somehow survived the fire in their warehouse and have cunningly blamed DHL.
Esther: I love that film – “they’re not plotting, they’re not scheming, THEY’RE NOT ORGANISED!!!”. Well Mrs Tweedy, KFC begs to differ.
Chris: They are probably on the run in a KFC delivery van as we speak. So if you see any KFC or DHL delivery vans when out and about, just pretend to be stranded on the side of the road and hopefully they’ll stop for you.
Esther: Maybe it could be the beginning of a Chicken Run sequel – before Ginger and her friends save themselves from a pie crust fate, and now they are escaping from the wrath of the special recipe chicken.
Chris: Yes but I was thinking this original recipe is not really original now, it must have been photocopied so many times. Therefore it is no longer original.
Esther: Perhaps that’s how Ginger and the chickens escape, by stealing the original recipe and anonymously sending it to all the other fast food restaurants – before you know it, they’ll be an original recipe McChicken Sandwich, and an original recipe Chicken feast pizza at Dominos.
Chris: Maybe there is a scene in this sequel where they meet the hamburgler who had stolen the original recipe and hands it over to the chickens. If you photocopy the original recipe, then it loses power, it’s like the Ring.
Esther: ah well that’s the scheme of the chickens – they must weaken Colonel Sanders by photocopying before they can destroy KFC.
Chris: But wait, I’ve thought about the ultimate plot for the movie, which you know will undoubtedly be made based on this crisis. People love epics, they love Lord of the Rings, so why can’t we have Frodo taking the last piece of KFC chicken in the world to be barbequed in the fires of Mordor. All the while, having to dodge the evil Colonel Sanders.
Esther: Colonel Sanders can be the equivalent of Gollum. The power of the KFC bucket has driven him to insanity, and he sits in a damp, squalid cave in search for that last piece of KFC chicken, aka his ‘precious’.
Chris: And on the past piece of chicken, carved onto the bucket is the inscription ‘one piece of chicken to satisfy them all, one chicken to feed them, one chicken to bring them all and this is why we breed them’
Esther: This really sounds like something special – I definitely think Aardman should work to create a KFC/LOTR inspired movie franchise. I feel certain Ginger would make an awesome epic protagonist.
Chris: No you should never ginger on original recipe chicken, it’ll taste terrible. Can’t we combine the shortages somehow – what about if on the way to Mordor, they stumble upon the last piece of chocolate, swimming in the final pot of gravy?
Esther: This is where details are key – what kind of Cadbury’s chocolate are we talking? Dairy Milk? Fruit and Nut? Oreo? Or something really out there like Bournville – it’s all in the details…
Chris: I don’t know but I’m picturing a scene where Ginger, our hero, has to wait until the morning to continue her journey because it’s getting dark. In the darkness, she hears Wispas.
Esther: This sounds like a budget horror movie – a plasticine chicken being spooked in the darkness of the mountains by chocolate bars?! Forgot horror movie it just sounds like a cheese-induced dream.
Chris: They also have to ascend the toblerone peaks and catch a Double-Decker bus.
Esther: This really has taken an odd turn. I hate to be a spoil sport but I really can’t imagine the local council’s bus timetable is very reliable when it comes to Toblerone peaks. For one thing, if it’s a bit warmer than usual, I can imagine the chocolate road surface would be next to useless!
Chris: Well you are the international woman, and it was your day yesterday, so maybe we should stop here.
Guys, we be may facing food shortages currently but there is no shortage of entertainment here on Mundanevision. If there was one thing I would like you to take away from this week’s blogisode, it is that a chocolate road system would just be unfeasible. Peace