Prequel blogisode

Hey internet! *jazz hands* …sorry I saw the Greatest Showman last week and it seems to have rubbed off on me. The confetti canons are bit extravagant, but I look very dashing in my top hat! Anyway, we are back and it’s not even Sunday, what craziness! 

Chris: Hey Esther

Esther: Hey Chris, how you doing/dancing? The Greatest Showman really has rubbed off on you.

Chris: I’m going to interview Zac Efron later, for some synchronised drinking and dancing

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Esther: That sounds pretty good to me, I may tag along to that as it sounds like my kind of evening…

Chris: You and the sloth are invited. We will do it all in some sort of montage.

Esther: Maybe we could do a flash mob style dance on the way home, I always thought they looked pretty cool.

Chris: I’ve always wondered about the term ‘flash mob’ is it being attacked by the mafia really quickly? For instance, how would Peaky Blinders’ Thomas Shelby fare against a flash mob?

Esther: Well if Peaky Blinders teaches us anything, Tommy will probably trick the flash mob for his own advances before too long..

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Chris: Would he join in and decide to choreograph they’re latest extravagant dance?

Esther: Wait, so you’re thinking of a mob doing a dance really quickly? Ah I get it now. I mean I’m less concerned about the welfare of Tommy Shelby, and quite relieved to hear he wants to get involved in choreography.

Chris: Well, he has to do something else, there’s no money in gang warfare anymore. Or maybe there is, maybe that’s the point.

Esther: Maybe dancing is his stress release. Just imagine, Tommy and his family are hugely at risk of attack by the Changrettas, and to blow off some steam the Shelby’s emerge out of the smoke of Small Health and do a synchronised flash mob down the road.

Chris: Can you imagine Al Capone doing the two step? Not so scary now, are you Al. He had the right shoes for it now I think about it.

Esther: ‘Peaky Blinders: The Musical!’ coming soon to a theatre near you.

Chris: Before I watched it, I always thought Peaky Blinders was about an ill gang in Birmingham, cause they’re feeling a bit peaky.

Esther: Well as the teenagers of today would say: it is a sick show!

Chris: Yes I’m not sure I understand that expression ‘sick’, do they mean the whole of television is just ill?

Esther: I don’t think that’s what they mean but to anyone over the age of 17, thats what people think they mean! Hopefully the phrase will blow over soon enough..

Chris: A bit like the fidget spinner, or the loom band craze. For those of you who have never heard of the loom band craze, it’s not the latest boy band put together by Simon Cowell!

Esther: Ah yes, nostalgia. They were such a craze when I was at school, people used to wear hundreds of them all up their arms! If I’m honest I’m ok with that craze having died out..

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Chris: You know what I found out about the other day? The Spice Girl’s sticker album! Apparently you could collect Spice Girls doing different poses on stickers and fill up a book with them. Ah the 90s, it was an innocent time.

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Esther: What is it about girl/boy bands and their adoring fans? I remember when Take That broke up and there was a suicide line for their fans!

Chris: Same with the end of Harry Potter, there was a suicide line that opened when J.K. Rowling stopped writing the books! I don’t even want to imagine what will happen when Games of Thrones. For me a celebration, but for the millions of fans, probably a new brand of the Samaritans.

Esther: People are really committed to their franchises. Maybe we need a mental health charity devoted to helping people struggling through a break-up? And when I say break-up, I mean when their favourite book/tv/movie series ending…

Chris: You know what else people are committed to? Prequels. People love a prequel, in fact I think the sequel has died out in favour of the prequel! Maybe these blogs should have a prequel blogisode.

Esther: that’s because all the big movie series now have done so many sequels they’ve only got prequels left! I also think doing prequels for our blogisode would be incredible, we could definitely freak some readers out by speaking from the past, something pretty ghostly about that!

Chris: Or we could just have a blank page and write ‘this is before blogisodes existed’! ‘For this week’s blogisode, please call this number and we can have a conversation’.

Esther: Ah the days before the internet. It’s hard to imagine how any of us managed with out it! Obviously our readers wouldn’t manage without our blogisode every week…

Chris: Obviously! We are pioneers of random rubbish on the internet. For those of you reading this who are really into saving the planet, it is of course recycled rubbish!

Esther: Of course, and so it should be! Committed to a greener planet, which also includes recycled amusement from the internet in the form of a blogisode!

Chris: Mundanevision: recycling jokes for a cleaner WordPress!

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Time has once again run away with us! Before we start recycling stuff, it’s time to ‘See you next week! Peace’ but even that is recycled….

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Sunday Selection Box

Hey guys! It’s Sunday, the day of nothing. Let me add something to the day with a blogisode!

Chris: Hey Esther, you’re back!

Esther: Hiya Chris, indeed, I have returned.

Chris: We missed you here at Mundanevision HQ. How have you been?

Esther: Aww, I missed you guys too. Yeah pretty good thanks! And yourself?

Chris: I’ve been very well thanks. For those readers hoping for an exciting start to this blogisode, you can probably skip the first 20 words or so. But then after that, we do really get going (honest). You won’t want to miss this!

Esther: I think it’s the change of blogisode day to a Sunday, it’s thrown us off kilter. I mean who expects to actually do something productive on a Sunday?

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Chris: But Sunday is God’s day. If God reads these blogisodes, then we’re in! I can just imagine it, Mundanevision, sponsored by God!

Esther: Ah yes you’re right, but it is known to be the day of rest.. Maybe it should be ‘and on the seventh day, God sponsors Mundanevision’.

Chris: The day of rest, ey? We are providing a service to the rest of the population. This is very tenuous.

Esther: No I like it, makes us sound like unsung heroes, you know… a bit like doctors and nurses working at Christmas, I mean we’re basically amazing by doing this blogisode on a Sunday!

Chris: Mundanevision is the eighth emergency service. When you need a blogisode stat, quick, log in to Mundanevision on WordPress!

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Esther: Ah man, suddenly I’m far more motivated because I know people will die (metaphorically of course, rather than actually) without this small piece of comedy every Sunday!

Chris: People like reading our words, it seems. All our followers can’t be wrong. In the modern world of social media, where you can follow people, isn’t it making stalking socially acceptable?

Esther: Well, maybe online stalking, but obviously Mundanevision wouldn’t condone actual stalking in real life….

Chris: Oh no, we definitely don’t condone stalking. Unless you’re Jack from Jack and the Beanstalk. I’m pretty sure in that case stalking was what he called climbing up the beanstalk!

Esther: Yeah that’s a different thing entirely! It’s definitely easier to act like some form of undercover detective online and try and find someone you might have met only once through their online presence. I mean all you really need is a name, or location, or a mutual friend, and hey presto you’ve found them!

Chris:  In the topsy turvy mixed up world of 2018, if you don’t follow someone, you’re seen as a ‘loser’. Or if you don’t ‘Keep Up With the Kardashians’ and know how the celebs are spending every moment of every day. They shouldn’t really call it following, it’s more like shadowing because you can literally become someone’s shadow.

Esther: Agreed. Have you ever had the experience where your phone or computer breaks, or your wifi stops working for a period of days and you feel somehow disconnected from the world? It’s crazy really, but once you finally get back online you feel like you have so many news stories and gossip to catch up on!

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Chris: Well, have you disconnected from the world, or has the world disconnected from you? Look, this is far too heavy for a Sunday. On a Sunday, we should all be thinking about unicorn kittens in pink trees scratching at metaphorical balls of yarn, meowing softly in the wind!

Esther: ….Am I the only one who is seriously intrigued by what a unicorn kitten is?! That sounds like my dream pet all rolled into one.Image result for unicorn

Chris: Coming soon from Mundanevision merchandise range: unicorn kittens in pink trees, with realistic meowing sound, get yours and receive a free metaphorical ball of yarn! There we go, that should panic QVC. In fact, in the interests of comedy, we bugged the QVC offices, let’s listen into them now: “What’s a unicorn kitten?! And how do we get them?!?!”.

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Esther: And all we can hear from the bugged microphones is the distant screaming of the QVC office, in a state of total disarray.

Chris: And now, it’s time to take their viewership away from them. “Hurry, hurry, hurry! Get your diamond encrusted stuffed frogs with potato peeler and a workout dvd, now! Just £49.99, while stocks last!”, hurry, the place will be jumping for them.

Esther: Oooh I saw that dodgy pun at the end there Chris. I feel like you could sell anything with that tone though. I mean use the words “hurry”, “while stocks last” or “introductory offer” and you could probably sell a hairdryer to a snowman.

Chris: Let’s give it a go. So “Hurry, hurry, hurry! Introductory offer, this snowman’s hairdryer, specially designed for an everyday snowman’s needs, is just £39.99, while stocks last!” “Oh your icicles look great!” “I know, that’s because I use this awesome snowman’s hairdryer I got on a great introductory offer!”. The slogan could be… ‘it dyes any hair white in seconds!’.#

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Esther: Brilliant. Now you see what I mean, it’s all about the advertising.

Chris: Just so you know, we have nothing against any shopping network, and we hope QVC sell lots successfully. Also we haven’t actually bugged any offices, before their seals come in. (“Get those seals out of here, they’re eating all our fish!”).

So we’ve done it! We have actually created online content, and on a Sunday! No one’s ever done that before (although we probably can’t prove this…). Tune in next week for more Sunday antics! Now go back and read this, hurry, hurry, hurry! Peace 


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McMovie burgers

Hey world, I say world because its all connected. We have smart tech, smart phones, smart fashion and smarties, and this blog is also smart in a way. 

Chris: Hey Poppy, happy new year.

Poppy: And to you Chris.

Chris: I can’t believe its 2018 already were in the future now. Its tomorrow’s world today.

Poppy: That phase sounds like some sort of tag line for a reality TV show.

Chris: Ah reality TV, they have a new series of big brother coming, with all women in it.

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Poppy: That sounds like a lot of oestrogen.

Chris: It should really have been called Big Sister or Big non-specific sibling, who is now on a diet so isnt that big.

Poppy: that seems to cover all bases quite nicely I reckon.

Chris: No that doesn’t but this does, Big gender non specific sibling, I would watch that show because it could go either way.

Poppy: oh the suspense.

Chris: speaking of things that could go either way…

Poppy: …my future?

Chris: no, although that a topic for another blog, maybe philosophers computer group, or philosophyroom. Although that sounds like a really rubbish version of escape room, and a group of you sit around and ponder how to escape. There’s a programme on BBC1 at the moment called McMafia.

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Poppy: let me guess are they scottish or do they run a farm?

Chris: I thought it might be an italian style beef burger generated by Mcdonalds…

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Poppy: Alas, I fear you are going to tell me there is no such luck?

Chris: Much like the prospective beef burger it wasn’t to my taste. But other people might like it, so give it a go. Not the beef burger, that doesn’t exist.

Poppy: that we know of yet

Chris: Yes because I am going to right a recipe for this fictional burger which macdonalds could reproduce.

Poppy: I am sure they would appreciate that. Saves them a job anyway.

Chris: Listen up Ronald this is how its going to be, I have no beef with you.

Poppy: So hear me out. I think the Ronald looks like that clown in IT, which i managed to watch 5 minutes of… Anyway the 5 minutes that I did watch he ate some kid’s arm, and now everytime I see a happy meal I think ronald macdonald is going to eat a kid’s arm.

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Chris: perhaps he is moonlighting for hollywood.

Poppy: All these vegans are putting him out of business.

Chris: That’s a scary thought, so  now he is out of business he will be freelancing clowns turning up at parties and scaring children. Anyway back to my idea about McMafia…

Poppy: Oh yeah, I forgot that’s where we started.

Chris: *speaks in deep voice over voice*, two beef patties (because its always 2), melted mozzarella cheese, tomatoes, parma ham,  some pepper and lettuce.

Poppy: To be honest that sounds a bit too upmarket for McDonalds

Chris: So would you like to suggest a macdonald’s version?

Poppy: Well all of their specials look very similar, its essentially a cheese burger and no gerhkins, which I am always on board with…

Chris: what about a special sauce there is always a  special sauce because that what makes it special. Maybe a peppery sauce to give it a kick.

Poppy: mozzarella and pepper sauce?

Chris: I think this is going to be a taste sensation.

Poppy: Could be onto something here.

Chris: Maybe they could do different burgers fo different movies, so you could have a terminator burger,, which is just a box because the burger has been terminated.

Poppy: that doesn’t sound particularly filling if I am honest.

Chris: Or you could have a titanic burger which is a mixture of ingredients that don’t work together so is a huge disaster with some iceberg lettuce. Or an avenger assemble burger, which is a deconstructed burger which you have to assemble yourself. or a special bourne identity burger, where you cant remember what you ordered. Or  a rocky burger with a big punch to it. Or a frozen burger, where you are supplied with a burger and a microwave and you have to defrost it yourself. Wonderburger, a burger that looks good but is quite disappointing.

Guuuyyyyyysssssss, please look for a burger movie tie in, in your local macdonald’s soon. Happy New Year to all readers. And to the people who don’t read you can have a happy new year because I am that nice. Peace. 


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Ice factor

People of the internet rejoice or pretend to. For a whatever the word count of this blogisode is. It’s Christmas and its Friday, let us sleigh this blogisode. 

Chris: Poppy is here everyone.

Poppy: Hiya everybody.

Chris: Long time, no see, or type given its a blogisode.

Poppy: Back for 3 weeks and 3 week only… It’s Poppy…

Chris: rapturous applause. Its looking very festive in here. Even the sloth has mistletoe on. I wonder if he is hoping for some kisses later from the ladies?

Poppy: I would suggest a shower would help him out with that more than mistletoe.

Chris: Talking of cuddly toys and christmas, last week we made our very own christmas advertisement where Jerry the Giraffe saves christmas, however there were two different version and I wasn’t sure which version would work but now we’ve edited it into one super version.

Poppy: I am sure the masses will be able to sleep at night now they know what a hero Jerry is.

Chris: So I can either introduce it now or at the end of the blogisode, what do you think?

Poppy: end?

Chris: yeah, you’re right no self respecting christmas blog would lead with a festive treat they would leave it to the end to build suspense.

Poppy: treat them mean and keep them keen.

Chris: don’t you mean treat them festive and keep them merry?

Poppy: you do what you’ve got to do, I wont judge.

Chris: It’s not a rhyme really though is it, I shake my fist at you festive and merry time of the year.

Poppy: You can’t get mad at festive and merry, that simply isn’t done.

Chris: Oh I know, was just shaking my fist ironically, its got bells on and everything.

Poppy: Ah I see,well continue then…

Chris: Thank you, I will. I was just thinking about what other animals apart from reindeer are festive and I think I came up with a good answer… an octopus

Poppy: that requires explaination

Chris: not festive I hear you cry. Well it is, if you tie bells to each one of its tenticles and tiny LED fairy lights on its suckers.


Poppy: Not sure what PETA would have to say about this?

Chris: But its festive surely everything is allowed at christmas, why should all the reindeer get to have fun.

Poppy: How do you know the reindeer don’t have a trade union and they aren’t seeking legal help as we type?

Chris: I just think Santa should have different animals pulling his sleigh each year.

Poppy: Or different animals for different continents depending on the climate.

Chris: I love it, that is a great idea.

Poppy: you could have camels pulling the sleigh past the pyramids and sphinx.


Chris: I have an idea forming, you know people love reality TV and people love christmas, why not combine the 2 to form a whole new series, called Ice Factor where Santa and 3 of his most trusted elf advisors get t audition different creature to pull santa’s sleigh, it could run into the new year therefore not interrupting x factor.

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Poppy: that is excellent then you could have flash backs to last years winners.

Chris: yes, absolutely. I don’t know if you would want to get rudolph in on it as well so he could be the cranky one.

Poppy: As I have grown up my imaginary depiction of rudolph has got grumpier.

Chris: So santa is the Jolly one, Rudolph is the cranky one, the elf is the funny one and who should the fourth one be?

Poppy: The easter bunny can be the irrelevant one

Chris: Yes! This would be a great idea and we could even create an app and facebook page.

Poppy: this is quite the enterprise.

Chris: Yes so look out for it next christmas kids, I think everyone would love it. So is it tiem to unveil the mundanevision re-edited christmas advertisment for 2017 and for those eagle eyed individuals who say you have a sloth on the show nota giraffe I say its a wonder what a bit of makeup can do. Now, put those hoods over your eagle eyes and listen to this.

So we open to a room in black and white. With a half decorated christmas tree. However, the little boy standing by the christmas is sad because he can’t put the star on the top, his mum comes and stands next to him to admire the tree. “That’s lovely” she says, butt he boys cries and says “but there is no star on the top of the christmas tree and it can’t be christmas without it”, the mother enter with a package “an early present she say” ripping off the paper eagerly the boys discovers a toy giraffe played by the sloth. “thank you very much mummy but how is this going to help save christmas?” we see a montage of the giraffe putting decoration on the high branches with his long neck and finally the star, the mother, boy and giraffe stand back and admire the tree, the boy hugs the giraffe who is affectionately named Jerry. The giraffe turns and winks at the camera. Writing appears on screen, merry christmas from mundanevision

So this is our last blogisode of the year thank you for watching, reading, listening, liking and commenting. Have a lovely christmas before yule log off. See you soon guys, peace.

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Merry Christmas from Mundanevision!

mundanevision christmas

Stay tuned for more….

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The Giraffe Saves Christmas

Hey guys, welcome to the last blogisode before Christmas, well, for my co-host at least! Lets meet her now… hello Esther!

Esther:… Umm hey Chris? You know I’ve been here for like eight-ish weeks now right?

Chris: I was just building up suspense in a unique way. Plus the fact it’s what all the presenters on TV say!

Esther: That is true, you’re a born showman Chris.

Chris: I thought about lion taming but the sloth didn’t like it. Said it wouldn’t work on a blog for some reason. I’m not sure why… I think the wordpress lions would be quite an attraction for people!

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Esther: you might be onto something there. Maybe it’s a potential for future mundanevision?

Chris: It sounds better than the mundane lions… they sound really boring!

Esther: Yep I agree with you there. Maybe we could get more sloths and train them to ride unicycles or something.

Chris: Would you like to see the mundanevision lions? If you do, please comment on this blog! We could get a kick starter up and running.

Esther: Also someone please fund these lions, as I hear tamed lions are pretty pricey, and I don’t like our chances of having to tame wild lions…

Chris: Hey! If Blue Peter can do it, so can we! They never did a show without an animal. I know we’ve already got a sloth but I think lions would be amazing.

Esther: If we were to get lions, it might be a good idea to keep them away from the sloth. I feel like he wouldn’t stand much of a chance of survival otherwise

Chris: You don’t know, sloths might be really good at martial arts like karate. They just do it really really slowly.

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Esther: Fine in theory, but in reality self-defence isn’t much use when you’ve already been eaten!

Chris: How do you know? You never expect your food to punch you from the inside!

Esther: Sounds like the lion’s equivalent of a person’s tummy bug, just a sloth’s practised martial arts routine fighting against his stomach.

Chris: Anyway, enough of this high brow talk of performing lions and karate sloths. Now it’s Christmas, I’m really concerned that if we leave the EU, what happens to Santa Claus? How does he get in the country? He’d have to get a 24 hour visa or something. Or he might be late because his sleigh will be stopped at security and his sack of presents searched! Thanks alot Brexit for not only ruining our future but also our children’s futures!

Esther: I’m pretty sure I know who’s on Santa’s naughty list this year *cough cough*… anyway, for this Christmas at least Santa will have a stress-free journey into Britain without any bothers about visas.

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Chris: Oh, Santa’s got a list, but the border patrol’s got tasers! You do the math, for any kids reading this, I’m just keeping it real. Seriously kids, I’m sure Santa will be fine and won’t incur any penalties, and will bring all your favourite toys this Christmas. On the subject of Christmas toys, you know every shop has there own Christmas advertisement filled with loveable characters and heart warming imagery?

Esther: Phew *wipes sweat from brow*. Yes of course, just think of all the John Lewis Christmas adverts over the years!

Chris: Well I think it’s about time somebody stood up to John Lewis! And I think mundanevision is the blog to do it! So here now, we present the first ever mundanevision Christmas ad. Picture the scene: we open in a room which is in black and white, there’s a woman there. And a kid next to her. The kid is sad because there is no decorations on the tree, and he can’t reach to decorate his tree. This saddens the woman too. (We have sad music playing in the background, maybe something by Nat King Cole). But wait! The woman hands him an early Christmas present! ‘Merry Christmas darling’, she says. The kid looks at her with red-rimmed eyes and wipes away the tears on his face. But it is not Christmas day, he says. It can’t be Christmas because there are no decorations on the tree, Santa would never come now. There is a close up of the woman’s face. She winks at him. ‘Just open it darling, I think you’ll like what you find’. He opens it, and a look of delight arises on his face. We see that in the package he’s holding in his hand, there is a stuffed giraffe, he looks perplexed. ‘How is this gonna help with Christmas?’ he asks his mum. She says nothing. We fade to black, and then fade up fifteen minutes later. The tree has been decorated, and there are loads of people enjoying a Christmas party. We see through a montage that because of the magic of Christmas, the giraffe has come to life, and due to his long neck, and his incredible dexterity, the giraffe has helped the young boy and his mother decorate the tree. Christmas can now truly begin! Save a giraffe, decorate a tree this Christmas! The End.

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Esther: Wow *wipes away tears*. I mean I’m speechless, and that says alot. Who knew a giraffe could save Christmas?!

Chris: And due to his long neck, he does because he can reach the high branches and put the decorations on the tree. And not only have we outlined the first mundanevision advertisement, but if you like this blogisode, you too can receive your own (imaginary) giraffe, that will help you decorate your Christmas tree this year. So not only are you saving Christmas, you’re saving giraffes as well.

Esther: That really is something special. If only this was a thing when the dinosaurs were around, maybe this kind of festive, conservational attitude would have stopped them from becoming extinct? At least we can save our world’s giraffes, and perhaps other tall animals?

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Chris: I’m not sure though, whether it should be the entire tree that isn’t decorated, or whether it should be just the top branches which neither the mum or her son can reach.

Esther: Maybe it could be that neither his mum nor the boy can complete the decoration of the tree because neither of them can put the star on top? The giraffe could save the day by his ability to put a star on the top branch.

Chris: Okay. So take two. We open on a room, the tree is almost decorated, except for the very high branches at the top. The kid and mum look at each other, ‘how can we decorate the top branches?’ they say, dumbfounded. (Dramatic music plays). A giraffe crashes through the window on a vine, and helps them put the star on top of the tree. The giraffe saved Christmas. Merry Christmas from Mundanevision.

We hope you enjoyed this week’s blogisode. If there’s any advertisers reading this, please make these advertisements happen, it would make a merry Christmas even merrier to see a swinging giraffe. That’s it for Esther but there’s more of me and a mystery guest very soon! Peace.



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The Darker Side of Sweets

Hey friends! Welcome to the blog equivalent of toasting marshmallows around an open fire. This is mundanevision and it’s a safe space.

Chris: Hey Estherrrrr!

Esther: Hi Chris, how you doing?

Chris: I’m fine thankyou. Did you like the introduction to this blogisode?

Esther: Of course, although I’m now craving toasted marshmallows…

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Chris: I’m sure we can toast some after the show. What would happen if you put the marshmallow in a toaster? Would it have the same effect as toasting them on an open fire?

Esther: Well you’d probably set your toaster on fire… that count’s as an open fire, right?

Chris: Brilliant, crispy marshmallows! (If there are any children reading this, please don’t put marshmallows in the toaster to make them crispy, I am a trained professional!)

Esther: I mean I’d say as a general rule of thumb don’t put marshmallows in the toaster… even if you’re a professional! (Unless your profession is fireman, because you can put out your own fire)

Chris: Oh god, what if putting a marshmallow in a toaster is the one thing that finally destroyed the earth? What if I’ve started a chain of events that will destroy the earth…

Esther: Spooky! Who knew the apocalypse would come from marshmallows? It sounds like some weird apocalyptic children’s film!

Chris: It sounds like the beginning of the War of the Worlds. Who knew in the latter part of the twentieth century, marshmallows will be watching, and waiting, and making their plans against us.

Esther: I don’t think I’d feel that threatened by scheming marshmallows. I mean all we’d need to arm ourselves is a cup of hot chocolate. Throw it over them, they’d melt, problem solved. I think I should be the one making UK defence decisions.. I’ve got it covered.

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Chris: Oh no, maybe now you’ve said that, marshmallows have developed fireproof technology! Now they’re only pretended to be toasted…

Esther: I’d still want to bake with them rather than watch them destroy all of humanity. I mean come on, Chris, they’re so good in Rocky Road!

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Chris: Some teenagers reading this that a baked marshmallow is a marshmallow on drugs. Again, I do apologize. Do not smoke marshmallows as drugs.

Esther: Still, worth baring in mind if they really do start taking over the world. It’s good to have a backup plan, like say we can’t bake them for some reason, at least smoking them would be another defensive strategy!

Chris: You shouldn’t be smoking with marshmallows, you should at least be vaping them. It’s better for your health. It’s always the low calorie, sugar-free ones you have to look out for!

Esther: Hmm yes they’re in denial that they’re marshmallows at all really. Like don’t be ashamed of your high sugar content, embrace it, that’s who you are!

Chris: Spoken like a true marshmallow advocate! On a slight change of topic, don’t you think Haribo are arrogant sweets?

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Esther: Well I’ll think they’re yummy. Why would they be arrogant?

Chris: Because they assume that every kid and every grown-up loves them so. How arrogant is that?  “Kids and grown-ups love it so – the happy world of Haribo.”

Esther: In fairness, most people do love Haribo. Seems arrogant but maybe they’re right?

Chris: I know but you can’t tarnish everyone with the same brush. There must be some people who don’t like them. Most people like Beyonce, doesn’t mean that every person loves Beyonce. May I suggest, the simple, four letter word, ‘most’? “Most kids and grown-ups love it so – the happy world of Haribo”.

Esther: There you go, much more inclusive! We shouldn’t be segregating from Haribo-haters!

Chris: And the other thing, if they’re pushing this so called ‘happy world’, is there is a darker side to Haribo? Even at Halloween, they use the same slogan, it’s not very scary is it? Get it together Haribo makers!

Esther: Hmm any ideas for what they could change their slogan to make it scarier?

Chris: “Vampires and werewolves love it so, the haunted house of Haribo.”?

Image result for haribo halloween

Esther: Nice. You should sell that to Haribo, I think they’d really go for it!

Chris: Who runs Haribo, is it a guy called Harry, and his bro? And over the years they’ve just left out the second ‘r’? Hang on, ‘bo’ is slang for boyfriend, I’ve seen it on a film so it must be true. So it is Harry and his partner?

Esther: I’m intrigued. Who is this mysterious Harry? And is it his brother or his boyfriend? Or maybe BO stands for body odour… does Harry not take showers?

Chris: The questions are endless. And we need answers, fast. I mean, for example, are smarties really clever? Can minstrels play musical instruments? Is pick and mix really the pop band Little Mix? Ok I made up the last one, but you get the idea.

Esther: All the unanswered questions?! We need someone of sweets authority to help us out with these. Maybe the head of Rowntree?

Chris: Somebody get Bertie Bassett on the phone. What about the Honey Monster, what’s he up to these days? Or even Coco the monkey?

Esther: Those poor mascots, they’re probably working in Poundland or somewhere nowadays. They’re a bit like X-factor winners; very brief fame and then you never hear from them again.

Chris: I feel the only ones who are still famous are Snap, Crackle and Pop, their skill is definitely body popping. If you’re the Honey Monster, or Bertie Bassett please do write in.

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Esther: Maybe they could help us answer some of life’s big questions: ‘are smarties really clever?’.

Chris: This feels very much like a cliff hanger to a tv show. Will these characters fall in? Can they speak, or are they too repressed by the big corporations? What will they say?

Esther: Will Chris and Esther EVER find answers to their philosophical troubles? You’ll have to wait until next week to find out. *DUN DUN DUUUUUN*.

Well, what more can I add? Peace x

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Vegas Royal Wedding

Hey! Before we start today’s show properly, I must issue a retraction. No I said retraction not contraction…. get that pregnant woman out of here! Apparently last friday was actually black friday, now, some of you might think it’s not a big deal but to some shops it really is – a big deal that is! Today after cyber monday, it’s mundanevision tuesday! Lets do this…

Chris: Hey Esther. Oooh wait we have some post. Thankyou sloth you look very fetching in your postman pat outfit. So what have we got here, advertisements, advertisements, bills, ooh we’ve got our first fan letter! Should I open it?

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Esther: How exciting! Please do…

Chris: Before I do though, we’ve never given out our address, so how did he manage to write to us?! Ooh the letter smells like strawberries.. I always smell envelopes, I think I’m part sniffer dog! ‘Dear Mundanevision, my husband Colin and I really like the show (Especially the references to cakes!). However in last week’s show you got my name wrong, it’s actually Connie not Colleen. Just thought I would get you out of a sticky situation of jam. Signed, Connie the Caterpillar’.

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Esther: Well all these years we’ve been saying her name wrong. Who knew? Nice of her to write in and correct us though.

Chris: Who knew she could type? I certainly didn’t. On the subject of marriages, we simply must talk about the other marriage announced between Prince Henry and Suits star Meghan Markle. Your thoughts?

Esther: Well I think lots of women everywhere are ‘happy’ for them but secretly devastated that it’s not them who’s engaged to Harry! But they seem like a very happy couple, and it’s good to see that Harry no longer has to shamefully third wheel other royal family couples now!

Image result for prince harry and meghan

Chris: When you talk about women everywhere being happy for them, have you actually asked women everywhere? Have you been to Siberia to ask women there?

Esther: Well no, but quite honestly I don’t think women in Siberia would say no to the offer of marrying a prince!

Chris: I wouldn’t bother checking with women in Siberia. I hear they give you a cold reception!

Esther: Oooh that was a poor one! Well good job because I don’t think I’ll be heading to Siberia anytime soon, it’s cold enough right here in England at the moment.

Chris: I know that was a bad pun, but I was on thin ice anyway due to global warming, so thought I should go for it (!). Enough with these wise cracks, or not so wise cracks in my case.

Esther: Oh the puns continue! I apologize on behalf of Chris to all our readers – including you Colin and Connie!

Chris: Good retraction. Could you stop wheeling that pregnant woman around? She’s making far too much noise

Esther: I think she’s in labour Chris, we should probably be tolerant this time! Might be a good shout to take her to hospital sometime soon though…

Chris: We’ll get the sloth to drive the ambulance. Okay now we’ve done our good deed for the day, back to the topic in hand: the royal wedding. The time has been set, in the spring. Would it be amazing though if H&M (that’s what I’m calling them now, sorry actual H&M the clothes shop, you might want to rename your shop) are already married? They married two weeks ago in a drive-thru chapel in Vegas, married by an Elvis impersonator?

HM wedding

Esther: That would be one of the biggest royal scandals in ages and would be the best bit of gossip and source of further rumours for a very long time!

Chris: They could probably even organise a look alike queen to be at the wedding. Everybody says that Harry is just an ordinary guy, and if he does the Vegas thing, that would prove it to me!

Esther: The Vegas queen impersonator probably wouldn’t make much of an effort though. It would probably just be someone with a dress on and a paper mask with the queens face on!

Chris: Probably, I’ve seen the Hangover though. But think about it, it’s a way for the Royal Family to get more money because everybody can subscribe to watch the live video on youtube of their marriage!

Esther: That’s all well and good but something gives me the idea that the Royals aren’t strapped for cash. Although I love the idea that the Royal family all sit around their big dinner table in Windsor or somewhere, with the Queen, Phillip, William, Kate, Harry and now Meghan too, discussing how to make some extra cash because the Queen wants to buy some new shoes! Maybe a car boot sale, or the Queen needs to sell some of her cool crowns on eBay?

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Chris: It’s not even a real table at Windsor, it’s just a huge computer screen which the Queen uses to peruse eBay and GoCompare constantly!

Esther: The thought of the Queen or Phillip haggling for something would be awesome. Imagine being in an eBay bidding war with the royal family? Especially if it was over something super boring like multipack batteries? They’d have a cool eBay username like CrownJewels4U.

Chris: No no, I’ve bidded against the Queen. It is LizWindsor1953. Phillip’s could be RoyalHusband101.

Esther: Well they say it’s hard financial times for everyone in Britain lately, they clearly mean everyone! Maybe the Queen will sell some of her corgi’s.. I bet she’d make loads from them seeing as they’re royal dogs!

Chris: Can we imagine a royal edition of Don’t Tell the Bride? Harry’s panicking as he can’t find the right shoes for Meghann. He calls William for help, and William arrives in a horse and carriage! ‘What’s the problem, RoBro’ (that’s Royal Brother for those of you who hadn’t picked up on that’) ‘Are these shoes right for Meghan?’ ‘Hmm no I don’t think Dr Martens are really her thing!’

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Esther: Haha, no wedding on that show ends well, there’s no reason why this would be any different for a royal wedding. I can picture it now, Meghan wearing a wedding dress picked up in Primark, and then going onto their reception at their local Wetherspoons, drinking pints of Carling at the bar!

Chris: No I really don’t like the wedding dress, I only wear suits. It would be amazing, I think somebody should suggest that to the royal family. Are they in the directory do you know? Or maybe they get driven around in those Royal Mail vans.

Okay internet, before Nicholas Witchell hunts us down for these crazy ideas, we better be off! Saddle up the corgis! Peace

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Black Caterpillar Sale

Hello people of the internet! Stop doing facebook quizzes and posting general interest stories, this is far more interesting! Lets go…

Chris: Good afternoon Esther

Esther: Howdy Chris. How’s things?

Chris: Howdy? Have you become a cowgirl?

Esther: Just like to mix up the greetings occasionally!

Chris: Yes you do, you’re like the chef of Mundanevision, you like to mix it up!

Esther: That I do, I’m like the Heston Blumenthale of blogging!

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Chris: Now we mention Heston, we have to say that other chefs are available. It would be brilliant if they were actually available in local toy shops: chef action figures!

Esther: I like that you could get an action figure Nigella Lawson, with a baguette for a weapon maybe.

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Chris: Your young niece or nephew could actually unwrap Jamie Oliver for Christmas! How disappointed would you be? ‘Mummy, mummy, this not Peppa Pig, I wanted Peppa Pig’ ‘Yes dear but this one uses pepper, isn’t that enough for you?’ I’m sure he has a recipe for some kind of peppered pig!

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Esther: Perhaps its more of an adult present… buy your mum and action figure Jamie Oliver at Christmas, you unwrap him and then he’ll cook the Christmas dinner!

Chris: Kids can learn about famous chefs, too, with Fisher-Price’s new toy ‘My First Chef’, with realistic whisking sounds.

Esther: I don’t know about you but when I was a kid I wasn’t all that interested in how the food was made, just cared about it being there so I could eat it!

Chris: Maybe you’re right, they’ll grow into it! ‘I’ve got you the Mary Berry action figure, you will understand in a few years’.

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Esther: I think out of all of them, Mary Berry would be my top preference. She could just make you tasty baked goods all day, and essentially be an extra grandparent at the same time!

Chris: What about James Martin? What the man doesn’t know about spinning sugar, you don’t need to know!

Esther: Hmmm no Berry’s still my favourite. She’s just adorable and she makes yummy looking cakes… I’m sold on that really.

Chris: When you say Berry’s your favourite, you don’t mean raspberries or strawberries?

Esther: Nope, I definitely mean the little old lady who’s always on the BBC discussing her recipes which are ‘really luxurious’… but in today’s world they are just everyday pudding! (in Mary Berry’s youth they were probably far more impressive than they are today!)

Chris: Aww you’ve disappointed the sloth now, he wanted you to try his strawberry milkshake. You shouldn’t excite him like that! I guess I’ll have to drink it later, he even wrote a letter to Nick Berry to try and get her autograph for you, he just thought you liked berries!

Esther: Oops my mistake. Anyway, onward from berries and action figure chefs…

Chris: Now we’ve mentioned one mistake, we have to say that other mistakes are available. Talking about shops (which we definitely were – we can buy berries from them! Tenuous link I know), hell to proper links, I feel like tenuous links are underrated. I say bring back tenuous links! Anyway, I digress. Black friday sales are now on, even eBay is taking part! How much cheaper can you stuff you get on eBay be?!

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Esther: Well I for one am consciously keeping my purse strings tight and making no eye contact with any black friday sales on the high street, or online. It’s a very dangerous way to spend lots of money without realising!

Chris: Yes, if you spend too much money you’ll be in the black…. or is it in the red? I get so confused. It’s like roulette!

Esther: Roulette, black friday sales, if you ask me they’re both a form of gambling. Shopping is dangerous Chris, I’m telling you!

Chris: Ah yes, black friday roulette. Is that when you spin around in a high street with your eyes shut? The shop you land on you have to go into!

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Esther: Which shops would be black and which would be red?

Chris: I haven’t thought of which one’s which. Maybe because M&S is very popular, we would make that a red, and Argos is black. Wilkinsons is red, and so on. As you can see I’m offering a very much budget version of the game! Well, except from M&S… But you’ve got to keep them happy because if you don’t, they might ban you, and if that happens, where are you going to get Colin the Caterpillar cakes from?!

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Esther: I feel you. You’ve gotta protect your own interests, particularly when those interests involve a child-like cake shaped like an insect and covered in chocolate and smarties!! Got to get your priorities straight.

Chris: *Chris stomps foot* It’s not a child’s cake, Colin is for everyone!

Esther: I mean you’re right but part of the allure of Colin the Caterpillar cakes is definitely the fact that it’s target audience is (at least was, once upon a time) for kids. It brings out everyone’s inner child – I don’t think I’ve had one birthday when Colin hasn’t popped up somewhere during the celebrations….

Chris: Well Colin and Colleen are married – they teach good morals to kids: marriage is great, get married and stay together!

Image result for colin the caterpillar cake

Esther: It won’t be long until M&S realise they have to be in touch with the modern family, and they’ll have interracial caterpillar couples, step-children from previous marriages, grandparent caterpillars and so on. Honestly I’m excited for that day – think of all the cake!

Chris: There is no end of possibilities, they could have homosexual, transsexual, pansexual caterpillar cakes! But they won’t be caterpillars anymore, they’ll be beautiful butterflies because M&S will finally have fully embraced the world (of cakes) and cured hunger!

Esther: Well if they cure hunger like this we might have a health crisis on our hands…. not to mention undoubtedly a worldwide shortage of chocolate!!

Chris: And cannibalism too. Yes, maybe we shouldn’t suggest this to M&S afterall. (Sloths stop typing!)

Esther: …I’m just craving a piece of caterpillar cake now. Damn!

Chris: Damn me and my cake related anecdotes!

Esther: See, this is why we need to have more respect for cakes. In the end, our foolery of them only comes back to haunt us!

Chris: We could programme the chef action figures to know lots of cake recipes!

Esther: Oooh this is only furthering my craving for chocolate cake. I bet Nigella makes an amazing caterpillar cakes. (Heart eyes emoji)

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Chris: Alright, there’s only one way to settle this. Kid’s: no chefs this year! It’s back to Barbie’s dream houses and Justin Bieber calendars.

Guys, if you read this week’s blogisode of Mundanevision and like it, you automatically get sent a M&S Caterpillar cake, delivered personally by Mary Berry herself to the comfort of your own home! See you next week, peace.  

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Words in Pictures

Hey guys, if you like reading stuff off a computer monitor, if you like blogs, if you can tolerate more than one person, this is the show for you! 

Chris: Hey Esther!

Esther: Hiya Chris, how are you?

Chris: I’m hunky dory thankyou. Which sounds like a great name for a children’s TV character, maybe a bigger relation of Dory from ‘Finding Nemo’ and the ‘Finding Dory’ film, she’s no longer a side character but a popular fish!

Image result for dory

Esther: Perhaps hunky dory is her gym-going dolphin cousin? That would be pretty cool, or a really buff turtle step-sister.

Chris: I think your thinking. I wonder how Dory attended the red carpet premiere of the film. Did someone carry a fish tank? Ooh perhaps she got Ellen DeGeneres to carry it! And because she’s an animated fish, she would draw in a huge crowd, even though she’s not drawn, she’s CGI’d.

Esther: You somehow deflated your own pun there Chris! Although I’d love to see Ellen DeGeneres in a Dory costume and pretending to swim down the red carpet. Highlight of my year if that ever happens!

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Chris: Poor red carpet, it would be ruined for next year! You think I deflated my pun but I think I can bring it back to life. You see, you can still CGI a crowd!

Esther: Haha well saved! Well anyway if a real-life Dory made it to the premiere I don’t think any CGI would be necessarily to genuinely attract a crowd

Chris: You wouldn’t need to attract them, you could make them! Look at Lord of the Rings, all the Ork battle scenes are CGI’d.

Esther: Yes that’s true, although a whole army of Orks at the premiere would be far more terrifying that one small (and very cute) blue fish.

orkney islands and orks

Chris: I wonder if Orks are what you call people from the Orkney Island? I always thought the Orkneys were in Australia, but I just learned that they’re in Scotland. Thanks a lot Brexit – we’re somehow moving countries around now!

Esther: I hope they’re not trying to represent Scots through the Orks… Peter Jackson might be in deep water if that’s what he thinks of Scottish people!

Chris: Haha, because it’s an island… ‘deep water’… I get it! Please tell me William Wallace from Bravehart is Scottish because I still think he bares some resemblance to Nick Park’s Wallace and Gromit. Maybe he’s their Scottish uncle or something.

Esther: You’re coming up with all sorts of fictional families today! Sounds like you need to write a sequel to link up all these ideas!

Chris: Yes, it does. But in other news, Twitter had doubled their character limit recently. They’ve finally figured out that birds are valued members of society! Now you have room for all sorts of characters, people could write film scripts on Twitter.

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Esther: My favourite use of the new increased character limit was one of the UK’s regional ambulance services, who just tweeted ‘Neee Naawww’ up to the character limit… very productive use of characters and very amusing.

Chris: I don’t know why there are character limit in this day and age anyway, people should be able to say what they want.

Esther: To be honest, sometimes I’m grateful for the limit. I mean I’ve heard enough of what Trump wants to say WITH a limit on characters, let alone with an unlimited amount! Twitter would go into meltdown if he wasn’t even limited by characters!

Chris: Oh Trump, yes of course, I forgot Trump. Maybe we should keep the character limit. It is interesting though, how people want to limit the word limit itself, yet if you look at the words: ‘word’ and ‘limit’, they only take up nine characters.

Esther: Haha that’s true. I like that people have to be creative with words/emojis/abbreviations to actually fit in what they want to say. It’s good to see who finds that sort of improvisation easy and who doesn’t!

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Chris: But abbreviation is not a very short word!

Esther: Yeah but nobody actually uses the word ‘abbreviation’ when they tweet, they just use what it means!

Chris: Oh I thought you meant they’re using the word ‘abbreviations’… my mistake! Don’t you find emojis are more like a picture book than anything.

Esther: That’s good with me. I love those games where you have to identify the famous saying or phrase through images, you can do the same thing exactly with emojis – you can use them to form sentences!

Chris: If emojis can tell a story in pictures, then why are there no emoji accounts on Instagram?

Esther: Ahh, give it time Chris. I don’t doubt that in a year or so we’ll have a rolling eye emoji’s Instagram account, a unicorn account, maybe even a aubergine Instagram account!

Chris: Do you actually mean ‘give it time’, or just a picture of a watch? Which I’m assuming is a ‘give it time’ emoji?

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Esther: Exactly! So I could have replied with some watch/time emojis instead of saying ‘give it time’ and I’m pretty certain you’d have worked out what I was trying to say.

Chris: This conversation links back to a very old blog post I wrote in which I changed ‘Jane Eyre’ and ‘The Wizard of Oz’, and replaced the words with emojis!

Esther: There you go, even the classics can be modernised nowadays.

Chris: Yes, I am a psychic! If anybody hasn’t seen those posts, they should really check them out, or, if you prefer, an emoji of a check, and an exit sign! (Shameless plug! Or if you prefer a sad face and a plug)

Esther: …I think this getting out of hand (hand emoji). (Girl with crossed arms emoji).. that’s me, losing control of the situation. We’ll soon end up with no words at all and only emojis to communicate!

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Chris: Emojis are a big thing. There was even an emoji movie. You know they are retelling old Disney catalogue of films with back actions now, I wonder if they’ll just use emojis for those films too!

Esther: Yes, although I’ve already seen a flaw. There’s no dwarf emoji, so Snow White would have to do it alone without her helpers! Maybe she could replace them with something else… like Snow White and the Seven sunglasses emoji!

Image result for snow whiteImage result for sunglasses emojiImage result for sunglasses emojiImage result for sunglasses emojiImage result for sunglasses emojiImage result for sunglasses emojiImage result for sunglasses emojiImage result for sunglasses emoji

Chris: This could be an entire film industry called Emoji-Wood. You’ve heard of Hollywood and Bollywood, now there’s Emoji-Wood. Films would be a lot shorter!

Esther: Instead of hand prints of famous movie stars in Hollywood, maybe emojis could have little engravings done of themselves into the pavement in Emoji-Wood.

Chris: That would be a better reason for actors to be in the news at the moment!

Esther: It certainly would, slightly more refreshing and uplifting to hear about aswell!

Chris: It would certainly. I can’t believe I’ve managed to make light of such a serious issue. Thankyou Emoji-Wood!

If you like this, please go ahead and give us as thumbs up emoji! Or at least a smiley face. Until next time! Peace 

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