Psychological Halloween party ideas

It is the scariest day of the year and welcome to the scariest blogisode of the year – it’s so scary you have to read it with adult supervision! Don’t have nightmares… or do… that’s up to you! *Evil laughter*

Chris: *low, spooky voice* hey Esther, I like your halloween outfit!

Esther: Hiya Chris, I’m wearing normal clothes?! I’ll try and take that as a compliment…

Chris: That’s what I mean, you’ve come at yourself… ingenious! I have come as a lazy ghost. I want to be a ghost but I can’t be bothered to dress up!

Esther: It’s alright I can just imagine the white bed sheet with holes cut out if you like?

Image result for ghost costume

Chris: I think that idea is amazing. Can you imagine it there’d be a knock at the door, and there would be just five ordinary people standing there expecting sweets. When you ask them ‘who are you supposed to be’, they can reply ‘who do you think I’m supposed to be?!’

Image result for trick or treaters

 

Esther: Ah that really would throw out conventional Halloween traditions.. sounds like some Freudian trick of self-reflection?

Chris: I tried throwing convention out the window but I’m just too conventional! Besides, have you ever tried lifting convention? It’s really heavy.

Esther: Somehow that doesn’t surprise me! Maybe we’ll just stick to convention then and I’ll find you a bed sheet/make shift ghost costume so we don’t need to pretend!

Chris: What if the bed sheet can only be seen my certain people – what if the sheets themselves actually are ghosts?

Esther: Wait… so ghosts would be worn by people pretending to be ghosts?! Even the concept is confusing me.

Chris: Yes, welcome to Chris’ psychological Halloween party! In contrast to these lazy Halloween parties, we could have gone all out and contracted illnesses to really commit to our costumes, like getting a sore throat to have a deep voice!

Esther: A more extreme example might be… contracting jaundice to save using yellow face paint? Although I’m not sure Halloween is worth quite that level of commitment to costumes!

Chris: Do you think Chris Martin see’s dead people because he see’s yellow?

Esther: Maybe, or perhaps they’re not actually dead just really poorly with jaundice! That’s quite a bleak perspective of the song…

Chris: Or maybe Chris Martin is actually dead himself, that would explain his moany voice.

Image result for chris martin

Esther: Haha, maybe you’re onto something there Chris.

Chris: Before twenty million Coldplay fans write in to complain, I think I’ll go back to the start. Quick, block the phone lines so they can’t get through and talk!

Esther: *unplugs phone*.. I think we’ve dodged a bullet there!

Chris: A Coldplay bullet. That will anaesthetize me. Anyway, back to Halloween, I think we need a name for our audience participation Halloween parties! Could they be called imagin-een? Having the home owner decide what Halloween costume you’ve got on might help them participate, instead of passively handing out sweets!

Esther: Giving them some control over which costumes they decide are more worthy of sweets than others… Although they might be biased and have a favourite outfit which always wins them over. For example, they could be huge Twilight fans, so maybe only give out sweets to vampires?!

Chris: Or you could just give the person random phrases like “I’m running dry today!” and they will hopefully say things like “you’re a river in summer!”.. not very scary to us I grant you, but to polar bears, they are freaking out!

Esther: Haha yeah that’s very true! So, what’s your favourite Halloween costume anyway?

Chris: Considering I don’t like scary movies, it would have to be a concept. Maybe global warming – that really scares everyone!

Esther: Oooh interesting, what would you wear as your costume for that though?

Chris: Attach a desk light to a globe. And you could get a really obvious sun tan before!

global warming

Esther: Yeah, I feel like you could dress up as a globe, and then wear the Sun as a kind of hat?

Chris: That would make a great couples costume!

Esther: Although I think there would be some arguments about who gets to be the lovely and innocent Planet Earth and who has to be evil climate change!

Chris: Well obviously it would be your girlfriend or partner who has to be the Sun, because they are the light of your life!

Esther: Well saved! You could definitely use that as a charming excuse to be Earth anyway….

Chris:  And you could have one friends following you around all night, and you have keep shouting ‘help, I’m under attack!’ just to make it really convincing. The friend could even be dressed as a meteorite, or another space disaster.

Esther: I’d love to see someone pull off a black hole costume.. I’m not quite sure how that idea would be executed but consider me thoroughly intrigued!

Chris: That’s an easy one.. you dress in black from head to toe, and if there was a buffet table at this party, you have an excuse to eat all of the food because you’re a black hole!

Esther: You should also somehow attack a vacuum cleaner to your arm and just suck up anything you can, and occasionally just try and suck up someone else at the party just to remind them of your costume!

Chris: That is genius, and you have a legitimate excuse for when your parents ask: “where did all that food go?”, “sorry, somebody came dressed as a black hole tonight!”.

Esther: Maybe I should make this black hole costume idea an everyday reality… it could excuse lots of ‘missing’ food mishaps…

Chris: But wait, there’s more! If you’re a really shy person who doesn’t enjoy parties, you could dress up as a space station, or a satellite, and you’d only have to appear once in a while, and then disappear into the distance again!

Esther: That’s a great idea! Feel like we’ve got all personality types covered here… couples, greedy people, shy people… what’s not to love?!

Chris: Absolutely. What personality types haven’t we covered?

Esther: Maybe grumpy people? Or excited people?

Chris: Well if you’re grumpy, 1. you shouldn’t be at the party anyway, and 2. you can make the other person decide what you are, so you don’t have to dress up, it’s perfect!

Esther: Problem solved. Sounds like this Halloween party suits all!

So, we hope we have given you, you being the internet, not you-you, some Halloween ideas, psychological or otherwise. If you are going to a proper party tonight, and dressing up, have a great time. And if you’re not, maybe take into consideration some of the ideas above. Have a scarily good time guys! Peace 

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Zombie TV show

We are back to rock the blogosphere! More tuneful than a music blog, more fashionable than a fashion blog: it’s our blog!

Chris: Hey Esther! How are you today?

Esther: Hiya Chris, I’m pretty good thanks! You?

Chris: What have you been up to?

Esther: Just the usual uni studies, same old same old! How about you?

Chris: Not much really. Anyway it’s Halloween soon, have you got your costume sorted out?

Esther: If only I was that organised! It’s always a last minute scramble to find something to wear for Halloween… you?

Chris: I don’t know whether to celebrate Halloween before Christmas or to combine them and go as zombie Santa Claus!!

Esther: I mean, a zombie Santa Claus would probably scare the hell out of any trick-or-treaters…

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Chris: Has zombie Santa Claus ever been done before, or am I a trend setter?

Esther: Well in my own experience, I’d have to say the latter! Trend setter I reckon..

Chris: Well if I do go as zombie Santa Claus, I’d need zombie reindeer, and the RSPCA might be offended by that. Also in this world of equality, zombie lives matter.

Esther: That is true – after all, we need to be accepting of everyone, half dead or not. I mean even Shaun of the Dead tells us that – keeping a zombie Nick Frost alive!!

Chris: And, of course the Walking Dead, Day (and Night!) of the Living Dead. I think they missed a trick in that franchise… between the day and night there should be an afternoon, and early evening of the Walking Dead.

Esther: Somehow the ‘early evening of the Walking Dead’ doesn’t scream creepy and mysterious quite like ‘Night of the Walking Dead’… perhaps ‘Dawn of the Walking Dead’?

Chris: And if they get tired, the stairlift of the Walking Dead!

Esther: For the aging population of zombies… that could be quite useful actually!

Chris: Or there could be a law show about zombies called…… (wait for it)….. Dead to Rights!

Esther: Ah zombie puns. That sounds like the making of a first class daytime tv show right there. It would be sponsored by some zombie like company too

Chris: It will put people in a grave mood!!

Esther: Well the zombie jokes are everlasting today!

Chris: We are giving TV producers scheduling gold thanks to Mundanevision! And I won’t be surprised if we get very famous off the back of these ideas.

Esther: Fingers crossed! Although we’d be expected to come up with zombie puns and jokes forever….

Chris: Away from zombies, you keep saying typo, I don’t think the whole Internet wants to know your blood type!

Esther: ….I bet the online zombie community would! Or perhaps that’s just vampires

Chris: They might appreciate a pre-Halloween blogisode.

Esther: I’d hope so. Although I’d imagine Halloween is far less unusual for a zombie. Or a vampire for that matter… more like everyday life?

Chris: Do you think zombies watching The Walking Dead and think… this is terrible! ‘I do not walk like that’!

Esther: It’s like Keeping Up with the Kardashians for people… we’re all thinking.. ‘no one lives like that!’

Chris: Can you imagine a Halloween episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, where a family of zombies move in next door and come round for a barbeque? ‘Oh my god, that zombie is SO fake! He didn’t even eat any brain’

Esther: I’m sure the zombies have a specialist taste. Perhaps Kardashian brains aren’t to a zombie’s liking!

Chris: Do you think there are some healthy zombie that eat only 100% brain, with no added colours or preservatives?

Image result for kim and kanye

Esther: No doubt there are – those ‘I must eat clean’ zombies. Maybe they only eat brains of academics? More natural vitamins and essential oils in an intelligent brain!

Chris: You see this is an untapped market I think – Zombie Keep Fit! To keep that grey matter working!

Esther: Soon they’ll have brain fitness classes for zombies – instead of legs, bums and tums, it’ll be cerebrum, thalamus, and hypothalamus!

Chris: Did you actually use Google to research parts of the brain? Or do you actually know this stuff? You’re so clever!

Esther: I can neither confirm nor deny… (*looks shifty*)

Chris: Is it fake news?

Esther: I don’t think I’d go as far as that! Nothing wrong with a bit of research…

Chris: Please let’s call it fake news – then we can alienate Trump!

Esther: Well in that case… it’s fake news!!!

Chris: Can you imagine zombie fitbits to calculate their steps!

Esther: A zombie fitbit would definitely have a feature which measured how much human they’d eat that day…

Chris: ‘Goal achieved: you have successfully eaten 56/56 brains today. Congratulations!’

Esther: If only human fitbits were based around eating large amounts… I think I’d prefer the statistics if that was the case!

Chris: Why is nobody coming out with this stuff? Especially with Halloween coming up, you could get kids involved and all sorts!

 

fitbit

 

Esther: There’s clearly a gap in the market. Maybe you should make contact with FitBit and the producers of Keeping Up with the Kardashians and see if you can come to some kind of an arrangement!

Chris: Maybe I can, maybe I can…. Kanye will love having zombies in his house because if Kanye thinks he’s a genius, a zombie should be able to validate that fact! Zombies could even have a game show – ‘are you smarter than a zombie’?

Esther: I don’t know if I’d be able to distinguish between Kanye and a zombie to be honest with you, they have lots of resemblance! Haha that would be great, like a zombie equivalent of Egg Heads!

Chris: Dead Heads!

Esther: And yet the puns continue!!

Chris: If there was a national holiday where all you could do for the day was speak in puns, I’d be the best!

Esther: You should enter a pun competition… like a punning bee! I mean I don’t know that they exist but if they don’t then they should!

Chris: An pun competition would be my thing and if you won your prize should be a joke book!

The zombie of time has disappeared inside the grave of inevitability. See you next week guys! Peace. 

Image result for zombie

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Modernised Disney

Hey internet, like a boomerang we have been away but now we are back! I have acquired a new co-host… internet meet Esther (applaud). So let’s write a blog… 

Chris: Hey Esther welcome along to Mundanevision!

Esther: Hi Chris, thanks for having me!

Chris: Thankyou for accepting the position of co-host. This is a bit like the Apprentice… without the tasks. I haven’t been given a title (yet!).

Esther: Maybe we’ll come up with some form of title for you yet, Chris!

Chris: Are you saying you are the Queen, as only the Queen can knight people or give them peers?!

Esther: I can neither confirm nor deny my identity, I shall remain an enigma for now…

Chris: I’ve got an undercover Queen everyone! Somebody hold up a five pound note! (Chris holds up a five pound note next to Esther’s face). You do look suspiciously like the Queen…

Esther: Well I’ll take that as a compliment? (I think!)

Chris: It is a big compliment, as it means you get the Mundanevision royal box! We don’t have a real royal box, so you’ll just have to imagine it for now. If you imagine a box that makes it very easy to think outside of…

Esther: I’ll keep thinking outside that box, and perhaps eventually we’ll be able to get a real-life royal box as a reward for our outside-the-box thinking!

Image result for royal box

Chris: Your Majesty, if you have an old royal box knocking around that you don’t need it anymore, please do send it our way. Just scan it into the computer and it will get to us

Esther: Maybe the real Queen could have a word with her house staff and see if they know of a spare royal box hanging around. If not perhaps we could get one 3D printed or something…

Chris: Well the Queen does have an iPad, so maybe she has a printer too.

Image result for queen ipad

Esther: I’m not sure whether she’d be much of a dab hand on technology, given her age!

Chris: Conspiracy theory about the royal family: do you think the Queen is really present at the royal engagements she is supposed to attend, or is she just a hologram?

Esther: If we’re going to think down that route, perhaps the ‘real’ Queen is actually a hologram too?

Chris: Okay, change of topic before MI5 get onto us, I don’t want to be killed by a sniper, I’m too young to die. So I was thinking about how Disney is into updating fairytales. Like doing backstories for all their characters, and I think I’ve come up with one. Would you like to hear it?

Esther: Do tell, I’m intrigued…

Chris: Ok it’s a modern retelling of the Three Billy Goats Gruff story. Instead of walking over a bridge, and getting eaten by an actual troll, the Goat has an online presence, and someone keeps sending him really mean comments, meaning they’re internet trolls!

Image result for three billy goat gruff book cover

Esther: Wow… talk about relating to a modern-day audience! I’d love to have seen a Cinderella or Snow White facebook or instagram profile…

Chris: There’s no reason why we could make them one here and now! Ladies and gentleman, we present to you the Cinderella facebook page!

Image result for cinderellaImage result for prince charming

Esther: According to her photos, she really lets her hair down when she’s not looking for her Prince or glass slippers! Maybe we were better off knowing less about Cinderella after all…

Chris: I think her status would be: ‘I’m really sad today because I’m living with my step-mum and my step-sisters are so ugly!’ but I reckon she would ‘like’ the upcoming event that Prince Charming shared on his profile about the ball, and she’d click attending!

Esther: She’d probably invite all her Disney Princess friends to the event too. Maybe Belle and Jasmine? I bet they’d have a group chat on Messenger to decide what dresses they all wanted to wear.

Chris: I think Jasmine would say things like ‘can we take a plus 1? Is there room for my flying carpet in the car park? Aladdin is SO dreamy!’

Image result for jasmine flying carpet

Esther: Snow White would be cheeky and ask for a plus seven so she can bring along all her dwarves! Prince Charming’s event would soon be very busy at this rate

Chris: Yeah, I reckon Prince Charming might decline a plus seven for Snow White! A wicked witch would comment and accuse him of being dwarfish!

Esther: Well, you can’t please everyone. I can’t imagine wicked witches would be very welcome in his event anyway!

Chris: ‘Wicked’ doesn’t always bad, perhaps she’s the other kind of witch. For instance, that witch is so wicked, have you seen all the spells she can do?! In this day and age, wicked does mean cool.

Esther: Yes that’s true. The same thing has happened with ‘sick’, one upon a time it meant ill or unpleasant, but today it means cool! Maybe the traditional ‘Wicked Witch’ needs renaming to something more relevant today?

Chris: ‘I can’t come into work today, I’m sick’. ‘You are sick bruv! But you’ve still got to come to work!!’.

Time has run away with us, see you next week guys! Peace 

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The Heirs

Hey, I have got some very exciting news. We have had universal praise, or at least I thought we did, and then I realised it was just a Hollywood studio. We do however have a 90’s voice over man to do today introduction. Have a listen to this. Time for mundanevision, chrissy-wissy, poppy and sloth (like the teletubbies). Money well spent I think. Wow, need I say more? …Yes, its time to write this blog. 

Chris: Hey Poppy, what an introduction hey?

Poppy: Yes I think that is one of your longest intro’s

Chris: The longest? Oh, it was meant to be short, sharp, punchy and catchy, nevermind. Somebody dock that voiceover man’s pay by half! That will make him think about making it so long next time. Punchy… I wonder if that was the breif for the Rocky films, make it punchy.

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Poppy: I have no idea, I haven’t watched Rocky.

Chris: Oh please tell me you know about the Rocky films, otherwise my joke will have fallen flat on its face, much like his opponents.

Poppy: Well, I can assume he is good at fighting therefore your joke still stands.

Chris: Correct! *Chris pulls string in the studio, releasing confetti and a flashing sign saying well done you got it right*

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Poppy: Wow that took a lot of effort and planning.

Chris: Yeah, we literally have no confetti, the wedding party next door is going to be upset. And much like the TV show I didn’t tell the bride.

Poppy: Did you know that the show is making a comeback?

Chris: Oh don’t talk to me about comebacks, everything is making a comeback or sequel, even Kate Middleton is producing a trilogy of Royal babies.

Image result for kate middleton

Poppy: I wonder how many children she will have? A friend of mine says that children are like flower displays, you have to have an odd number to look good in photos.

Chris: This is going to been another heir to the throne, and we already have another two so I don’t think people will be in a rush to see it. I would rather wait for reviews.

Poppy: Imagine what it must have been like the 9th of Queen Victoria and Prince Albert’s children!

Chris: She produced a franchise, like fast and furious, they never stop.

Poppy: It does seem a little excessive, but at least she had an odd number so they looked good in the portrait.

Chris: Yes, and if they get bored of being heirs, they can become a band, the Royal Babies, although we already have Royal Blood. Come to think of it The Heirs is a good name too.

Poppy: I prefer The Heirs I think.

Chris: Ok, The Heirs it is, the first album can be called Royal Lineage.

Poppy: I would like it if the song where educational about different periods of British history.

Chris: Oh that would be good, another idea for us to pitch on dragon’s den.

Poppy: We’ve nearly got ourselves a full episode of ideas.

Chris: Yes, we have the other issue to be decided is if Frankie and Bennie’s and Ben and Jerry’s are part of the same family, with one side handling starters and mains and the other handling desserts. Or are they a band?

Image result for ben and jerry's

Poppy: They would need a better name, perhaps The Feeders?

Chris: Or the Main Desserters.

Poppy: All good ideas, I guess it is up to them to choose.

Chris: You mean our lovely blogisode readers can decide.

Poppy: Ah yes of course.

Chris: We have come to the end. If anyone see the new Royal Baby let me know, I might check it out. I bet it will get universal praise again. See you soon, peace.

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Sun thermostat at the Olympics

Hey internet, it is Friday, and it is time for us to write words on a page, which you can read, or as we call it mundanevision. 

Chris: Hey Poppy, we are back after out extended summer break, did anything exciting happen to you.

Poppy: I went on holiday which was nice and went to work. You?

Chris: Holidays are always nice, I think even the word holiday sounds nice. It’s a lot better than vacation, sorry America

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Poppy: yes, that is an awful word.

Chris: People have recently started to use the word stay-cation, to mean staying at home but being on holiday, which is really confusing. When I am on holiday I want to see at least one beach.

Poppy: I am not particularly good in the heat, despite this we went on a hot holiday. I really didn’t know what to do!

Chris: Did you try turning the thermostat down?

Image result for thermostat

Poppy: when you locate the thermostat on the Spanish beaches give me a shout.

Chris: I think there must be one on the sun, maybe that’s what a sun spot is, a giant thermostat. Oooh that’s a good conspiracy theory, perhaps at night it gets turned all the way down and becomes the moon, where did you go Neil Armstrong, where did you go?

Poppy: I am not certain on that, I mean its a nice idea, I just don’t believe it.

Chris: Have you ever seen the sun night? Maybe when people talk about sun setting they are just dialling it down to a lower setting, and then it gets turned up again during the day.

Poppy: I see the logic, but I want you to know that I wholeheartedly believe that you are wrong.

Chris: Ah maybe I am crazy, maybe I am suffering from heat stroke.

Poppy: Well, that wouldn’t happen if you could turn the sun off.

Chris: I see your point, but I still believe there is a giant thermostat on the sun.

Poppy: Ok, I will leave you with that thought…

Chris: Let’s move on from giant thermostats, before I get lynched by Professor Brian Cox and Stephen Hawking. I think even astronomers would have something to say about this. Of course there is no giant thermostat on the sun, its on a cloud. I have just had a great idea, the sloth would make a gymnast with those long arms

Poppy: would he be able to sum up the energy for a back flip though? Unless he was falling out of a tree of course.

Chris: Well, he could grab another branch and swing right back up. A bit like the 80’s toy stretch armstrong, he would have been amazing.

Poppy: and elasta-girl from the incredibles, however I am not sure cartoon superheroes can compete at the olympics.

Image result for my first olympics

Chris: Ok, we need to design a toy olympics!

Poppy: I actually used to do that with my toys as a child.

Chris: track and feild or just track?

Poppy: It ranged across many disciplines, not just athletics

Chris: Maybe that’s a product Fisher Price should come out with. My first olympics

Poppy: That is an exceptional idea, much better than cloud thermostats.

Chris: We could educate the children with the slogan “created in Athens, Greece, now for your home”. Parents would love it as it wear the children out from running marathons. “for the glory of (child’s address)”

Poppy: that is not a bad idea, and child need to be encouraged to take part in more sport.

Chris: Dragon’s den is back maybe we should pitch it to them?

Poppy: I will go a ready my whiteboard.

Chris: And while I am there I will tell them I can solve global warming by putting a thermostat on the sun. See you soon, peace.

 

 

 

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Royal Email

Hey guys!Well this is our last blogisode fora little while. I can hear people boo-ing and throwing tomatoes at their computer monitor, cries of “why?”. Well, I can answer that, even a genius needs a holiday. Imagine Einsteris: in but on a beach in speedos. One more time, lets do this. 

Chris: Hey Poppy, do you think animals have personas or do you think what you see is what you get with them?

Poppy: Well, I think they have different reactions depending on the situations, but I am not sure that they are capable of split personality disorder.

Chris: Our resident sloth in the studio he does.

Poppy: really?!

Chris: yes, he told me he needs a holiday because he is tried of hanging around and his arms ache. Similarly with polar bears, given a choice they’d like a nice hot climate, but equally are against climate change.

Image result for polar bear

Poppy: Would the polar bear not die? or are you suggesting a summer haircut?

Chris: Have you ever seen one with a haircut?

Poppy: No, but I have seen a shaved corgi,

Chris: Do you think the queen and her corgi gets a hair cut at the same time. Both sat in seats reading the horse and hound.

Image result for corgi

Poppy: Well that is a very good read if I do say so myself.

Chris: Do you think The Queen watches Game of Thrones or for the royal family is that what they call musical chairs?

Poppy: In many ways that would make sense. I would really like it if she did, but I also don’t want her to get any ideas.

Chris: They tried playing monopoly but The Queen got upset as none of the money featured her, ” its not realistic Philip and where is the Royal Mail”

Image result for royal mailImage result for monopoly money

Poppy: In other news, did you know that lots of people sleep with their eyes open?

Chris: No I didn’t know that, are these people spies?

Poppy: or people expecting bad karma.

Chris: Everything comes back to karma, they say all roads leads to Rome but when you come back its Karma. Lots of people must live in Karma as it all comes back to it.

Poppy: Would be weird to wake up next to someone who slept with their eyes open through because they look really strange.

Chris: puts a whole new meaning to I am going into this relationship with my eyes open. If these people sleep with them open do they have to close them to wake up?

Poppy: these are the questions that should be asked. Along with how do you stop your eye balls drying out?

Chris: put them in water once a day. If the queen does receive email is it a Royal Email

Poppy: I suppose it must be surely?

Chris: I think it must be too, lets contact the queen by letter to ask.

Poppy; That’s quite forward to ask for her email off the cuff!

Chris: Well, I wouldn’t do it straight away. I’d get her telegram first to butter her up. Perhaps if there are any 100 year old people who want to be friends with me.

Poppy: that does seem like an excellent strategy. What will your opening line be?

Chris: Dear Maam,

I have this friend call Harold, who has recently turned 100, but he much prefers email as a method of communication, so please could you scan in and email the card, if you are unable to do this please ask William or Harry or maybe George if he is around.

Yours Hopefully,

King Chris of Mundania

Ps. your subjexct line is not another thing you rule over.

Poppy: that truly is excellent, she will have a hard time saying no to that one.

Chris: That should get her attention, and then I will pay Harold the 10 Werther Originals I promised him and be on my way.

Image result for werthers original;s

Poppy: that is a tremendous plan that leaves everyone happy.

Chris: Yes! I have other tremendous schemes to reverse global warming into Donald Trumps wall!

Poppy: Oh my gosh, yes please

Chris: Then I will be a national treasure and well paid and statues with be built of me using tetris blocks, better get them all lined up now fellas. God we really need a holiday, till the next time we meet peace.

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Spiders in rain hats

Hello internet. Its alright you don’t have to shout hello back. We know you are waiting for this blogisode with bated breath, so here it is. 

Chris: Its a bit wet out here. Luckily we are in a dry studio. This blogisode is 100% rainproof, seriously the water slides right off. Was this a better intro than my intro, you decide. Hey Poppy.

Poppy: Hiya!

Chris: Which introduction did you like better?

Poppy: Probably the second, truth be known.

Chris: Well it’s about rain, every english person loves an intro about rain. So what’s been happening? I went to see Despicable Me 3 last night. Much better than the second, though not as good as the first.

Image result for despicable me 3

Poppy: That is quite often the way with sequels I think. Same with Ice Age.

Chris: Yes I know what you mean, Ice Age is slowly falling victim to global warming. So what’s the next film on your list?

Poppy: I would like to see Dunkirk, I heard on the radio that Harry Styles makes an appearance too, which is surprising.

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Chris: Harry Styles really? Has he lost all sense of direction

Poppy: No, I believe he is taking his career in a new one.

Chris: People tell me that the 15th millionth reboot of the spiderman franchise is good as well. So, I am a bit worried that he got so drunk in between the films he actually forgot where he lived.

Image result for spiderman homecoming

Poppy: Perhaps, although I think they have made him a teenager to make him even less relateable.

Chris: Does he not have spidey satnav? Please make a left turn on your spider web  at your earliest convenience. you have reached your destination, oh wait you’ve overshot it by about 500 yards.

Poppy: Are they not like homing pigeons and they just know where home is. I’ve never stopped to ask any spiders

Chris: well now you know they don’t. Please never ask spiders for directions, you will be disappointed. Just because they have 8 legs does not mean they are better than you. They say home is where you lay your hat. I’ve not seen many hats in spiderman films.

Poppy: Maybe this one will?

Chris: what sort of hat do yuo reckon it is. Could it be a top hat. They would look very dapper

Poppy: I think a beanie would suit them.

Chris: Yeah I think a beanie would be quite. But maybe a floppy rimmed rainhat would be better in the weather today.

Poppy; not dissimilar to Paddington Bear or Incy Wincy Spider.

Image result for paddington bear

Chris: Paddington Bear definitely. I think Incy Wincy Spider was too busy climbing up the spout to notice the rain coming. That one determined spider for you.

Poppy: Perhaps it is that determination that inspires Spiderman. If Incy Wincy can climb that spout he can defeat the villian

Chris: I think the Spiderman’s writer could learn something from him, no reboots of incy wincy spider. Incy Wincy spider now in 3D.

Image result for incy wincy spider]

Poppy: now there a film I would definitely watch illegally online and not pay for.

Chris: what? Illegally online, or I would watch on another screen… the cinema screen… wink wink.

Poppy: Oh right I see how it is.

Chris: At Mundanevision we do not condone the use of illegal streaming sites, but if you have to use them don’t get caught,

Poppy: Putlocker keep up the good work. Other illegal streaming websites are available

Chris: Netflix, I fell that I should mention you.

Poppy: atleast for a name drop.

Chris: And of curse NowTV.

Poppy: both of which are completely legal…

Chris: Yeah so we are back on track. So we no longer have to fight the pirates. Hmmm that is a good computer game and film.

Poppy: There is a new one coming out.

Chris: Ah yes Pirates of the Caribbean. How safe would you feel if you got on the ferry and your captain was Jonny Depp?

Poppy: I have probably felt safer…

Chris: Just fed him Rum, that will keep him sober. Bender from Futurama invades everything, as he need to be drunk to be sober.

Poppy: What a fun problem to have.

Chris: Ok friends, I think our blog has docked at the Isles of Silly, in fact we make the trip every week. Please disembark and take your personal computers with you.

 

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The Screaming Goat Paradox

Stop napping, it’s time for a brand new series of Mundanevision. Poppy is back, heyyyyyyy. 

Chris: Hey Poppy, if you could only watch one film for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Poppy: I’d rather not watch any films than be restricted to just one. Only having one film would be too much of a torment. You?

Chris: fair enough, I was hoping we could lead into a nice conversation about Baby Driver, that we both watched yesterday. Which is not what I first thought about a baby driving. How would he reach the peddles?

Image result for baby driver

Poppy: Opps, I ruined that seamless link then. I think it would require twins so that one would control the peddles and the other the gears and stearing and they could communicate using twin-telepathy

Chris: You’re right, teamwork

Poppy: makes dreamwork?

Chris: anyway, enough of baby related stuff. I thought the film was amazing. Really good soundtrack, really well cast, really good script, oh it was so good, I would go and see it again if I could, but unfortunately times are getting later and later.

Poppy: Yes, it was superb. Very refreshing cinema I thought.

Chris: And it worked on so many levels, if you just wanted to enjoy it as a popcorn flick, (not that I have ever flicked popcorn at anyone), but there were hidden depths.

Poppy: This is true and the two co-existing story lines that eventually merged were also very clever.

Chris: Oh yes, I liked the way they used the two story lines, it meant it wasn’t top gear the movie with loads of driving.

Poppy: It provided a good change of pace.

Chris: Everybody reading this blog will not be disappointed if they go and see it. Trust me, you will have a much better time than playing with your fidget spinners.

Image result for fidget spinner

Poppy: I am not sure I even know what those are. They sound like something that spins in a weirdly hypnotic way.

Chris: Nor do I really, I have just seen stands selling them in town. Apparently, they are the latest craze. To me a fidget spinner sounds like a good back up group.

Poppy: Yeah, it sounds jazzy

Chris: Maybe Mike and the fidget spinners should become a thing?

Poppy: I have heard of worse band names…

Chris: I think to stay relevant, we should have a child correspondent on the blog, I asked the sloth to get me one, but all he got me was a goat. Image result for child with microphone

Image result for goat

Poppy: Please tell me its the one that screams in time to Taylor Swift songs.

Chris: No. I played him Taylor Swift and he quite likes it,

Poppy: I can see how a goat would enjoy her early country pop stuff, probably reminds him of home.

Chris: Indeed. I wonder what the employment prospects are like for a screaming goat, in this uncertain economy. Maybe he could foresee disasters, like if someone was going to run off the road he could scream, or if you didn’t wear your seat belt.

Poppy: I would say if there was a strong likelihood of coming off the road a screaming goat in back of your car would only serve to increase those chances.

Chris: Oh yes, the startle reflex is quite bad. Maybe he could be an extra in horror movies.

Poppy: that could work, the villain would be surprised to open the cupboard to find a goat for sure.

Chris: Maybe he could be written into a Big Bang title, the screaming goat paradox.

Image result for big bang theory

Poppy: So versatile.

Chris: Yes, I agree. In hot weather he could become the Ice-creaming goat.

Poppy: I think I’d prefer to hear the usual ringtone.

Chris: that would ensure that the big kids would get more ice cream than the small kids as they would be scared

Poppy: and what about age equality?

Chris: Well how about a car alarm?

Poppy: That is an excellent idea, I will get right on it.

Chris: Ok, guys, time has flown, and the screaming goat has screamed. Till next time we meet, farewell. Peace.

 

 

 

 

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The Queen of Pointless Chocolate Jokes

Guys, before I do a proper introduction to this last blogisode of the series, I feel it’s only right to mention the tragic events of last night in Manchester. As all people are, here at Mundanevision we are deeply saddened by the horrific waste of life and our thoughts go out to the families and friends of those affected.

Hey guys! Now for the second start of the show. Welcome to the last in this current series of Mundanevision. I know, shocking isn’t it! (See what I did there? “Shocking” and “current”!) But let’s not be downhearted, and let’s make this a blogisode to remember. 

Chris: Hey Siri!

Siri: Keeping to our classic opening line, I see!

Chris: Did you like my Manchester introduction? Would you like to add anything before we go on?

Siri: Yes, actually. I just want to say that we hear of so many terrible things happening in the world, and people everywhere suffering, and somehow it still seems separate from our own lives. This, for me, has been a bit of a wake-up, that the sense of security we feel is really all in our heads, and this could happen to anyone, at any time. My younger sister was just 15 minutes’ walk away from Manchester Arena. So thank you, I guess, to people who don’t get thanked enough – the police, security, ambulances and passersby that help in horrifying situations like this. I’m sorry to anyone who has been affected, and everyone else too.

Chris: To be honest, I don’t feel like be funny on a day like this, but if it will take people’s minds of it, I will try.

Siri: So this final blogisode of the series is for those who need cheering up today.

Chris: For any reason, not just the tragic events of last night in Manchester.

Siri: So, hello Chris.

Chris: Hi Siri.

Siri: Manchester aside, how are you today? I understand you had a delicious afternoon tea with a twist?

Chris: Yes! Well, we had a delicious afternoon tea with a twist, at Chococo’s. Thank you Chococo’s, please sponsor us!

Siri: Yes, everyone go to Chococo’s tell them we sent you, and tell them to give us free chocolate afternoon teas forever!

Image result for chococo's exeter

Chris: I feel like a bit of an afternoon tease doing this blogisode!

Siri: Oh, you’re very quick today, Christopher!

Chris: I know, I am quick. So, Prince Phillip has retired!

Siri: And apparently he’s considered a demi God in some south Pacific islands?! Who knew?

Chris: I would like to see him, now he’s got more time on his hands, on some reality TV shows, or home improvement shows.

Siri: Yup, I’m expecting him to appear on Jeremy Kyle any day now!

Chris: Maybe Location, Location Location? Phil and Liz Windsor are looking for a picturesque seaside cottage in Lyme Regis. Can we be as successful in helping them out as we were with Barbie last week?

Siri: They have a lot of money to spend, as long as you don’t mind them spending your money.

Chris: I guess it’s their money because she’s on the money?

Siri: Good point. So actually the TV you’re watching this programme on was bought with their money…

Chris: So everything you’ve ever owned or ever will own is owned by the Queen, so you’re only renting it! Isn’t that a depressing thought?

Image result for new £5 note uk

Siri: I guess if you earn your money abroad, it’s yours? For example, my laptop I consider mine because I bought it with Omani Rials. However, I think maybe there are some buildings or a palm tree or something on Omani money, so maybe I’m even worse, renting this from inanimate objects…?

Chris: So basically life is just one big monopoly game?

Siri: Yes, except I’m not sure you’re meant to be in debt the whole of Monopoly, that’s just how people play! And I think the ultimate win in life is if you are on the money, literally, because then you own it? So you need to be a founding father of the United States (shout out to Hamilton fans) or a monarch, or a famous landmark, to own anything at all! Update, I’ve just checked what Omani money looks like (I couldn’t remember just on my own), and it turns out Sultan Qaboos bin Said owns my laptop! If anyone’s going to own it, I’m glad it’s him.

Image result for omani rials

Chris: Can you imagine the Sultan’s search history? “Land for building old buildings”, “car dealerships” and “the best month for a foreign state visit, when the weather is just right”.

Siri: Don’t forget “why am I named after dried fruit” and “how do I avoid letting Trump visit my country”.

Chris: Are these all pointless questions for the latest series of Pointless.

Siri: I think that when they ask the 100 members of the audience to come up with answers, they’d all be pretty stumped, so any answer is a pointless answer in this scenario!

Chris: Shout out to Alexander Armstrong! He does everything – he should be on some money somewhere!

Image result for alexander armstrong pointless

Siri: I know I maybbeeee mention this too much, but if he’s a reincarnate of another Alexander, Alexander Hamilton, he’s on 10 dollar notes in America. Speaking of America, watching any new TV shows lately, Chris?

Chris: And the dollars are the best notes, folks, they have the greatest notes, you will every see. They are my favourite notes, no notes are as good as their notes. What do the Queen and a classical pianist have in common?

Siri: Ooh, I’m desperate to get this, but I’m not sure I’m going to… Are they both Wolfgang Monarchs?

Chris: No, but that’s better than mine! Mine was that they both love a good note!

Siri: Ahahahaha, good one 😉 Funny as ever, you are!

Chris: So the Queen, the Sultan and Alexander Armstrong walk into a bar.

Siri: One of our exam questions (I can’t believe I’m finally free from exams and now talking about them)-,

Chris: *Rapturous round of applause*

Siri: Thank you, thank you. But one of my exam questions was “a surface dyslexic, a attentional dislexic and a hemi neglect-dislexic walk into an experiment”, and I just thoguht “there’s no way this can be an accident. I’m glad the exam board are trying to make us laugh a bit before are impending death”.

Image result for walk into a bar jokes gold au get out

Chris: Ooh, I know this one! If you put two dyslexics in a room, do they spell a word right? Do they get the letters the right way round?

Siri: I’m sorry, I’m not sure… I can’t decide whether they’d right the wrong word, or make a wrong word wronger… We’ll have to carry out some experiments of our own.

Chris: A dyslexic scrabble night must be amazing!

Siri: YES, so much fun!!!

Chris: They’d never finish a game, because they’d always be arguing over the spelling of a word in the dictionary, saying “that’s not right”.

Siri: Scrabble with a blind person and a mute person would also be interesting. Are you any good at scrabble?

Chris: No, no. I think I’ll leave that up to dyslexic people and the blind!

Siri: Yeah, I’m with you there. We would make a very boring and unsuccessful game of Scrabble, I think.

Chris: But if we could make up words, it would be so much fun!

Siri: Flintophlamonop. That means “I agree”.

Chris: Avon. No, I didn’t mean make-up words! I mean actually make up words!!! Lipstick.

Siri: Maybelliene we could make up make-up words?

Chris: Ritty pretty serum.

Siri: You know more about make-up than I do!

Chris: Wow, the boy knows more about make up than the girl? Is this opposite world? Shout out to Robert Smith!

Siri: Hey, boys can wear make up too! Hashtag feminism, Hashtag I’m John Oliver now.

Chris: Hence my shout out to Robert Smith, because he wore make-up!

Image result for men make up robert smith

Siri: Woo, EQUALITY!

Chris: Dignity! And- something else… and: finality!

Siri: You mean fraternity…

Chris: SHH, the sloth has come up with a bit of paper, what are you doing? Oh, I see, you’re… it looks like curtains! Oh, you’re drawing an end to this blogisode, like curtains.

Siri: I guess that’s all, folks.

Chris: And pictionary! Okay guys, thank you very much for reading/listening/watching/hearing, and all the ings, really, this series.

Siri: Well, not ALL the ings, because that could get into some pretty weird stuff!

Chris: We really hope you enjoyed it, and I’ll be back in a few weeks, with a new series!

Siri: By everyone, it’s been a pleasure humouring you. See you in the not too distant future, I hope.

Chris: In the meantime, guys, there’s a whole season of Mundanevision on this site, please read and enjoy and be shocked at all the horrible stuff going on in the world, even if just for a minute. And if I have done that with my various co-hosts, my work is done. Peace x

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Food Invasion.

Hey guys! Welcome to another spontaneous, unrehearsed, unplanned – all the ‘un’s really – blogisode of mundanevision. We thank you for sticking with us, unless you’ve got some kind of glue on your seat and you can’t move! 

Chris: Hey Siri!

Siri: Good afternoon, lovely Chris.

Chris: It is a good afternoon, because this is the beginning of a new Mundanevision blogisode! *pause for cheering*

Siri: Whaaaat? You’re kidding. That is crazy new information.

Chris: *pause for sighing*

Siri: So, what is new with you today?

Chris: Well… I’m just happy to be alive today, in a world where Trump is president – hang on, that’s wrong. Alternative facts guys! Mundanevision can give the best alternative facts, you’ve ever seen.

Siri: Yup, there’s us just spreading fake news again.

Chris: Speaking of fake news, fake news is like marmite. Either you like it or you hate it.

Siri: I like fake news, but I hate how much people keep going on about fake news.

Chris: hash tag fake news!

Siri: Wow, our tags are actually inside our blogisode now!

Chris: Yes, metaphorically speaking.

Siri: I’ve generally just been pushing any news concerning America out of my mind at the moment. It’s much more fun focussing on the UK general election that is coming up!

Chris: Can you imagine if Corbyn and Trump were in power?

Siri: I just can’t imagine Corbyn being in power at all. He is a terrible leader for a party (despite how much I like the party), and absolutely cannot lead the country.

Chris: Despite this he’s offering amazing stuff.

Siri: … … is he though…? I feel like he somehow has miraculous amounts of money to focus on things that are absolutely not the priority. THAT’S just my personal opinion though, let’s not for god’s sake get into a political debate on Mundanevision, I’m sure we have enough of those anyway.

Chris: Do you think ex party leaders become children’s entertainers, as they are already good at leading parties in the first place?

Siri: I think potentially, although if someone like Blair is a children’s entertainer, I can only imagine he’d be a clown, or someone who’s supposed to terrify the children. I now realise that clowns aren’t actually SUPPOSED to do that, but that is what would make Blair even better at it I think. He doesn’t mean to scare people.

Image result for clown

Chris: Can you imagine clowns invading Iraq to find weapons of mass destruction?

Siri: I think if you want to invade Iraq, clowns are the way to go. We could also solve Trump’s issues with North Korea with an army of clowns, in my opinion!

Chris: Oh, it’s North KOrea – I’ve constantly misheard heard that as north courier, and imagined people on bicycles delivering hot food – the nuclear option.

Image result for motorbike courier

Siri: Wow, so you thought the world was a much better place, if food delivery was the top of all news stories!

Chris: And I thought Kim Jong Il was only ill from food poisoning, and THAT is how he died!

Image result for kim jong il

Siri: Nope, although food is a good way to go, i think. But, once again, the world is not as awesome a place as you thought it was.

Chris: AND I thought that the Trident nuclear sub programme was a new sandwich being offered at subway! A really massive sandwich!

Siri: With secret codes and secret locations across the world?

Chris: Well, they have secret sauce and a secret recipe, so it does make sense. I thought it was all tied in with subway!

Siri: See when I first heard about it, I thought of Trident gum, and thought maybe it was some top secret government plan to enclose the world in a giant balloon of bubble gum!

Chris: It would have to be sugar-free to tackle the obesity crisis.

Siri: Ah yes, that makes sense. Or maybe they introduced the sugar tax so that fewer people would be buying sugar, and thus there would be more sugar for them to make this giant bubble gum bubble. However, I’m not really sure what it’s supposed to protect us from… maybe another meteor?

Image result for giant bubble gum

Chris: Or maybe another brand of gum? Spearmint, must be a sharp gum, it’s got Spear in the name!

Siri: Like Britney is a sharp person?

Chris: Yes, I’m sure she knows a thing or too about shavers. Sorry, Britney, that was a step too far. Ooops, I did it again.

Siri: Yep, see I thought you were going to go down the song-naming route. Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll forgive you. Or, if not, come down here asking if you want a piece of her. But I really like the idea that aliens are coming with a new kind of gum that will rival trident gum, so that’s why we need to build the bubble gum bubble.

Chris: To be fair though, I thought people had to pay the sugar tax in sugar. Wouldn’t that make your wallet sticky, carrying all that sugar around? And is brown worth more than white sugar?

Siri: Oh brown is absolutely worth more than white, always.

Chris: And then there’s demerara sugar, which to me just sounds like a new boy band member. Look Whitney, it’s Demerara Sugar! Yes I know, he’s so sweet. I assume that demerara sugar is sweet – if not, please don’t tax us!

Siri: Oh, demerara is the greatest. And I think Demerara Sugar is a new member of a band, but I think it’s Maroon 5, and they were so excited about his joining that they named a song (Sugar) after him!

Chris: How did they get the name maroon 5? Did they get marooned together on an island, and there are 5 of them?

Siri: Quite possibly to be honest… Anything is possible when it comes to the music world. People do some crazy things. But I always imagined it would be named after the colour maroon. Maybe they got marooned on a maroon coloured island?

Chris: Anyway, there was a reason I brought up politicians being reemployed as party entertainers. Because I can see how an interview with that girl would go: Sit down, Mrs Smith. I see here you’ve had practice leading a party? What, in the conga, pass the parcel… what? NO, running the country.

Siri: Absolutely. And it would be confusing but brilliant.

Chris: Yes. Alright, all this food invasion talk has made me hungry, so I hope that Big Mac from Scotland invades in the next 5 minutes. Pea(s)ce.

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